• Published 23rd Jan 2012
  • 5,309 Views, 214 Comments

My Little Serenity: Misbehaving is Magic - Trachyon



The Serenity crew crash-lands in Equestria. Reavers follow. Rarity sees Jayne's hat. Fashion ensues

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Intro: The Derelict

“An’ you're sure this thing ain’t gonna decompress any second?” The gruff voice asked cautiously. The creaking of metal, dead in the empty water did little to ease the nerves.

“Of course not! Life support’s working fine, after all! And besides, how many times have-”

“WARNING. LIFE SUPPORT FAILURE IMMINENT. JING-GAO. JEO-SHUNG YONG-JUR GOO-JANG.”

...

“...Jayne?”

...

“...Yes Cap’n?”

“Was that the distinctive sound of a life support failure warning I just heard?”

“Sure sounded like it.”

“Oh.”

The warning repeated itself.

“...Jayne?”

“...Yes Cap’n?”

“Let’s make this quick.” The two hastened their pace down the dark, creaking corridors of the derelict ship. Footsteps echoed unnervingly through narrow metal corridors, the sound of heavy boots against rusted grating. Dim lights flickered and shut off, to be replaced by dim red emergency lights that did nothing to lighten the mood.

Looting this particular ship wasn’t ideal, but they had fallen on particularly hard times. Again. When Mal thought about it, hard times had started to become the norm. Maybe he’d invent a scale. This could be a Class 3 hard time.

"Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"You ever thought about dyin'?" Mal paused, just briefly. Jayne was never one to dwell on thoughts like that. Hell, he didn't usually dwell on thoughts at all.

"Never gave it much of a consideration. Why?"

Jayne shrugged. "Just sayin'. Ship don't seem so safe. This whole situation stinks somethin' fierce, too. I mean, what wrecks up a ship so bad like this? I'm jus' sayin'. Ambush, hull breach, loose wire... Wouldn't take much to get us humped," he grimaced.

Mal let out a short bark of laughter as he continued walking down the twisting corridors, pausing occasionally to glance at sealed bulkhead doors. "Us? Die here? Don't be ridiculous! We're not allowed to die yet."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I got my rugged good looks, and you've got... Uh..." Jayne's expression darkened. "And you've got your winnin' personality. Well, that and your twelve gauge pump-action shotgun."

"What're you gettin' a-"

“Okay, I think this is it,” Mal hurried. They had approached a single metal door, indistinguishable from the dozen-or-so more that lined the corridor.

“You sure?”

Mal turned to face the bigger man, annoyance flickering on his face ever-so briefly. “Look here, Jayne, if I am at-all clever, and if the designer of this ship was at-all sane, then the cargo bay should be right through this door. Now we walk in there, see what we can salvage, get the others in here, and haul it all out. Okay?” And with that, Mal hit the door release, causing the door to slide open.

Onto the dining room.

Blood painted the walls.

The sounds of ripping flesh and crunching bone ceased as twelve pairs of ugly, soulless hate-filled eyes glared up at Mal.

“Wuh de mah...”

Jayne’s reaction was different.

“Oh shitohshitohshitohshitohshit.” Growling turned to snarling as twelve Reavers dropped pieces of the former crew and scrambled to their feet.

“Run. JUST RUN!” Mal slammed the door button, and it slid shut right on the leading Reaver before Jayne could even raise his gun. The two sprinted down the corridor, back the way they came.

“’Don't bother taking weapons’ you said! ‘Life signs read zero, and they’d just be more baggage’ you said!”

“Don’t start this argument, Jayne!” Mal pulled out a walkie-talkie and screamed into it as he ran. “WASH! WE’RE GETTING OUT OF HERE!”

“What, so quickly? What about the-”

“REAVERS!!”

“Tzao gao,” Wash swore under his breath. “Okay, just hurry!”

They needed no encouragement. Bloodcurdling, inhuman screams rang out from behind them. They had broken past the door. Mal didn’t dare look around, instead pulling himself and Jayne through a door to the left. Pausing only to lock it behind him, he continued behind Jayne toward the direction of their docked ship. The mess hall. The detour would take longer, but it would keep the Reavers off their trail. They would have to find a way around the locked door.

Jayne slowed his pace. “Think we lost ‘em?”

“For now, anyway. Wash, get ready to leave!” He was speaking into the radio again.

“It’s gonna take about ten minutes to fully get away from this wreck, but I- Oh no. Oh god. Mal, we’ve got four Reaver ships approaching from all different directions!”

“Wash it’s an ambush! Start undocking now and we’ll be right there!”

They both broke out into a full sprint in the direction of the ship, screams barely audible behind them. The door had just barely done the trick. Jayne panted alongside Mal.

“You okay Jayne?”

