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paleowriter

Joined January 2012
521 followers

Pinkie Pie is best pony. (Though all my fics are about Spike and Rarity.)

Stories (6)

  • The Ballad of Firebrand and Olivine
    Spike recalls a bedtime story about a dragon falling in love with a pony.

    3,135 words · 3,220 views · 273 likes · 2 dislikes
  • How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps
    Spike orders a How-To guide book to win Rarity's heart.
    50,490 words · 14,143 views · 906 likes · 18 dislikes
  • Of Age
    Rarity is on a mission to learn more about dragons, stop a war, and discover her true feelings.
    83,206 words · 8,800 views · 862 likes · 17 dislikes
  • Ladies Don't Freak Out
    Oneshot. Rarity panics when she thinks Spike has left Ponyville for good.
    1,109 words · 6,411 views · 610 likes · 11 dislikes
  • Rarity's Diary
    1,303 words · 3,254 views · 152 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Lunch Dates
    4,818 words · 1,295 views · 180 likes · 5 dislikes

Blog Posts (63)


Spike orders a How-To guide book to win Rarity's heart. Will Spike be able to follow all the steps like a true gentlecolt? Will any of the steps actually work? And just what is Rarity looking for in her friendship with Spike, anyway?

Image by VanilleCream at DeviantArt (used by permission).

Totally awesome fanart by Multiversecafe found here: http://multiversecafe.deviantart.com/art/How-to-Woo-your-Lady-in-9-Easy-Steps-285329019

First Published
12th Jan 2012
Last Modified
12th Mar 2012

Comments ( 543 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 139w, 5d ago · · ·

Ohh.. A nice little story so far *tracking*

There was just this one little line that irked me, which was the line with the finger sandwiches.. Though it was mostly because I still have this image of Pinkie's pinky pie in my head from that comic I read a day or two ago, hmmm... Oh well, still like it none the less.

#2 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO but cmon why you gotta make it hard for spikey wikey?! xD Awesome Job keep writing.:pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::derpytongue2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::raritywink::twilightsmile::yay::scootangel::ajsmug:

#3 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

>>125573 Thanks! Glad you like it, even if it's giving you flashbacks to certain comics. :pinkiesick:

>>125681 Hahaha, That's a lot of awesome emoticons. I enjoy approval accompanied by amazing pony faces. New chapter will be on its way in a few days!

#4 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

I just feel bad for rarity... I hope every step doesn't backfire, maybe have a couple where everything turns out better than expected, just to shake things up

#5 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

>>125741

Lolz My Little Spammer Spamming Emotes is Magic EEEMOTES! xD

You better make more, its hilarious.

#6 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

Oh, another one from fanfiction.net showing up here. Nice. Fav'd and tracked.

And I actually hadn't seen this chapter before. Ow. This isn't going to end well (more precisely, I believe it IS going to end well, but there'll be a heck of a lot of bumps along the way). I feel somewhat reminded of "Once Bitten, Twice Shy", and since that's one of my favourite MLP fanfics, I consider that rather distinguished company. Pray continue, good writer. :pinkiehappy:

#7 · Chapter 1 · 139w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

"Big waste of time, if you ask me. Why spend your life mooning over somepony who might never return your feelings, when you could be doing something constructive with yourself?"

Part of me agrees with Twilight, while another part thinks she needs to get laid ASAP.

#8 · Chapter 3 · 139w, 4d ago · · ·

>>125792 Don't worry too much. :raritywink: Good things happen in the story, too. But it's no fun if it all just works out right away.

>>125798 :pinkiehappy:

>>125898 I decided to post my fics here, since I've had a few requests for them to be on fimfiction. I live to serve! And thanks for the compliment! I feel honored to be in such good company.

>>126133 Haha. Oh, Twilight. :twilightsheepish: At least she seems happy enough with her bookworm life.

#9 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

:moustache: So naive... But so romantic.

Nice!

