173
6,467
Mr. Horse's pet courier has been murdered and his property stolen. And while the price on the killers' heads is good enough to get any bounty hunter's attention, it's the bonus for returning a silly little poker chip that draws Dead-Shot in.
A pony could retire on that kind of jackpot...
Heh. New Vegas themed side stories are really in vogue, aren't they? I think there's at least 3 on that list already. Good luck with this: it shows a lot of promise (although I do feel a bit silly for having had the prologue to mine stuck up there for nearly 2 months and not updating since then 
)
That prologue was really great! I'd been planning to start this tale about when your work showed up, and decided you were the better writer, so I held off...and then you didn't do another installment. 
So I figured I needed to pick up the ball and run with it --- though No One's "Heroes" is also pretty good!
Well a 10-week work placement with a 90-minute commute there and back put quite a dent in my motivation
However, that's now over so I'm trying to continue it. For the record, my own fic is set in the south of Equestria, and I've been mulling the story over in my head to get enough ideas about how to continue, and it's pretty much mutated way beyond the plot of New Vegas, so hopefully our stories shouldn't conflict, despite the source material being the same 
Hey, have a better, more in-depth review courtesy of mass transit, boredom, and battery power.
Your writing is fine, as is your ‘fic. Your story, however, needs work. I’m not sure if you understand what I mean by this, so I’ll explain. Your writing is fine. I’m not seeing spelling mistakes or (noticeable) grammatical errors. Your ‘fic is fine, in that the characters and events and such are generally believable, or (this is not the case), unbelievable, but awesome enough to make me not care (See: Gurren Lagann, punching a giant robot out of space-time, two giant robots large enough to stand on galaxies fighting each other, GIGA! DRILL! BREAKER!).
By your story, I mean the overarching plot and feel. The combined effect of everything in the ‘fic. Words would be sentence to sentence, and ‘fic would be paragraph to paragraph. Story is chapter to chapter, and as I’m reading this I’m seeing a straight ponification of New Vegas. I’m not saying you’re doing a bad job (You’re doing a fine job of it), but if I wanted to see New Vegas, I could just go play New Vegas and pretend everyone is a pony and it wouldn’t be terribly different. Sure, the Courier is dead, but you’ve filled his role handily with Dead Shot. The character may be different, but the role and plot is the same, so the general effect is unchanged, and I can easily pretend that Dead Shot is the Courier.
And now I’ll point out just what makes FOE Proper and FOEPH so damned good. What’s done in those two is making Fallout happen to Ponies. Kkat has taken Fallout 3 and made it happen to Ponies. That is, while there are some parallel situations (Arbu and Andale’s cannibal villagers come to mind), the overarching plot is radically different. I don’t recognize FOEPH’s events as part of any Fallout game, so as far as I’m concerned FOEPH is even more of a masterstroke because the author comes up with everything except the “Lore” (The history behind everything). I hold these stories in very high respect because of that, because when you’re writing crossovers it’s very easy to just take the characters from one and put them in the events and plot of another, but it’s very hard to take elements from both continuities, put them together, and forge something completely different from either one. To clarify, you’ve done the former, while FOE and FOEPH have done the latter. You’ve taken Ponies and put them in Fallout. I see elements of Fallout 3 in FOE, but I see all of New Vegas in New Pegas.
Therein lies the secret to a truly masterful crossover in my eyes, and it’s what separates your ordinary run of the mill “Naruto Is Now A Pony” crossover from the masterworks. That said, if you do a straight ponification well enough, I’m inclined to not care that it’s a straight ponification, but as it is now I’m a touch bored with your story already because what’s going to happen next is predictable. Nipton and the introduction of The Legion (Or The Herd) to the reader, because Dead Shot has probably already encountered them before. I have no idea how the actual events are going to play out (Will Dead Shot do anything to the legion? Will he pass on the message? Will he ignore it and press on into the Viper Ambush, or will he go over the cliffs and ambush the ambushers?), but I can tell just from having played New Vegas a couple of times what’s going to happen. As the storyteller, it’s part of your job to keep me guessing, rather than keep me predicting, and right now I’m doing a lot more predicting than guessing.
Take your readers onward into unfamiliar territory, rather than down roads well travelled.
I was wondering why you hadn't included perks in the last few chapters. Now it's clear. Pinkie Sense is clearly something that one must invest in.
In any case, this is looking quite intriguing so far. And, if I may be frank, it's kind of refreshing to not have a narrator who's wading through moral quandaries for half the story. I eagerly look forward to more.
