• Published 12th Jan 2012
  • 18,861 Views, 590 Comments

How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps - paleowriter



Spike orders a How-To guide book to win Rarity's heart.

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Step Six

Chapter Seven: Step Six

After Step Five, your mare is likely on edge and in need of reassurance of your affections. This is where Step Six comes in. Stallions, it is time to breathe a sigh of relief. You have made it through the most grueling of the Nine Steps. You are just one step away from officially beginning romantic involvement – the part of the Nine Steps I know each and every one of you has been looking forward to.

In Step Six, instead of ignoring your mare, you will bring together everything you have practiced from the first four steps. This time, there are no time restraints. In fact, the rule of Step Six is to spend as much time with your mare as possible!

While you are spending time together, follow the Code of the Gentlecolt from Step One. Remember the importance of friendship from Steps Two and Three. Finally, continue to do kind things for your mare, as you learned in Step Four. All this taken together will be sure to put you on the road to her heart.

It is important to stress in this step, that you should not initiate anything overly romantic yet. You are only permitted to do so if your mare chooses to begin pursuing romantic affections with you first. Follow her lead to be sure that you are not pushing her into things.

If your mare does not begin such affections in this step, never fear. There are three more steps after this which will bring the two of you closer together. In fact, most mares will not initiate romance on their own. Do not take it as a sign of her disinterest! Step Six is not necessarily about such affections, after all. This step is simply about bringing the two of you together to enjoy each other's company for as long as you both wish.

The day was finally over. Spike could hardly believe it. No more Step Five. He could move onto Step Six! The step that sounded like the best one of them all!

The dragon let out a giddy sort of laugh, climbing into bed.

"I don't know what you're laughing about," Twilight said from across the room. Candlelight flickered on her face, which Spike could barely see over the rim of the book she was reading. "I'm not sure you deserve to laugh about anything after the way you treated Rarity today."

Spike's smile fell off his face. That just wasn't fair. "Twilight…you know I had to do it. The book said so. And besides, now I can go onto the next step, which is way nicer," Spike said, twiddling his thumbs together.

"Uh huh," Twilight replied, unimpressed. Spike didn't blame her. He wasn't all that impressed with himself at the moment, either.

"Rarity will see how sorry I am," Spike continued out loud, more for himself than for Twilight. "Step Six is really nice. And it's not like I did that good of a job with Step Five, anyway. Rarity probably didn't even notice."

"Oh, she noticed," Twilight said, her nose still stuck in her book.

"She did?" Spike asked, a flip of excitement going through his stomach, immediately followed by a splash of panic. His innards just couldn't make up their mind whether to be happy that Step Five may have worked, or terrified that Rarity might be thinking that he hated her.

"Yep," Twilight answered. She turned a page in her book and said nothing else.

Spike sat in his bed, absentmindedly tracing a finger along the spine of How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps. There was silence in the room.

So…Rarity noticed Step Five. Is she mad about it? Does she care at all? Is she…is she sad? Sad that I ignored her so much? Spike's lip twitched back unpleasantly. He hadn't wanted to hurt Rarity. But…the book said…

He glanced down at the cover of How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps. There, on the front, Smooth Fox smiled up at him gallantly, a beautiful mare on his hoof and a large red heart surrounding them both. Spike tried to picture himself in Smooth Fox's place, and Rarity in place of the mare. But book-cover-Rarity wouldn't stop sobbing, and Spike had to push the book under Twilight's bed as quick as he could. He felt sick.

Okay…so Step Five wasn't too nice, Spike admitted. You knew that going in. But…Step Six will make it all better, won't it?

Twilight flipped another page in her own book. The sound of it scraping against the page below and uncurling to turn only highlighted how quiet it had gotten in the room. Spike slowly lowered himself down, and pulled his blanket over his head.

Won't it?


Something about going to bed in a cold rage somehow made it extraordinarily easy to fall into a deep sleep, and also quite easy to wake up in the morning.

