Book One: Chapter Eighteen: Secrets and Discoveries
Myths and Birthrights
By Tundara
Book One: Awakening and Arrivals
Chapter Eighteen: Secrets and Discoveries
Low groans, mingled with sharper yelps, and frantic sobbing washed over Luna and Iridia. The stench of antiseptics was heavy in the air, mixing with the smell of blood, dirt, and fouler things. Row upon row of beds filled Diamond Down’s town hall, the space converted into a temporary aid center and clinic. Ponies lay groaning on the vast majority of beds, while a limited number of wounded halla watched in silent discontent. Among the wounded and dying moved a number of priestesses and den-mothers aided by a few ponies, applying salves and spells as they went.
Beside her, Iridia was quiet, her lips pressed into a tight line, wings rigid from the effort of containing an outburst.
Their presence had gone unnoticed as yet, except by a few, drawing startled gasps and bows, but no more with all the wounded that needed tending.
Deputy Mayor Fairweather continually glanced up at Luna as she led them through the room, the frail earth pony stuttering as she explained the fight and aftermath. The battle—if so one-sided an affair could be called such—had been short and bloody. The halla’s charge completely overwhelmed the farmers and townsfolk. Even the few country guards the town had boasted were found wanting; all three lay outside with the other dead.
In truth, the number of dead was remarkably low, given the circumstances. When the initial reports reached her in Sparkledale, Luna had expected to find the town decimated, or worse.
She refused to give these thoughts voice, and instead paused at one bed to give a little comfort before moving onward.
Inside one of the council chambers they were shown the town’s foals. They sat on short cots, some asleep while others were underneath the attentive fussiness of their parents. Dull and listless, the foals turned to stare at the newcomers.
A cold fury swept over Luna, small sparks flitting through her mane. The depravity necessary to commit such an act was something even the Nightmare would have found utterly deplorable. She shook, a small part of her wishing the perpetrator had yet to be brought to justice so she could have exacted it herself.
“Princess, is there anything you can do for them?” Fairweather asked, her voice hesitant and soft. Even then it still boomed through the room, and drew all attention to Luna.
Not answering at once, Luna went to the nearest filly. She extended her magic over her, hoping she’d been wrong in her initial assessment.
Before Luna could do more than begin her probe, Iridia let out a long, relieved laugh. “They will be fine in a few days.” Iridia patted a colt on the withers with her wing. “Foals are remarkably resilient. If you have access to it, a few drops of Extract of Sparkle will do the trick and have them their usual, spirited selves by morning. Dark, bitter chocolate will work as well.”
Refusing to give false hope, Luna finished her magic, and what she found made her anger subside a little. Held breaths were released at her quick nod and the thin smile she gave.
Luna was troubled to see a few of the beds had nopony around them. She lingered near these foals longer than others, providing what limited comfort she could give. Old wounds, long thought closed, threatened to burst open anew, especially as she reached a soft-pink pegasus filly the exact image of Cadence when she’d been young. Her memories of that time were fractured, distorted by the Nightmare’s grip on her mind at the time. Throat tight, Luna tried to hum some old lullaby, but the tune refused to be aired. Her mind slipped back further, past the War of the Sun and Moon, when Cadence had been a filly, to when Luna had been little, and it’d been her in a similar bed having lost almost all her foster family. Celestia’s radiant smile and bouncing, free giggles thrust across the years, and the song her sister had sung for her at last broke from Luna.
Ears perked up at the first magical note, the light of curiosity entering the foals’ dull eyes. They began to push themselves upwards, and stretched towards Luna as a drowning pony would an island. She hardly noticed, her hoof stroking the mane of the filly beside her while her thoughts lingered in the ancient past.
Eventually, the song come to its end, and the foals settled once more, though there remained that little spark in the gazes.
“Thank you,” Fairweather said as they left. “Everypony was really worried when that odd priestess brought the foals back to town.”
“Something will have to be done for the orphans.” Luna sighed, and cast a last glance back over her wings.
Fairweather bobbed her head in agreement.
“An arbiter and justicar will be dispatched to see what can be done. Perhaps an orphanage can be set up here in the village. It’d be better if they could stay near their friends. Though, maybe a clean break would be better.” Luna sighed, and wished she knew what to do. Celestia would have known.
“I am more concerned about Smart Cookie’s oubliette being opened, and if it was an isolated event, or have they all been broken.” Iridia curled her upper lip and stared venomously back over her withers to the room. “Fie! I’d hoped we were done with Tirak and his brood.”
Luna grimaced in agreement. Though the foals would recover, none of them would ever be the same. If just their magic had been drained, she would not have worried, but to have their very souls syphoned was an entirely different matter.
“I should have known,” Iridia continued, her own rage building until tiny tendrils of fire appeared at the corners of her eyes or curled from the tips of feathers. “Fie! I’m the Goddess of Motherhood. I should have protected them. It is my duty to watch over all the foals. Why didn’t I sense something was amiss?”
“None of us knew, not even Celestia,” Luna countered, coming to a stop so quick that Fairweather and Iridia almost bumped into her. “If the letter about the halla crossing hadn’t become lost we could have dispatched an escort. Or a thousand other variables. It does not matter. We were all distracted. Even Ponyville escaped our notice. I just hope Celestia is finding better news awaiting her than we have here.”
Iridia tilted her head a little in agreement and ruffled her wings.
Nopony had yet told Iridia about Twilight and Leviathan. Luna did not want to be the one to inform her of the dangers Twilight had faced. At least Luna was fairly certain that Twilight was safe. Sirius and the other stars had returned to the heavens and promptly fallen to sleep just before Luna and Iridia had left Sparkledale. That the stars had been able to return to the heavens told Luna that Twilight had been at least partially successful in her endeavours, that they hadn’t attempted to rouse their sisters that Twilight was safe.
“Well, let’s get this out of the way,” Iridia said as they reached the door to the mayor’s office.
Beyond it waited the focal point of the troubles that had befallen Diamond Downs.
Luna already knew what to expect thanks to Fairweather. After telling the earth pony to wait outside, she stepped inside.
Shyara stood to one side reading, a dozen other books in a slow orbit as she scanned the words before her. More books sat in little, organised piles. Perched behind her horn she wore Trixie’s tattered old hat, the point flopping down one side.
Across the bookshelves, perched a dozen hemmravn, the spirits watching Luna as she entered.
The only other occupant of the room was River, seated beside the desk and resting with her eyes half-closed. Her ears perked up at the sound of the door shutting.
“Your Divine Highness,” River bowed her head to Luna and Iridia in turn, “Your Divine Majesty.”
Putting her books down, Shyara heaved a little sigh, glanced up, and swallowed a lump in her throat. “If you’re here to smite me, then—”
“Smite?” Luna interjected with a harsh snort. There was so much she wanted to say, all of which would have caused more trouble. “No, I am not here to,” she paused so as to spit out the next word like it were poison, “smite you. If that were the case I would not have given you time to run away, would I? You Gaean ponies are too quick with the assumption of violence. How much pain and loss could have been avoided if you, Tyr, or whomever is in the East had just tried to talk to us?”
Shyara snapped her head back in surprise, eyes widening.
“And how was she to know that we were any different?” Iridia rolled her eyes and gave Shyara a not-at-all inconspicuous wink. “Once upon a time it would’ve been true. You did not live in the Dark Era. It has its name for a reason. To halt the demons advance your mother and I had to make some very unsavory choices and harden our hearts.”
“Stop telling fibs to get the filly to like you, aunty.”
Affecting a hurt pose, Iridia gave a breathy gasp. “Fie. I would never do such a thing! No, if I wanted her favour I’d ply her with ice cream and sweet apple tarts.” She laughed at Luna’s snort of annoyance. Her good humour fading, she turned to River, and asked, “But, where is my Mountain? I thought he’d be here with you, acting all stern and muscly.”
“He… is gone,” River said, her voice cracking.
A brittle smile flitted along the corners of Iridia’s mouth, and an odd sort of laugh broke from the queen. “Now is not the time for poor jokes, River. Mountain is strong. Among the strongest mortal I’ve known. You mean he has left on some quest, surely.” Iridia turned to Luna, fear flickering behind her old eyes. “He very much wanted to take part in such grand adventures, but was cooped up by the Eagles in Thornhaven with me and had to subsist off stories.”
River shook her head. “Nay, my queen. He died slaying the doshaa along with Shyara’s guardian. They were heroes, like in the old tales, and saved the foals, and all of us.”
