“Are you sure you're all right, Carrot Top?” Lyra cocked an eyebrow as the mare slowly pulled herself alongside her, grunting and groaning all the way. “Raindrops must have done a number on your back. Maybe you should lay down for a little while and...”
“I-I'll be fine,” the mare grumbled. “We're almost there. J-Just need to make it a little bit more...”
The two slowly passed over one of the many small grassy knolls that dotted the outside of Ponyville, and soon found themselves staring at their final destination. A large wooden stage had been set up, complete with fog machines and spotlights that would not have been out of place at a rock concert. A crowd of ponies were already stomping their hooves at what has happening on stage, although it was a bit hard to tell from this far back just what that was. In fact, the only thing they could make out where the goats.
Lots of goats.
And they were all wearing ties. And not the proper kind that could run for hundreds of bits and the wealthy wore as status symbols. No, these were the kind of ties ponies would buy their fathers because their birthday was coming up and they were impossible to shop for. Lyra knew; she had purchased many of them for her own parents over the years.
Still, the unicorn shrugged a little as the two began to approach the crowd. “So, this...Iron Will guy. He's a minotaur, you said?”
Carrot Top nodded. “Sure is. Y-You have seen a minotaur before, right?”
“Well...no, not really,” Lyra muttered. “I've heard about them, of course. I know they live a ways out from Equestria and are friendly with goats, but I've...ne-never...”
Any other words that were about to crawl out of Lyra's mouth committed seppuku at the sight on stage. It was a...thing like which she had never seen before, and yet, it looked all too familiar. The way it stood, the way its muscles were built, and those...things at the ends of its forearms... If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn that...
“A-Are you okay, Lyra?” Carrot Top asked. “You look like you've seen a ghost.”
“I think I might have,” the mare mumbled back. “The ghost...of an entire species...”
Carrot Top was about to cock her head, but two things brought a stop to that. The first was another wave of pain in her back. The second was when Iron Will's voice bellowed out across the crowd, blasting them with the force of a small galestorm. “And so you see, Iron Will's Assertiveness Techniques can make even the weakest pony into a lean, mean assertive machine!” He punctuated the last four words with what amounted to a quick series of dance steps, followed by two extra ones for extra emphasis. “So sign up today for your first lesson, and remember, if you are not 100% completely satisfied, YOU. PAY. NOTHING!”
Two of the goats, following their stage directions, walked up a nearby table and lifted up several previously hidden boxes, all of them filled to the brim with books, records, pamphlets, and anything else Iron Will could conceivably sell. While a few ponies walked away, grumbling at the audacity of what they had just seen, still many more lined up eagerly at the table, their bits rustling in their purses and ready for many a transaction. The goats...just behaved like goats, casually chewing on their ties and making almost primeval screeches as they recorded purchases, took credit accounts, and recorded names for future visits should they not pay up.
By the time everypony had dispersed, only Lyra and Carrot Top remained in the field, while Iron Will simply posed triumphantly on stage. The goats gathered the remaining products and their hard-earned bits and walked behind the stage, no doubt to store things away for the next big production. It took another minute or so for the minotaur to stop flexing his muscles and finally notice the two ponies standing before him. “You two have questions for Iron Will? Or just can't decide what to buy?”
“Um...” Lyra took a slow step forward, her body still trying to fight her every move. “M-My name is Lyra Heartstrings, and this is my friend, Carrot Top.”
Iron Will looked the two ponies over, his gaze penetrating them like an arrow to the hock. Lyra's perspiration only intensified as the burly minotaur sauntered closer and closer, his eyes slanted like some deranged madpony about to go to town on his latest victims. Carrot Top, on the other hoof, just stared up at the familiar figure, her body not exactly cooperating with attempts to get away.
The minotaur came to a stop mere paces from the two, and for the first time, Lyra got a true impression of his massive size. He must have been the same height as she had been that time Trixie turned her into a bear, as their heads just barely rose above his waist. Fortunately, Iron Will's gaze softened as he looked closer at Carrot Top. “Oh, Raindrops' friend from the meeting!”
“Er...yes,” said Carrot Top. “W-We're having a problem with her, and...”
“Let me guess, she isn't following the program Iron Will prescribed.” The minotaur rolled his eyes. “Stress balls are a very important part of any anger management regimen. When you give it a squeeze, you put your mind at ease.”
Carrot Top winced and moaned as another spasm ran the course of her spine. “Er...yeah. S-She knows about squeezing, all right.”
Iron Will paused for a moment, his ears perking up at the sound of Carrot Top's agony. As he hunched himself over her backside, Lyra stepped forward, keeping the minotaur in her peripheral vision as best she could. “Something happened to her between last night and today. She's been bouncing around with a smile on her face, throwing her bits away on care packages, breaking her friend's backs, and making her little brother cry.”
“Uh huh.” The minotaur's hands slowly slid down Carrot Top's back, causing the pony no small amount of discomfort. Before she could scream out about being inappropriately touched and buck Iron Will in the face, one of the mintaur's arms wrapped underneath the midsection of her barrel and flexed upward, right around the same spot his other hand was pressing down. There was an audible crack, followed by a brief shout of pain from Carrot.
Lyra's eyes widened with horror, before sliding right back to righteous fury. She hunched her front side towards the ground, her left forehoof kicking at the ground. “What do you think you're doing, you monst-”
“AAAAAAGH...THAT'S SO GOOD!”