Rarity moved through her morning tasks calmly. She greeted her clients politely, ringing up those who had come by to pick up their clothes, and jotting down new orders. In between clients, she put the finishing touches on several dresses.

Her brain had shut down to everything outside of the necessities: food, water, work. It was remarkable how productive one could be when in such a state. Yesterday had been a slap in the face; shock had numbed Rarity nearly to the core of her being. She was okay with this. Life was simpler this way. She felt as if she could survive indefinitely on the cooled center of her heart as it thrummed along seeking vengeance. Her life would not come to a standstill because of the boorish actions of a baby dragon. She would show him how little she cared.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique," Rarity said, turning at the sound of her shop door opening. "How may I be of – "

The rest of her sentence hung in her mouth, refusing to leave it. Spike stood in her doorway, smiling hopefully.

"Hi, Rarity," he said, his hands clasped in front of him.

Rarity stared, unable to even close her mouth. The ice crystals inside her immediately began to flake away, and she could feel emotions escaping back into her veins in droves. He just looked so…innocent. How does he do that? Rarity screamed internally. He's not innocent! He's a no-good, friend-hurting jerk!

She slammed her mouth shut and clenched her jaw, twirling dramatically away from Spike.

"R-Rarity?" Spike asked, stepping into the boutique. "Are you alright?"

Alright? Rarity wanted to shriek. And just how am I supposed to be alright? But she held her tongue, desperately trying to hold onto the last bits of calm from the morning.

Spike took another step closer, and Rarity glanced over her shoulder at him, narrowing her eyes. "So yeah…" he began cautiously. "I just wanted to stop in and say hi. And to say sorry for not spending time with you yesterday when you asked. And to see if there's anything you wanted help with today."

Rarity turned back to face Spike and blinked. "You're apologizing?" she asked once she managed to find her voice.

Spike nodded. "Yeah."

"For not spending time with me yesterday?" Rarity clarified. She noticed that her voice was higher than usual – more tense. She frowned, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"Yes," Spike said, nodding some more.

Rarity took a deep breath and lifted her head up high. She had just enough of her ice shield left and she needed to use it quickly, before it disappeared and her emotions all poured out of her. She stared pointedly at Spike. "Well, why don't you come back when you wish to apologize for more than just that?"

"M-more?" Spike asked, his eyes widening.

"Yes," Rarity said. "More."

She spun and walked away, leaving Spike at the front of the shop. After a moment, she heard the door close. He had left.

And the shield came crashing down.


Spike wandered back out of Rarity's boutique, at a loss as to what to do. It was obvious Rarity was angry. But what else did she want an apology for? Had he done something wrong other than ignoring her yesterday? Why can't she just tell me what's bothering her? Spike groaned, burying his face in his hands. Smooth Fox…what am I suppose to do now?

"There you are."

Spike looked up to see Twilight walking up the road towards him. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Spike kicked at the ground. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Let me guess…you were at Rarity's," Twilight said, stopping in front of Spike and raising a knowing eyebrow.

Spike crossed his arms and glared up at his sister. "So what if I was? Why do you care?"

"I don't know, maybe because you forgot about all your chores for the library today? Or maybe because I'm sure you were trying out the newest step of that awful book you're reading?" Twilight glared back challengingly.

"It's not an awful book!" Spike argued.

"It almost made Rarity cry yesterday!" Twilight retorted. "I think that qualifies as awful!"

"It…did?" Spike sucked in a breath. "I didn't know that."

"Ugh, what did you think it would do to her?" Twilight rolled her eyes. "Make her all happy that her good friend decided to start treating her terribly?"

Spike glanced around, suddenly conscious that they were having this argument on the side of a busy Ponyville street. "Maybe we should get back to the library…"

"Or maybe you should go apologize to Rarity!" Twilight suggested loudly. Several passers-by glanced over at them and Spike flushed.