>>7808 Actually, Kkat (and I think Somber) uses a "mod" which gives a perk every level. Normally you only get one perk every two levels. And since this is supposed to be a 50-chapter story (or so), fifty perks would be REALLY overpowered in my view. Even with the end-story being what it is.
Your storytelling is beautiful and fascinates, but sometimes plot feels a little boring because the world of F:NV is not ponified enough (with these tiny inclusions of human cultural symbols and lexics (though English is not my first language and I'm not sure if it's possible to bypass them)) and it's structure/topology is mostly left intact. When one's played Pew Fegas several times, there's just not enough new things brought in by the story to keep one's attention. Still, maybe I'm wrong and it's only the beginning, that makes me feel this way.
But this I can tell only after reading the first chapter. Let's see what you've got for the rest 50 =).
At first, I thought this was just a ponified rendition of New Vegas. And, for the first two chapters, it was.
Chapters 3 and 4 have bucked the trend slightly, and lent a bit of a unique feel to the story. The quality of the writing is very good, and formatting is excellent.
Keep it up, I can't wait to see where this goes.
Fallout 3 doles out perks every level-up, New Vegas doles out perks every other level, I believe.
Not that it really matters - both authors mentioned draw on both current-gen Fallout games for parallels, like Canterlot (Parallel: Sierra Madre) and Tenpony Tower (Parallel: Tenpenny Tower)
Derailing aside, good update, keep at it - You can't force writing, and if you're anything like me, you'll get urges to write at the worst times. (i.e. 4am, while travelling on foot, work, etc.)
Actually, his Luck stat's 8... which, I've found, is routinely good enough to break the casinos on the slots. In three pulls? Not usually --- but remember that Pinkie Pie could see the Tree in order to predict possible outcomes, and Pink-E is her robot... -:3
On a completely unrelated point, my very first in-game slot pull at the Atomic Wrangler got the three oranges. Imagine my disappointment when it failed to pay off (early on, the slots were bugged and would not always pay out on a win).
Are all pegasi, other than Sunshy, sneaky paranoid assholes? Damn I hate Commander "Bitchy". Also since they live on the ground, even if they have wings, I think the term "dirt pounders" includes them.
And this is the first time I've even heard anything about what happens to RD after Canterlot in the original.
Aaaaaand now I'm caught up and sad. 
Eh, not ALL of 'em, just the ones entrusted with the lives of every other pegasus they know. The Zoomers are even more isolationist, after all, than the Enclave, and as you can see it's for good reason! More will be forthcoming as to why the Zoomers are as ground-bound as they are, and why that makes them even MORE bitter towards "dirt-pounders". 
EDIT: Pacce did do a short story called "The Duel", about RBD vs. Gilda, which he has "threatened" to add more to for months now (yay~). I tentatively consider it canon to New Pegas since it does not conflict. Similarly, I strive to avoid conflicts relevant to FOE, Project Horizons, Pink Eyes and Tales of a Courier --- frankly, I'd LIKE to see a general cross-story assimilation into a true shared-world universe, which is more or less what I'm working towards.
On that note, I'm also working on a continental FOE map. Apologies, but this HAS cut into my writing (since it involves a godawful amount of re-reading other fics in order to try and get placements correct), so Chapter 10 may run a bit late.
After I left that comment I remembered seeing that story.
As long as Blackjack doesn't want to run around the desert you should be able to avoid PH and with FO:E and Pink eyes done it'd probably be slightly easier to avoid conflicts with them.
Good luck with that map man. That is a freakin crap load of ground to cover.
FoE gets featured???
And dayum it is good....
Oh, god, the Madre.
I'm at the level I was when I first when into the Madre, and I am dreading going into that place again.
Now, onto the Story.
Very good, reading God's description, you made him look perfect. You've got the feel of the Madre. You did cheat a little, giving Cherry Pink-E, but, I don't think even video game laws could keep Pink-E away from the player character. (The reason I say this is because you either lose your companions when you start the DLC, or you have to send them away before you can start the DLC, for OWB, DM, and LR. Haven't checked HH yet.)
Also, who wants to bet Cherry'll nearly die because of the millions of speakers the Royale is gonna have?
All in all, a very good chapter, I loved it, and I hope to see at least 20 more before Cherry's story comes to an end. (If possible, of course.)
On companions, I just have to say this: the game had several very good reasons for keeping them out.