In an instant, any outward sign of Carrot Top's agony was replaced with what looked like a tidal wave of relief. The change was so swift that Lyra's brain stripped its gears, sending the unicorn tumbling into a faceplant against the soft, unyielding grass as she lost her balance. As she slowly recovered and pulled herself back to an upright position, Carrot spun about to face Iron Will, a smile across her lips. “Thank you so much, Iron Will. How'd you know...?”
“Licensed chiropractor.” The minotaur nodded and struck a mighty pose, stretching his upper limbs like he was about to toss a ball. Even stranger, however, he spun his entire body about to face the big, empty space behind and to the right of Carrot Top, leaving the two ponies utterly confused. “If you got a pain in your back, fix it with a crack!”
He waited a second, just long enough for Lyra to roll her eyes and push this entire incident into the darkest recesses of her memory, right next to the Ice Palace and Lyre of Death incidents. “Very...nice little pitch. But we need help. Do you know anything about a Neighser Crane?”
“Neighser Crane...Neighser Crane...” The minotaur scratched the bottom of his chin, humming the name in a thousand different phonetic ways as he did so. “That name does sound familiar...what do you want to know?”
“We think he has something to do with why Raindrops is acting like she is.” Carrot Top's voice still said, her voice dripping with the sweet honey that was a good back and strong health. “When we left the meeting, she was still a big ball of anger problems. And when I checked the board outside Town Hall, one of the slips was ripped off.”
Iron Will's face brightened briefly, only to darken with rage. “Oh...that Neighser Crane. Some sort of psychologist who got chased out of Canterlot for ethics violations. Guy came into one of Iron Will's Anger Management meetings a few months ago, claiming he had some kind of miracle cure for anger. Something about magic or that nonsense.”
Lyra and Carrot Top glanced at each other, worry on both their faces. “Did he say what kind?” Lyra asked.
The minotaur shrugged. “No, but Iron Will has heard the same story from a hundred different whackjobs, and not one time have they been telling the truth. I told him to leave Iron Will's workshop before he messed with somepony's head.”
“And then what happened?” said Carrot Top.
Another shrug. “Nothing. He just walked out and Iron Will started the meeting back up.”
The two ponies nodded their heads, already processing the new information. “So at least we have something to go on,” Lyra said to Carrot Top. “We need to get back to Trixie and the others as soon as possible.” She turned back to Iron Will. “Thanks for all your help.”
“No problem...”
The two ponies spun about-face on their hooves.
“Once we settle the issue of payment.”
Lyra and Carrot Top's eyes widened as they turned back to the minotaur. Iron Will's posse of goats were now in a military formation behind the mighty motivational speaker, baying things that, to the trained ear, would have registered as commands for holding the skinflints down and forcing them to pay for services rendered. “Wait..is this about my back?” Carrot Top muttered. “B-But I thought you did that for free.”
Iron Will shook his head. “Sorry, but nothing's free. Still, Iron Will does have to get grocery shopping soon...how does one bit sound?”
Carrot Top's gasp lengthened for a moment, then suddenly retreated into a small smile. “Well, that's cheaper than going to a regular chiropractor...”
“Hold it!”
Both Carrot and Iron Will froze as Lyra jumped between them. That look of fierce determination was once again on her face as she eyeballed the massive foe before her. “She had no idea you were going to charge her for something like that! Do you want me to tell all my friends about how big of a crook you are?”
Iron Will seemed to take pause, his lips turning into a small pout as he sagged his shoulders in defeat. “Iron Will...guesses you have a point.”
The moment of triumph at hoof, Lyra allowed herself to smile...until Carrot Top tapped her on the shoulder. Despite having just been saved from sinking back into poverty, the farmer was not looking too pleased with her friend. “It's just one bit, and he did help fix my back. I owe them that much,” she whispered.
“No you don't,” Lyra whispered back. “It's one of those business things I picked up from Bon-Bon. If he fixed your back without you actually employing him or offering to pay, he can't charge you. Just give me a few minutes, and I'll have him eating hay out of our hooves.”
Having given her self-pep talk for the day, Lyra turned back to Iron Will, who was still just standing there and looking at the two. She even raised a hoof in the air, not unlike a pompous Canterlot music critic about to give somepony a bad review. “Good sir, I will admit that you helped my dear friend Carrot Top with her back problems, but I do not think that...” That was when she noticed Iron Will looking at her outstretched hoof, scratching his chin with that claw-thing of his. She blushed and slammed the extremity back to the ground. “Um...what are you doing?”
“Iron Will was just...admiring the texture of your hoof.” The minotaur grinned. “Have you ever considered pottery?”
----------
“And so, if you reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, you will...”
The school bell finally let out a triumphant ring, signaling the end to yet another day of fun and learning in Ponyville's only elementary school. The foals quickly gathered up their supplies, threw on their saddlebags, and trotted out the door, eager to enjoy a full weekend of no more teacher's dirty looks. Everypony, that is, save for Cheerilee and Snails. The former stood at the front of the classroom, depositing her chalk back into its holder, and the latter simply sat in the same slumped, defeated pose he had held since lunch.
Sighing sadly, Cheerilee stepped up to the colt. “Snails, hon, is there anything I can do?”