#10 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

Like the fic

Spike trying to be a smooth operator :moustache: and Rarity getting either jealous or confused as all hell :raritydespair:

#11 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·

>>148470 Thanks for commenting! As a sidenote, I think the Spike moustache emoticon might be my favorite part of fimfiction. I am pleased that you used it. :moustache:

>>148561 And you as well. Everypony should respond with moustache!Spike in the comments. And thanks for commenting in general, too. I'm having fun messing with Rarity's head in this fic. :raritycry::raritydespair:

#12 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 2d ago · · ·
#13 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>149339 Indeed, good sir. :moustache:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 138w, 1d ago · · ·

Time for Spike the Pimp to work his stuff on that mare! :moustache:

A very good story so far! Tracked my good sir!

#15 · Chapter 2 · 138w, 1d ago · 3 · ·

:rainbowwild: SLURP!

:raritycry: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Gets me everytime

#16 · Chapter 3 · 138w, 1d ago · · ·

Ooooooh nooooooooo...

Why Sweetie? Why you gotta make it so hard on Spike? Oh, that childhood innocence... :unsuresweetie:

#17 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 1d ago · · ·

>>150162

Oh, just for you...:moustache:

Please, may we have more? I's always such a sucker for romance...

I gotta read more! Even the infamous Chapter 5!

Please get your creativity on!

-PwnyBrony :duck:

#18 · Chapter 4 · 138w, 19h ago · · ·

>>152767 There shall be more, never fear! (Unless you're Rarity or Spike, then you should be fearing. Because I CONTROL YOUR DESTINIES). (...or...at least I do in this fanfic...) Thanks for all the comments! I do love comments. And moustache!Spike. Bonus points go to you for including him. :moustache:

#19 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

:moustache:

Another awesome chapter that came so soon! I :heart: everything about his fic, I'm going to make an account just to track this. Though I already have it bookmarked, if that's not too creepy hehe. :pinkiecrazy:  

I can guess the next chapter is going to have some awkwardness? I hope so :D.

#20 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

lolz make MOARRRRRRRRRRRRR:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Rarity finally know how Spike feels bout her, YESSSSSSSSSSSS.

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:  

#21 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

>>159848 Thanks! Bookmarking this fic isn't creepy, it's flattering! And yes, awkwardness ensues through basically the rest of the whole fic, so I'm glad you're excited about the prospect of it. :twilightsmile:

>>160123 FOR EXCESSIVE USE OF MOUSTACHE!SPIKE, YOU GET A PENALTY....of AWESOMESAUCE. :moustache::rainbowdetermined2:

#22 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

So...many...urges...to hug Spike....HNNNNNNNNNG...aww geez damn near crushed my laptop...SWAG!:moustache:

#23 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

Oh my goooooshh...

At last Rarity sees it!

I really hope the CMC help get the relationship rolling in a hilarious way! That would be fantastic!

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CUPIDS! YAY!

I hope Spike doesn't have TOO much trouble with the infamous CHAPTER 5! I'm sure we're going to get some good laughs out of the next chapter(if it doesn't get TOO awkward:raritywink:)!

Once again, I must offer my thanks for another great chapter.

I know the next chapter will be great as well and I am eagerly waiting for more to come soon!

Once again, THANK YOU!

-PwnyBrony:duck:

P.S. I shall now give you a :moustache: as an offering for more! Use it well!

#24 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

It's awesome :moustache:

I wish Spile all luck in the world.

#25 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

This is a really good story. I can't wait to see more. :3 :yay:

#26 · Chapter 5 · 137w, 6h ago · · ·

>>160921 Spike always could use a hug. Poor desperate guy.

>>161039 I accept your offering of :moustache: and am currently using it to power my creativity levels!

>>164921 Thanks! He'll need some luck pretty soon...

>>170517 Thank you! More is on it's way! It'll be a few days yet, since stuff came up and fanfiction had to be put on hold for a while. But I'm back at it now, and you should see a new chapter later this week if all goes as planned!

#27 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

Hah! Nice. It was actually working, but Twilight messes it up.

#28 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

This is getting better and better. :pinkiehappy:

#29 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Now I'm going to be all antsy until the next chapter is submitted! :raritydespair:

I love this story it's going in a great direction, keep doing what you do! :pinkiehappy:

#30 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Oh...