A wave of cold burst from Iridia, striking Luna and driving a shiver up her spine. Iridia took a half-step back, as if afraid of River, eyes darting to the windows, door, and then settling on Luna. Luna was transfixed by her aunt, by her despair, fear, and self-loathing filled gaze. Overcome, Iridia collapsed onto a bench, hooves shaking and wings hanging listless in defeat. Grasping a hoof to provide comfort, Luna took little notice of how cold her aunt had grown. Her shaking calmed, and Iridia took a deep breath, eyes closed as she warred with her emotions.
A sad laugh broke the silence. “That sounds like my Mountain. A hero of old…”
“Aunty, what is going on?” Luna very briefly wondered if she should press the issue or just provide a shoulder to lean against as the question filled the room. Committed, Luna pressed ahead. “This is not like you. You of all ponies know he’ll return in the due course of time. You’ll see him again. That is what you always told Celestia and I. What is really bothering you?”
“She’s worried about the imposter,” Shyara chimed from her corner, shifting uncomfortably on her hooves while the hemmravn arrayed above her peered with great interest down at Iridia and Luna. “I mean, the Nightwatcher. Er, Twilight.”
Luna sent a questioning look over her withers. Shyara gulp and retreated a little, bumping against the bookshelves and scattering the raven-like spirits. They wheeled about the room with shrill cries of, “Betrayer! Deceiver! Lies she spread. Told the stars her father already be dead.”
“Begone,” Iridia snapped. “Annoying pests. What are you even doing here? Go steal somepony else's secrets.”
Cackling, the hemmravn ignored Iridia and settled once more around Shyara, a mischievous grin on their twin beaks.
Putting Shyara and the spirits aside for the moment, Luna focused her attention on Iridia. “Aunty, what are they speaking about?”
“At the gala, Twilight asked after her father, and I told her that he’d passed away years ago, when he was really alive and well.” Iridia collapsed further in on herself and shifted her gaze to the floor, unable to look Luna in the eye. “A stupid lie I didn’t know how to take back. I’d hoped to make things right when she returned from her little trip. The plans were all there in my head. My apologies and explanations. She’d be mad and hurt, but I’d introduce them and give them the space they deserved. Twilight would have forgiven me. She is not a spiteful mare without reason. Now, however? I’ll… I’ll lose her forever when she learns the truth, and it is the least I deserve.”
Tears clung to Iridia’s cheeks while the twin flowers of anger and pity bloomed in Luna’s breast. Anger for Twilight’s sake, as she knew all too well the pain caused by similar lies. Yet, her pity for Iridia was undiminished, knowing all too keenly the sting of a daughter’s hatred and loathing, no matter how justified it might be.
Head snapping up, Iridia fixed a sharp look at everypony present. “This can not leave this room. Ever.”
She could see exactly what was going to happen. They’d all swear to silence, and then in a few years or perhaps a century, Twilight would uncover some writing, or letter, or through some other means the truth would appear. Twilight would grow angry—how could she not?—and confront Iridia. But, the anger would have been at being lied and manipulated for so many years.
An exasperated groan broke from Luna, and she massaged her forehead. “Aunty, this is not a secret that can be kept.”
“It must!” Iridia rounded on Luna. Her eyes wild she leapt off the couch and thrust out her wings. “I can not bear lose her too. If she discovers what I cost her, she’ll ”
“Your histrionics are not helping, aunty.” Luna replied coldly, setting her face into a stern scowl. “Twilight won’t disown you forever, but she will discover the truth eventually. Go and talk to her, now, and much of that anger can be mitigated. Every moment delayed will only magnify her pain and sense of betrayal.”
Recoiling, Iridia stuttered out a few, nonsensical words. Quick to regain her composure, such as it was with her melodrama, she sighed and wiped at her eyes with a wingtip. “I will think on the matter. For now I am going to prepare Mountain and lay him to rest in the old ways.”
“Twilight has a right to be present,” Luna said at once, with great force. “Do not take his funeral from her as well.”
“But—”
Luna’s hoof came down with a sharp crack. “No. For your the good of you both I must insist! She may refuse, but it will be her choice at least.” Iridia shied away, shocked by the force Luna’s voice. Luna did not relent. “Accept the mistakes that you made.” A devilish grin then found it’s way to Luna’s muzzle. She leaned closer, taking added relish in her next few words. “Also, you need her if you truly wish to do it by the old ways. Unless there is another daughter to give the elegy. Wait a few days and we’ll all be present. The season is no time for a funeral regardless. You’re barely standing on your hooves as it is, aunty.”
This much was true, Iridia wobbling on her hooves. With River’s assistance, Luna guided her back to the bench. Iridia clutched at Luna’s leg, holding it dear and tight, while her eyes searched Luna’s face. There was confusion, pain, and fear at war behind her blue eyes. It was a sight Luna had seen too many times in the mirror after confrontations with Cadence.
As if reading Luna’s thoughts, Iridia asked, “How do you do it? How do you face your daughter knowing all the pain you caused? I wish I was as strong as you, but I’ve become such a frightened thing when it comes to Twilight. I can’t lose her too, Lulu. I simply can’t.”
Luna hesitated to respond. Mostly as all the melodrama had faded from Iridia, and instead what was bared before her was the true state of Iridia’s heart. Everything before had been a plea, a desperate cry for guidance and reassurance. Iridia was no fool, and had known Luna’s advice before it had been spoken, just as she knew what Luna was going to say next. She was like a foal that needed a hug but was too proud to ask.
“You simply persevere.” Luna summoned a blanket to spread over Iridia, and once she was certain her aunt was settled, whispered to River, “Keep a watch on her. Your mother and her worked powerful magic today, and I do not think her fully recovered. I’ll be back for her soon, and with an escort for your herd. First I must take Shyara to Sparkledale.”
“Wait,” River pleaded, and such was the longing in her voice that Luna stopped and turned, curious. “What do you mean by this talk of my mother?”
Luna hesitated and frowned just a little, cursing Iridia for the lies and half-truths her aunt would have spun. Of course she’d either never mentioned Velvet lived, or out-right said that she’d died.
“You have family beyond the herds of the north,” Luna replied. “Actually, we are family, in a way. Your half-brother is husband to my daughter.”
Mouth working soundlessly, River stared after Luna and Shyara as they departed.
After telling the deputy mayor that more help would be dispatched within the hour, Luna led Shyara through the temporary aid station. The filly lowered her ears and shied away from the looks leveled on her by pony and halla alike. Luna ignored the looks, used to being underneath such bitter gazes.
“Remember,” Luna said to Fairweather as she stepped out into the sunlight and looked up to see her dear Selene hovering just a little further west than Sol, “the arbiters and judicators will be in charge once they arrive. They speak with Celestia’s authority.”
“I know, and thank you princess.” Deputy Mayor Fairweather bowed low.
Heaving a low sigh, she looked over the lines of covered bodies. “I wish there was more we could do, or had done.”
Sol’s orange glow splashed through the Bellerophon’s stern windows, flowing over Twilight’s desk and illuminating the unfinished letter awaiting her attention next to a glass of madeira. Three bottles sat empty on a corner of her desk, mocking Twilight as she stared out the window. In spite of her best efforts, the alcohol’s effects had yet to manifest.
There was none of the usual post-victory joy. Just loss, an emptiness like she’d been hollowed out and discarded. Tears prickled along the rim of her eyes, but developed no further.
Pinkie’s scream welled up from the recesses of her mind, followed by Leviathan’s amused giggles. She closed her eyes and saw Pinkie laying there on the floor, a spreading pool of blood around her writhing form. Twilight shook at the memories and reached out for her glass, only for it to shatter in her aura.
Clicking her tongue, she mended the glass… again.
Rainbow had staunchly refused to leave Pinkie’s side. Twilight couldn’t face Pinkie, not yet. Every time she tried to visit, she turned back, and returned to her unfinished letter. Only a thin wall divided Twilight from her friends, yet, it may as well have been the entire disc between them.
Overhead, the deck creaked as the crew tended to the fallen, sewing them into their hammocks to be sent to rest beneath the ocean waves. Of the hundred ponies that had gone to shore, almost two dozen had been left behind on the island, an equal number lay motionless on the deck, and in the sickbay. Over seventy ponies dead or hurt because of her.
She should have acted sooner and been less cautious. How many died because she’d waited most of the night and morning? How many more would be with their mess mates, instead of lying in the dark sickbay, facing the prospect of being crippled and lame the rest of their lives?
Her fault. It was her fault for dragging the crew of the Bellerophon into a battle against demons.
Scrunching her eyes shut, she reached out with her magic to summon a fourth bottle from the hold. The wine, fruity and strong, splashed over her tongue to no effect. Another glass followed, as futile as all that had come before, and she had just finished pouring the third when a polite cough announced an unwanted guest.