The colt shook his head quietly. He had long since stopped crying, but that had done nothing to shake his dismal mood. The very sight of the hurt foal was enough to make Cheerilee's heart curl. When she had dreamed of becoming a teacher, she had imagined watching her little ponies bloom into fine adults, full of knowledge and confidence in what they wanted to do with their lives. Watching any of her charges suffer was more than she could take, even with her years of schooling and training.
“Look...I know your sister said some horrible things, but that doesn't mean you can hide in here forever. And it doesn't mean she's a bad pony. She's just...” She paused as she tried to find the right words. “...In a difficult situation at the moment. Do you understand?”
Snails sniffed. “Uh huh.”
“You don't have to go straight home. I'm sure some of your classmates will be willing to spend some time with you if you want. I'll talk to Raindrops, okay?”
The colt was motionless at first, so much so that Cheerilee was about to repeat herself when he finally made some sign of being alive. He uttered a single, “Okay,” slowly climbed out of his seat, and foisted his saddlebags onto his back, his eyes never leaving the schoolhouse's floorboards.
Cheerilee felt her heart sink as she watched her little pony walk away. Not even the sound of waiting foals walking up to the entryway and trying to console their friend and classmate as best they could was able to lift her spirits. Indeed, there was a deep...something burning inside her guts, something that not even Corona could force her to feel. It was like somepony had distilled and mixed anger, rage, panic, terror, and a dash of indigestion, injected it into her stomach, and then let it fester over a series of hours. The discomfort tinkered about with her senses, causing her brain to pull flips and her emotions to rocket about like they were on a roller coaster.
And yet, one clear thought remained.
Raindrops...we are going to have the world's longest conversation.
----------
Trixie pointed triumphantly at the distant Thunderlane and his accompanying pegasi, hard at work pushing clouds into position over some of the local fields. “See? Told you I could find them!”
Ditzy shook her head. She had never even said Trixie couldn't; as Representative, she would have every weather schedule filed away, just in case the Night Court required an update on the Weather Center's water consumption or cloud production. “What I'm saying is, how are they going to help us find Raindrops? She got suspended, remember?”
Trixie shrugged as they came up on the team. “It's worth a shot. We have no way of combing the entire town on our own.” She looked up at the herd above, diligently crafting and pushing their clouds to the point where they didn't even notice the two newcomers. That is, until Trixie did what she was best at and loudly announced their presence with a big wave of one foreleg and a mighty roar. ”HEY! WE NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING!”
The first reaction of the pegasi was to look at each other in silence, weighing in whether or not to acknowledge Trixie's request with their attention. In the end, the obligation to be neighborly to the pony who could theoretically destroy your employer won over, and Thunderlane gradually floated to the ground. “Yes, what is it?”
Before the first syllable could leave Trixie's mouth, Ditzy's left foreleg shot out in front of her chest and pushed her back a few steps. “Have any of you seen Raindrops recently? Trixie and I have been looking for her all day.”
Thunderlane tapped his chin with a hoof, shaking her head sadly as she did so. “No, can't say that I have. Not since what happened back at the office. I-Is she doing okay?”
Ditzy shook her head sadly. “I don't think so. Something's changed about her lately, and I don't think I like it.”
“Look, if you see her, tell her we're all rooting for her, okay?” The pegasi still fluttering above nodded their heads and smiled, a couple even throwing up their hooves and hooting in recognition of their departed comrade's absence. “She isn't the first pony who's gotten the noose around her neck because of our 'esteemed' supervisor. What Rainbow Dash did was negligent, and even after all that, she still hasn't shown up at the office since this morning. By Luna, she can just really grind my gears sometimes.”
Trixie rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated groan. “Tell me about it.” She followed it up with a dismissing wave of her hoof. “Now go about your regular business, dear Thunderlane. My colleague and I have many important matters to discuss.”
Thunderlane’s face contorted briefly with an unimaginable rage, but the usual fury that came up when dealing with Trixie quickly faded. With just a small snort of dismissal, and a warm nod and farewell to the smiling Ditzy, he unfurled his wings and flew back into the sky, rejoining his loyal herd of weatherponies in their labor. Now that she had reached her “ponies offended” quota, Trixie spun about and began trotting down the road back to the town proper, with Ditzy joining only after a few seconds of confusion. “Where are we going?”
“Back to the cafe,” Trixie said.
Ditzy bucked her head back and whinnied. “B-But we haven't found Raindrops yet!”
“We will, but I need to think first,” Trixie mumbled. “Something about what Thunderlane said feels off...”
Above them, the cloud just kept moving along...
----------
Trixie pouted as her straw shifted about in the glass of carrot juice. “Hmph, so far this search has been a total bust. How can three ponies take so long?”
Ditzy simply leaned herself against the cafe table, looking even more exhausted than her companion. Around them were only a hoofful of customers, as most of the town was either still at their regular jobs or dealing with other, more important issues than a rampaging happy pony. Either way, the fact that they were back here was more than a little annoying; it was like they had run in circles and everything before this was utterly meaningless. “They'll come when they've found something. At least I don't have to go to work today. I can't afford to lose any more bits.”
“It'll be fine,” Trixie said with a shrug. “Besides, we have more important things to worry about than even money. Have you ever considered that this might be...” She leaned in closer to Ditzy's ears, which flapped to attention out of sheer habbit. “...a plot of some kind?”
