Wot's all this then? New Dashverse story?!

*clears schedule*

EDIT: Innnnteresting. That bit about the 'top of the world,' though and the 'mysterious city'... are you really bringing the Crystal Empire in already? I mean, last I saw we were still in what was essentially season 1. We haven't even seen Discord or how this dash handles Shining Armor getting married and the Changelings.

That said, Dinky is the most adorable foal ever. My heart exploded twice

YES! Back to the Dashverse!

Best notification today

>>17708641770864 You fail.

>>17708841770884

He can first post if he wants to, but he's no friend of mine.

>>17709011770901 But he didn't get first post.

New Dashverse? Count me in!

>>17709051770905

I meant he do the 'First Post' thing at his own peril. Should have been more clear.

>>17709381770938 Ah, alright then.

I wanna be a big, brave a’venturer…just like you

That is, until you take an arrow to the knee.

I saw that spiderses. I saw that.

And to conclude, that banging part was pure gol- NOPE! Platinum. Cloud Kicker is best fanon.

>>17708841770884 >>17709011770901 Oops!  I was so sure I had it, too.  I even refreshed the page before I posted!  It's been deleted.

>>17709711770971 Oh you.

Dinky's such a pro. I hope wherever life takes in this story, she gets to mess with her captors like this. I say 'hope' because I get the feeling this chapter is supposed to make things worse for everyone (reader included) when things inevitably go south. As a side note, I'm wondering if Dash will ever have any bonding moments with Scootaloo in this universe. It doesn't look that way with Dinky around; maybe CK will fit the bill.

As for the intro and ending, I have a few ideas...

Still not done reading "Rainbooms and Royalty" yet..but will put this on my read later list for when that time comes.

Such adorableness.

Ah, more Dashverse.

I wonder how many of these there will be.

No big deal, just gonna go on FIMfiction, work on some of my stories here and- *sees new Dashverse story*

.......

...well, Frak, so much for working on anything now...

Ahh. New fic. New perspectives. More spanking?

Dinky: Are you and Mommy banging?

Cloud Kicker:

Cloud Kicker is really lucky RD is gonna be bussy in another "saving the day" schedule. Not to mention Ditzy´s own reaction.

>>17708621770862>>17708681770868>>17708791770879>>17714641771464>>17714081771408>>17712041771204>>17711901771190>>17710851771085>>17709711770971>>17709051770905>>17709291770929

Chapter has been added to. Enjoy.

>>17715951771595

Actually....I just added a bit more to this chapter.

>>17716091771609

Decent addition.

I think it was better before though - the cliffhanger was pretty good. Also, Rainbow has a bit of a leap of logic:

“It's not just Dinky, every foal in town is gone!"

She stays at Ditzy's place, right? So, has she already been out and checked on the other foals in town before Dinky?

>>17716421771642

She could've been awakened by all the ponies shouting and then went to check on Dinky.

Okay, I know you've already heard as much in the pre-reading, but this is a really solid story.

Admittedly, I might be saying that because I love anything that features Derpy and Cloud Kicker.

>>17708621770862 Interesting guess.  Especially since Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are tagged as main characters for this story.

I guess that CK had Dinky ask RD if she and Ditzy were banging because *puts on sunglasses* HER CLOUD GOT KICKED!  YEAHHH!!!

>>17708621770862

Well, this is an ALTERNATE universe. I was gonna go in order for the sake of following the show as much as possible...but from a story-telling standpoint it just works better this way. Not to give anything away or confirm/deny your assumptions but Discord is the coolest, most interesting villain MLP has yet devised. I want to take my time and make sure I write something worthy of him. That means either putting Dashverse on hiatus for quite a while while I think of something...or doing something else while I try to think of a story good enough for him. I can always go back later and write a story that takes place between, say, Rainbooms and Royalty and this. Think of what RainbowDoubleDash does for Lunaverse.

In my opinion it was kinda dopey that the show introduced Shining Armor and Cadence with their wedding. How much better would it have been if the Crystal Empire stuff happened, THEN the wedding and changeling invasion? Since I already introduced Shining and mentioned Cadence, I think they should get some more development before they're married off.