“No matter how much you drink, it is impossible for it to affect you,” Faust cautioned from the doorway.
Pouting a little, Twilight downed the entire glass, then snapped, more at her empty cup than her aunt, “Why? I’ve gotten drunk since my Awakening, like when I shared moonwine with Luna and Celestia.”
“Luna seems to have skipped a few details on our nature. Some rather important ones, at that.” Pouring herself a glass, Faust explained in a slow, methodical way, “My dear niece, it would take half the wine in this ship to make you a little tipsy. Moonwine is no regular vintage, and our bodies are not regular flesh and blood like those of the mortals. Take your transformation when you were going to attack Leviathan. Or Luna’s into the Nightmare.” Sipping her port, Faust gave a sigh and frowned at her cup. “Well, it’s not the worst on the disc, at least.”
Having no opinion or particular care about the wine’s quality, Twilight went back to contemplating her letter to Celestia.
How was she supposed to tell her former mentor—now cousin—what had happened? Perhaps she should just abandon the letter and tell her everything in-person when they shifted the day to night in a few hours. She couldn’t decide which was worse. Giving the unvarnished facts so impersonally, or seeing Celestia’s unfiltered disappointment.
Cup set aside, Faust sat down on the bench beneath the windows and stretched out her wings, luxuriating in the afternoon glow. She hummed a little tune to herself before switching her attention back to Twilight. “I wanted to thank you for all you’ve done.”
Twilight tore herself out of her circular thinking and turned to Faust.
“We never would have been able to stop Leviathan alone. It took all of us; you, me, Celestia, and Luna, in order to trap her for good.”
“‘For good’?” Twilight growled, staring into her empty cup. “My mom, the Nightmare, Discord; they all broke free of their prisons.”
Faust considered Twilight a few moments, as if to be certain she were serious, then laughed. “Well, no, it isn’t permanent. But we will have at least a thousand years before she is any sort of problem again. When that day comes, we’ll be there to face her. All of us. I would not wish to be in her hooves. A worry for another time, however.”
A knock preceded Rainbow pushing her way into the cabin. Bandages covered her legs and sides, and a large puffy splotch had taken over right cheek. It was far from the worst injuries Rainbow had suffered, usually brought on by her own antics, yet it only further twisted the guilt in Twilight’s stomach.
“Hey, just wanted to let you know Pinkie’s awake now,” Rainbow indicated the adjoining cabin with a jerk of her head. A slight kick to the Bellerophons stern by a shrewd wave brought a return to Rainbow’s green pallor. Stifling a groan, she leaned against the nearby cannon, her face turning an unsettling green where it wasn’t bruised.
“Come here,” Faust said as she grabbed Rainbow in her magic and floated the pegasus over. Rainbow attempted to protest, swiping and squirming to get free, but she may as well have struggled to hold back the tides with a spoon. Her fighting ended as she was set down and Faust began to massage the muscles of her wings. “My husband used to do this for me when I was pregnant with Luna.”
“Mm, that’s actually rather nice,” Rainbow hummed, her pasty appearance receding.
“You’re lucky. The baby was the deciding factor in keeping you safe. I admit, I was uncertain if they’d be able to protect you and Applejack.”
The ship creaked. Twilight froze half-way through the act of opening another bottle of wine. Rainbow stared ahead, eyes dilating like she’d just spotted a train careening towards her.
“I’m not—”
The rest of Rainbow’s protest were drowned under an eruption of noise and confetti.
“Did somepony say baby!” Pinkie exclaimed as she burst through the door, a wave of streamers and partially filled balloons pouring in around her hoove. She’d placed little stubs of incense in her mane, smoke curling up in sugary-sweet tendrils from the ends. But, it was the wide eye-patch that yanked at Twilight’s attention, refusing to allow her to look anywhere else. Smiling to show off that she’d painted a tooth black, Pinkie bounded across the cabin. “It’s taken for-ev-er to be re-revealed! My ‘Congratulations Dashie’ party supplies are all droopy.”
“Pinks, I’m not pregnant!” Rainbow shouted, loud enough that the lookout must have heard her up at the masthead. “There is simply no way. I mean, the doctor has been mixing that foul tasting stuff into the water and, you know, there isn’t enough privacy for that sort of thing around here.”
Wrapping a hoof around Rainbow’s neck, Pinkie let out one of her characteristic giggles and her smile grew. “Silly billy, of course not. The little bun was put in the oven a while ago.”
“Pinkie, how could you possibly know that Dash was pregnant?” Twilight demanded, setting the still unopened bottle aside with a heavy thud for emphasis. No sooner had the question left her than she regretted giving it voice.
Still holding Rainbow about the neck, Pinkie swirled over to Twilight and grabbed her as well.
“Well, there are only a few stallions on the ship, and the season has only been going a few days, and Dashie has been having morning sickness for weeks, and there have been the odd cravings she gets like the asparagus crackers she was asking for the other day, and that reminded me how Mrs. Cake always asked for the neatest food when she was pregnant with the twins, so, of course, Dashie ‘had’ to be pregnant!” A soft patter of giggles broke from Pinkie at the end of her explanation. “Also, that laudanum stuff the doctor gave me is ni-ice!” As Pinkie’s giggles grew, her eye began to roll counterclockwise, and then she was slumping sideways, clutching Twilight tighter to avoid falling. “It makes my head all spinny though.”
“Oh, Pinkie, never change.” Twilight gave a little, relieved smile as she and Rainbow helped Pinkie onto a chair. “Maybe you should rest a bit, and we’ll plan Rainbow’s foal-shower tomorrow.”
Gasping, Pinkie covered her mouth. “I forgot about the foal shower!” She started to hop back up, only to be met by Rainbow’s hoof, and gently pushed back down.
“A foal shower is pointless because I’m not pregnant,” Rainbow protested, but only half-heartedly. “If it makes you feel better though, Pinkie, we’ll have one. Can even have a Naming party, too.”
“If you wish to know the foal’s name now, I could tell you.” Faust chidded, stretching out a wing to poke Rainbow on the flank. “Or, would you rather wait to commune in the usual way?”
“Ugh, no way am I drinking that foul naming potion,” Rainbow stuck out her tongue and shivered. “All my aunts told me how it tastes like dirt mixed with overripe apricots. I decided long, long ago that if and when I decided to have a foal there was no way I’d bother with that silly unicorn song and dance to pray to an alicorn who’d not shown her flank in…”
Rainbow’s voice trailed off, her cheeks reddened, and she slapped a hoof to her face while Faust just grinned wider and wider. Unbidden, a laugh broke from Twilight, a light, happy little snicker that spread around the cabin.
A knock on the door quieted the remaining laughter. After Twilight bid them enter, Captain Hardy stepped into the room. With a curt nod to Twilight, he quickly turned his attention to Faust, bowing stiffly at the neck. “Ma’am, it was my hope to impress upon you to conduct the service for the deceased.”
At the mention of a funeral, the good mood that had slowly been created fled, everypony lowering their ears and heads. All save Faust, who had been expecting the request. Even before Captain Hardy had finished his request she was rising.
“It has been a long time since I was able to honour those who fight to protect everypony.”
With little else said, Faust lead the way out onto a somber deck.
The funeral was not what Twilight expected. The bodies were sewn into their hammocks and laid out along the starboard rail. A plank had been extended past the rail, a fulcrum to ease the crews burden as they sent their shipmates sliding into the churning blue waters. Everypony wore their best clothes, coats brushed, vests tightened, and the buttons on their hats polished to a mirror sheen.
At Faust stepping forward the hats came off as one and everypony gazed up at her, attentive and somber. Twilight winced to see so many of the seamares sporting dark bruises or stained bandages.
“It was spoken, in days of old, that there was no greater duty nor honour than to give one’s life in protection of the herd. That those we cherish and love might live on into more peaceful days. Each of these ponies sacrificed of themselves so that we may live. Against the greatest of odds, they raised themselves to meet the challenges, and none were found wanting. Though they knew only the conflict on Marelantis, they took part in a greater, and more ancient war than has been known on our disc. Whether in the mud of Marelantis, the coniferous temple of the Everfree, or a ruin left by another war; they all grabbed the threads of fate and weaved from them a future for us all.
“We commit their bodies to the deep, even as their souls travel the waterways to Elysium’s banks. May they find naught but peace and comfort in those golden fields, and may those yet to make that journey look ahead knowing these heroes await.”
Captain Hardy took Faust’s place, and as he began to read the names of the departed, the first two bodies slid over the side to be welcomed by the cool, gentle sea as the Bellerophon sailed onwards through the glow of the golden sunset.