He opened his mouth to reply, before being slammed into the wall, by something from an adjacent corridor. It pinned Jayne down, and bit into his side. He screamed in pain, but smashed repeatedly on the beast’s skull with the shotgun stock regardless. Once, twice. The thing recoiled sightly with each blow, bones underneath the blackened flesh crunching inwardly. But it didn't let up, instead moving to bite into Jayne’s leg, just above the knee. Mal grabbed the thing around its shoulders and hauled it off Jayne, pinning it to a wall as it gnashed rabidly at him. Spittle flew from between its razer-pointed teeth. He kneed it in the crotch as hard as he could. Once. Twice. Thrice. Each time, an audible crunching sound could be heard. The Reaver howled in pain, and doubled over instinctively. Mal forced its head down, and brought the same knee up to connect with its blunt nose. The bone gave, and slid into the brain of the thing. It slumped over, and Mal threw it onto the floor, delivering a decisive blow to the head, just to be sure.

“It dead?” Jayne groaned.

“Hopefully. Here, gimme your hand.” Jayne readjusted the shotgun, and Mal slung the big man's arm over his shoulder, taking the weight off of his injured leg. Together they hobbled down the corridor, praying that they could outrun the Reavers. They wouldn’t be able to survive another encounter; one lone Reaver had incapacitated Jayne within moments of appearing. Now, facing off against even two meant swift and certain death. Hopefully.

“Jayne, radio in the right pocket. We need to get you stitched up soon as possible.”

“Mal, I’m fine! It’s just...” Jayne ‘s protest was cut short by Mal’s intense glare. “Urgh...” Jayne pulled out the radio, and held it by Mal so he could speak into it while still keeping Jayne steady.

“Wash, tell Simon to get the infirmary ready! Jayne’s been bitten by a Reaver!”

“He was bitten?!” Wash swore under his breath. “Okay, Simon’ll be there. Just hurry up! We’re only waiting on you now, and the Reavers'll be right on top of us in five minutes!”

“You heard him, Jayne! Double-time!” Mal ran as fast as he could supporting the large man, while Jayne alternated between hobbling and hopping to keep up. Reaver shouts could be heard on either side of them, and rushing footsteps could be heard not far behind. There were at least eleven more Reavers, and they had gotten past the locked door. Mal was now genuinely scared. Reavers had never shown this much intelligence before. They had managed to set a perfect ambush, break through a sealed door in less than a minute, and they had snuck up on and outflanked Mal and Jayne with ease.

“Down here!” Jayne grunted, snapping Mal away from his thoughts. They turned a dark, narrow corner, and saw the airlock their ship was docked at, right at the end of the wider corridor: the docking tube. Footsteps slammed against metal with horrible speed. The Reavers were literally a few metres away now, separated only by one or two doorways.

“Mal, put me down!” barked Jayne. Mal obliged, and the two burst into a mad dash towards the safety of Serenity, all pain and weariness forgotten for the moment. The ragged breaths of the Reavers could be heard right behind them, and the smell of rotting flesh, maybe the ship's former crew, could even then be smelt. There was no way they would be able to outrun them and reach the airlock, even sprinting full out; the Reavers were just too fast and feral.

Mal actually felt the breath of the Reaver on his neck as it leapt at him from behind, arms outstretched. Mal turned to face it, still sprinting. He wouldn’t let himself be taken from behind, especially not by a Reaver. In the split second it took for that innuendo to sink in, there was a deafening crack as its arms closed around Mal, only to fall away. He chanced a hasty glance behind him, and saw the Reaver lying just behind him. Its head was missing, and Mal could feel fluid on his face. The rotting smell changed to burning.

“Get in!” screamed a woman’s voice. Six more Reavers had just entered the corridor, but Mal and Jayne had already dived through the airlock. Zoe fired off two more shotgun blasts. The first caught a Reaver in the shoulder, but it only faltered slightly before regaining speed. The second caught the lead Reaver in the leg, and it slipped over the puddle of blood left by the first to fall. It was immediately trampled by the snarling monsters.

Zoe slammed the airlock button, and dragged Mal and Jayne through by their arms just seconds before the bulwark doors closed on their legs. “Wash!” she yelled.

“On it!”

Two Reavers were still pounding uselessly on the thick glass window as Serenity pulled away from the derelict ship; Mal didn’t see what happened to them as they entered the vacuum of space. They would survive for just less than two more minutes, before the blood would finally begin to boil in their arteries and veins. The moisture in their mouths and eyes would boil, fluid would cause their bodies to bruise and swell, though the skin would hold. Gas in their lungs would force them open, releasing deadly oxygen bubbles into the bloodstream. They would eventually freeze and suffocate to death. Better them than him, Mal thought

Jayne was pulled up by two men, one young, well-groomed man in medical scrubs, and one old, tan weathered man, grey hair pulled back into a short ponytail bun.

Mal turned his attention back to Zoe, discarding the spent shells from the shotgun.

“How close was that Reaver to my head?”

Zoe shrugged. “Fairly close, sir.”

“An’ you decided a shotgun would be the best weapon for the situation?” Mal asked sarcastically.

Zoe shrugged again. “It was close-quarters; I don't see any problem with that.”

“The problem was that you could’ve taken my head off too!”

Zoe smiled “It was a risk I was willing to take.” She offered her hand to Mal, who rolled his eyes as he took it to stand.