"I…I tried to," Spike admitted, keeping his voice low so onlookers couldn't hear. "But she said I had to apologize for more."

"More?" Twilight asked. "Wait, what exactly did you apologize for?"

"For ignoring her at the fair," Spike sighed. "I don't know what else she could be upset about, though."

Twilight was quiet for a moment. "Well…" she shuffled one hoof awkwardly. "Maybe she wants you to say you're sorry for purposefully treating her bad as part of your bigger scheme to mess with her head until she likes you."

"My scheme?" Spike furrowed his brow. He really didn't like that phrasing. "But…if I do that, then she'll know what I've been up to!"

Twilight coughed. "She might have already…uh…guessed. Part of it at least."

Spike's heart sunk straight to the dirt road beneath his feet. "She…did? How?"

"I…uh…I might have talked to her yesterday."

"Twilight!" Spike gasped, horror flooding him. "You told her about the book?"

Ponies were definitely staring now, but Spike didn't even care. How could Twilight do this to me?

"No!" Twilight said quickly, shaking her head so fast that the colors in her mane blurred together. "No, of course not! I just sort of implied you were following some steps for something…and you were treating her poorly because of it…"

"Twilight!" Spike felt tears springing to his eyes. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Because I felt that Rarity deserved to hear at least some version of the truth!" Twilight defended herself.

"But now…the book…all my steps…it'll all be for nothing!" Spike moaned.

"Yeah, well, all the better, anyway!" Twilight said. "It's a dumb book and didn't deserve to be published, much less read by impressionable dragons like yourself!"

"But how else will I ever win Rari – "

"Spike," Twilight started. Her voice was quiet, but firm. "Rarity doesn't like you the same way you like her."

Spike's heart, already on the ground, completely up and quit.

"I hate to break it to you…trust me, I really do…" Twilight's eyes shimmered with apologies. "But this just isn't going to work. And that book certainly isn't helping things. It's really for the best if you move on. I'm sorry, Spike."

Spike couldn't stand to hear any more.

He ran.


Rarity dabbed a hoofkerchief at her eyes, taking deep breaths to try and collect herself before going to Fluttershy's. More than anything, she needed an afternoon at the spa. Her brain was running circles around her heart, and Rarity knew that only a good mud bath and sauna would relax her enough for all her organs to sit still in their proper places. Once her eyes looked less bloodshot, Rarity walked to Fluttershy's cottage.

Fluttershy, the dear that she was, agreed to drop everything the moment Rarity came knocking on her door.

They headed back into Ponyville together. "Is everything alright, Rarity?" Fluttershy asked carefully, peering out from behind her mane.

Rarity let out a giant sigh. If she couldn't talk to Fluttershy, who could she talk to? "No," Rarity admitted, hanging her head. "Everything is not alright."

"I didn't think so," Fluttershy answered quietly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Rarity smiled at her friend. "Oh, darling, you're already doing something. Thank you for agreeing to come to the spa on such short notice."

"Oh, it's no problem at all, really," Fluttershy replied.

They walked along in mutual silence until reaching the spa. Lotus and Aloe greeted them.

"The usual?" Lotus asked knowingly.

Rarity nodded. "The usual." She hoped her voice sounded usual. If it didn't, neither Lotus nor Aloe said anything about it. Instead, they just led them to the sauna.

Fluttershy sat down on the bench next to Rarity. Bless her heart, Fluttershy can be so patient! Rarity knew if their situations had been flopped, she'd be a wreck trying to guess at what could be bothering her friend. But Fluttershy just sat quietly, watching Rarity as the steam drifted over them.

"Alright, I'll tell you what's going on," Rarity said.

"Oh no, you don't have to if you don't want to," Fluttershy replied. "Please, don't feel pressured to tell me anything – "

"Fluttershy," Rarity interrupted gently. "You're my best friend and you deserve to know."

Rarity began to explain the events of the past several days.


"Is Pinkie Pie here?" Spike asked, slamming open the door of Sugarcube Corner.