Deep within the tainted eastern wastes of Tartarus, under the shadow of Mount Gehenna and far from the City of the Dead, stood a narrow fissure, like a wound from a vicious titanic axe, carved into the stone flesh of the mountain.
At the mouth, lashed to an ironwood stake, the first of many defenses to turn the unwary or foolish away scratched idly at its ear. Since the formation of Tartarus, Cerberus had been this first guardian. A hellish three-headed hound as tall as a house, Cerberus could breath the flames of Tartarus on any who drew too near. Should they withstand the fell fire, Cerberus could rend and tear with his massive jaws or black paws. Flight was no aid against the beast, a glance of his burning eyes enough to paralyze even the stoutest heart and send them plummeting.
Beyond Cerberus, a long line of adamantine columns marked the path through the narrow walls to a great hollow. Each was a protective sentinel enchanted by Hades to destroy any being that dared trespass without his blessing. Lightning arced between the columns, even the smallest bit of metal attracting the deadly bolts.
The final hurdle to any seeking passage from the underworld were the gates themselves.
Placed deep within a hollow, the golden gates could only be opened by the Lord of Tartarus’ keys. Seven such keys had been forged of the same vein of adamantine as the columns and gates. Only two yet remained. One kept at all times by Hades, and the other resting among the ruins of the former Citadel of Light at the base of Mount Alicornus.
Small bands of blue magic crawled along the gates, sparks popping in dazzling showers that skipped across the worn flagstones, surrounding them in motes of green, red, and yellow. Faster and faster the bands moved, the sparking growing in frequency to match until a constant shower of light filled the darkened hollow.
A deep, resonating boom sounded from beyond the gates. Slowly, the locks began to turn, one by one, until the hundred hidden gears within spun. More booms emanated from the locks, like the knocking of great colossus. Each was timed to one of the latches opening. Seven such knocks, seven such latches; and then the gate swung open.
Darkness filled the gate so pure the mind rebelled against, tried to deny that there was nothing to see. Madness scraped across the senses, eyes searching for something on which to focus, but there was only a vast emptiness that repelled light and thought alike.
That impossible void seemed to ripple, or perhaps undulate, but it was impossible to tell if it were a mere trick of the mind or something else. Then Hades and Zeus emerged, slipping out of the bleak slash in reality, their appearance as shocking and stark as the gate itself.
Hades stepped down to the barren floor, his wings heavy with defeat and a flat expression of pure exasperation carved into his face as though he was a bust of one of the more tragic figures of Gaean playwrights. Even his mane seemed devoid of life, and if not for an angry spark in the deepest corner of one of his blue eyes, he would have been easy to mistake for one of the souls that wandered his distant city.
Behind him Zeus all but tumbled out of the gate, trotting backwards while blowing kisses to someone unseen on the other side.
“Ha-ha! That was fun!” Zeus’ thundering laugh banged off the canyon walls before echoing out into Tartarus’ persistent stormy skies.
“‘Fun’? Yes… A regular riot of amusement,” Hades snorted, eyes rolling as the gates slammed shut. “Let us never, ever, speak of this ‘fun’ we had, brother.”
His laughter subsiding into low chuckles, Zeus draped a wing over his brother’s withers. “Oh, come now Hades, it wasn’t bad at all.”
“Truly?” Hades slapped Zeus’ wing away. “While you were off cavorting with the locals, I was the only one actually looking for our wayward daughters.”
“I know you weren’t Mr. Mopey the whole time.” Zeus’ eyes twinkled with mischief as he leaned up against a nearby column. From beneath a wing, he pulled out an apple, golden as the gates, but with a lustre that made them seem dull in comparison. Shining it on his chest, though it was hardly necessary, Zeus made sure Hades had noticed the apple before saying, “You certain you don’t want to try one? They would make even an ancient sour-pus like you into a colt again.”
Nostrils flaring, Hades stamped a hoof. “Unlike some gods, I have no desire to cast aside the wisdom I’ve earned for childish antics.”
“Childish?” Zeus repeated the word as he stopped shining his prize.
“Yes, childish! You and that blustering dunkard were a pair of fools the entire time.”
Hades marched up to Zeus, and raised a hoof to smack the apple away. Zeus pulled the apple out of Hades’ before the blow could be struck, adding a disappointed nicker.
“I was being sociable, not pouting like somepony I know. By my beard, brother, you need to lighten up before we find the girls or they’ll wonder if somepony has died.”
Grinding his teeth, Hades was about to launch what he thought was a truly biting quip when a polite cough drew the brothers’ attention.
Standing next to the dozing form of Cerberus was a skinny, young mare. Long silky grey wings clung to her sides, while she propped an elbow on Cerberus’ shoulder, chin resting on her hoof. Her three-toned curly mane of dark blue stripes framed her gaunt face. Beneath an almost stubby horn, at least by alicorn standards, were a set of even darker blue eyes, the iris’ merging into the pupil so smoothly they appeared to suck at the souls of those she gazed upon.
“Lethe! What are you doing here, you little filly?” Zeus bounded past Hades, and before Lethe could respond, she’d been swept up into a crushing hug.
Wriggling out of Zeus’ grasp, Lethe responded by giving the king of the gods a chaste kiss on his cheek.
“I came to give you some crucial information. I’ve learned where the others were sent.”
Zeus grinned wide and let out his thunderous laugh once more.
“Excellent! Excellent! Ha-ha!” His laughter died as suddenly as it had come, and he tugged at his beard. “But, this steals half the fun, you know. It’s barely been a couple centuries since we started looking. I’d hoped to get ol’ gloomy-gus out of the underworld for at least a millennia or so. See some of the worlds. Have a laugh or three.”
Hades thrust an accusatory hoof at his brother. “Ah-ha! You admit this has been a wild basilisk chase, then?”
“Of course not. But the journey is as much the point as the destination, you know.” Zeus tapped a hoof a few times as he thought, then shook his head when no clear conclusion could be reached. “Well, if you found them, you found them. Could be some fun on this… which world did you say they were on?”
“I didn’t,” Lethe smirked, “And if you really want to find them yourselves…”
“Ha-ha! Smart filly! Just like your mother. You have her eyes, you know. As beautiful as the jewels of—”
Hades loudly clearing his throat interrupted Zeus before he could enter into a fine flow of flattery. Pulling his brother away from her, Hades fixed Lethe with a stern look. “And what makes you so certain you’ve even found them. You could be sending us away just to be rid of us.”
“If I wanted that I would just let Zeus drag you from world to world without a compass to guide you.” Lethe gave a disapproving click of her tongue, returning his stare with one of equal venom. “I did not expect you, of all gods, to believe me outright. So, I brought confirmation.”
She beat her wings once, a swirl of dust forming for but a moment before parting to reveal Rarity, dripping wet and clutching a struggling Trixie for dear life.
Hollow, empty eyes stared up at the three gods as Rarity trembled and wavered like a tree about to fall. Her mouth moved to form words but no sounds could be heard until she gave a coughing whine and toppled. Trixie let out a shout as she was pulled down, unable to wriggle free or force her way out of Rarity’s grip.
A flicker of revulsion made Hades step back from the pair.
While Trixie was easily discerned as a good and just soul that had no place within Tartarus, her presence adding a glow of hope within the dreary landscape, it was Rarity that drew his disgust.
Her soul was fractured and wrong. Hades would have said ‘corrupted’, but the word could not do justice to the damaged thing whimpering in a pile before him. By all rights, it should not have been possible for a soul to be so damaged and yet remain coherent, even the vestiges of energy that had once formed it pulled apart. As he watched, more and more of the cracks healed, only for others to break, rising from within.
“What is the meaning of this?” he snarled, hoof thrust at the broken thing sprawled before him.
Even as the question left him, Hades already knew the answer.
He’d seen such a soul once before, long, long ago.
A dreadful affair that had been, when the former God of Order abandoned his post watching over the prison holding the slumbering Quus and got himself killed. Hades did not know all the specifics, only that, towards the end, a wretched thing that had encountered the dead god’s essence had come stumbling into Tartarus demanding a cure. Instead, Hades had cast the impertinent pony out of his domain. The encounter had stuck with him, though, gnawing on his thoughts for many decades.
“She’s encountered a shade, and you bring her here?” Hades raised a wing, ready to send the babbling mass before him away from Tartarus, only to be stopped by Zeus.
No mirth or habitual good humour remained on Zeus’ features as he stepped forward, his face reminiscent of a building thunderhead in the distance. “Tell me, from where do you hail, little ponies?”