So...yeah. Some of the BIG stuff (season premiere's and finales) probably wont happen in the order that they did in the show. But also keep in mind that there is stuff I've yet to write that takes place before this story to build up the friendships and such. So don't be surprised if I refer to things that I haven't written for yet in Dashverse, but might have happened (in a different way) in the show.

>>17719461771946 Good point.  Besides, this gives us an opportunity to see Twilight's reaction to the news that her BBBFF and her foalsitter are engaged.

>>17719461771946 Man, if you do for the Discord arc what you did with Nightmare Moon in "Rainbooms and Royalty", heads will explode, re-grow, then explode twice.

I'm also really looking forward to seeing what you do with Sombra here. Having just gotten around to catching up with the Season 3 eps this weekend, there was a lot of untapped potential there as far as villains go. Did anyone else think of Aku from Samurai Jack at all when he was all smoke-monstery? At the very least, I know we can count on you to give him some characterization. Like, any at all beyond "really obviously evil guy".

>>17719461771946

Alright, that actually does make a fair bit of sense. Good points. Carry on then

>>17716511771651

So - Dash heard other ponies shouting that their foals were gone when she woke up? That works I guess. Still a little iffy on verification but it works.

My point about the cliffhanger remains though.

Mind you, I do have a tendency to be critical. I actually really quite like the 'Dashverse' - it's just me being overly critical probably.

>>17718151771815

Admittedly, I might be saying that because I love anything that features Derpy and Cloud Kicker.

I second this.

Dinky’s face lit up. “Favorite!”

God it's nice to see this in a happy setting. Kudos.

“A story, huh?” Rainbow quirked her brow at the sleepy filly. “How about the story of the ‘Sleepy Filly Who Really Ought to Go to Sleep?’”

I remember a story like that from when I was her age. It must be a babysitter classic.

Dinky waited until Rainbow was in the middle of a big sip to ask, “Are you and Mommy banging?”

I had the same reaction as RD to this question. Nice.

“We will...I promise, I'll find Dinky. I promise.”

Pretty solid opening, all in all. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

I guess CK had Dinky ask RD if she and Ditzy were banging because *puts on sunglasses* HER CLOUD GOT KICKED!  YEAHHH!!!

"As Rainbow Dash joined the rest of Ponyville’s citizens in the gentle embrace of the Sandmare, the wind took on a different pitch."

I see what you did there.

Wooooooooooooooow.

Just wow.

*Sees the author* ... *Auto-faves*

Now to read it. *Mutters* Lousy bloody site, making the watch/unwatch button unclickable...

>>17732111773211

I know not of what you speak. *Liar Jack face*

This is gonna be big. Not gonna lie. I see potential.

More Dashverse? Yay!

So, The Crystal Empire huh? Not gonna lie, I was hoping for Discord but I saw what you posted above and I'd prefer that you took the time to do it right rather than be a slave to chronological order.

Cloud Kicker you magnificent bastard! I suppose she did owe Dash one after what she did at the end of May the Best Friends Win. Incidentally, if Celestia ever met Cloud Kicker then someone ( Preferably you or Chengar) needs to write a fic about it. That sounds mind blowingly entertaining.

This chapter broke the adorableness meter, and I had just fixed it after the last episode! I forgive you though, and I enjoyed the gryphon story and the Gilda cameo.

I am terribly curious about how you will expand on Sombra and the Empire, since there are loads of directions you could go. I also assume that we'll get to see what happens when Dashie looks into the fear door. I've actually done quite a bit of thinking about what she'd see, since at one point I was planning on writing a fic involving the mane 6 being trapped inside their worst nightmares. Because our interpretations of Dash's character are relatively close, I'm interested to see how similar my idea is to yours

Looks very promising, and I enjoyed it a lot, thanks Trinary

>>17710581771058: So, you want Scootalooo under Cloud Kicker's wing? Sounds like you're asking for the Rainbow Dash Presents version of Scootaloo to come to pass.

Wow

Can't wait for more...

>>17757011775701

Oh, that Scootaloo will come pass alright baby. HOOWAH!

A continuation to Rainbooms and Royalty?  Insta-tracked before reading!!

... Okay, now that I've read it:

Shoot. King Sombra haunting Ponyville??  You certainly aren't pulling any punches, are you?  Did you decide to flesh him out a bit more?  Or is His Sinisterness the only villain you see as awesome enough to set against Loyalty as the leader of the Mane 6?  