Mrs. Cake glanced up in surprise from behind the counter. "Well, hello, Spike!"

"Hi," Spike replied quickly. He started to repeat his question. "Is Pinkie Pie – "

"Here? Yes," Mrs. Cake smiled. "She's in the kitchen. You're welcome to go in and see her."

"Thank you!" Spike said, dashing past the countertop and pushing open the doors to the kitchen. Pinkie Pie wasn't hard to spot – the Earth pony was smack dab in the middle of the kitchen spinning in circles, two long strands of dough trailing her and getting longer by the moment.

She spun faster and faster until coming to a sudden halt, throwing the two strands up and allowing them to twist around each other.

Spike stared, impressed. "So that's how you make Sugarcube Corner's famous cinnamon twists!"

Pinkie giggled. "That's how I make Sugarcube Corner's famous cinnamon twists. Mr. and Mrs. Cake do things a little differently." She shrugged. "I think everything tastes better when one of its ingredients is fun though, don't you?"

Spike watched as Pinkie snatched up the far end of the now-combined dough strands and twisted them around each other to make a double twirl. She tossed up a bag of cinnamon sugar into the air, then leapt up after it, slam-dunking the dough in before the bag hit the counter. Then she grabbed the bag, shaking it at an impossible speed.

Spike could feel his eyes start to wobble in their sockets as he tried to follow along. He shook his head quickly to bring himself out of it. "So uh…Pinkie Pie…" Spike started. "I wanted to come see you because – "

"Oh! I never asked you what you're here for!" Pinkie gasped. She slammed the bag down on the counter and skidded over to Spike's side. "Is there something you need?"

"Uh…yeah," Spike looked over his shoulder to make sure the door was closed behind him before continuing. "Do you remember what we were uh…talking about yesterday? About…Rarity?"

"Sure do!" Pinkie gave Spike a giant wink.

"Er…yeah," Spike said, taking a step backwards. Pinkie Pie winking at him knowingly was more than a little awkward. He carried on in a hurry. "So…I think I do need your help. Like, now. You said you'd help, right?"

"Of course!" Pinkie hopped up and down a couple of times. "This is going to be great!"

Spike swallowed. "I don't really know about that…" he said, his eyes downcast remembering Rarity's coldness from earlier in the day. And then what Twilight said…

"So whatcha need help with?" Pinkie asked, breaking Spike's train of thought.

Spike took a deep breath. Here goes. "Well…see…I'm on Step Six of my book. I'm supposed to spend time with Rarity in Step Six. And be real nice to her and stuff. And make up for ignoring her in Step Five…"


"And then he just leapt over the whole concession booth, just to hide from me!" Rarity fumed.

"Oh my," Fluttershy said. She sounded appropriately appalled, though Rarity couldn't actually see her expression since her eyes were currently covered by cucumber slices.

"I know!" Rarity pouted. "First he blows me off to work with Applejack, then sends me awful mixed signals with the whole flower thing, then when I see him next, acts like I'm the least important pony in the world, and then hides from me!"

"Oh dear…it really doesn't sound like Spike at all…" Fluttershy said.

Rarity crossed her hooves, leaning back in her spa chair to allow for Aloe to wrap her mane up. "No it doesn't. And I haven't even told you the worst part yet!"

"It gets worse?" Fluttershy asked nervously.

"Oh-ho-ho, yes it does! You'd better believe it!" Rarity squeezed her eyes tight behind their cucumber shields. No tears at the spa, Rarity! "That little…that little…eugh! I found out from Twilight later on, that, that…" She squeezed her eyes tighter. "Spike was doing it all on purpose! He knew his actions were hurting me, and he was doing it on purpose!"


"But then she just kicked me out of her shop, and told me to think about what else I needed to apologize for!" Spike frowned. "She didn't even care that I'd already said I was sorry!"