Stopping in her efforts to escape Rarity’s clutches, Trixie looked up at the three gods as if seeing them for the first time. Her face morphed from irritation to hope and then fear in an instant.
“If you help Trixie, she will gladly—”
“This is not a negotiation,” Zeus said with a thump of his hoof. “Where are you from?”
Trixie shrunk back, and stuttered out, “M-Manehatten.”
“Not the land. The world. What is the name of your world?”
Confusion covered the pony’s features before she said, “Ioka, of course. Everypony knows that… Right?”
Turning away from the ponies, both entirely forgotten at once, Zeus tugged on his beard and frowned. “Ioka… I do not recall this world. Have any of our wayward kin settled upon it?”
“A few.” Hades lifted his head to scan the darkness above as if by looking hard enough he would see Ioka manifest. “I believe it is claimed by Iridia and Faust.”
“Truly? Ha! There are names I thought never to hear again!” Zeus’ smile returned at once, his teeth glowing as a patch of lightning overhead lit up the canyon. “I thought them lost in the war. But they found a world to call their own, just the two of them? What a stroke a fortune, though Faust always was a tricky one. She’s a luck goddess, correct?”
“I thought she was among the Moirai,” Hades corrected, staring back into the mists of time before time, and finding no answers in his memories. After a few moments he shrugged and abandoned the effort as being pointless. “It has been so long, and I never had much to do with either, that I can not seem to recall.”
Zeus’ laugh filled the canyon again, and he eagerly scuffed his hooves. “A Fate? That could prove interesting.”
“What should we do with them?” Hades flicked his head towards the ponies.
Putting on her most charming smile, Trixie said, “You could send Trixie back to her home, yes?”
Zeus ran his hoof over his beard some more as he thought. Eventually he let out a long grunt followed by a shrug of his wings. “You are dead, little pony, and a mortal realm is no place for a wandering soul. You would hate yourself and those who yet live in equal measure and hunger for that which you no longer possess. Eventually you’d grow to detest the living and seek some means of bringing them harm. Nay, the mortal realms are no place for even the glorious dead of Elysium.”
“For once you say something sensible,” Hades agreed with a bob of his head and a sneer. “Lethe can have them back, and do with them what she will.”
Lethe arched a single brow and snorted. “What use do I have for some wayward hero and… that thing?”
“Bah, if you do not care to take them then have them sent to Olympus and I will deal with them when I return home.” Zeus stamped a hoof and made to return his attention to the gate, but Hades wouldn’t let him, a long sigh rattling from his brother.
“That’s not how things work, brother. Elysium—”
“Ha-ha, not how things work? Hades, we are the gods and make exceptions all the time. We create the rules, enforce them, and when necessary bend them just a little. And it will just be a little while, until… uh…” Zeus blinked and scrunched up his face, gaze flitting back to Rarity. “What is her name?”
“It’s Rarity,” Trixie grumbled, and started to add more but the gods once again began to ignore her.
Hades snorted. “Rarity? Mortals and their common names.” A smile ghosted across his features, and then a groan broke from Lethe while Zeus roared with laughter.
“Ha-ha-ha! You can still joke, brother!” Zeus clapped a hoof to Hades’ wither with a blow that shook the mountain.
“Yes, well, perhaps I am feeling just a minute tinge of hope now that we have a firm destination.” Hades brushed off Zeus’ hoof and clicked his tongue. The humour was fleeting, dying in the span of a newborn’s heartbeat, and he once again took on his grim and dour aspect. To Lethe he commanded, “This is my realm so I will decide their fates. Place them somewhere in Tartarus away from prying eyes. Give them no passage from this realm, no word of guidance or warning save to keep them hidden from the other dead. I will deal with them when I return. Whether it is to give them assistance or punishment will depend on what has befallen my precious Artemis.”
Lethe wisely chose not to argue, and picking Rarity and Trixie up, vanished into a drifting mist.
Hades watched the mist until it had left the canyon, then turned to find Zeus with a worried expression on his usually smiling face. “This is troubling, brother. For her to reach such a state…”
“I know.”
“We should not have tarried so long with—”
“I know, brother!” Zeus’ thundered and struck a hoof to the ground. “Fretting will do nothing. We must hurry to save our daughters. And if what has befallen Serene has been done to them as well, we will bring such a storm down on the perpetrators that all will know what it means to anger a god.”
Hades did not argue the point, only ground his teeth a little and opened the Gate to Ioka. He stared hard at the void that devoured the space between the arches. With wings flared and a flurry of emotions smashing against his breast, Hades marched beside Zeus towards the waiting world.
End of Book One: Awakening and Arrivals
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Poor Rarity. She got no respect
I wonder if Trixie will also take part in Rarity's Iliad adventure.
I can't see her simply accepting that she's dead. Odd that the alicorns can see that Rarity's been partially possessed by a shade, but not identify which shade. Is it still part of her?
Much applause, and it's awesome to see a long haul hit a blast worthy of Helm Hammerhand's old trumpet in the deep. Can't wait to see where it goes in Book Two!
It's over?
It's been a wild and crazy ride, and damn was it a fun one.
7418153
Book One is done, Book Two is in progress and will be posted here. This is a milestone and marks a separation between story arcs. At 190k words, it's a pretty hefty book, if it was in print format. Sorry, I should have made that clearer in the Author's Note.
7418092
Thanks! I'm going to take a short break before really getting into the swing of things with Book Two. There are some side stories I want to work on, and then the is the Rariad that I've been teasing, promising, and forgetting about for the better part of three years now.
7418085
Hades and Zeus did identify it as Serene. Trixie will have a role in the Rariad, obviously.
7418019
Poor Rarity indeed.
And things aren't much better for her in the current draft of The Rariad's opening chapters. I don't hate Rarity, I swear! I rather like her, actually! Which is why I give her the hardest path? 
7418284 Looking forward to those as well, then!
7418284
I do look forward to the Rariad. Quite a lot actually. I have for a long time: I was lurking this site for a long time before I set up an account. I don't suppose you have an ETA for chapter one?
7418284
I can hardly wait to what you have Applejack experience.
Also, story still marked 'incomplete.'
7418284 - So Hades/Zeus knew it was Selene that attempted to body-jump Rarity. Is Selene still in there somewhere or has she finally dispersed? Why do they seem to blame Rarity for her state, or at least Ioka... as if they had any control over what a shade would choose to do?
7418381
Because gods are assholes, that´s why.
7418381
Selene is gone and done. She will only be mentioned in the Rariad as Rarity's predecessor. But, that doesn't mean Rarity has an easy time of things.
7418449
Because of this. Though, I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek. Also, have a thumb's up, good sir, as your answer made me chuckle.
7418354
It's marked 'Incomplete' as Myths is the over-arching banner for the books. Think 'A Song of Fire and Ice', where Myths is the series. Book One's title was 'Awakening and Arrivals'. Book Two is under the working title 'The Empress and the Stars'. I'm also dabating the title 'Duty and Dreams' for Book Two.
Hope that's not too confusing.
7418345
ETA is anywhere from a few weeks to months. I've had the first draft of the initial chapter done for a few months now. I'm getting a bit further into the later chapters so I know what changes to make in the second draft. Once that is done it'll be passed over to Honey Mead so he can yell at me, tell me how terrible it is, and make me write a third draft.
7418285
Thanks! The quality is a lot spottier on my side-stories as I try to do as much of them myself as I can without loading down my editor. They're more passion projects, or ideas that just refuse to leave until they are written down. The next one that is almost done is a story about how Luna got her sword, Tamashi.
7418506 I know that feeling. My editor is my spouse, which is yay, because it means my stuff is interesting to my spouse. It is less yay, because it means when I am a pushy or nervous author... domestic tranquility is not insured.
7418506
So this series will still use this link? I guess that makes sense since you can continue adding chapters until you hit 1k(as recently found out by another). The way you were talking about the next book had me thinking you were going to make a new link for it and subdivide more arcs that way. I apologize for the confusion.
I feel sorry for Rarity. She never deserved such a fate
I really hope she, for lack of better words, recover. And, hopefully, return to life along with Trixie. Part of me thinks it'll happen, mostly because it seems strange to introduce them in this chapter, after their deaths.
So is there going to be a long(er than usual) break between this and the continuation? I think I'm in the minority on this, but I'm actually not particularly interested in Rarity's story (despite my avatar, lol). I'm far more interested in the main thread here.
7418284
Oh I had seen where you mentioned book two. I just wasn't expecting book one to end where it did.
Looking back on it, it's a good place to end it at. No immediate cliffhangers, some conflicts dealt with while others loom on the horizon.
I'm greatly looking forward to book two.