“Mal! Got a Situation!” Wash’s voice was panicked now. Mal sensed the urgency and rushed up the stairs.

“Mal?! What’s happening?!” This time it was a girl’s voice, young, and just as fearful as Wash’s had been.

“Nothin’, Kaylee, just get back to the engine and give it all she’s got, y’hear?!”

“Y-yessir!”

Mal raced from the cargo bay up through the dining area, practically leaping through the door to the cockpit as he rushed up to Wash. The pilot was riveted on what was happening in front of him, and didn’t look up even as Mal spoke. “What’ve we got?”

“Four Reaver ships, all directly behind us. They’ll catch up to us in about three minutes at this rate.”

“Kaylee’s workin’ the engine, trying to get some extra speed.”

“Did you tell her to make it quick?”

“She got the message, Wash! Isn't there anything we can do?! Cry, baby, cry?"

Wash shook his head “They’ve got a clear visual on us, scrambling won’t help at all.”

Mal paused before speaking again. “How about a Tantrum?”

“You really wanna use that now?!”

Mal practically screamed at the man; he just barely restrained himself. “Just do it, Wash!”

Wash sighed, but instantly pulled back and pressed a button on the cluttered, blinking panel above him. The ship slowed to a near halt as a small hatch opened up on its side. Outside, the blood-decorated Reaver ships were fast approaching, fixed on the fleeing Serenity. They failed to notice, however, the small metal objects ejected out behind her, a fatal mistake: There were now at least twenty to thirty of the objects, all positioned directly between the hunters and their prey. All four reaver ships entered the minefield at once. The smallest ship flew straight into a thick cluster of bombs, and was obliterated instantly, sending shrapnel out in all directions. The shrapnel set off a chain reaction, one explosion catching the next smallest ship, a cargo transport, and sending it hurtling off course, right into the largest ship. The smaller one was destroyed on impact, but the largest one was only slightly thrown off course. It charged recklessly through the mines, heavy armour protecting the bullet-shaped ship from any substantial damage, as it headed straight for Serenity.

“Oh crap.” Wash breathed.

“What, what is it?!”

“It’s on a collision course straight for us.” Wash pushed forward on the steering wheel, causing Serenity to accelerate, but it was too late.

“BRACE!” Wash screamed, and clutched at his seat with white knuckles. Mal saw nothing to grab onto, so did the only thing he could think of in a situation like this: He dropped to the floor, threw his arms over his head and mentally kissed his ass goodbye.

The Reaver ship collided head on with Serenity’s rear, and all hell broke loose. The devastating impact sent Mal reeling, and sent Serenity into a spin, the hull of the reaver ship crushing the metal plates shielding the reactor. Hull was shredded; only a small amount from the much larger Reaver ship.

“We’re hit!” Sreamed Wash, fighting to both stay on his seat and get the ship back under his control. But Serenity spun around again, causing its right thruster to smash against the reaver ship. Another deafening crash sounded through the ship, and the wing snapped clean off under the pressure.

“We’ve lost the right thruster!” Wash yelled again. He chanced a hasty glance at Mal, who was sitting up against the back wall of the bridge to remain as steady as possible. Wash opened his mouth to speak, but a high-pitched beeping from the console interrupted him. Looking at it, his eyes widened in horror. “Uh, Mal?! We’re gonna be making a crash landing!”

“WHAT?! ON WHAT, EXACTLY?!”

Another loud crunching sound, and the ship begun to vibrate. “We’re being pulled in by a planet! Going too fast to steady the descent!”

“WE’RE FIVE DAYS AWAY FROM THE CLOSEST PLANET, WASH! HOW EXACTLY ARE WE-” But he was cut off when the ship gave a terrifying, stomach-churning lurch, throwing Mal up off the floor. The constant vibrations reached a worrying intensity. The creaking of metal expanding under intense heat could be heard as the ship entered atmosphere.

“I can’t stabilise using the thrusters, I’m going to try something else! Hold on, this is going to get bumpy!”

They were now flying through black clouds, barely visible past the wall of superheated air that tore against the window. Mal noted the glass glowing an unnerving shade of red round the edges. The sheer force of the air screamed inside Mal’s head, and red flames razed the exterior of the ship. Mal felt Serenity ever so slightly tilt upwards as Wash valiantly attempted to pull up on their descent. The roaring and shuddering wouldn't stop; the sound threatened to split Mal's head apart. He could feel every bruise and ache on his body as he was thrown about the cramped cockpit.

The clouds suddenly vanished, just barely revealing a dark field stretching on beyond the view of the front window. Mal only just registered that the ground was rushing to meet them through the darkness at an alarming rate, before Wash made one last effort to pull up on the ship’s steering wheel, trying to aim the ship's remaining thrust against the ground.

BRACE FOR IMPACT!” He yelled, only letting go of the wheel at the last second to double over, throwing his arms over his head.

Mal was not so fortunate. With nothing to hold on to, he rocketed forward on impact, flying forward and smashing his arm into the pilot’s seat, before a sudden and mind-splitting pain caused him to black out entirely.