Either way, great start!

Ask and ye shall receive...

Gotta say, I like all this backstory for Sombra ... and we've got a nice mystery in the brewing.

Oh man, drama incoming when Dash learns about Cadance and Shining Armor.

I agree about Sombra, nice development for him.

>>17777891777789

She already knows.  Shining Armor told her at the end of "Rainbooms and Royalty".

>>17778631777863 Oops, I either missed that or forgot it.

>>17778631777863>>17779181777918

Shining told her that they're dating....but that's it. There might be more news to come from that front....

>>17779701777970

Speaking of which, "Stupid sexy Twilight"?  Is Rainbow interested in Twilight, or is this just a Simpsons gag?  'Cuz I don't think, in your fics at least, Rainbow is romantically or sexually interested in mares.

>>17780031778003

Eh, mostly Simpsons/Pony meme gag. It's more the voice of the narrator than of RD herself.

>>17780151778015

Out of curiosity, why do you make Rainbow Dash heterosexual in your fics (not that I'm complaining)?  It's just that it is relatively rare.

I love your idea of Sombra coming from the Unicorn Royal Family, I always imagined the Unicorns would be reluctant to give up their throne...

Anyway, Head canoned!

You are a horrible pony for making a sad Derpy, but you more than make up for it with silly Dash moments.  I can't wait to see how this plays out.

Stupid sexy Twilight.

Aha, Chaotic Wedding Reference. I love you.

Interesting backstory for Sombra, I found it a good expansion off of canon. Does this mean that Cadence is his descendant? That's what I'm getting out of this, and I'm curious how that will play out, because it sort-of makes sense, and yet the origins if Cadence in canon are completely untouched upon.

And that line, "Stupid Sexy Twilight". First off, you troper SOB. Second off, even if you say that it's mostly the narrator saying that ( and knowing you if she ends up interested in anyone it will be Big Mac) certain things throughout the Dashverse are suggesting to me that this incarnation of Dashie isn't 100% heterosexual. Shining Armor's taken? Fine, his sister isn't! Although now that I think about it that would add some weird subtext to their relationship... Oh well, this comment isn't about my shipping preferences.

I wasn't expecting Celestia to show up yet but I'm not complaining. I like that you're holding onto the mother/daughter undertones from Rainbooms and Royalty. Dash even got to mess with the guards again!

Overall a strong chapter and I can't wait for the next one. Thanks for updating so quickly Trinary.

Whipping out Sombra before Discord?    That's interesting.  Well, given that this is an AU, there's certainly no obligation for you to follow the canon order of villainy.

Hm... interesting. I have to admit, I didn't quite see this coming. So, does Celestia not know about the Crystal Heart and the Fair?

Also, I notice there's one filly you didn't address: Scootaloo. I don't quite remember if you mentioned her in 'Rainbooms and Royalty', but is she an orphan?

New dashverse!

So I'm not the only one who thinks Twilight's "do a little shake" is something far too... interesting for a mare her age to be doing.

Also RainbowArmor is One True...

Outfit

Nice chapter, but you made a few mistakes.  

So you trust me before

  Shouldn't that be trusted?  

And if it happens to be comfortable than slogging through Equestria on hoof, then I for one am not going to complain.

  Should be "more comfortable".

My thoughts on the chapter: I like how Rainbow managed to prevent Ditzy and Cloud Kicker from also going on a potentially dangerous journey.

She made a quick jab with her front hooves. “Meet love,” she held out her right hoof “and tolerate!” she gently punched CK’s shoulder with her left.

  Is that a Mysterious Mare-Do-Well reference I spy, with Rainbow Dash being the one to make it?

>>17888111788811

No...just a creative repurposing of 'to love and tolerate'

>>17888371788837 I see.  Now fix those mistakes that I pointed out!

Hah, awesome. Shining's getting properly acclimated to Pinkie on the trip for sure. Liking the alternate take so far. (CK is still worst pony.)

---

Finally she zoomed up over the crowd and flew off, leading Celestia’s poor guards to contain and calm the crowd.

leaving

“So you trust me before; now I need you to trust me again,” Dash urged her.

trusted

“Oh, you're just too much to mess with.”

much fun to

Rainbow smiled, but couldn’t help suddenly felt ten pounds heavier than she had a moment ago.

feeling

Another update? Excellent.

