What's A Pony Worth?
Quizzical
Chapter 10 What’s a Pony Worth?
Indy could not see Quiz in the shadows at the back of her cell. But he could hear her.
“Good morning, Quizzical,” he called. “Was Quizzical singing?”
“Oh, good morning, Indy,” said Quiz, walking out to the cell’s bars. “It was not so much singing as vocal exercises. A… very good friend of mine taught them to me.”
“Quizzical is a little bit flat,” said Indy.
“Yes, I know,” said Quiz. “I am working on that.”
The diamond dog shrugged. “Indy listens to diamond dogs all day, every day. To Indy Quizzical’s voice is very sweet, Indy would rather listen to her.”
“Thank you, Indy,” said Quiz. “I suppose you have come to…” She was interrupted by a horrible bellow from down the corridor.
“Indy! Is the worthless pony awake yet?!”
Indy looked pained. “Oh, right. Chief Bowser is coming to see Quizzical. Indy had meant to warn her.”
“So, worthless pony,” demanded Bowser. “Do you feel like digging today?”
“Certainly,” said Quiz. “I am eager to show you all the gems I have discovered, Chief Bowser.”
“Good,” said Bowser.
“I will be ready to begin as soon as the tunnel has been made safe.”
“Aaaarrrgh!” Bowser grabbed the bars of Quiz’s cell and rattled them. Quiz cowered and backed halfway into her cell. “Does the worthless pony not understand? She belongs to Chief Bowser! It is now three days and she is still here! Her ponies are not coming for her! Her ponies are not even looking for her! The worthless pony is too much trouble for her ponies to bother! She belongs in the warrens now, so she had better not make herself too much trouble for the diamond dogs!”
Quiz stood trembling. But after a moment she met Bowser’s eyes. “I will not dig until the tunnel is properly beamed and braced.”
“Indy, take away the worthless pony’s things,” said Bowser. “And remove her bedding. Until she works the worthless pony can sleep on the stone.”
As Bowser turned to stomp off he grabbed Indy by the arm and dragged him several feet down the corridor. Then, inches from Indy’s face, he growled, “Indy disapproves. Bowser can see it in Indy’s eyes.”
Indy wasn’t sure if Bowser was challenging him to tell the truth, or daring him to lie. Indy decided on the truth. “We are wasting the clever pony’s talents. And if the diamond dogs continue the pony will simply waste away.”
“Hmmph,” grunted Bowser, letting Indy go. “Then perhaps we should try to sell her back to the ponies before that happens.”
#
Indy came back and began sadly removing the Quiz’s pallet of straw. Quiz handed over her saddle bag without a word. Indy did not check to see if everything was there, he knew Quiz had surrendered everything.
“Should you sweep my cell to make sure I have no small rocks to scratch on the walls?” asked Quiz.
“Not unless Chief Bowser orders Indy,” said Indy. Then, more solemnly, he asked, “Quizzical does know that Chief Bowser lies to her, doesn’t she?”
“I had suspected as much,” said Quiz. “Is there a particular lie that you are referring to, Indy?”
“That no pony wants Quizzical back. This is an evil lie, and Quizzical must not believe it.”
“It does seem unlikely that anypony would trouble themselves…”
“Angry ponies swarm across the surface. Not just soldiers, though they are everywhere, but also ordinary ponies, armed only with sticks. Indy has been to the surface, but only watching while hiding in the bushes. It is a very bad time for a diamond dog to go to the surface.”
“I really do not understand…”
“And your Princess, the dark one?” asked Indy.
“Princess Luna,” said Quiz. “She is my mentor. No doubt she feels some sense of responsibility for me. She really should not.”
“She stomps about, bellowing to the diamond dogs to come speak with her about returning Quizzical. Frankly, Indy is surprised Quizzical has not heard the Princess herself.”
“Yes,” said Quizzical. “I know the volume my Princess is capable of.”
“It is hard to keep track, there are so many angry ponies to avoid, but Indy is sure that your Princess has not rested since Quizzical was captured.”
“She…” began Quiz. “Princess Luna really should not be so concerned with me.”
“Indy has also seen a pony couple,” said Indy. “Very dignified, but very worried, and very sad. There is also a stallion, much like the older pony. Your family?”
“Yes,” said Quizzical, sadly. “That sounds like them.”
“They want their Quizzical back very badly,” said Indy.
Quiz just hung her head.