Poor Trixie, she just never gets the respect she deserves...
There's something deeply ironic about mortals, whose fate is death, protecting those who essentially cannot die except under extraordinary circumstances. And there's nutcases like Zeus and Hades who are equally unconcerned about mortals so long as it doesn't personally trouble them overmuch... Well, I mean there's an abstract degree of concern, but they can just wait in Tartarus while the gods put their call on hold.
Glad this story is finally getting back to where it was before. I just hate rewrites, especially having to wait for it all over again. At least I've forgotten most of the details by now.
meh
story became too dark to my dissapointment. jumped the shark for me.
sad but true
so it's time to say 'ciao'
and don't forget to add 'drama' and 'dark' tags.
7419318 yeah and killing Rarity like that. no just no.
This has been a fantastic ride and I for one look forward to reading book 2!
Over the last 4 years I have seen your talent improve so keep looking back and seeing mistakes as they are learning opportunities. I think you have the right mind set that it would be odd to look on any work one has done and think it is perfect, as perfection is a nonexistent tangent that must always be strived for, but can never be attained. This is a good thing, me thinks.
7419318
7419549
I'm sorry you both feel that way.
I strongly felt that for the story to remain interesting it required some stakes, and readers needed to be shown that there was danger to all the characters. A couple minor characters wouldn't have been enough, and I'd long been planing a story featuring Rarity and Trixie. They became the most obvious choices, as a result. I didn't want to just wave a hand and 'kill them off', however, and instead tried to give them options and choices. Trixie, in particular, I wanted to show her growth from how she was selfish at the start of the story to having something she'd sacrifice herself to protect. That was what I was attempting to reach with all of them; the willingness to give of themselves to protect others.
Granted, I didn't do nearly as well as I'd hoped. For the vast majority, Myths plays it safe and takes little to no risks. Rarity and Trixie, with Pinkie to a far lesser extent, is the only time the story dared to push itself. Or rather, I dared to push the story.
As for the tags, Myths is an Adventure, and not really a drama at all. And it only brushes up against Dark, and that only because of the last few chapters. I strongly feel neither tag is appropriate.
7419814
Thank you! My hope is to keep on improving, and to bring at least some measure of entertainment to my readers.
7419301
The rewrite certainly took a lot longer than I'd ever anticipated or feared.
But, we're nearly caught up now! It'll only be another year at my current rate of progress until we are into truly new and untouched realms! ... 
7419178
Yeah, it was the best place for such a break. A great many plot threads have been resolved, a new one teased, and other still to be concluded. Such as Gilda and Zubu. I've really missed writing that pair.
At 190k words, the first book is a monster, if it was in print. It'd be anywhere from 400 to 488 pages, depending on the size of the pages. That boggles my mind, honestly.
7418762
Length of break could be long or short. My -present- plan is to get some of these other ideas out of the way, finish Queen in Stone (it's last chapter is half-written), and have the Rariad well under-way before publishing Book Two's prologue and first chapter. But me and plans have a poor track record of finding an accord. Rarely can I stick to them for more than a few days.
So, it is entirely possible the break will be much shorter as I find a new wind with Book Two.
7418626
Rarity is well set in stone where she ends up, thanks to the Anthologies. Trixie's ultimate fate is being left unmentioned on purpose so there is at least a bit of tension in the Rariad.
7418533
Yes, Book Two will be published here. It's simply easier for readers if everything is in one place.
7418509
That must be something else. I'd say your rather lucky. You can get quick instant feedback, and in person. Which is yay! and NO!!! I have to leave the room whenever I get a family member to just skim over something.
7420219 What drew be into this story was the alternate way Twilight became an alicorn and her true origins in this story. THe realtionships between Twilight and her real mother and Tyr with the other alicorns was of interest to me and even more so when Zeus and Hades showed up and learn what Celestia had done. The dark areas you decided to go felt unnessecary and how you took Rarity out really irks me. You made the same mistake as another really good story did by going unnessecaryly dark. This is why my vote switched from up to down.
Given the presence of Rarity and Trixie in Tartarus I assume that Sirius does not fall this time. Zeus and Hades will not be happy when they learn that Demons have tried to attack their daughters already. Given the fact that Zeus mentions they have been searching for centuries time moves differently in Tartarus or perhaps little time passes between their departure from Gaea and their return.
7420219
You know, 'killing' one of the main heroes is not the real issue.
It's my personal pet peeve, though, I don't really like SUDDEN deaths of main characters just for a throwaway plot twist.
But the thing is that it's too predictable.
What does a main character die for in the midst of the story?
Of course, to overcome all odds for own or someone else's salvation and/or trying to crawl back into the land of living.
It's... standard.
It also kills (pun not intended) reader's engagement in the character's story.
There are only two ways out there:
1) the character is reborn this or that way (new life, old life, new body, reincarnation, body sharing, etc)
2) a moving (execution finesse may vary) farewell to friends, either "oh, my time has come, but don't worry about me, I'll be fine and I'll keep an eye over you and we'll certainly meet again", either a silent ride to sunset
With the predictable trope as the story's pivot point and with the overall sluggish pace (both of narrative and updates), I believe, it's time for me to drop reading it.
7420261 I think I found a typo... Millennium vs. Millennia... Zeus (in extension you) in my opinion switched singular for plural... Otherwise looking forward the next book and Rariad and whatever pony-words you will put out as always...
That is like Pinkie, if you think about it too hard, your head is going to explode...
What I find funny is that people are bailing on the story because you maybe killed their waifu (pssst. I know you didn't) ...That makes me wonder how Trixie is going to walk that off...
Anyhow... Mountain... Twilight's sire... wait a minute... Magic!
And last thing... Hope that the upcoming battle is going to be grand... Not just meh... "She got her flank kicked and a minor landscape happened scene skip" and one more... "Duty and Dreams" sounds better...
This is how siphoned should be spelled. I would also like to say that for all the alternative stories I've read for Twilight's ascension this is by far one of the best. I love the large cast of characters and how you've give Twilight her own path to walk without making her seem to out of character. I also love the details you put in your writing and the length of your chapters. It is obvious that you care a great deal about this story and have put in a lot of time and effort. I look forward to seeing what the future holds for the next book.
Also, I'd like to commend you for being brave enough to see the different character arcs to their conclusion. After reading this story, I personally feel that it would have been insulting to the reader to have both Trixie and Rarity survive their respective encounters.
7422295
Uh, no. It's spelled 'siphoned', unless this is another one of those American/British splits.
7420899
Every story ever written could be described in a similarly unimaginative summary and called 'cliched' or 'predictable'. (The Sixth Sense: A story about a man trying to help a boy, only to learn that he is the one in need of help.) (Terminator: An attempt to travel back in time to change history only succeeds in guaranteeing that it happens.)
I'm not entirely certain that you are using 'plot twist' properly... but even if you are, I don't understand how you can call a jumping off point for another story a 'throwaway' anything. To me, a throwaway plot twist would be one that exists for a single, ultimately pointless, reason, usually a last-ditch attempt to garner sympathy for a failing story... like killing the dog just to show how 'evil' the bad guys are. The fact that Rarity's death is going to have a continued impact going forward should be enough to dissuade you of that notion.
I'm not trying to convince you to stick around or that your dissatisfaction with the story is unjustified, only to refrain from baseless and ultimately unusable criticism when simply saying 'I don't like how/why/that you did this thing.' would be sufficient.
Your point about the abominable pace, however, is well and truly justified. We're trying to get better.
~The Editor
7422619
That's an ineffective damage control and you know it.
Sure, let's throw in some other truisms, like "there are only seven notes" or "there are only four/seven/fourteen story types".
You and I both know the underlying issue: the story stopped being entertaining.
And it's not up to me to fix it.
It's not even a fact, it's a promise.
As you obviously have more knowledge about the story than I do, we can't exactly debate it.
However, for the reasons I wrote before, forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.
7422889
Like I said, I'm not trying to convince you to keep reading. That the story is no longer entertaining for you is not the issue. All I wanted to point out was that your stated criticisms have no value to us (the writing team) or to any prospective reader who might stumble upon your comment.
Calling my statement a truism does nothing to discount its validity, especially in the context of a rebuttal of your own statement about the predictability of the broad strokes of a story you know almost nothing about. You claimed that Rarity's path out of Tartarus is going to follow one of two predictable paths, I pointed out, with examples, that this statement can easily apply to any story. Then you attack the tool of the argument rather than the argument itself.