It's strange jumping from Winningverse Cloud Kicker, who doesn't go after any of the Mane 6 for very good reasons, to Dashverse Cloud Kicker who has no such reservations. Even if it makes sense, because all the flight camp crap never happened, it's still a little weird. Not that I'm complaining though.

Considering how Kicker feels about her mom it probably isn't very effective to insult her, since Cloudy probably feels the same way.

More of Pinkie singing is always nice and I bet we'll get to see Zecora soon. This thing is gonna be good.

Thanks Trinary

Shining Armor blinked. “How did she…?”

“Don’t.” Rainbow warned him, shaking her head. “Just…don’t.” She sighed. This was going to be a long trip.

I loved this part so much, it really made me smile x3

Cloudkicker is hilarious. And I can see that she's just doing this to get RD to relax and focus on something other than the problems at hand. Go CK.

It's hilarious that Shining both recognized the name Cloud Kicker and took it as an explanation for her behavior.

>>17891341789134

that incident with Celestia must have been a popular story with the guards, eh?

Alternate Universe (Dashverse): A continuation of "Rainbooms and Royalty" Ponyville goes to sleep one night only to find in the morning that every foal in town is gone! An ancient evil has returned and stolen foals from all over Equestria. But why? What is his true purpose in stealing them?

Meanwhile in Tartarus: "Yeah mom, I'm doing the babysitting job as you asked. What? No I don't need any help I can handle it on m-- MOM, I'm a hundred thousand years old, I can handle a few kids..."

>>17894931789493

Remember, Cloud Kicker went to West Hoof and there are a lot of Kickers in the Royal Guard. I'm sure her reputation preceeds her.

>>17895131789513

...Okay, now THAT would make for a really great story.

>>17888571788857

Yeah, avoiding the whole Flight Camp fiasco made for some changes to Cloud Kicker's personality. There are no rules against chasing Rainbow's friends (or Rainbow herself, for that matter) and she probably doesn't have nearly as many commitment issues. I'm actually kinda hoping Trinary gives us some Cloud/Dash. Sure, Dashversh Rainbow appears to be straight so far, but Rainbow wouldn't be the first mare who was straight until she wound up in Cloud Kicker's bed (Winningverse Derpy, for example).

>>17891341789134

One of those random bits of timeline I've worked out that I haven't gotten around to mentioning in-story yet is that Cloud Kicker was just starting at West Hoof during Shining's last year there, so he would have had some chance to get to know her by reputation. Granted, I'm not sure if that applies to the Dashverse or not.

>>17895271789527

Funny alternate one shot go?

“Favorite!”

Subliminal messaging is best messaging.

“Are you and Mommy banging?”

“GLURK!” The pegasus comically sprayed a font of water across the room in an epic spit take.

I'm so glad that I wasn't drinking anything right then; my laptop would have been ruined.

She laid there for a while, just watching Dinky sleep. Her godfilly. She had a godfilly. It was like having a sonic rainboom go off in her heart.

DAWWWWWWW

sighing peacefully. Dash felt her heart melt.

Ooh, watch out for this, that's the second time you've used that phrase in as many paragraphs. You could change it to "It warmed her soul on such a cold night." or something similar. It's just a nitpick, but I really hate that stuf.

Aside from that, I like the start. (And why am I not watching you???)

>>17895321789532

I wouldn't mind a little Cloud/Dash either, especially since there's no chance of it happening in the Winningverse ( Unless you decide to make the whole love dodecahedron a bit more complicated ;) ) I feel that mashing their personalities would prove for an interesting relationship. It may even be possible here, since Dash did have a curious reaction to Twilight's dance last chapter, although I doubt Trinary is even remotely going in that direction.

>>17900751790075

Yeah, Cloud/Dash would never happen in the Winningverse. Way too much baggage on both sides for any kind of romance to work. Though I suppose one could say that Rainbow lost her virginity to Cloud Kicker in a very technical sense.