"What?" Pinkie Pie slammed a hoof down on the counter. A cloud of flour fluffed up between them. "If you said you were sorry, then she's just not being fair!"

"I know!" Spike flung his arms out emphatically through the settling flour. "But she just stormed off on me!"

Pinkie Pie scrunched her face up. "Well that wasn't very nice of her. She didn't even give you a chance! She completely shut you down before you could even try Step Six!"

"Exactly!" Spike agreed from across the counter. "Finally, somepony who understands! Twilight said I shouldn't even bother with any of the steps. She says Rarity only likes me as a friend."

"And how does Twilight know, huh?" Pinkie asked.

"Beats me!" Spike shrugged. Then he blinked. Beats…me! Yeah…Twilight doesn't know what she's talking about! How can I trust the word of somepony who ratted me out to Rarity, anyway? "Puh. Like I care what Twilight thinks!" Spike began pacing. "Did you know she actually told Rarity that I was up to something? She told Rarity I was trying to hurt her! On purpose!"

"Did Twilight break a Pinkie Promise?" Pinkie leapt on top of the counter, hunching down and pawing at its surface, nostrils flaring.

"No!" Spike said quickly, stopping in his tracks and turning back to Pinkie before she got any ideas. "No, she didn't break a Pinkie Promise!" He was mad at Twilight, but not mad enough to see Pinkie go after her. "She just told Rarity…well…I guess she basically told her the truth. I was trying to get Rarity to feel some sort of emotion for me…any sort…I didn't want to hurt her…but maybe I ended up hurting her by ignoring her…" Spike trailed off. He didn't like where his own logic was taking him.

Pinkie sat her rump down on the counter, tapping one hoof to her chin. "So now to figure out how to fix all this…"

Spike sighed. "Yeah."

Pinkie Pie looked down at Spike and tilted her head. "Hey, Mister Frowny-Face," she said, prodding Spike on the nose with her hoof. "Don't you worry! Your Aunty Pinkie Pie's gonna make this all better!"

Pinkie Pie smiled from her seat on the counter, and Spike had to admit, in that moment he actually did feel a bit better about everything.


"If it's any consolation, Spike didn't seem all too happy yesterday, either," Fluttershy said from the next tub over.

Rarity let the mud seep around her, all the way up to her neckline. Spike was unhappy? "How so?" she asked, unable to hold back her curiosity.

"Well…he was hiding it well, but I could tell that I wasn't the pony he really wanted to be walking around with," Fluttershy said. Rarity frowned. She wished she didn't have the cucumber slices on her eyes for a moment, so she could check on her friend's expression and make sure the pegasus wasn't feeling hurt at all by that. "He kept looking around the fair. He was really nervous. And he dragged his feet for most of the morning."

Rarity sank a bit lower into the mud until it reached her chin. She couldn't just be misreading Spike, could she? Rarity found that difficult to believe. Fluttershy was fantastic with ponies and animals alike, namely because she was so patient, understanding, and observant of their emotions.

"Well…if his actions were making him upset, then he really shouldn't have been treating me the way he was," Rarity finally harrumphed. "I just don't know what he was thinking."

"Neither do I," Fluttershy admitted. "You could always ask him."

"Ask him?" Rarity snorted, then wrinkled her nose. A bit of mud had gotten sucked up into it.

"Or…or not," Fluttershy added. "It's up to you."

Rarity wanted to rub at her nose, but her hooves were covered in mud themselves. "I…I just don't know. I still can't believe Spike has been treating me like this on purpose. Trying to hurt me. I just…no. He needs to apologize. That's all there is to it."

"Okay, then," Fluttershy sighed.


"Okay, Spike! Repeat the plan."

"I go back to Rarity's," Spike said.

"Check!" Pinkie Pie mimed making a check mark in the air.

"I apologize again. More clearly."

"Check!"

"Rarity accepts and everything is better and I can try out Step Six."

"Check and check and check!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "You got this, Spike!"

"I do. I got this. I got this," Spike repeated.