“So a question occurs to Indy,” said the diamond dog. “If the ponies want Quizzical back so badly that they would attack diamond dogs with sticks, and Chief Bowser wants to keep Quizzical so badly that he is willing to make the ponies so angry that diamond dogs are unsafe on the surface, what does that tell Quizzical about her value?”
“I…” Quiz stammered. “I do not understand the question.”
“Never mind,” grumbled Indy. He left with Quiz’s bed.
#
“Get him!”
The Ponyville Militia had spotted a lone diamond dog, and they had him cornered.
“Teach him a lesson!” “Let’s play piñata, who’s got some rope?” “We don’t like you!”
“Wait, he’s unarmed!” cried Cheerilee.
“He’s got a stick!” answered somepony in the mob."
“That’s not a stick, that’s a white flag!” shouted the Mayor.
“STOP, YOU FOALS!” thundered Princess Luna. “HE IS THE NEGOTIATOR WE HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR!”
Luna magically lifted the diamond dog into the air, plucking him away from the angry mob. She set him down in front of her.
The diamond dog stood, brushing himself off. “Indy thanks the Princess for rescuing him,” he said.
“We trust you are worth our trouble,” said Luna, coldly. “You have come with the diamond dogs’ demands?”
Indy nodded. “I have. Chief Bowser asks for ten carts of gems, filled to overflowing, in exchange for your little pony’s freedom.”
“The price is very high,” said Luna.
“Little Quizzical is very clever, and the diamond dogs would like to keep her,” said Indy. “And so the price is high."
“You can prove that you have even seen Quizzical?” demanded Luna.
Indy took the small white cloth he had been using as a flag of truce and tossed it at the Princess’s hooves. It was a lace handkerchief, with ‘S.B.’ monogrammed in one corner. “The Rarity’s little sister left this with Quizzical.”
“And how is Quizzical?” Thunder rolled as Luna asked this, making it clear that she had better like the answer.
Indy looked down and shuffled his feet. “She has not been beaten, but she has been worked hard. She… could be eating better. And Quizzical has not seen the sun in three days. Quizzical needs to go home.”
He’s not frightened of me, noted Luna, he is embarrassed. “We will see Quizzical before we give the diamond dogs anything. And we will speak directly to Chief Bowser.”
“That might be arranged,” said Indy. “It would be good if we could end this. Diamond dogs need to come to the surface now and then, and it is not good to have angry ponies everywhere. Diamond dogs are not piñatas. And our warrens are not a good place for Quizzical."
“You are speaking for yourself, not your Chief,” said Luna.
“Indy… might be,” said the diamond dog.
“Go and make the arrangements,” said Luna, dismissing Indy and walking away.
#
“Quizzical,” called Indy as he opened her cell. “Indy must get Quizzical ready, she has an interview.”
“What?” asked Quiz. “I do not understand.”
“It will all be clear in a moment,” said Indy. “But Indy must warn Quizzical; if she did not like her ball and chain she is really going to hate this.”
#
Princess Luna watched Chief Bowser swagger as he approached, and she fought to maintain her composure. She wanted to swipe away Bowser’s smug grin and knock the swagger out of him; but the diamond dog had her promise as a Princess of Equestria that she would not do this.
The diamond dogs had been no trouble since the ‘incident’ with Rarity; but this new Chief, Bowser, was different. The ponies had little intelligence on him, but it appeared he was brutish, perhaps a bit stupid, and nothing but trouble. Luna did not expect this to go well.
“So, pretty little pony princess,” called Bowser. “Have you brought Chief Bowser his wagons loaded with gems?”
“We will see Quizzical before we will speak of gems,” said Luna.
“To see the little pony, the pretty little pony princess must give her promise,” said Bowser. “Only she will approach the little pony, she will not touch the little pony, and no attempt to rescue the little pony will be made. Give Bowser your promise.”
Blast! thought Luna, and thunder rolled above them. The disadvantage of being an enchanted being, such as one of the Royal alicorns of Equestria, is that you are bound by magical laws. If Luna gave her promise no power anywhere would let her break it.
“We will do as Chief Bowser asks,” said Luna. “He has our promise as a Princess of Equestria.”
This negotiation had to work. It was all they had right now. The Princesses had their own council, as well as the advice of every sage and wisepony in the court of Canterlot. Luna had also heard the unsolicited advice of every opinionated pony who could approach her. They were unanimous.
If the ransom was paid it would set the price for a pony. The Diamond Dogs would go into the business of kidnapping ponies and there would never be and end of it.