Ohhh...

What's gonna happen next?!?!

I've got Butterflies in my stomach!

:fluttershbad:: W-what do you mean???

Uhh... It's just a figure of speech Fluttershy!

Great chapter! Keep it up! :moustache:

-PwnyBrony:duck:

#31 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Oh twilight why'd ya have to say that:ajsleepy:

#32 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Good for Twilight! The book's starting to slide into 'creepy pick-up artist' territory.

#33 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 3d ago · · ·

Nice, MOAR!

#34 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm really liking this story, but I'm not sure about how you want us to feel about Step 5.  Are we supposed to approve, disapprove, or make up our own minds?  I guess I'd like your opinion on this sort of trick.  If you don't approve of it, why'd you make it start to work?  If you do approve, do you acknowledge how slimy it is to toy with the emotions of the object of your affection as long as the outcome is favorable to you? :twistnerd::unsuresweetie:

Though considering Twilight messed it all up, I suppose it's all a moot point anyway.  :trollestia:

#35 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 3d ago · · ·

>>203631 Indeed. :twilightblush:

>>203647 Thanks! Glad you think so!

>>203875 I will! And hopefully the next update will be online in less than a week!

>>203993 Aww, don't taunt Fluttershy after what she had to go through in this chapter! :fluttercry: Kidding, of course. Thanks for commenting!

>>204069 Because she's trying to run damage control, lol.

>>204381 Yeah...it's been interesting trying to write for the book. Getting in the head of "Smooth Fox" and coming up with things I'd think a pony like him would recommend is fun, but occasionally creepy. ::twilightoops: At least Twilight's trying to keep things reasonable.

>>205662 Yes sir! :rainbowdetermined2:

:moustache::moustache::moustache:

#36 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 3d ago · · ·

>>206448 Hah. I don't approve. I'm on Twilight's side of things. Just because I write something sleazy-ish sort of working, doesn't mean I agree with it personally. :raritywink: This is just what's going on in the story. And I need to keep messing with Rarity's head, because that's fun stuff. :raritydespair: ...Sorry, Rarity. At least she semi-knows about it now, and gets to be appropriately p*ssed off.

So never fear. The story is far from over. And I get the feeling from your post that you'll like the next chapter. It's consequences time!

#37 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

TWilight and Spikes keep on screwing things up. THEM FOOLS! :raritycry:

#38 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Tracking. The plot is so simple yet you manage to make it so interesting with character interactions and thoughts. Keep up the good work.

Also it's Spike x Rarity. Ho yes.

#39 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Congrats on getting on EQD! Can't wait until the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

#40 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Super confused rarity? I gotta see this! Very well written so far. Good job! :pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:

#41 · Chapter 1 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

ATTA BOY SPIKE! ATTA BOY! :rainbowlaugh:

#42 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Grats on getting on the trixie supreme late night show!

#43 · Chapter 2 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

that is all.

#44 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

More....I must have....more :pinkiecrazy:

#45 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Great story so far, definitely following this. I find it hilarious... and true, the steps do work. With my gf, I was nice to her, helped her out always, and always dropped hints that I liked her. Then one day I inadvertently did step 5, I got extremely sick and missed 2 and a half weeks of school. When I came back, she admitted she liked me. But I agree with Twilight, Spike should totally skip step five. As we can see, it's just ending in disaster. Can't wait to see more of this.

#46 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

>>215857 Same... AH NEED MAH FIX, MAN~

#47 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Do you have a version for royalty? Alicorns, for example? Just wondering...

*Shoves picture of Luna under the bed*

#48 · Chapter 4 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

I'm really liking this! Rarity getting jealous? This could have the potential to be an actual episode, if Hasbro saw it. Also, just for you.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:.:moustache::moustache:. one more, and this comment gets blocked. Oh well.

#49 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

Need MOAR!!!!:heart:

Can't wait for the next chapter.:rainbowkiss:

RarityXSpike ftw

#50 · Chapter 6 · 135w, 1d ago · · ·

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

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