The first being that for every companion, you'd have to get your voice actors back in-studio and write up/code extra plot material for each and every one. Not that it hasn't been DONE (Mass Effect 3's DLC managed it), but it's a real pain in the tail. Second, play balance: with the unique abilities brought by each companion, and the fact that each is a force multiplier for the player, DLC can become very lopsided very quickly in a sandbox-style game (ME3's missions weren't sandboxed, and they still limited your companions depending on the mission, so they pulled it off much easier).
None of that applies in a novel. It's strictly a question of "does having this character along make sense or not?". In Pink-E's case it made sense because she knew Cherry was supposed to be back by a certain time, can track his whereabouts, isn't being jammed, and can fly very fast when she needs to. It's reasonable that she has motive and ability to join him.
So just FYI, this story is probably going to end up throwing quite a few curveballs your way if you expect it'll play out just like the games. 
I don't expect it to be a carbon copy with ponies, if that's what you're asking. I was going to say something about God and Dog being two different beings, but then I remembered that this is not Fallout New Vegas.
How much of Dead Money are you going to put in here by the way? Is Cherry going to end up in the Vault?
And also I didn't think of what you said about the voices and that. Makes me wonder if I can take the NCCS companions though...
I haven't played all of New Vegas yet, but I find this story infinitely entertaining. Really enjoyed this chapter, looking forward to seeing what you do in Chapter 11. Also nice use of Diamond Dogs, I imagine you might want to make a Stable for them in this story to help explain why they aren't Hellhounds. Also dunno if you know yet, but check out the wiki page I made for Dead-Shot. Dead-Shot
>>760325 Don't mind you editing it dude. You're the author, you can always help clarify the page more than I ever could. Also yeah, I guessed the Diamond Dogs were going to be major. Keep up with adding original content alongside New Vegas stuff, it makes your story very enjoyable 
.
This chapter made me very happy. God gets fleshed out as a dangerous, unstable but highly effective follower, Pink-E continues her awesomeness, we get a hell of a good cliffhanger ending and if that wasn't enough the chapter title is a reference to two of my favourite things. Lots of good humour, action, exploration and of course logical explanations for things like the fungus and pre-war medical supplies being looted. You even expand on Derpy's colourful background even more. 
Great chapter overall, highly anticipating Chapter 12.
Man that's a full chapter. He's got performance anxiety, but I guess God'd be ideal to take on the mushroom folk, huh? No souls and constantly reproducing, it sounds like a party.
And that aligned perk makes so much sense: Fallout Equestria is able to take place in the MLP universe because the fabric of reality itself has been drastically altered.
As a comment on the previous chapter, it's nice to finally have a fate for good old RD. It's something that most fics don't seem to deign to cover... Wait, if she survives then combined with Fluttershy on the hill, Twilight in the mix, and Pink-E bot, most of the Mane Six survive in some manner. I guess there's also Rarity, who can never truly be gone. Is Applejack the only one who left a legacy the normal way? Poor Applejack, always serving as the "normal" or standard for everypony. Then again I guess she was the happiest too...
Using Necro-fog as pest extermination? Wow, that's uh... that sounds a... NOT smart thing to do. Looks like it seems to have worked for Mr. Mask though. I remember Canterlot Ghouls tended to be really tough to put down (nothing short of decapitation) due to their extreme regeneration abilities. In light of this, while a neat effect, should Mask still have bullet holes? I'm an idiot- I missed the cigarette cue and interpreted holes as being from bullets. So Mask is going to help case his own joint, huh?
God would have LOVED to get in there for a nosh --- if he could fit into the tube! Nothing bigger than Mac-sized is going to get in there, though. And while he can blink-teleport, there's reasons he can't just pop down there himself and go to town.
I would have to note that FOE starts happening the way it does before balefire, though. Pinkie Pie was certainly doing these kinds of things long before the Zebra War even got underway. But odds are that if there were cracks in reality before, there's probably more of them now...
As to Pink Cloud, it's pretty clear that it was developed as the Zebra equivalent of a chemical/biological WMD, being dispensed by a talisman that can be turned on or off (except in Canterlot, where a dragon ATE the talisman). In real life, many chem-bio WMDs have their development roots in the pesticide industry, thereafter having been adapted to kill enemy combatants --- or, just as readily, civilian populations.
Given that Pink Cloud is water-soluble and melts away living creatures, leaving non-living items like buildings and equipment essentially unharmed, it struck me that its origin is best explained as a pesticide similarly adapted to warfare.
Thanks, though honestly I think I should have fleshed that chapter out quite a bit more. I may go back and do exactly that, but I want to get Chapter 12 out first. Ch11 was just taking me WAY too long to get off my flank and FINISH, so I decided better somewhat underdone than not at all.