Princess Luna could not buy Quizzical’s freedom.
Chief Bowser stomped three times, and at that signal there was a tremendous cloud of dust. When the dust settled Quiz was standing in front of Princess Luna.
At the sight of her student Luna’s mood lifted enough that the first rays of sunlight in 3 days fell on them. Quiz trembled slightly, as she tried to steady herself. She blinked, her eyes trying to adjust to the light. When Quiz’s vision had finally cleared enough that she could make out who was there, she bowed. “Princess Luna,” she said softly.
Luna almost ordered Quiz to rise, and then thought better of it. “Lie still and rest easy, Quizzical,” said Luna. “We have come to set you free.”
Quiz was tired and dirty and wrapped in heavy chains that extended back into the hole behind her. I could shatter these chains with a thought and sweep you away to safety, thought Luna. But I have promised not to.
Luna’s resolve melted. In that moment she did not care about theoretical future ponies that might someday be kidnapped. Luna cared very much about the real pony that was right there in front of her. Whatever she had to promise to pay Chief Bowser would be fine, so long as Luna could take Quiz home right now.
“Princess Luna, you are not going to pay my ransom, are you?” gasped Quiz. She was near to tears. “Oh, Princess, you must not! I am not like other ponies, I can make myself comfortable surrounded by stone, few other ponies can! The next pony will not be able to stand it and they will suffer, and if you pay for me there will be another pony! You must not pay my ransom! Please, promise me you will not!"
And Princess Luna took a deep breath, and spoke the words that broke her heart. “We… have reached the same conclusion you have, Quizzical. We want to simply pay and take you away from here…. but we cannot.”
“I understand,” said Quiz.
“We have an honorable offer for the diamond dogs,” said Luna. “If they do not accept it, then we will continue to do anything and everything we can to set you free, Quizzical. This may take time. Quizzical, you must do whatever it takes to keep yourself fit and strong until we can come for you.”
“Again, I understand, Princess Luna,” said Quiz.
“Your time is up!” bellowed Bowser. “Pretty little pony princess, say good-bye to your little pony.”
“One last thing,” Quiz spoke quickly. She took the little white bow from her mane and set it on the ground. “Please return this to Sweetie Belle for me, Princess Luna. She picked it out for me, and it is the perfect gift, but it will only become soiled with me down in the warrens.”
“We will take care of this,” said Luna.
With that, there was another cloud of dust and dirt, and Quiz disappeared, leaving only a filled hole behind.
“So, pretty little pony princess,” said Bowser. “Where are Chief Bowser’s wagons filled with gems?”
“We have a counter offer for you,” said Luna.
“Of course you do,” said Bowser, sneering. “Chief Bowser will not even pretend to be surprised.”
Luna ignored this, and continued, “After our little pony is released, we will send other ponies to the diamond dogs. They will be employees, contractors, with the skills the diamond dogs desire. They will return home each night, and they will have wages, which we shall negotiate in good faith. As we deal with each other, we will discover other things – things the diamond dogs have that ponies want, and things ponies have that diamond dogs want. We will negotiate, again, in good faith, for the exchange of these goods. What I offer Chief Bowser is called ‘Trade.’ It is something that great nations do.”
Bowser snorted. “This is not something that Chief Bowser does.”
Luna withheld comment.
“Tell Chief Bowser, do the ponies also offer friendship?” asked Bowser.
Luna was taken aback by this question. “Why, certainly. Such would naturally happen, given time…”
“Bah!” spat Bowser. He turned and began to walk away. “Ponies put much stock in friendship. Chief Bowser does not. The pretty little princess pony can call for Chief Bowser when she has his gems,” he said over his shoulder.
“Chief Bowser, do not simply walk away from us!” yelled Luna. “Chief Bowser?! CHIEF BOWSER, DO YOU HEAR US?!!”
“Hey!” cried Bowser, as a small rock bounced off the back of his head. When he turned he saw rocks, many, many of them, all around the outcrop, rising into the air and hovering. Ready.
“WHEN NEXT WE MEET, CHIEF BOWSER, WE EXPECT TO BE TREATED WITH GREATER COURTESY AND RESPECT!!!” Thunder roared above them.
With a squeal, Bowser dove for the safety of the nearest hole.
There was a great clatter, as all the rocks fell at once. Unable to contain herself even a second longer, Luna fell to the rock face, and began to bawl like a foal.
#
Indy began removing the chains from Quiz. “Indy,” said Quiz. “When you are done, please bring me some lunch and water. After my meal, I will be ready to dig some more.”
