• Published 12th Jan 2012
  • 4,924 Views, 93 Comments

Tales from the Staff Canteen - Midnightshadow



Behind the scenes at Equestria Daily, where all is professional and above board...

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In The Darkness, Somepony Clopped - by Alex and Daffodil

As the sun set on Canterlot, the peons of the Equestria Daily offices began to end their work day. Polecat finished putting away the bondage gear, Cereal Velocity gave his Rarity doll one final hug, and Nines spent a moment staring at a blank document before closing it. “That’s enough for today.”

After turning off the lights, locking the doors, and ensuring a day’s worth of food was sent to Midnight on the moon, the last of the staff retired to their bunks.

That is, all but two.

“Psst.” Daffodil whispered to the darkened office. After receiving no response, he continued.

“Alex.”

“Alex.”

“Ale-”

“What?!” came an agitated voice from behind one of the many cubicles. “We do this every night. You know I’m in here. Was three times really necessary?” A soft violet glow emanated from within the room and a set of lights sprang to life.

“Well fine. Don’t come crying to me when the boss catches us...” Daffodil replied, walking towards a door labeled “Basement”.

“He won’t suspect anything. The night shift is around, remember?” Alex approached the door alongside the earth pony, opening it with a brief flash. “Let’s go. We need to start as early as we can.”

Daffodil slowly felt his way down the staircase. Despite taking this route many times, the cold, dank air of the Equestria Daily basement still made him shiver. “You know, I was just thinking... why don’t we ever see the night shift around?”

“Probably because of the late night fun Polecat has with the other staff when she should be working,” the unicorn muttered, a small smile creeping onto his face. “Speaking of, she asked me about getting her own column...”

Daffodil shuddered, and it wasn’t from the cold of the basement. “Eugh... just... maybe as a special edition or something...” He stopped at a blank section of wall, motioning to it with a hoof. “You know what to do.”

Alex put his hoof to the wall and began to draw a pattern on the concrete. Two curved lines on the sides, a dot in the middle and a smooth line down from that. A moment passed before a soft click resonated from the stone, and the slab moved aside.

The two ponies walked through the newly created aperture into a slightly larger room, the section of wall sliding back behind them. This new area was dimly lit with candles along the walls and featured two desks cluttered with papers, files, and photographs. In the center of the room stood a massive printing press.

On the far wall, a banner hung with three words written in bold: Equestria After Dark.

“My home away from home,” Alex chirped, flipping the lights on and trotting into the room.

“Pre-readers by day, pornographers by night. Who’da thunk it?” Daffodil said, smirking. He began to sift through the pile of papers on his desk, pulling out a file:

CELESTIA’S SECRET FETISH REVEALED

Alex glanced over the Earth Pony’s shoulder. “Dude, we can’t print that!”

Daffodil looked behind him, then back to the file. “Why not? It’s perfect! Celebrity shots and cake!”

Alex facehooved. “Do you want to be sent to the moon with Midnight?”

Daffodil opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by a knocking at the wall. The two ponies looked at each other in shock.

“Did anypony follow us?”

“I don’t think they’re knocking on the basement walls for fun.”

“What do we do?”

Suddenly, an all-too-familiar voice called from the other side of the wall. “I know you two are in there. These walls aren’t that thick.”

Alex and Daffodil let out a simultaneous groan. It seemed that they had failed to elude Cereal Velocity. Again.

“We’re busy, Cereal.” Daffodil said, going back to his Celestia file.

“Yeah,” Alex added “We’ve got things to do. The new issue will be out soon. Keep your horseshoes on.”

The magical wall moved aside, revealing a blue Unicorn that casually trotted into the room. “Oh, I can wait for that. I’m here to give you two some new material.”

Daffodil and Alex looked from their respective tasks, mouths agape. The printing press sputtered to a halt. “You what?!”

Cereal nodded and began to hoof through the files on the desk. “I’m sure you both have heard the rumors of my... exploits around the office,” he continued, eyeing a photo of Luna with some interest, “So I figured we could work out some sort of deal.”

“Uh, boss...” Daffodil stammered, “Isn’t that... unprofessional? What would Phoe think?”

“Or Seth... or Calpain... or PK...” Alex added.

Cereal smirked. “Oh, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Nothing wrong with revving my phoenix every now and then.”

The two pre-readers-turned-pornographers looked at each other and sighed, defeated.

“Fine. You’ve got the job.”