“…the first sign ah got that

Oh no, this will not do. If I haven't said this already in earlier stories, then I have been remiss. You NEED to capitalize the "ah" It is a stand in for "I" and as such it should be treated the same. Sorry if this comes off as a little rant-y, but I think it's a problem.

embraced each other; united in their grief.

You need an independent clause on either side of a semicolon to use it. To use it here you'd need to say it like this: "...embraced each other; their grief united them."

sign of any injuries,” she amended quickly, seeing the expression on Applejack and Rarity’s faces. “so there probably wasn’t a fight.

This is kind of odd, the dialogue is broken between 2 separate sentences. It you just change the comma to a period, and capitalize the "so" i should keep the same feeling, but look much neater.

“Hmmm…curiouser and curiouser!”

I like it.

This…this isn’t glass.” She dragged her hoof across it, making a faint hum. “It’s crystal...”

Ooh, I like where this is going.

the kind made by claws were readily observant.

Should be observable.

Pinkie Pie looked out the window. “Ooh, maybe she knows!” Everypony crowded around to see who Pinkie was looking it.

It was Princess Celestia.

Well, that's convenient.

each desperate to find their lost foals; their children and younger siblings.

I'm thinking that a simple listing would work here: "...their lost foals, their children, or younger siblings."

“What? Why?” Rainbow asked. Celestia closed her eyes.

“Because I cannot leave Equestria,” She looked out one of the windows. “My absence in the face of these attacks could provoke panic. I need to keep my ponies calm, in case this is just the beginning. And Luna has yet to recover her full strength. That leaves only you.”

I like this explianation.

“It could be a ruse to lure

A ruse you say...

Twilight shaking her rump in a way that most exotic dancers would say was too blatant. Stupid sexy Twilight.

This, 1000 times this.

We’ve already ruled out the Diamond Dogs and gargoyles

Nice throwback to "Rainbooms and Royalty" that sort of stuff is always great.

Nopony goes into Everfree Forest so nopony would’ve known they were coming; and it makes tracking them back to where they came from all but impossible.”

Two things in this one. First, you need a comma after Everfree Forest. Second, Because there is a semicolon, you don't need the "and".

Pinkie smiled. “Ooh! Now I have a reason to wear my socks, my scarf, my hat and my sweater! Fan service! Yaay!”

And this is why Pinkie is my favorite character. So. Much. Random. Fun.

I hope you know that I'm only doing ^ because I really like the story. If I didn't like it so much, I wouldn't put in the effort to try to make it better.

what the Princess had told her and how they were going to get their foals back.

Comma before "and".

Rainbow landed in front of Ditzy’s, house.

There's an extra comma.

That’s my muffin out there and if you think for a second

I'm not sure if you're going for words-coming-out-in-a-jumble here, but if you aren't then there should be a comma before "and".

pack a few things for Rainbow; excusing herself from the room.

I think you know what I mean by now.

Rainbow Dash being logical, there was a scary thought

It's a sign of the end times!!! Or it could be a result of Princess Celestia's tutelage.

“You would think about it that way. I could kick your flank, though.”

As was shown in "Life and Times".

That’s better than moping around wondering if you should’ve joined the guards instead.

Like in the most recent "Life and Times"???

run into anything dangerous I’ll just have to love and tolerate them.

Nice one.

Dash’s entire face erupted in a mammoth blush that all but obliterated the blue of her fur. “S-stop saying weird stuff!” She protested heatedly, her wings twitching in agitation.

You can't stop Cloud Kicker, she's the best!

a weird friend who--it’s Cloud Kicker!

And that explains everything.

“I sure hope so.” Applejack let out a shuddering breath

Wait... Weren't you just using "Ah" (incorrectly).

Shining Armor blinked. “How did she…?”

“Don’t.” Rainbow warned him, shaking her head.

Better advice was never given.

Let's see where this goes.

In before people tell me "The Crystal Empire". Also, calling Windigos.

"Just come home safe"

"Hey, it's me!"

RD must also be channeling Han Solo

So, Ditzy, Carrot Top, Lyra, and Cheerilee all want to come along too... what is this, the Lunaverse?

Rainbow Dash was ready to tear out of Ponyville to save the missing foals and deck Sombra in the snoz.

Suggest 'sock' instead of 'deck', for added alliterative appeal. (Also, I've usually seen it spelled 'schnozz', but I guess there isn't really any 'right' spelling for slang like that.)