God would have LOVED to get in there for a nosh --- if he could fit into the tube! Nothing bigger than Mac-sized is going to get in there, though. And while he can blink-teleport, there's reasons he can't just pop down there himself and go to town.
I would have to note that FOE starts happening the way it does before balefire, though. Pinkie Pie was certainly doing these kinds of things long before the Zebra War even got underway. But odds are that if there were cracks in reality before, there's probably more of them now...
As to Pink Cloud, it's pretty clear that it was developed as the Zebra equivalent of a chemical/biological WMD, being dispensed by a talisman that can be turned on or off (except in Canterlot, where a dragon ATE the talisman).
In real life, many chem-bio WMDs have their development roots in the pesticide industry, thereafter having been adapted to kill enemy combatants --- or, just as readily, civilian populations. Given that Pink Cloud is water-soluble and melts away living creatures --- leaving non-living items like building and equipment essentially unharmed --- it struck me that its origin is best explained as a pesticide adapted to warfare.
>>919950 On the other hoof, time could be considered part of reality itself, which would mean Boom-day could conceivably alter and distort the past. Then again, that sort of thing would ensue in predestination paradoxes (which are supported in the episode "It's About Time", with Twilight providing her past self with motivation to time travel in the first place. Or for a better example, watch Season 5 for the rebooted Dr.Who series.)
...yeeeeeaaah, but I really hate time-travel tropes so I'm not going there per se.
Not that I'm not interested in time travel as a concept, but no one really does it right, and those who goof around with it usually end up creating a confused, self-contradictory timeline. I need point no further than the Star Trek franchise for how often they've thrown a time-travel plot into their universe, and how often it results in the fanbase scrambling to patch holes unwittingly left by the authors. 
In my book, the most basic truism of the universe is this: it does not care about what you do. It cares about the state of the universe. That includes the particles you displace merely by appearing at a point in time where, according to the universe, you did not exist. Before you even have a chance to "do" anything, you've already displaced those particles.
From the universe's point of view, the particles now exist at two points in space at the same time. This is normally true of an uncollapsed quantum event (where all particles exist at every possible point in space), but only until the point of observation --- which the universe does all on its own. Now we have two "observed" events that cannot co-exist --- a paradox.
Just because you appeared out of nowhere. 
The "Back to the Future" movies (and recent game) came closest to dealing with this, presenting the view that your appearance at a previous time actually creates another timeline --- a carbon-copy of the past, up to the point of your appearance. But even in BTTF, you could collapse or reintegrate the timelines by matching them up, and in reality you still wouldn't be able to do that because the universe only cares about the state of its particles. Good luck matching all THOSE up! 
End result: in my book, a time-traveler's actions "in the past" have no effect on their own universe, because everything they do is affecting the carbon-copy. 
.
>>920177 Yeah, time travel can be really fiddly to write. Even in most of the titles that I enjoy (12 Monkeys, Chrono Trigger, Dr. Who, BTTF, and even H.G Well’s “The Time Machine”) I find myself irked by inconsistencies within the very rules that they use. There's always some fridge logic that really bothers me.
If I were to subscribe to any theory on the state of time itself, it would be of predetermination. All that is and was and ever will be is set. That is not to say that the people do not have free will and are forced along a path, but rather that the path exists as a result of that free will. For example, Twilight Sparkle, having worried all week about an ultimate disaster that never came to pass decided to tell her past self not to worry, but by doing set off the very same series of events she’d intended to stop. Or in the Matrix, where Neo is told he’s going to knock over a vase, his very act of searching for the vase (in order not to knock it over) is what ends up knocking it over.
Applied to the real world you might try to go back in time and shoot J.F. Kennedy’s driver, for driving so close to an unsecured area, and accidentally hit the president himself.
Essentially all attempts to change history would subsequently fail, as with past-present-future being immutable they had already happened, possibly in such a way that the result was the event originally intended to be averted. History as we know it would stay the same.
Of course, that’s not to say that time travel would be useless, far from it. If history declared that 5 of your friends were lost at sea and all that was found was their capsized boat, there’s nothing to stop you from going back in time and rescuing them, provided they aren’t seen before the day that you decide to go back in time (indeed, they would be most likely declared “lost” because you’d abducted them with your time machine in the first place XD).
Time being merely be another dimension to the pool of reality, no “particles” would be gained or lost through time travel, but merely shifted from one side to the other, much like a shifting ocean tide moved by the moon.