At that, Ditzy's exhaustion deepened into an all-consuming well of despair. “Really? So somepony decided that they wanted to mess with all of us by making one of our friends permanently happy and carefree?”
“Of course they did!” Trixie said with no small amount of pompousness. “Why, it could be work of that snake, Greengrass!”
----------
Greengrass looked up from his copy of Radishes and You and turned to the nearby Notary. “Say, do we have anything on the itinerary for today?”
Notary sighed as she leafed through the calender. “Outside of a dinner with Viceroy Night Light, no.”
“Very good, then.” Greengrass returned to his book with a resigned groan. It had been so long since he tried to sway those six ponies from Ponyville to his side, but alas, good ideas were hard to come by at the moment, especially since that fool Blueblood had ruined his last scheme. He really had to stop letting him in on those things.
And inviting him to his pancake breakfasts. How can a noble EAT like that...?
----------
“I...don't think that's it,” said Ditzy.
“Then what if it's Corona?” Trixie gasped at her own insane theory, her eyes widening with fear. “This could be part of her plan to break us up and leave our Elements worthless!”
----------
Corona leaned back into her throne briefly before turning her gaze back to the nearby Zecora. “Has that accursed mercenary arrived yet?” The zebra shook her head, prompting another frustrated growl. “Does nopony care about punctuality after a thousand years? And to think of all the time I could have spent trying to separate that traitor's thugs from each other!”
----------
“I think that's even less likely,” Ditzy mumbled. “Last I checked, she wasn't exactly subtle.”
The words seemed to have a magic effect on Trixie, as her muscles instantly relaxed. The mare let out a sigh as she slumped into her seat. “I suppose you're right. Either way, this doctor must have some kind of agenda to put our friend through this. Let's face it, Raindrops isn't exactly the one most likely to jump up and volunteer to have somepony...”
“Sorry we're late.”
The two turned to the origin point of that noise, which soon turned out to be Carrot Top. Unfortunately, they did not notice who it was until she stepped out from behind Lyra and the giant pile of books, records, pamphlets, and other assorted material piled in the wagon behind them. And pulling the whole thing was Lyra, looking more than a little exhausted from her latest workload.
“I know I will regret asking this, but just what is all that?” Trixie stammered.
Carrot Top let out a resigned sigh as she looked back and forth between her dumbstruck friends and the guilty party. Lyra, for her part, just stood there with the biggest grin possible in this situation. “Turns out Bon-Bon's negotiation skills didn't rub off on her. She bought Iron Will's entire catalog.”
“Hey, you didn't have to pay for the massage, did you?” Lyra grinned like a schoolfilly, totally ignoring the groans of everypony else around her. “Win-win, I think.”
Ditzy's eyes stopped rolling and focused on the amazing mountain of material. She could already make out a few of the titles, all of which seemed to cover topics ranging from self-confidence and overcoming clinical depression to giving massages to royalty for fun and profit. And on all of them was the face of a massive minotaur holding up one of his claws. “Really? Just...how much did this cost altogether?”
“Eh, it was a little expensive,” Lyra said with a shrug. “But come on, he's got a six-part course on how to use a credenza to improve your love life! How cool is that?”
“And when are you going to be weaving baskets underwater?” Trixie wondered aloud, her eyes turning to a particularly grayscale book in the far corner of the wagon. Lyra's only response was a small shrug of the shoulders and a look of pure indifference.
Fortunately for the pony with the color of grass, Cheerilee happened to come walking up at the same moment. Even more fortunately for everyone involved, there was no forecoming sign of her previous rage. In fact, she seemed oddly serene for a pony who was ready to beat down her best friend but a few hours prior. All this cheeriness accomplished was to make the other ponies feel even more terrified at her presence. “Good afternoon, girls. Did I...” She paused to take in the cartload of self-help material. “...miss anything important?”
Carrot Top shrugged. “Other than Lyra trying to prove that she is ‘‘NOT a starving artist,’ not really. We did find out something about somepony else, though...”
----------
Trixie nodded along as Carrot Top and Lyra finished their findings. Fortunately, the musician and the farmer were concise enough for everypony to get a quick handle on the situation. “So, this...Crane guy is the one who made Raindrops into the happiest bully in Equestria?” asked Ditzy.
“Exactly,” said Lyra. “And given how Iron Will described him, I don't think she's the first pony he's worked on. The guy sounds like he crawled out of a bad horror book.”
Cheerilee shook her head slowly, her lips curled into a small frown. “No, if there was a mad scientist...”
“Psychatrist.”
The teacher's eyes locked onto the Representative in bewilderment, a state that Trixie quickly picked up on. “There's a big difference. Scientists actually get off their flanks and do stuff. Psychiatrists just make you sit on a coach and blame everything on your mother.”
Carrot Top, Lyra, and Cheerilee looked at each other in a mixture of confusion, surprise, and more than a little bit of terror. Only Ditzy dared to prod this topic any further. “Let me guess, Princess Luna sent you to a few, right?”
In an instant, Trixie's thin veneer of superiority was torn asunder, causing her to haunch over in surprise and shame. “O-Of course not! Since when have I ever shown a need for any sort of therapy?”