True. But neither would I expect you to. Instead, I would expect you to defend your assertion that it was a 'throwaway plot twist'... hopefully by first defining what you mean by that, because, again, I'm not sure you're using it properly. My example of killing the dog was an attempt to guess at your personal definition of 'plot twist' based on your claims and what happened in the chapter. However, my own definition runs more along the lines of 'a revelation that forces the consumer to reevaluate their assumptions about the events of the story'. Good examples of this include 'Sixth Sense', 'Memento', and 'The Usual Suspects'. So, for me, Rarity's death does not fall under the category of a plot twist--good or bad.
Again, I'm not trying to prove to you that this story is worth your time. Nor am I trying to get your assistance in 'fixing' this story... mostly because I don't think it needs fixing. You don't like the story, that's perfectly fine, just don't go around pretending your opinions are facts. It's a bad habit to get into.
~The Editor
7422335
That is exactly what I said....
I like reading this Zeus. Jolly and charismatic in his own dickish way. I just reread the first book of Thalia's Musings (you should read that, you'll like it), and the Zeus in that series doesn't show a lot of his personality in the first book, and his role great part of the time is causing drama for the characters with his horniness.
When Faust mentioned Rainbow's pregnancy, she also mentioned Applejack. It seems the ponies didn't hear that part, in their enthusiasm.
Can't wait for Rarity and Trixie to kick ass together in Tartarus. I suppose the Rariad will take the place of Queen in Stone as the side story regularly updating along the main story, being it's own thing but also expanding things that could only mentioned passingly in the main story.
Thinking about the Rariad also made me think of the Ask Jappleack blog. While Equestria in the PONY.MOV videos goes to hell, Applejack was having her own drama in a side story, that was not as known but had a lot of details not explained in the main story. "Hey, ya'll, I'm back from my adventures in another dimension."
Man, every time I read one of your chapters I start to ramble. Can't wait for the finale of Twilight Velvet, and the next book in this series.
7423538
Sorry if I misunderstood then, the statement that you made seemed a bit ambiguous as though you were saying the quoted version was the way it should be spelled.
Ahh, this story brings back some memories - I liked the original well enough, but I must admit my interest waned when the rewrite was announced. Those rarely seem to end well, with authors losing interest and momentum (I'm glad to see that wasn't the case here) and, considering how far we were into the story, the thought of rereading so much already-trodden ground before the rewrite would finally catch up was something of a disheartening process. And thus the story sort of dropped off my radar and was forgotten, until I stumbled upon it today once more and decided to give it a re-read - it has been years after all.
And after having caught up - I must say I am glad you never gave up on it, and I am glad you chose to rewrite it. While the original was a great story and an amazing exercise in worldbuilding, looking back on it (from what I can recall - which is a fair deal, actually, a testament to the quality of your writing and the impression it left on me!) I won't deny it had some problems, and that the new version is definitely better structured and better focused - there is a definite increase in quality I feel, and I was also pleasantly surprised that the new one diverged from the original fairly "early".
The first major improvement, and one I'm very happy about, is the vastly diminished 'screentime' of the Halla. They are a neat idea to be sure, and I can stomach and find them intriguing just fine, but it has to come in reasonably small doses. They featured far too prominently in the original, with too much attention and too many OC characters which, while well written, I had little reason to care about (especially next to the adventures of the canon cast), nor could I even remember their names nor attach said names to specific mental images images. It was somewhat confusing and frustrating to read without truly grasping who is who, and it all sort-of blended together into one homogeneous mass that, unfortunately, took up time which felt best spent elsewhere - aka the main cast and their direct relations and adventures.
It is for that same reason I feel it was a good decision to trim down all the Gaea scenes - it sort of bogged down the story and once again - while interesting and well written in their own ways, felt like it tended to derail the story away from the parts that I, as a reader, actually care most about and feel attached to - the happenings on Ioka as they pertain to the main characters. If we need to learn something about Tyr's past or what have you, it's indeed best presented as part of the narrative delivered by her, or as short flashbacks/dream sequences (or a side story even, if Gaea's story grows big enough for that), not wholesale chapters worth of writing that, unfortunately, aren't that pertinent for present-moment Ioka.
So ... yeah - there is less of Gaea, certainly less of Halla, and the story is, unquestionably in my mind, much better off for it, with a better flowing and more solid narrative. And less of the whole "princess of Taiga" thing, which I felt you were trying to push too heavily the last time around, as if it was meant to be of profound importance to the characters for some reason :P
I am also much more pleased with this version of Dash's (and AJ's?) pregnancy, if they are to remain parts of the plot - the natural results of nature taking its course, rather than the whole very weird 'mysteriously pregnant with alien alciorns' thing the original had going on was kinda wonky, I must admit
I actually find the way the Shades/Gaea alicorns have been handled this time around to be better written in general, so that's another thumbs up for an improved plotline. And I'm very much looking towards Rarity's eventual fate and how - or if - she claws her way back from the pit she has fallen into.
I think some bits regarding Twilight have been improved as well (don't judge me, I'm working off a years-old memory!) - like Iridia's little quip how Twilight has her temper. It's such a small thing, but I'm glad you included it - her relatively short fuse is a fairly prominent feature of her character, especially in her early days of the show (it really didn't take much to provoke pretty biting sarcasm out of her) that many writers seem to forget about - outside of Celestia, Twilight's actually a pretty confrontational pony who doesn't hesitate to let others know what she thinks if they irk her. I'm glad you are capturing that nuance of her character pretty well - I'm actually surprised (and somewhat disappointed?
) that the captain didn't get his head chewed off five minutes into the conversation where he was trying to tell Twilight she shouldn't be saving fillies who fall overboard 
And just in general I like the theme that has been cropping up with Twilight (and I guess with Alicorns in general, though she's the one who is new to dealing with this) - really, what use are guards to an Alicorn? And truly, on one hand you can understand them - it's their job to protect their beloved princesses (who truly are beloved and well regarded) and they take pride in their job, naturally. On the other hoof ... is it always the best choice to try and do so? Because past a certain threshold, your presence might do more harm than good by distracting her, because with threats beyond a certain magnitude you won't be realistically helping her - she will be trying to help you, or even getting in the way, at which point it were best if you weren't present at all.
I feel like the whole Leviathan and Marelantis situation displayed this perfectly - Twilight wanted to fly ahead alone, but Rainbow talked her out of it, and Twilight caved in - she waited on her escorts and allowed them to follow her on the island. And they died in droves in a battle that was completely unnecessary and pointless! All those deaths - literally for nothing. All that mattered in the end was Twilight's (and Faust's) battle with Leviathan - the battle on the surface couldn't have been less relevant if it tried! The ponies could have trashed all the golems; the golems could have killed all the ponies; it could have ended the way it did - and none of it would have mattered!
Neither outcome would have impacted the encounter with Leviathan in the slightest; she wouldn't have felt the difference, wouldn't have known the difference (before emerging anyway) - because there is no difference! Live or die, do anything or not, regardless of what the ponies did topside her encounter with Leviathan would have ended the same way, and Marelantis would have drowned once more (and aren't we all lucky they were already off the island when it started to sink again). Because past a certain point, when gods and demons do battle ... not always are mere mortals more than ants, unnoticed and inconsequential.
Which is why I liked this part so much - and Twilight's lamenting the thought that this could have gone so much better (which it could have), had she simply flown ahead on her own. None of the crew would have died, and had she arrived a day - or even just some hours - earlier, she might have been early enough to actually save Rarity, for example, or intervene (if necessary) in the other events shown by Leviathan - but she didn't , she listened to her friend and crew, and all she has to show for it is a host of bodybags and a dead Rarity. Ouch. I wonder how this even will shape her future perspective and actions during such circumstances.
Which is not to say it's necessarily always the right answer to go at it alone - even amidst a battle between gods, a mortal might find their finest hour and become a hero, giving a (hopefully not short lived) distraction or support that might allow their god to tip the scales and win. This is how heroes and champions are born, after all. Even if they are sacrificed, their sacrifice might not be in wain and might have been crucial in its own way.
But not always - and perhaps not even often. And we have just seen the consequences of one such scenario. And how does one know the right time for taking along an entourage, and the right time for going at it alone? Do you always take the mortals along just in case, even if they end up dying pointlessly and needlessly, because it's better to risk them in the name of the greater good? Or do you go at it alone, saving as many as you can in the process, hoping this isn't one of the rare times where you would actually need their help, the failure of which might herald their deaths, and much more besides, regardless? And yeah, I understand Rainbow's feelings and sentiments - and Twilight's too. But much as they would want to deny it, with how Alicorns are set up in this world, it's an undeniable fact that there are places where Twilight now can - and must - go where Rainbow can't always follow. Or shouldn't, even if she can - such as the Marelantis incident. It will be fascinating to see Twilight wrestle with these nuances, even if I don't envy her the position
---
All in all the rewrite is a definite improvement and I am immensely glad to have rediscovered it _ I can't wait for the story to continue and find out what happens next, as we are truly breaking now ground plot wise here!