Hence in Predetermination, you wouldn’t be able to displace particles that are “meant” to be there, as your particles would be by definition that those that ARE meant to be there, whether you knew it at time of travel or not.
Sorry for the rant, you probably understood what I was getting at within the first two paragraphs.
I just love time travel :D
I enjoyed this chapter, Dead-Shot/Cherry starting to realise that beating people up and pushing others away is not how you gain respect. Only fear and hatred would follow such decisions. Making the Casino Royale a pre-war test site for Pink Cloud was pretty smart, and it even begins setting up the Old World Blues portion of your story. Pink-E containing those hidden files, and making them O.I.A files is a good shout out to ED-E and Project: Horizons. I like how you continue to develop God as a character too and even Domino Mask is pretty likeable, if somewhat suspicious and untrustworthy.
Also 'That Gun' which is one of my favourite side arms, along with the Sonic Emitter, Pew Pew, Plasma Defender, Maria & The Mysterious Magnum. Good to see you including unique guns from the game too besides the Weathered 10mm Pistol. Look forward to seeing what happens in Chapter 13, 14 etc.
Glad you liked it! I think I've mentioned before, but I consider the original FO:E, plus Project: Horizons and Pink Eyes to all be canon to New Pegas. Kkat's for the amazing foundation upon which we are all building, Somber's for putting one helluva lot more meat on those bones, and Mimezinga's for Vitamin D'awww the best Fallout-related monster concept ever.
>>1116117 Do you consider any other stories, Like Murky Number Seven, Guise of Chaos, Morality of Property, Outlaw, New Beginnings, Misfits, SAT or my own Story Rangers of Wintertrot as possibly canon in your story? And yes I did suggest the best stories I've read off the top of my head ^_^. (I recommend them all 
.)
Kind of surprised you didn't mention Heroes as part of your canon. Then again the POV character of that story does a lot of stupid shit, not the funny ha ha kind either. More the "I will have bane break your back you stupid Whorse." Kind.
I consider any FO:E fic which is reasonably compatible with New Pegas to be effectively canon, though honestly I have not read all that many others. I wish I had the time to!
As for Heroes, it's unfortunately incompatible with Pegas for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the presentation of Dise as "the last great city". Well... so's New Pegas. There are actually a surprising number of fics which do the same thing, setting up conflicts where they can't reasonably co-exist in each others' canon. If they did, Equestria would have a good half-dozen or so largely-untouched cities that somehow don't know about each other!
Now, contrast that to something like Tales of a Courier, whose author and I have actually gotten together and agreed his "Ponave" and my "Moohave" deserts are respectively northwest and southeast of one another, blending over a little in the middle. When I can, I like to collaborate with other authors at least in terms of not stepping on one anothers' hooves, mainly because I love shared-world universes.
In the end, all of us are non-canon to Kkat's Fallout: Equestria itself. But nothing stops us from being canon to one another.
>>1116403 That's what I like to think too. I don't specifically know where everybodys stuff is compared to Wintertrot, but I like to believe that your story and most of the ones I mention can all co-exist. I put Wintertrot at the Griffin/Equestrian border and then I put a permanent Winter on it, that has been going on for the last 200 years. Which is why nobody really wants to go there, it's a very unappealing location ^_^.
The roadblock guys tried to shoot him, which he doesn't see a minor thing at all. He won by luck and surprise as much as anything, and he knows that if it weren't for that, they'd have killed him and looted his body without thought or concern. To him, the crucifixion was just a matter of a raider getting what was coming to him.
That's a Wastelander born-and-raised for you. Cherry "Dead-Shot" Pie is a product of his environment as much as anything else, but it's up to him as to whether or not he rises above his origins.
*shrugs* The gangers were just following orders made under the threat of death, so...
Well, let's see if he gets any less...I don't have a word for it besides soulless, but whatever.
In the meantime I will contemplate writing a fanfic about Littlepip and the Courier fighting aliens to save the planet.
Wastelanders don't excuse other folk doing bad things to them. A Stable Dweller might, a Lightbringer might. But not a Wastelander. I just see that as way out of character, barring an unusual upbringing. Heck, most of the Wastelanders Littlepip runs into are just as hard-hearted as Cherry, if not more so.
But I'd really like to see that aliens fic if you decide to do it, it sounds like it'd be pretty interesting!
Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
1
5
15
Joined August 2011
6,467 ( 26,733 )
More
Less
Post Comment
Refresh
/)
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_dayum.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/How_43a7b6_2781603.jpg
but it's not a bad fic 
Cancel
Send