They walked down the street towards Rarity's boutique.


"Well, thank you for accompanying me today, Fluttershy," Rarity said. "I feel a great deal better now."

The two friends left the spa together, walking back towards Rarity's for tea.

"I'm glad I could help," Fluttershy said. "But I'm sure the relaxing afternoon at the spa is a much bigger part of why you're feeling better."

"Don't be silly, Fluttershy!" Rarity replied. "Talking with you has been a great help, believe me."

Fluttershy smiled at Rarity.

"After all," Rarity continued as they rounded the bend towards her shop. "If you hadn't been there to listen, then I wouldn't have – "

She stopped dead in her tracks. Straight ahead, standing and knocking at her shop's door, was Spike and Pinkie Pie. A million thoughts burst into Rarity's head, spinning around in a whirlpool, each one demanding her attention before the next took center stage.

Spike?

How dare he come back? That little -

What if he's here to apologize like you asked?

It doesn't matter, I never want to speak to him again!

But how could I live with myself if our friendship ends on such a dreadful note?

Well then, he shouldn't have treated me like he did!

But Fluttershy said he was sad…?

She bit down on her lower lip, her hooves refusing to carry her any further.

"Rarity?" Fluttershy asked carefully. "Should we go say hello?" She gestured towards Spike and Pinkie, who hadn't yet caught sight of them.

Rarity didn't dare open her mouth to respond, for fear of what might come out of it. The sensible thing would be to go and see what the dragon had to say. But Rarity's life hadn't been all too sensible lately. Her hooves still refused to budge.

"Rarity?" Fluttershy asked again.

"Mm-hmm?" Rarity strained a reply through a clenched-shut mouth. Her reaction was embarrassing, but at least she wasn't running. She could be proud of that much.

"Perhaps we should – "

"Oh look, Spike! There she is!" Pinkie Pie shouted. Spike turned in her direction, and suddenly Rarity's hooves could move. Backwards.

So much for not running.

"Rarity - ?" she just barely heard Fluttershy ask as she booked it back into town.

"Stop that pony!" Pinkie Pie yelled.

Rarity raced even faster, past several surprised ponies who had to dive out of her way. Her hooves thudded along the road, and her face turned redder by the second. What a spectacle you're making of yourself! she chided internally. But it didn't stop her from running. The park was up ahead. Rarity didn't know exactly what she planned on doing when she reached it, but getting to the park became her new goal.

Then – out of nowhere – Pinkie Pie was in front of her. Rarity collided with the pink pony, sending both of them flying through the air and straight into a park bench.

"Oh my! Oh dear! Is everypony okay?" Fluttershy flew up next to them. Rarity disentangled herself from Pinkie Pie, raising a hoof to her mane to check that it wasn't too mussed.

"Yes, I believe so," Rarity replied.

"Well, I'm not okay!" Pinkie Pie shot to her feet. Other ponies in the park cleared out quickly, much to Rarity's relief. "What was all that about, huh? Running away from me and Spike like that?"

Rarity winced, stepping backwards. "I'm…I just didn't…"

"Spike came all the way over to your shop to apologize, and what's the first thing you do? Run away! Hah! Some friend you are!" Pinkie Pie walked over and jabbed a hoof at Rarity's chest.

"Pinkie, it's okay, really."

Rarity turned, surprised to see that Spike had caught up with them as well. His face was so downcast, that Rarity nearly broke down then and there. But no. She wouldn't give in so easy. She was mad at Spike. Remember, Rarity? Mad.

"But, Spike!" Pinkie protested. "She was being a Rudey-Mc-Ruderson!"

To Rarity's shock, Fluttershy trotted over, separating Pinkie from Rarity and frowning at the pink pony. "Pinkie, I'm sorry to disagree, but you are making a little bit of an unfair assumption. Rarity was just nervous, that's all."

Pinkie didn't back down. "Nervous? Since when does anypony get nervous about being apologized to?" She glared at Fluttershy, and the two ponies became locked in a stare-down.