Both Lyra and Cheerilee opened their mouths, but a quick shake of the head from Ditzy served to remind them of the importance of their friendship, and they quietly put aside their comments. Besides, it was too easy. “So we know that this doctor messed with Raindrops, but we don't know what his techniques are.” The mailmare scratched at her chin, her left eye slowly rolling counter-clockwise with the rhythm of a hoof against fur. “So what do we do know?”
“I think it's pretty obvious,” Lyra said with a shrug. “But first, we gotta find Raindrops. Who knows what kind of destruction she could be wrecking as we speak?”
“But do we even know where she is?” Trixie shook her head. “For all we know, she could be all the way in Cloudsdale by now. She could even just be sitting in her room, crying her eyes out over being such a jerk!” She scoffed. “Of course, that would be ridiculous...”
It took her roughly ten seconds before she realized that everypony else was staring at her. It took another ten for her to realize what it meant. “W-Wait, we're not really going to...”
“It's worth a try,” Lyra said. She turned back to her great burden. “Now, does anypony want to help me find a place for these? We kinda stopped by the shop and...well, let's just say going near Bon-Bon right now is not advisable.”
----------
Trixie's hoof pounded against the door to Raindrops' house, echoing like a battering ram against a castle gate. After a few moments, she could finally hear movement from the other side, followed by Raindrops herself pulling the door open. Her eyes were still a little red from before, but otherwise she was still smiling and chipper as ever. She didn't even react when Trixie's face scrunched up, as if she had just eaten some really bad oats. “Hey, guys! What's up?”
“You know what's up, Raindrops,” Cheerilee said.
Rainy titled her head just a tad. “What do you mean?”
“We know about Dr. Crane,” said Carrot Top. “We know he did something to you that's making you act this way.”
“Oh...that,” Raindrops' smile grew. “You have nothing to worry about. All he did was teach me how to be happy. I'm not angry at anypony anymore, I don't have to keep watching every little thing I say and do, and I can actually enjoy life for once. You don't think there's anything wrong with that, do you?”
Ditzy shook her head and stepped forward. “There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, but you're hurting everypony around you, including yourself. Do you think Snails was happy when you insulted him in front of everypony?”
Raindrops shrugged. “I was just trying to help him.”
“By making him think he's retarded?!” Cheerilee's voice trembled with the rage of a thousand angry schoolteachers, tempered with the fury of an erupting volcano. If anger could be turned into raw power, she would have likely been able to knock the Tyrant Sun flat with a single buck. “Do you have any idea how much he's hurting right now?”
“Yeah, I could have phrased it better,” Raindrops said, a slight giggle in her voice. “But what's done is done. And besides, I'm still anger-free and proud to be!”
“But this isn't you,” said Lyra. “You haven't eliminated your problem, you've just...rewritten yourself.”
Raindrops took a single step out of the doorway, her smile widening as she did so. The entire party shrank back in surprise. “Of course I have! Everypony was so scared of me beating them upside the head for anything they did! Now they have no reason to worry about me. I can't hurt anypony else ever again. Even if anything bad comes my way, I'll just be all smiles. I'm all better now, and you guys should just stop worrying about me and focus on improving yourselves.”
The five looked about each other, worry etching across their faces. “Raindrops, haven't you hurt enough ponies like this today?” asked Cheerilee.
“I'm not hurting anypony, I'm helping them!” Raindrops' smile grew, and with every extra inch seemed to come closer and closer to the charming smile of somepony who was about to knife you. That was just one of the eight-point-sixty-five reasons Cheerilee recoiled as Raindrops' hoof tapped her on the front. “You know, I'm all open tonight. We could hit the bar, look out for some single stallions wanting a mare with experience. I mean, they don't have to know that you haven't had a coltfriend in...ever.”
In an instant, the luster in Cheerilee's holy wrath faded into the ether. The mare slowly took a few steps away from her mean old friend, feeling as small as a potato bug. She barely even noticed when Lyra stepped in between the two. “Leave her alone, Raindrops! She hasn't done anything to you. We just want to help.”
“But I don't need any help. If you wanted to help somepony, shouldn't you be back at the shop helping Bon-Bon? I'm sure she'd appreciate it, especially considering how you don't have any concerts scheduled for the next two months despite being a national celebrity and a career musician. I'm sure even you wouldn't be too lazy to help the pony who's supporting you keep a roof over your heads.”
And down Lyra went. The mare backed up into the same bowing position as Cheerilee, muttering half-hearted counterarguments to the contrary. That was when Carrot Top stepped in to take up her sword. “Raindrops, you are going to tell us everything that happened. I was there at the meeting. I know how much you want to get rid of your anger problems. But trying to lie to yourself and pretend you're something you're not is never the answer.”
“But I was just a ticking time bomb before this. You should know how hard it is to see everypony else succeeding in life while your own shortcomings and failures hold you back. I know how much you envy the Apples and their success, while you have a dinky carrot farm you can barely keep up the rent on. But hey, you have that union of yours know, and that's a great thing. At least you and the Apples have their own trusts now.”
Carrot Top whinnied and walked back a few steps, her lips curling into a sobbing position. “I-I never...I'm a good farmer...”
“Hold it right there!” Trixie's voice bellowed across the front yard like a mighty manticore's roar. “Raindrops, I may be your friend, but this 'happy' you has become a belligerent loudmouth! Now you are going to tell us everything that's happening, and that's final!”
