Galatia is a new pony here in Equestria but has no clue how she will go about fulfilling her dreams, only time will tell us what she is going to do in Ponyville!
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Galatia
Joined 5th Dec, 2012 ·
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An amusing little read, i only hope she in not gone to Equestria to...
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Destroy_13361c_799168.jpg
It needs a little work, making it longer might help, but I can't judge to much, still working on my first fic.
All in all, it didn't suck, so, thumbs up.
Sagacity here to provide some context!
The inevitable dislikes are because your OC is a multicolored neon alicorn with no backstory and entirely too many accessories for her own good. You see, readers deal with far too many of these overpowered characters who really don't fit into the world depicted by the original material. Tolerance is low for these sorts of creatures that seem awesome but completely break suspension of belief.
As for your writing — grammar is better than most, but you tend to use clichés ("sight for sore eyes") and show instead of telling ("Her emotions are mixed as of now"). The only place you could use more telling is in the story description. Readers want to know what they're getting into!
COMPLIMENT: Looks like you used spellcheck, which is certainly worth a compliment on this site.
Kilroy, Sagacity, thanks for the comments. I do appreciate it and Saga, I do understand the concerns you pointed out, I can't state if she is going to be "overpowered" or not, I truly didn't even think of her powers yet, which if you read the Bio on my page, you'd understand how it is right now for me. This is my first time doing this..my friend just showed me to the site, showed me a pony maker on facebook, then my mind set off racing. But I will take your suggestions into consideration, thank you.
P.S. No spell check, everything spelled by memory, never though I was a great speller but I guess I proved myself wrong huh? Lol, thanks :)
Rule #1: Don't make an alicorn OC.
Rule #2: Do NOT make an alicorn OC.
That being said, don't expect anyone to like this. Sorry to break it to ya.
I have a half a mind to believe that all of these accounts are trolls....
Why do people not like alicorn OC's?
EDIT: Also, I am not a troll..I just came to this site as I stated in my previous reply to comments..I just thought that someone might like it :(
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Alicorn OC? You new ones never learn.
Please, if you're going to make an OC, make them a normal pony, not an alicorn.
You're just going to regret it later on.
1749761
For many reasons. For example, alicorns are considerated an unique kind, so by making your OC an alicorn you are quickly putting him in a position of 'uniqueness' when compared with the rest of the cast.
Alicorns are also overpowered when compared to the other races: they can fly, they can use magic and they are probably strong as well. Having an alicorn quickly resolves many of the conflicts that a story could have.
Still, that doesn't mean that it's impossible to make a good alicorn OC. It means however that more often than not then end up being a mary sue. I hope this helps.
1749761 I suggest using objects as an OC, i don't know... it did well for my first fic and as for my second. Alicorns are god-like, there isn't much struggle if we know that you're OC would surely win. Using earth ponies would do quite well, pegasi are fine but try to take on restrains if you are going to use unicorns, magic is nearly infinite plus it ain't gonna explain stuff.
1749761
Now looking better, your character is over the top as well. Having this color scheme, so many acessories and being an alicorn seems to shout "special" all over it. I don't really know if this was your objective or don't.
I won't lie: everyone wants to have a special character. However your character has to become special by her own deeds, through conflict and development.
That is the main problem with mary sue characters: we don't see them earning their status as special, they just are.
Just something else to you also ponder about. Keep safe!
1749761
To understand this, you have to understand the dichotomy between the Reader and the Writer, and how when writing a story, they can want to vastly different things.
Now, the motivations for writing can be many, many varied, but I'll cover one particular kind of Writer for the purposes as to why alicorns are generally hated. This Writer writes for fantasy. She wants to revisit the world of FiM, spend time there, she craves the adventures, the escape, the pleasure of meeting the main cast. She likes to be special, unique. In her fantasy, she wants to be talented, beautiful, graceful, smart. She wants love, and friendship, and excitement but not necessarily conflict.
How does one make this vehicle character of grace, beauty, talent, etc, etc? Why, an alicorn, that's the best choice! An alicorn can fly, can cast spells, is tall, graceful, more special than any other pony! Why WOULDN'T the Writer choose an alicorn and do all the things she wants to do?
But the Reader doesn't want this, or at least, doesn't want it the same way. The Reader wants to be swept up in the experience. It needs to be tailored to this purpose. They demand that the Writer show them why they should care about the characters, show them why the world is cool, to take them on a rollercoaster via the plot, and the Writer has to do this all through pure subtlety. You can't say: "This is a nice pony. You should care about them." The Writer must show the pony being nice and let the Reader come to the conclusion that they should care.
Do you see the difference? Here it is: The Writer accepts that her fantasy is cool, the Reader asks why. If you do not answer why, and do it subtly, the Reader gets frustrated and finds the story boring.
"Okay," you ask. "What does this have to do with the alicorn? Can't I show them why the alicorn is worth caring about?"
Yes, you can. Theoretically. But the Reader is not a dumb cookie. They only have so much time in the day and they quickly figure out the Signs of this Writer. It's like being able to tell what a tiger is by the fact it has claws, stripes, and a craving for manflesh. The Signs of such a Writer include so much more often than not: an Original Character alicorn. Show the Reader an OC alicorn, and you'll have her running for the hills like she spotted a tiger.
i.imgur.com/xUdjO.jpg?1
1749761
So, either your character is a pegacorn- they have both wings and a horn, but can use only one or neither- that is something that might be interesting, but tricky to pull off.
Or they are a low-powered alicorn like Cadence- control over a specific aspect. This is dangerous territory, as they would still be about on par with the elements of harmony, uncombined. i.e, Pre-Nightmare Moon.
Or they are weakened, and have to get back their power somehow. Or can't.
Or- and this is a big or- the conflict is internal/with a similarly powerful being.
If none of these are true, then... well, it sounds like your character is either borderline or already a Mary Sue. Note that these can be saved, so it is not the end of the world.
And I do hope you pull this off. When done well, alicorns are very interesting to read about.
Well. I did read it.
It's not perfectly written, but at least she's not a Sue.
Unfortunately she's not a parody Sue, either, which is what I was hoping for. XD
So, keep trying, keep writing, and I'm sure you'll improve greatly.
Again I read all the comments and I do thank you all for your advice and suggestions. I can safely say though, if you read my main page and read the bio, you'd understand more about Galatia, yes she is an alicorn, capable of flying and using magic, but strong like an earth pony might not be the case. She is also NOT very attuned with her magic, meaning she's got very limited abilities, way limited more then Twilight or Rarity. I will take these suggestions into major consideration, as well as possibly remove this story and remake Galatia..it seems like no one does want to hear about her..understood she's quite...accessorized, but I made her look through Pony Maker on Facebook and I enjoyed it..kind of suited her, minus the necklace and leg accessories of course..I could remove those..but that'll be for another time. As for now, I'll probably just do what I can to make people understand that she is not some overpowered alicorn, like Celestia and Luna..she's more or less and average pegasus with a very minor amount of magic, I'll throw that explanation into the story later on if I continue..but so far with more dislikes than likes, I think I'll just drop it off the world and restart something new..we will see..
Thanks again for the advice and suggestions, much appreciated :)
1751234
You're welcome.