"Everypony has things that make them nervous, Pinkie."

"Rarity's just being chicken! Spike just wants to say sorry!"

"As far as I understand it, Spike certainly may have an eensy-weensy something to apologize for, and should have his chance, but only when Rarity is ready to hear it."

"Ready to hear it? Somepony's being pretty high maintenance, don't you think?"

"She's had a very difficult week, Pinkie – "

"And Spike hasn't?"

"Girls!" Spike interjected, leaping between them. "That's enough, please!" he begged.

Rarity nodded in agreement. "Fluttershy, Pinkie…please, don't argue on our behalf."

There was silence for a few moments, save for the park birds.

Fluttershy eventually hung her head. "Of course, Rarity. Pinkie, I'm sorry for any of my strong words just now."

Pinkie Pie giggled. "Oh, Fluttershy. You're forgiven. I'm sorry, too. Nopony can stay mad at you." She gave the yellow pegasus a hug, and Fluttershy hugged her back. As soon as they released each other, Pinkie whipped her head around to glare at Rarity. "See?" Pinkie asked, pointedly. "That's the right way to react when somepony apologizes!"

Something about Pinkie's remark rekindled Rarity's dwindling anger and she sniffed, holding her head up high. "I'll react in whatever way I deem appropriate," Rarity said coolly, "And it will always be based on the sincerity and completeness of the apology given."


Guess that's my cue, huh? Spike gave a deep sigh and stepped forward towards the unicorn. "Rarity…" he began. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie both backed up, giving him space. "I heard from Twilight that she talked to you yesterday. And told you some things."

"You heard right," Rarity said, turning her lofty expression his way. Spike winced.

"Okay then," Spike continued, sucking up his courage. "So you think that I was trying to hurt you yesterday."

"I don't think. I know," Rarity corrected him.

Spike felt his fist clenching at his side. "Rarity, I didn't mean to hurt you…"

"That's not what Twilight said."

"Forget Twilight!" Spike snapped. "She doesn't know what she's talking about!"

"Twilight knows a lot of things, Spike." Rarity brushed one hoof against her chest, polishing it.

Spike could sense a growl building in his throat and he threw his arms over each other, crossing them tightly to keep his anger in check. "Maybe we should have this conversation in private," he eventually said, glancing over at Pinkie and Fluttershy.

"That sounds like a very good idea," Fluttershy agreed immediately. "Come on, Pinkie, let's – "

"Oh no you don't," Rarity reached out and tugged Fluttershy back over before she could get very far away. "You're sticking with me for this, Fluttershy."

"Oh…okay, then," Fluttershy replied meekly.

"Then I'm sticking with Spike!" Pinkie Pie hopped next to his side.

Spike threw his head back. This wasn't going at all like he'd hoped. I'm trying here, Rarity, I am…and I really don't want to start crying in front of anypony…

"So, Spike." Rarity blinked at him. "You were saying?"

Spike undid his arms and let them fall to his sides. It was no use. It looked like he'd have to do this here and now, in front of his friends. Just do as you planned with Pinkie. Rarity can't ignore a real, sincere apology, right? "Rarity…I'm sorry. Really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Twilight was right – I was trying to get you to feel something…anything…"

"Anything?" Rarity asked.

"Anything!" Spike repeated, his heart thumping in his chest. He just had to get this out. "But I guess I followed some bad advice or something, because now you're upset with me…"

"Shouldn't I be?" Rarity frowned. She walked towards him, each step more menacing than the one before it. "You purposefully hurt me, Spike. And not just yesterday. For days now! You've been acting all…all…weird and messing with my head and making me think I could actually…eurgh! And then you just go and blow me off all day – "

Days? She's been upset for days? Spike gulped. Has Smooth Fox been leading me wrong this whole time? Were the other steps just as bad? "Rarity, I'm sorry, okay!" Spike fell to his knees, folding his hands together and pleading for forgiveness. "I just don't know what else you want me to say!"