Raindrops cocked her head just slightly to the right. “Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black? I think you need to work out your own problems before you go around insulting anypony. Besides, don't you have important things to do for Princess Luna? Surely she hasn't just dumped her prized pupil in a small town like Ponyville and completely forgotten about her, or given her absolutely pointless tasks to do. You must be getting really close to that Night Court position you always wanted by hanging around these sticks.”
Trixie...smiled and shook her head. “Heh. Was that the best you could...”
“And you really need to get laid.”
That was when Trixie's mouth clamped shut like a vise. The mare slowly lowered her hat over her eyes, barely concealing the raw terror emitting from every synapse of her being. With four of the five champions now defeated – more or less – it was time for the last and greatest of them to step forward and bring these beast down. At least, that was a small part of Ditzy's rationale.
The Element of Kindness walked forward, her face visibly straining from trying to keep her eyes locked on Raindrops. The mare seemed to quiver under the power of her piercing gaze, but otherwise made no sign of trying to move away from the door. And that smile still refused to leave. “Raindrops, I know things are rough for you. I know you didn't want to insult your little brother, or to make any of your friends feel this way. But whatever this doctor has done...this isn't you. You are supposed to be the Element of Honesty. How can you possibly justify all this?”
Raindrops was silent for several seconds. The smile gradually descended, stopping around the level of a smirk. Ditzy smiled as she saw a glimmer of her old friend...
“You're right. I really need to make this up to everypony.” The smile widened just a bit. “We really should hit the bar tonight.”
“I...don't think drinking is really going to help...”
“But it's Singles Night! I'll even help you find some eligible stallions!”
Ditzy's eyes narrowed. In her frustration, she lost that tight focus holding her rolling optics in place, sending her left spinning until it was looking straight down. “I'm not looking for a coltfriend, Raindrops. I have my Dinky, and that's enough for me.”
“But is it enough for her?” Even wider. “You're a great mother and all, but another pony in the household might make things even better for her and you. There are plenty of loving ponies out there who would just love to help raise your daughter. We just have to make sure to avoid the married ones. You know, the ones who try to slip off the ring and act like they don't have a wife and foals of their own. Because really, all you would have to do is hook up with them just once and there goes the family. Especially if you don't use protection, you know? Can't risk getting pregnant and bringing a baby into all this...”
That was when Raindrops zoned back into reality and saw Ditzy's face. Any confidence the mailmare had previously shown had been wiped away, leaving behind only a stunned, slack-jawed, eye-quivering mess. The others, having just barely recovered from their own torments, slowly approached their stunned friend, pausing only to flash confused, accusatory and/or frustrated glances at the instigator of all this. Raindrops stood still for a few more seconds, the smile stretching to obviously painful degrees, before she finally stepped away and closed the door.
The spectacle outside remained equally still for much longer. Only Trixie was simultaneously brave and foolish enough to break the silence. “Ditzy...are you okay?”
The mare nodded her head up and down, but the closed eyes, sobbing noises and tears rather betrayed the lie. Lyra and Carrot Top both wrapped a hoof over her back, pulling themselves in for a three-way hug, while Cheerilee walked up to the still-shocked Trixie. Meanwhile, from somewhere within the house, the group could hear...something, much like a cross between uproarious laughter and heaving cries.
“...What next?” Cheerilee muttered. “Raindrops isn't going to listen to us.”
Trixie's eyes narrowed as she moved the brim of her hat back up. “We find Dr. Crane. We make him tell us how to turn Raindrops back to normal.” She turned to the still-sobbing Ditzy, and would have finished her thought had Cheerilee not beaten her to the punch.
“And then we break his legs.”
Some stories make me wish I could click the like button for each individual chapter. This is one of those stories because liking it just once doesn't seem enough... maybe I need to go create some fake accounts.
Anyway, said it before and I'll say it again, this fic is such delightful blend of offbeat comedy and unsettlingly twisted horror. It takes the concept of the stepford smiler to a whole new level, and I love every painfully agonizing heart-wrenching minute of it.
...
I still like this Raindrops even though she's going to blow up and completely wreck everybody around her. It will be glorious. And this Dr Crane, I doubt he's the one that has a radio show, rather the one who wears burlap in Gotham
I wish I had anything meaningful to say that Emeral didn't first. The funny bits were hilarious, and Happy!Raindrops verbally tearing into her friends was gut-twisting.
Bad Touch! Bad Touch! She needs a grown up
Oh, wait false alarm, good touch, that's alright then
Is this a reference to something else? Because if it isn't I want to know about it.
Yay, Dr Who reference, I may steal this for my doctor who crossover
Doctor: Now I have to work on this thingamabob
Pony: Can I help
Doctor: Its were technical I have to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
Pony: That's easy, we learnt that in school
Doctor: You Did?
Where those real cut aways to Corona and Greengrass or where they imagine spots?
Trixie was in Therapy, that's interesting. I can't decide if that's something Luna would arrange for her or not.
Ouch, Raindrops could be giving Discord lessons on how to break ponies, particularly Ditzy, I guess nothing hurts worse than the element of truth.
Slowly, hopefully. Bit by bit. Starting at the tips.
Poor Raindrops. Poor everypony else, too...
