DeiStar
Joined 5th Apr, 2012 ·
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Looks cute.
Sounds Tasty..... will eat later...
Honey pie?
I've never heard of such a thing
0 words total SEEMS LEGIT
Nice story. Could've been a little better but that's allright
I'll still fav it.
For cover pic... SO MUCH DAWWW! MY HEART HAS EXPLODED!
Great story, though. Love it. And honey pie I have made. Is legit, not just seems legit. Is legit.
Added to my still increasing list of not-read stories, but I will give it an upvote and a favorite, if only because of the d'aww inducing picture.
Friendship is best ship.
Saw title.
Expected foalcon.
No foalcon.
memecrunch.com/meme/CYE7/i-am-dissapoint/image.png
1797028 Couldn't agree more.
1797053 What is foalcon exactly? I know it's a mature subject but that's about it.
Aw, that was a sweet story! :3
ha no pun intended
It was a sweet little story... (overused pun very much intended)... but this story could definitely benefit from some serious editing.
That was surprisingly deep.
1797333
> expected fic link
> mfw when NSFW image
D'awww! That was sweet
That was pretty cute. The writing a little clumsy at times, I'd say you spend a little too much time describing actions exactly and going into details that, in the end, add nothing to the story. On the other hoof, your grammar and spelling are very good, I can't say I've found much in the way of mistakes.
Good work, keep it up!
That was a SWEET story
That's adorable.
'Scuse me a minute, i'm gonna actually read this now.
EDIT TO ADD: Adorable.
Cute
. The image made me think it was going to be a shipping story, but then Sweetie got all philosophical on me 
. Have a thumb for your clever trickery 
.
Okay, I know Pinkie Pie is crazy, but cutting a pie into an odd number of equal slices is beyond insane. Not to mention incredibly difficult. Never mind the talking magical horses. The unusual division of the pie is somehow the thing that bugs me.
Incredibly cute, by the way. And I have a sudden craving for honey.
1797615
applejack.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/135441605601.png
This was a very sweet story. I was curious because the cover art gave me other ideas, but I was pleasantly surprised with what you wrote instead. Very adorable, with a touch of philosophical. =)
Cute story.
Solid, but unoriginal with a lot of forced dialogue.
Unoriginal isn't bad if you pull it off well, and you really mostly did (Or else you wouldn't be featured, obviously), but it's still... Bland? Above average but totally unmemorable?
It's good enough that I find it worth reading and finishing but it has no lasting impact on me. The characters were too railroaded to really impact me, it's understandable if English is your second language because you obviously speak it better than quite a lot of the 'natives', there's just a distinctive 'tell', like speaking over-formally, that forms. You write like that, completely understandable but stilted, right enough to be technically correct but wrong enough to just gnaw away at you. a record that skips every few minutes, a honey cake with raisins.
Very adorable with a life lesson put in there, even if it did sound a little forced.
Silver out!
1798634
slice.seriouseats.com/images/20110427-large-slice-small-pie-4.jpg
heehee
this fic breaking anyone else's Favorites? I can't convince it that I've already read this story
1799704
yeah, me too
1798569
Actually, it's:
This was beautiful, thanks so much for this heart warming little piece. We need more innocent little stories like this on the site to balance out the weirdness I've come to love, but until then, this was what's up. Thanks for sharing your brain. 8/10.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
(Joke) Alt. Title: You Won't See Me (Applebloom Said)
rug = blanket?
NOooooooO! Why no foalcon!!!! I is sorely disappointed!!!!!!
“You eat it, because the sweetness won’t last forever. When we grow up, we look back at all the fun and joy we had as foals, and we treasure those magical moments, forever.”
That was the cutest sweetest analogy to childhood I've ever read. That was a wonderful story man! Wonderful!
Well, that was cute and touching, but the dialogue seemed forced. ;P
D'awwwwwww
My only complaint is that the kids don't really talk like actual kids, but like adults reminiscing about being kids. Still freaking adorable, though.
Okay, back to tell you that I FUCKING enjoyed this story.
Good job!
Awwwwwwww, that was very nice.
This is not a disappointment.
Favoritin'
This was sweet as honey.... of course that's cheesy... Let me just say by the look of the cover picture and the way the description is I expected a foal-clop lol.
NOT SAYING I WANTED ONE! JUST SAYING IT SOUNDED LIKE ONE....
i love stories that include scootaloo and it was good to have 2 of trio by themselves cause i've learn from being in trio of friends that when it 2 of the 3 the 2 have very special memories and conversions that sometimes would not happen between the trio
I was clicking on the daily's and I saw this one thinking "oh great, not just clop, but with foals?
"
I saw the rating and decided to take a chance.
After the third paragraph the knot in my gut unclenched and I finished the story with a smile.
Grammar was a little rough in places, but the philosophy was spot on.
In other news: I learned that honey pie is a real dessert and now want one
.
They sounded like very mature kids than the usual Crusaders would be but the implication is still there, A nice, simple story.
1799953
Heh, I figured as much, but I like Wild Honey Pie so much that I put it in instead.
Great story! Very heart-warming. Keep up the good work!
One of the things I love most about the "shipping" genre is that it's broader than "romance." Sure you can find stories about ponies who think each other are totally hot stuff, but there can also be cuddly tales about the really important things in life.
Or even silly stuff that shouldn't matter but do - one of my favorites is about Octavia, Scratch, and washing dishes.
So, I'm starting a little project where I try to write the best comments I can. Not correction or snark or superiorty, just an honest look at what worked for me and what didn't.
I like where this takes its concept. "Crusader fears growing up" isn't original, sure, but the image is nice. I want to bake honey pie to see what it's like now, and this is one of those ideas that you see as a writer and wish you were clever enough to come up with.
I'm not picky about commas and that crap (unless I'm working on my own story). Nothing caught my attention, so as far as I'm concerned, consider yourself perfect on that point.
But, like MrNumbers, I feel the prose didn't rise to the concept. I want to taste that pie in lurid detail. I want to feel a little bit dirty, even - or at least happy but needing to brush my teeth. Yes, it's an E-rated story, but because you're writing about food there's no reason to hold back.
And everything that isn't feeling or flavor dilutes the story, like dipping cookies in water.
Overall, it's a good explanation of childhood that wants prettier pictures to back it up.
Eustatian Wings
<Thunderfall Readers' Circle>