#
Shortly afterwards, Indy was leading Quiz through the corridors to the job site. “Is Quizzical certain she wants to do this?”
Quiz nodded. “I have calculated the odds very carefully. While the wall is not safe, there is no guarantee that it will fall. Even if it does, I may well still leap to safety. My odds are much better than if I am allowed to go thirsty.” She continued, in a whisper, “And I will not allow my friend Indy to risk himself aiding me any longer.”
“Well, Quizzical’s treatment should certainly improve if she finds the gems she has predicted,” said Indy. “But what if this does not work?”
“Then we may be back to plan B,” said Quiz. She summoned a magic blackboard, and began drawing equations on it as they walked. “I shall just have to reverse engineer the ‘climb walls like a spider’ spell.”
“Quizzical is making a joke, right?” asked Indy.
The blackboard disappeared. “Of course, Indy.”
#
When once again at the end of the tunnel where she last worked, Quiz found her pick still lying on the floor. She raised it, and began chipping away at the wall. To her surprise, Indy also grabbed a pick and stepped beside Quiz to work.
“Indy, what are you doing? It is not safe…”
“If it is safe enough for Quizzical,” said Indy, striking chunks of rock off the wall, “Then it is safe enough for Indy.”
"Indy, no! This asks too much of you…”
“Asks? Who asked?” demanded Indy. “Certainly not Quizzical. She never asks for anything. Quizzical does not seem to think she deserves anything from her friends. Well, tough! Indy does think Quizzical deserves his help, and Indy is going to do this for her. So Quizzical can just shut up!”
“Oh,” said Quiz. It was all she could think of. “Thank you, Indy. Please remind me to make a note of this later.”
#
They dug for over an hour, when the digging suddenly became easier. The wall was so fractured that large slabs of rock came away as they chopped at it. This was not a good sign.
“Perhaps, if we could make a controlled collapse this would go faster,” said Quiz. “It is easier to shift rubble than to dig…” She didn’t get to finish.
With a mighty crack the ceiling began to collapse.
“Indy, run!” cried Quiz. Instinctively, she tried to erect a magical barrier over their heads. But; while Quiz’s marvelous protective spell is proof against fire, lightning, concussion waves, out of control magic fields, and thrown balls of paper; it is worthless against falling rocks. For that you need a levitation spell with muscle behind it, something Quiz did not have.
Her spell offered all the protection of a paper parasol.
The last thing Quiz would remember was Indy throwing himself over her. Then her head struck the floor hard and everything went dark.
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Well, that's not a nice place to end this. But you've your hooks in me now.
YES!!! It's that story!!
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!
Featured bro! Good job!
Alt. Title: A Quizzical Premise: Yet Another Socially Inept OC
Indy is best doggie.
1762302
Don't knock it till you've tried it. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Actually, I kind of like that title.
1761936
I wanna see. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
Oh no indie~!!! D:
I lol'd
Then I felt like a jerk for it.
The whole magical beings can't lie device just feels like a very cheap, lame way to explain why Luna just doesn't take Quiz then and there.
Oh no, geodude used rockslide.
1920511
An alternative plot device would be that Luna cannot give her word and subsequently betray it, because then the princesses of Equestria could never negotiate any agreement in good faith ever again.
Oh my.
Seriously, this is the best Luna can do?
How about, "IF SHE DIES AT YOUR PAWS WE SWEAR BY ALL MAGICAL LAWS THAT THY RACE SHALL BE ROUNDED UP AND GUTTED ALIVE UNDER THE BLOOD MOON!!! THE NIGHTMARE HATH SPOKEN!!! BWAH HA HA HA HAAA HAAA HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Ya gotta play to your strengths, ya know? And Luna's strengths are being really loud and over-dramatic!
Ah, the old dilemma of negotiating with hostage takers. Of course, they could always pay for Quizzical, get her back, then send an angry army of Earth Ponies and unicorns specializing in rock and earth manipulation to root out, drive off/imprison/kill, and end the tribe, thus preventing them from making a habit of such acts.
NOOOO!
Please don't let them die, please don't let them die, please don't let them die!
5635645 but that would make for great tv
thats a good album tho
I want to find the jerk(s) who got Quiz thinking that she was a bother and smack the Alicorn blessed stuffing out of them. She might have been a shy/reserved filly from the get go, but this level of feeling absolutely worthless can only come from chronic depression or abuse of some kind.