Oh, great. Remind her of WHY she wanted to reject her element. I think breaking Crane's legs is too good for him. Time for the fool to die.
Dood, this is awesome.
I mean, it jist works so incredibly well. Lyra's freaked out reaction to Iron Will(especially those hands) CT finally getting her back better, Trixie being Trixie, Cheerilee being good teacher and barely restrained instrument of vengeance, and Ditzy being the sane one.
And then that last scene with Raindrops.....I feel so sorry for everyone....
Seriously dood, you're in top form.
couch
?”
hunch
I really like Iron Will in this. A minotaur of many talents.
Jeez, Raindrops can't hold it in. I wonder if this therapy mixed badly with her element or something. Although it's pretty clearly bad news regardless.
2426428
Nah, what is required is something more subtle. You don't break anything the first day, just cause some bruising. Everywhere. Bone breaking doesn't begin until day three.
Admittedly, not liking some of the Trixie in here. Yes, we get it. She's not the best pony, but I think you took it too far with Thunderlane and way too far with her and Ditzy's money problems.
Anyway, this is gonna blow up really soon, methinks.
Wait, I just thought of something. When did Cloud Kicker say anything?
2427341
I thought I had fixed all those.
Keep telling yourself that, darling.
As for the now infamous Mr.Crane... He's not looking particularly malicious. Irresponsible to the point where Trixie or Pinkie are looking good by comparison, but...probably not a complete asshole.
Still doesn't stop me anticipating a couple kicks to the head he should receive shorty.
2427368
Was it originally Cloud Kicker instead of Thunderlane?
2427618
Yeah. It was changed on Emeral's suggestion since the lines didn't really fit Cloud Kicker.
I just realized. Though Neighsier Crane is a reference to Frasier Crane, who is also a psychiatrist, Crane is also the last name of The Scarecrow.
How did it take me this long to get that?
2427675
And the Scarecrow is in turn a reference to Ichabod Crane. I guess that makes Neighsier the Headless Horse or something? Just how far down does the rabbit hole go?
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I think whatever Crane did caused Raindrops' inhibitions to work backwards on a tremendously inflated scale, supercharging the (in simple terms) pleasure center of her brain whenever she says ANY thought instead of just firing it a bit when she represses a potentially hurtful thought...
This means that her being extremely open with her thoughts is self-reinforcing. Very interesting indeed.
2426605
Okay, I just saw Dan Vs. the Lemonade Stand Gang today, so this was running through my head while picturing Cheerilee going to town on Dr. Crane.
Avatar of Nemesis
2427076 But if you break the neck first, there'd be a risk of paralyzing the poor soul. Wouldn't he be then all numb and not feeling a thing when you go for the limbs... Suddenly I feel like The Joker. Wasn't there a story to be commented? Oh, right.
I really loved Iron Will in this. A shameless sellout, but also fair and smart businessman. A hilariously show-stealing performance for me. And Raindrops keeps going all smiles, sunshine and insensitive remarks. Wonderful.
I will say that this was the side of being the element of Honesty that I almost wished had been explored in the show it self, that being the idea of truth when it is delivered in a way that cruel or brutal. Sure we get times of characters being Brutally (sometimes even cruelly honest) but the funny thing is that in the show it is never Applejack.
While she is shown as a terrible liar, Applejack is always shown in a noble light in regards to her honesty. While this makes for a great role model it almost feels like wasted potential. I really think an episode showing how hurtful honesty can be when it isn't approached with tact and restraint could be really bad.
This chapter was everything I would hope such an episode would be like. It wasn't pretty seeing characters I know and love being ripped apart like this but boy did it make an impact.
I'm going to be honest and say this was not the direction I was expecting for this story but I'm not complaining.
My only question is how you're going to bring Raindrops back from this and repair the damage done to Snails. The L6 are adults and will understand that Raindrops wasn't herself but right now I'm not seeing how things will be ok between the siblings again. But I remain optimistic.
In terms of Crane I'd suggest starting with the legs then woring your way up. There are more bones in the legs that you can break with out risking death or paralysis (don't want it over too quickly) and then when your done with that you can work on the centre mass.
So Rainbow's incounter with Raindrops has sent her into hiding. I am more than ok with this.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
<Brain> Hey! Hey you, hands! Why haven't we thumbed this yet?!
<Hands> How would we know? Aren't we trying to type something at the moment?
<Brain> Nevermind that! Make with the clicking!!!
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To be fair, I'm pretty sure it would also require AJ to be emotionally altered before her honesty was handled without tact for a long, uninterrupted burst. AJ is the Element of Honesty for a reason, you know.
Iron Will was awesome again and for some reason I had my shipping goggles on with his scene. Oh well.
And yeah, Raindrops's situation is just heartbreaking.
2426428 No no no. Magical healing accelerating the natural recovery rate means that in a week or two all that will be undone. What you do is dislocate the bones. The reason is simple, dislocated bones and joints cannot naturally heal and they need to be forced back into place manually. Doing so is incredibly painful, and it takes weeks or even months before the joint functions properly again. In addition there is no way to speed up the healing process. You're body isn't so much repairing the joint as getting used to the slightly different muscle and joint tissue configuration as a perfect reset is impossible. If set improperly, a dislocation can cripple a person many times worse as an improperly set bone. While you can rebreak a bone in order to reset it, an improperly set joint will just continue to deteriorate and it may not be obvious that it was improperly set before the damage is irrecoverable. Remember, the damage to the joints from dislocation cannot heal naturally, so even more damage just makes it worse.