That said, I feel like some parts of the story could still be better. One of the main thing that stands out this time around is actually pacing - at times it feels somewhat rushed, I'm afraid. Especially the middle parts of the book. Which, I think ties into the next oddity that stands out to me - there actually isn't nearly enough Twilight in the story, or events centering around her. Despite being the titular character and having her apotheosis serve as both the advertising and driving point of the story, it feels like the actual in-story events touch upon everything and the kitchen sink except Twilight. That's an exaggeration of course, but one to make a point - we don't have nearly enough focus on Twilight, and when it does she feels extremely removed from all the other happenings in the world.
To some extent that's both unavoidable and downright necessary to display the world at large, which certainly doesn't revolve around Twilight, important as she might be, but I have a feeling the story might be taking this dissonance a bit too far. It's probably one of the reasons I didn't really like the original Bellerophon part of the story, and why I don't really like it now - it isolates Twilight (our titular and main focal character) even further from all the many important happenings by placing her in a box in the sea, and that's ... meh.
To tie this back into the pacing issues, I believe the lack of Twilight contributes to it - she's kinda our focal character who is meant to tie the narrative together, but because of how little screentime she actually gets (and how isolated it tends to be) she can't really serve as the glue that centers and grounds the rest of the plotlines. We simply need more of her, because as of now it's not quite the story of Twilight's ascension, but rather the highlight reels of it - we see her Ascension moment, then we see her in Canterlot playing meet and greet with the Nobles when Iridia arrives, then we see her yell at some nobles in court and the next time we see her she's already jumping on a ship and setting sail for parts unknown for reasons that are not quite clearly defined (this is one part where the original storyline fared better I'm afraid - paying a visit to Equestria's allies in a grand diplomatic gesture made a lot of sense, while now I'm not even sure why she's on the ship as it was never mentioned or explained, and I suppose the reason it doesn't bother me more is because it made sense in the original, and that knowledge might be overlapping and filling in the blanks).
I believe the story would have benefited greatly if it were 1-2 chapters longer, featuring Twilight-focused events that filled some of these gaps in between her "important highlights" moments - we haven't seen her actually talk to her friends about her ascension or the issues that bother her, we haven't seen her discuss her trip - or why she even wants to go (or where!) - with anyone, we haven't seen the conversation where it was decided who of her friends would/wouldn't go with her and why, some more interactions with her family, even Iridia, some general shenanigans with her friends for a bit.
You know - a bit of a filling for the frosting, to expand upon and explain the character motives a bit better and tie the timeline together a bit more solidly. As it is everything happened at break-neck speeds and feels slightly distorted as result. It's fine if we only see the "highlights" of the side plots here and there, like with the Halla (their departure from Taiga, them meeting Trixie already in Equestria, the battle) or Fleur, but we should be seeing more than "highlight moments" from Twilight herself, to give her plotline the time and space it needs to tie the rest together properly.
I kinda wish the Bellerophon part had gotten the axe as well during the rewriting process, because I truly believe because it's that seagoing part that exuberates the issue (not to mention I personally find it boring and can't wait until they are on land again and can finally do stuff
), as you kinda rushed to the part of getting Twilight on that ship and sailing off as soon as possible. I truly do think it would have been better if she indeed simply teleported to where she had to go and continue from there. Yeah, I know you tried to explain this with potential danger involved in long-range teleports without a beacon, but you won't sell to me the idea that Celestia doesn't have hidden teleport beacons stashed away across the globe - I rather doubt she'd be content sailing for a month if demons started spewing out from a portal in Pony-Siberia, instead of her front yard, hoping they don't consume the continent before she finally gets there (after all, up until recently she was kinda lone in handling the world's safety, before all the other alicorns started popping out of the woodwork) 
And speaking of Bellerophon - why is this piddly boat transporting a Princess, not one of the Ships of the Line? She's not the fastest ship (as was mentioned), and certainly not the most imposing ship (she's tiny next to those behemoths you described in the port), so it's kinda odd that Twilight wasn't given actual top-shelf equipment, just some average boat that doesn't stand out with anything. I mean, maybe if you wanted to go undercover, but they are flying her banner for pony's sake, you'd think it was smarter do so from one of the floating fortresses that have five times as many guns as Bellerophon has crew altogether!
*ahem*
Anyways - those (comparatively small) issues aside, this has been a wonderful read and I am eagerly waiting for more
7423926
Sorry about that, but nope. Thanks for being a good sport.
7423436
Yeah, it's fine.
Actually, it's rare when criticisms hold value, even for the critic himself.
The thing is, we all understand the general futility of online discussions, but still hope for a reponse.
You see, it's pretty easy to dismiss a reader, even a loyal one.
"It's not your impressions, it's unwarranted criticism", etc.
I started to read this as a well-made adventure (which it was before the rewrite) and now it is a (quite mediocre in my opinion) drama mixed with some dark themes.
I don't think you planned a bait-and-switch, but that's how it feels.
I'm not really interested in finding out how many readers feel the same way, but you may.
Any statement can be applied to any story with enough wordcount.
However, comparisons are one of the most ineffective ways of deflection.
You chose a very easy, very trite trope, used it to pump up some questionable drama and tied up some loose plot threads.
And the chosen trope doesn't really leave you an unpredictable way out, because it was all done before.
And no one forced you to go there.
Well, if you can't do action without stock effects, so be it.
Nah, I would expect you to stop being defensive and reread what I wrote.
And stop taking it personal, please.
We're discussing merits of long-winded musings about cartoon horses, it's not a serious business.
Yes, it's too late to fix something.
You're writing this for how long? Plus the time on rewrites and on mildly popular side stories...
This story can't be cohesive or feel as whole just because the author changed a lot over the time.
Well, your choice.
7420261
Wait... so Anthologies is canon? I thought it was just stuff you wrote for fun, random ideas you had that weren't actually part of the actual Story-Universe o_O
7424292 I did ask the same question... apparently some of the stories there are and some not... some things there are just ridiculously fluffy... But clear answer would be nice...
7424292
7424309
It's complicated, to say the least. The stuff that takes place later in the timeline (The Muses, etc) are guideposts. Where I fully intend to go, and until stated otherwise, are canonical. The only story that is really just for fun is the beach-party story. It is silly, light, fluffy, but should be taken with a large grain of salt. All of the stuff taking place in the past is back-story and canonical.
A large part of the reason for the flexible nature of the 'in the future' stories is my writing method. If, while Book Two is being written, something comes up or there is this really brilliant stroke of genius, I'll follow that trail. Even if it means all the stuff with the Muses will have to be put aside as simply quirky little asides that are only tangentially related.
7424222
Thank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts and feelings on the story. I really appreciate anyone willing to give their thoughts. I'm sorry the story is no longer what you thought it was.
7424062
Oh, wow, that is a lot of feedback!
Please excuse me, but I'm going to need some time to read and digest it all. This is, whoa. 
Thank you so much.
7424344 Don't even listen to him... the only argument from him that isn't baseless is that it went a bit dark...
7424359
Sorry, but you can't be a little bit pregnant
7424402 Well, one could argue that it is possible... I will propose another argument... In this world nothing is only black or white... Just sea of grey... And in the end... Story tags are up to the author... And what I see here is you venting frustration of having your favourite character killed...
7424437
Oh, if you would pay attention to my avatar, you'd see who is my favorite character.
However, it's not about this or that pony.
You can cross the line and made a decision "ok, for the story to go on she has to die".
It is a viable solution, but it has a very real price, as the story gets darker with each death.
So, when you will hit a snag again, will you kill someone else or will you try to find a creative way around?
Oh, we both know the answer.
So who's next? Twilight? Cadance? Let's start betting.
7424573 OK, I think I am starting to understand you... So that what irks you is the concept of death in stories versus reality and popular execution of those concepts, am I right? As Tundara said somewhere in his comments what he intended to express is that, as in real world, the death in his story is ever present and doesn't discriminate. And what i think he meant to portray, is even heroic death is still a death, and it sucks. And I honestly don't find anything "cliche" on Rarity's or Trixie's deaths... What drove me to be rude, is your form of attacking the story in the way there something wrong with it... Because in those points you brought up it isn't... Just because you don't like where the storyline goes isn't reason to go "its cliche, fix it"...
I'm going to be devastated if this isn't continued
7434117
It is being continued, have no fear.