It was not long after Celestia had to banish Nightmare Moon that the balance in the elements of harmony began to waver causing their power to weaken across Equestria. This allowed Discord who was only sealed a few years earlier to waken from his stone seal to wage war on Celestia who tried to fight back with the fading powers of Harmony. But without the aid of the full power of the elements of harmony Celestia was forced to sacrifice herself in order to seal Discord away once again, but without the elements of harmony his chaos stayed behind making Equestria a very dangerous place to live. With the fall of their leader the monsters erected a powerful barrier to prevent the elements from seeking out new ponies outside Equestria to wield them, thus giving the monsters time to find and destroy the elements. A thousand years have passed since then and the ponies of Equestria have grown accustomed more or less to the dangers of their new world, but as the land starts to grow more hostile and monsters attacks become more frequent all hope seems to be lost. It is in this darkness that a mare utters the incantation of the spell that would forever change the wheels of destiny.
"Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, Buried in the stream of time is where your power grows"
these are the words that when chanted will make bandits flee in terror, brave men quiver in fear, cause powerful kings to cower, cities to vanish, spook dragons, and even scare the demon lords themselves. This is the tale of the one who made these words famous and dreaded among all who walk this world and beyond. Yes my friends this is the story of the sorceress known as Twily Sparkle and her companions who guided by the spirit of harmony traveled with her in the adventures that would forever change the world.
Huh, well ok. First off love the Slayers series. I have all the episodes and all the translated novels. While this is just a rehash of the pilot with new chars, I will be keeping an eye on this one.
I'm a little curious who she's pledging to with the Dragon Slave. Discord or Luna?
:edit:
Oh and there were numerous little autocorrect spelling errors but nothing that really detracted from reading.
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Thanks for the thoughtful comments John.
I'll be answering your question at the end of the next chapter along with any others I might receive.
....Slayers Crossover, must fave.
First off, let me say that I've never seen Slayers... much less do I know anything about it. I'm going in blind!
First off, I have to say that the constant fourth wall breaks and such really give this life. Just when I feel that it's really cliche, you show that you're totally aware of it, which really lightens things up! Good job playing off of the beyond overused tropes and such
The main thing that really drags it down is grammar. I know that working on grammar is no fun, but think about it this way: grammar determines how well you can communicate your idea to people.
So a few things to keep up with, first off. For dialogue, make sure to start a new paragraph when the speaker changes. This makes sure that the reader can follow who's talking.
Also, with dialogue, a few punctuation rules. Check this site out: Punctuation rules
As for general sentences, make sure you don't run on! The best way to avoid this is to read your story out loud while you write it. Try to imagine saying it out loud and really check your pacing.
Grammar aside, this seems like a really funny take on things! The breaks in the 4th wall and self-aware sense of humor really give it some life. You keep some things about some characters from the original, but change some others, so make sure to be as consistent as possible! It's good so far, just giving you advice for the future
Overall, though I don't know Slayers, this has a good sense of humor but just gets really bogged down in grammar. It takes work, but it's worth it to work on it!
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Such a thoughtful comment finally coming through thanks to the fic reading services thread. As such I feel like giving a good reply along with my own comment on your story by tomorrow.Yeah sorry about taking so long on getting around to that...
First off I had some real fun extending the already present destruction of the fourth wall that is present in the base material of the slayers anime into this story. Maybe a little to much fun as I had to go back several times and tone it down a tad, thus delaying me several weeks in completing it. Sadly Slayers is an older anime so it has many cliches in it, and to since this is a crossover quite a few cliches make it into this fan fic. I'm just glad that the weeks of working around this in an attempt to make it a point of humor paid off!
As for the main problem of grammar you pointed out, there are several reasons behind its poor quality. One is that I have a bad habit of writing when I'm sick which leads to a lot of errors. Anyways enough with the lame excuses. I've received enough comments already about this problem that I've stopped working on the next chapter to polish up my previous work(s). So thanks for providing me with additional motivation to get around to solving this problem.
Anyways thanks for the review, will do my best to get one in for you within 24 hours.
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Hey, no need to rush with reading, none of us are in any hurry~
And yeah, keep up the writing! Fanfiction is amazing practice after all. You can hone your grammar and rules and such, but you can also work with characters and develop them before thinking of your own!
Apparently this is a crossover with Slayers, which I have never seen, so I look forward to something new (for myself) as soon as there are a few more chapters.
Also, it should be "sorceress" in the description.
since im an dont judge a book by its cover type of person ill put it in one of my read later piles
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I can't believe after all those spell checks, and hours of editing I missed that one word. Thanks for pointing that out.
As for the more chapters I plan to have the next one up by this weekend, but that all depends on how quickly I get over my cold.
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The reason why she's called Twily Sparkle instead of Twilight Sparkle is actually explain in the first chapter. The title of "dragon spooker" is's just an in chapter joke that doesn't really show up again.
On second thought it probably isn't wise to leave that in the story description if it only occurs once or twice in the story.
Thanks to both of you for checking this story out and leaving some helpful feedback.
Brilliant start.. I say brilliant. I'm a bit of a fan of the Slayers anime, ah the humor from it... sad thing is by ponyfying it.. you eliminate one source of humor.. Lina Inverse's flat chest jokes and the devastating results afterwards
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Thanks for the positive motivation that shows me that my continued effort to work on this isn't a waste. Though I'm shocked more than anything to get a comment on this story after a year of not releasing anything further.