Yes, I have thought about it as a means of getting around magical healing and regeneration. Never thought I would wind up applying it to ponies.
Ah, so we have Dr. Crane...
*eye-twitch* ... Doctor, I have one question for you. Death, or Exile?
2448159
Death by exile.
Damnit. You know, at this point I think I enjoy the Lunaverse far more in theory than in practice. It's a series as dark and depressing as it can possibly get without actually doing anything to move the story out of the land of sunshine and rainbows, which is a cool IDEA...
...but
I am getting so incredibly f*cking sick of everypony suffering EXCEPT the ones who actually deserve it. The knowledge that Applejack is basically trapped in a life where her soul is slowly ROTTING was a valiant recovery after her evil had me burning out brain cells from sheer rage in Carrot Top Season, but this has no such mercy. I know that the reflex to be nice to the Mane 6 is apparently deeply ingrained, but Rainbow Dash has it TOO DAMNED GOOD. Even our unapologetic monstrous unimaginably powerful MAIN VILLAIN Corona manages to be infinitely more sympathetic. Not that you are the only contributor, but you are the main one with an opening:
Currently, Lunaverse Rainbow Dash is a black hole of impropriety. She is siphoning off vast percentages of what is wrong with the real world to worsen a realm of fantasy and make this fiction impossible to read. Every other pony in this series has been bloody well TORTURED at least once.*
Punish her.
You have the last open piece of Season One.
Make even a fictional world a SLIGHTLY better place.
Punish Rainbow Dash.
Not every character has to be sympathetic, but if one is so horrible they cause your readers physical pain (and get away with it,) it means that you are either an asshole, or a very poor writer... And I've read enough of your other stuff to know that you aren't a 'very' poor writer.
2451470 Indeed.
Gotta love brutal honesty. And emotions are just chemical reactions, but they're very, very tricky ones that are usually best not to mess with. Not sure if using magic would make that approach any better... Still hoping for a "Let's put a smile on that face" joke, though
2454788: Or we could... y'know, not do that.
Why punish Rainbow Dash? This is a series about friendship, not punishment. If she's done wrong, it's much better to write stories in which she learns and grows. Or just keep her as a minor antagonist.
And I don't think the story is as dark as you seem to think (excluding AtGGG, which, granted, got really dark by the end), but that's probably an argument for another day.
Iron Will made me laugh. The last scene almost made me cry.
I feel bad for Raindrops its like she's imprisoned in her own smiling body. Every time her grin gets bigger it always happens at a part were she would normally feel bad or angry. It's like some dark unseen force deliberately is keeping her from showing anything other than happiness. She can't even keep thoughts to herself.
This Crane is a sick creature for doing this. If one jerk in this series needs to be taught a lesson it's Crane. People (and ponies) need to be happy but not all the time and defiantly not like this. If I were Raindrops I would be scared and angry (she probably is deep down under the permanent smile but can't express it.) I would be completely destroyed with sadness watching myself uncontrollably insult everyone I hold near and dear.
The feels for her torment.
Good chapter, I did find Trixie being shut down a bit odd, or at least the way she was shut down rather odd, this is personal opinion but I don't think her views on sex are so negative the mere words makes her freeze up; something like lining out why she's a bad friend might considering her fear of losing them. Besides that this was an excellent chapter, though sad, I can't wait to see an end to Dr Cranes mad schemes, though we know he'll escape arkam again sometime. My favorite part was the Iron Will section just all of it was purely fantastic!
Hey, folks've come a long way since Freud and his vag envy n_n
When will this update again?
Wait, how can you reverse the polarity of a neutron flow? They don't have a polarity TO reverse.
I hope this isn't going to be one of those fics where the moral is "be yourself". The problem with that is that you never seem to hear anybody saying it to the various antagonists and villains. So something like "there is no short cut for self improvement" perhaps?
It just seems hypocritical not to apply a similar imperative for character betterment to the protagonists. In canon Fluttershy got some character development where she learned to assert herself without being a jerk about it, for example.
3046675
It's not.
Ouch, too brutal Rainy! And that is very hypocrithical of me, seeing that my honesty is usually brutal.
You referenced Woonastuck! You are awesome for that. But this needs to update soon! I want to find out what happened to Raindrops!
Is this fic dead?
3301920
No. And unfortunately, neither am I.
3302121 Oh. Well then, how soon until the next chapter comes out?
3323579
When I:
A. Can get back to writing seriously. (I've been kind of distracted lately.)
B. Am not full of self loathing and a desire to kill myself.
C. Catch up/finish several other projects.
Sorry.
3325215 Well, here's hoping all three things happen! So cheer up! Things will get better soon.!
I hope there is an update soon. I've been waiting like forever...
3325215
Any way we can help?
3325215
Have things been getting better for you? Or is IRL still murdering your creativity?
Ouch, Discord would love this new Raindrops. And I think at this rate, even Fluttershy, a Shrinking Violet, Extreme Doormat and pacifist would want to break Crane's legs, heck even the ever cheerful Pinkie Pie would. Everyone would want to. I think that instead though, they should frist bring Raindrops to Corona and Greengrass and have her break them. Just for safety.