An update? *pounces on update*

My thoughts on the chapter are as follows:

“Don’t! These stones are very potent magic and still experimental! Using more than one at a time could cause the engine to explode!”

I think I smell a Forbidden Chekhov's Gun here!

“Unfortunately, the railroad won’t take us all the way to the Crystal Empire…it’s not as if we have a station just sitting in the middle of nowhere in the frozen north.”

  That's a Mythology Gag!  Nice!

Shining stubbornly trying to open the safe by himself:

Damn, I guess the big question is, as Zecora would say: Are things really that bad in Stalliongrad?

Rainbow's reaction to Shining's news:

Also:

Another nice chapter. Poor Rainbow Dash though.

Have to say, I love the fact that Shining Armor shares his sister's tendency to get just a tiny bit obsessed over little details. Now I wanna see him running around shrieking about how his whole life depends on drawing up the next Guard rotation schedule.

I agree with Chengar. Poor Dashie, she's coping pretty well with the whole Shining/Cadence thing so far, but you can only take so much...

Some pretty nice worldbuilding in this chapter, and yeah the engine's totally going to explode.

Aww.

Friendship problem identified.  Proceed with the adventure.

Shining Armor, your sense of timing is impeccable.

three enclosed shower stalls and other necessities; clearly designed to accommodate ponies undertaking long trips who didn’t wish to smell like train funk.

her voice was calm; soothing as cool spring water.

Semicolons need independent clauses after them to be used.

It was…just a reminder of wasn’t normal for you.

I think there is a word missing here...

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to shout…I was just so excited that I lost control! …I’ll try to be quieter from now on.”

Oh Fluttershy, Y U SO CUTE?!

“I remember the first time you came over. You had to literally drag Twilight away from her books. ‘Just one more page, just one more page!’”

I remember saying that too!

Cadence gave an equally cute pout; shamelessly utilizing the dreaded puppy eyes.

Independent clause...

“Y-you are! I—but—they—you—” Twilight stammered, her train of thought having collided headlong with a mountain.

“I think you broke her.” Rainbow observed, grinning.

It ain’t possible that you made eight cupcakes in that time.”

“Well, duh!” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I mean, yeesh Applejack, you’re being a silly pony.” She reached into the over and took out another tray. “I made sixteen! That way everypony gets to have two!”

This is the stuff that makes this story so good!

“…I like tiaras.” She pouted defensively.

Who's a silly princess? You're a silly princess.

“Hey, that’s my little sister you’re talking about…” he paused, pretending to think it over. “No, wait, you’re right. You’re screwed.”

Twilight going into full lecture mode on history... NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

It wasn’t until later that things were…” he chose his next words carefully, “streamlined with the creation of elected mayors to run cities and towns and the relocation of the nobility to Canterlot under the Princess’ rule.

This is a really hard to spot mistake. The sentence that is said is broken by other text, but it would read like this: "It wasn’t until later that things were streamlined with the creation of elected mayors to run cities and towns and the relocation of the nobility to Canterlot under the Princess’ rule." It should have a comma after "streamlined" to break the dialogue naturally.

Of course, one can’t really hear somepony’s heart break. You can only feel it.

Aww, Dashie... That's so sad...

Nice chapter, another!

“You two are friends. I know that you’re very different ponies, but right now you’re feeling the same thing: fear and helplessness. Does this help deal with either one?”

"Now, kiss!"

“…I like tiaras.”

Oh hey, that's right, she does, doesn't she?

“Unfortunately, the railroad won’t take us all the way to the Crystal Empire…it’s not as if we have a station just sitting in the middle of nowhere in the frozen north.”

Yeah, Shiny freaking out over the safe was a good bit.

So Shining Armor, for all his coolness, is still a guy afterall.  Lets hope it never comes to the point where he has to ask for directions.  

Also, why do I get the feeling our heroes are heading for Stalliongrad, whether they like it or not?  

>>17978121797812

I got this impression too.

I see a "Rainbow Dash, the heartbroken, green-eyed monster" in the horizon! Awwww, man.

And so many tempting "what could possibly go wrong" possibilities...

“…I like tiaras.”

You sure do, Cadence.