"I know you're sorry, Spike," Rarity said, and Spike perked up, a glimmer of hope flashing through him. "And to be honest…I'm not sure what else I want you to say."

"So…" Spike tried to puzzle her words out.

"I think…I want more than just an apology." Rarity's eyes narrowed. "I want to know why you did any of this in the first place." She stared at him expectantly.

Spike remained on his knees. She wants me to say why I've been doing all this? Can't she guess? Spike's face flushed and his eyes stung. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie looked on, both looking incredibly uncomfortable. Oh, Celestia, how could I ever…Please don't make me say it out loud, Rarity…

"So, are you going to give me an explanation?" Rarity asked. Spike looked up at her, his eyes watering. If she noticed his tears, they clearly were having no effect. "I don't have all day, Spike."

"Rarity…" he whispered hoarsely. The words strained to come out. "You already know why. I was…I was trying to…I thought if I just…somepony led me to believe that if I just…"

"Yes?" Rarity demanded, stamping a hoof down on the park grass next to Spike. The stomp knocked a tear loose, and it dripped down his cheek.

"I…Rarity, I did it because I…I thought it might make you feel the same way about me, as I do about you." Spike trembled. To the side, he could see Fluttershy take a concerned step towards him, and Pinkie putting a hoof out to stop her. Some part of his brain registered that he'd just admitted to liking Rarity in front of Fluttershy, and added one more pony to the list of those who knew about his crush. But the most important pony who knew was currently standing over him, her lips taut and her eyes staring down at him like two perfect sapphires – cold, shimmering, and completely unattainable.

Rarity said nothing, and Spike brushed the tear off his cheek. He was in deep now, he might as well keep going.

"Rarity, I care about you more than anything," Spike sniffled.

"Wrong."

Whatever Spike had been expecting as a response, it wasn't that. He glanced back up at Rarity, his eyes swimming with confusion.

Wrong?

The white unicorn backed away from him. "If you truly cared about me more than anything, you wouldn't have ever let somepony talk you into hurting me."

With that, she turned and raced away. This time, Spike let her run.

"Spike…? Are you alright?" Fluttershy took a tentative step towards him once Rarity had completely fled the park.

"We're here for you, buddy!" Pinkie Pie bounced over, nosing him when he didn't respond. "You hear me?"

Rarity's words echoed around his dragon skull. "If you truly cared about me…"

"Sorry, Pinkie. Fluttershy." Spike looked up at the two ponies hovering over him. "I have to go."

Before they could respond, Spike took off running back to the library. That's it, Smooth Fox. You won't get to hurt Rarity any longer.

He flung open the library door, and Twilight greeted him gruffly.

"Well, look who decided to come home," she snorted. But upon catching sight of him, her attitude changed. "Spike?" she frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Not now, Twilight," Spike brushed her off, darting up the stairs. He had to get to the bedroom. He'd left the book under Twilight's bed last night…

I could burn it. It'd be easy. His eyes glittered at the thought of using his dragon-breath to destroy the thing. But he felt a little sick to his stomach at the idea of purposefully burning a book. Even if it deserved it.

No, he couldn't burn it. Twilight would kill him. Besides…burning it won't do any good. Spike hated to admit it, but he basically had the thing memorized already. Burning it wouldn't erase his memories.

Reaching the bedroom, he clawed around under the bed until his fingers came in contact with the edge of the book. He yanked it out and stared. There was only one thing he could do with it.

"Twilight?" he called. His sister quickly dashed up the stairs.

"Yes?" she answered, slightly out of breath.

Spike tossed the book at her. "Shelve this. And don't tell me where."

Twilight caught How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps with her magic, slowly levitating it towards herself. "You're…you're sure about that?" she asked.

Spike nodded. "Yeah." His shoulders slumped.

"If you truly cared about me…"

"I don't ever want to see that book again."