I can't stop smiling.

And I hope you give Sombra more dialogue.

Applejack, you’re being a silly pony.”

Who a silly pony?

You is.

“Yeah.” Kicker just hugged Dash for a bit...before her hooves started roaming down her back. “Celebratory bang when you get back?”

That prompted a bright red flush to work its way across Rainbow’s face. “Enough with the grabby stuff, Shining Armor's looking this way!” She hissed urgently, eyes flickering out the window.

The lavender pony just smirked. “He can join in.”

ClouDash new OTP.

Rainbow winced as if in pain at Shining’s wording. As intelligent as Shining Armor was, at the end of the day he was still a stallion. That meant that there were something things about mares that he naturally just…missed.

no

I'm sorry, no, that's a personal level of oblivious that's just....

rant avoided, those kind of comments just SERIOUSLY get under my skin...'scuse me whilst i ragequit the internet for a while

*twitch*

other than that, loooving where this is going

“We can probably cut our walking time in half if take the train to...” she narrowed her eyes as she read the city’s name. “…Stalliongrad.”

“That’s not an option.” Shining Armor rolled the map up with an air of finality, clenching his jaw.

“Why not?” Rainbow demanded, confused and perturbed. “If it gets us there faster…”

Shining surprised everypony by stomping his hoof down in front of her, snorting angrily. “I said NO! What part of 'no' don’t you understand?”

I agree with Shining, cutting half of the time that contains actual ADVENTURE in this story for the sake of more drama makes me angry too...

Also did everypony just forget that innocent children, including AJ's and Rarity's sisters, have been taken to some god forsaken frozen land where they are could be possibly dying at the moment if they aren't dead already? Or do they just presume that Sombra is such a nice fellow that they barely have to worry about them or care about them at all? (He dosn't need to keep them alive anymore the elements are coming none the less) I guess our heroes are too busy in pointless bickering to care...

At first we have a great build up of Rainbow caring for Dinky in the first chapters, we see why this quest is so important to Rainbow, we care for her quest and we want to see her succceed....but...

How am I supposed to get invested in this when in your mind lingers the question of what truly matters here: rescuing the foals?

How am I supposed to not be annoyed when our heroes argue over things that mean nothing compared to the fact that children they love and know and that some of them are sisters to could be freezing to death or dying in other horrible ways?

How am I supposed to not be irritated When Rainbow promises to teary eyed Ditzy to bring back her daughter only to forget her immediately and focus on Shining Armor?

And Shining going on about marrying Cadence at a dark moment of despair like this? Really Shining? Was this really the right time for this?

Where is the fear of losing your loved ones? Where is the fear of not being able to keep your word and returning to Ditzy with empty promises? Where is the despair of not knowing if your loved ones are still even alive?

Why dont our characters care about the quest they have set out to do?

Damn. Dashie just got FRIENDZONED!

How did i not favorite this before? I need to fix that. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Hm, I don't think I've ever favorited any of your Dash-verse stories until after at least the first 3-5 chapters. This story is starting to pique my interest, but for now it's in my Read Later list, where I keep any stories that I want to keep track of but don't quite like enough to Favorite them.

You did give a nice AU history lesson in chapter four (insert nitpick about you not naming chapters anymore), but I find my suspension of disbelief strained here. First, I'm not sure what you're intention was, but I don't think the Ponygrad revolution in any way resembles the Bolshevik Revolution. Even if it did, you got some punny pony city names wrong. Stalingrad used to be called Tsaritsyn (and is now called Volgograd). We also have Leningrad, which was/is called St. Petersburg (St. Poniesburg?) before 1914 and after 1991 and was called Petrograd (Ponygrad?) from 1914 to 1924.

Moving on from nitpicks, your history of Stalliongrad is good enough to stand on its own, though Hearth's Warming Eve stated that the ponies were separated by race "before the peaceful rule of Celestia," and you didn't say when the royal pony sisters would've come to power (retcon due to AU?). However I can't help but think that tensions would have eased between them and Equestria after a while. After all, the revolution happened centuries before, and I can't think of any Earth nation whose foreign policy or diplomatic leanings have stayed the same in the last thousand years (In many cases, that's the least of what's changed with them.

Dinky is the cutest filly in existence.