Alternate Ending
Alternate Ending
A/N: The point of departure here is that the EoH actually did kill her when the Mane 6 tried to use them in Chapter Four.
Fair warning: You did see the Dark tag on this story, right? Because it goes double for this chapter.
I wonder how many loops its been now.
I remember I took one loop off for number fifty thousand, I even threw myself a little party. That was probably a few subjective years ago, though, and somewhere after that point I lost count.
For a while there I was enamored with the idea that there were infinite possibilities, some combination of variables that would turn out to be the key that I could get right. That would make everything good again. I was wrong.
Save Celestia or don’t, doesn’t matter.
Wake Luna or don’t, doesn’t matter.
Save my friends or don’t, doesn’t matter.
The problem, ironically, boils down to not having enough time. If I’d cast that spell an hour earlier I might have pulled it off. Maybe if I’d organized the stack of books I took down from the shelves in reverse alphabetical order instead of alphabetical order, way back in the distant past of two hours ago I wouldn’t be standing here now. I just can’t do everything I would need to do to stop the swarm in three hours.
As soon as I can see straight I grab Spike and send him to fetch a long list of ingredients, mostly potion components and a few other things. I rattle off the whole list quickly. I committed it to memory a long time ago.
It’s not worth the time it would take to teleport down to the restricted section of the archives and retrieve the book I found this recipe in. Besides, I know it by heart.
Once Spike returns with what I need I move quickly and efficiently in brewing it, not a single movement wasted. It’s an extremely advanced recipe, but practice makes perfect.
“You know, Spike, if you hadn’t found that spell book and showed it to me, none of this would be happening right now. It’s really your own fault,” I say.
“My fault that you’re brewing a potion? What’s it even do, anyway?”
The potion changes from purple to orange, right on time. “It’s not done brewing yet. It needs one more ingredient. The heart of a dragon.”
Spike looks a little pale and sort of queasy at the mention of the incredibly rare and powerful alchemical ingredient. “That’s gross, Twilight. Where are you even going to find one of those?”
I don’t answer, I just glance over to make sure the dagger is right where I need it to be.
“Twilight? Why are you looking at me like that?”
--------------------------
Ten minutes later, the potion is all done. Even once it’s removed from heat it continues to bubble and send sickly green fumes rising from the beaker.
I grab it and in a single swig it’s down the hatch, biting and stinging at my throat on the way down. This is always the worst part. I double over in pain as the transformation begins to take hold. My skin flakes and peels away as chitin plates push themselves out. My horn warps and twists. Two sticky, oozing patches of membrane peel away from my back and buzz as they become more substantial and coherent, forming wings.
The transformation is complete. I’m a changeling now.
The first thing that hits me is the incredible feeling of connectedness. a huge network of minds sending thoughts and commands into my brain. The temptation to just release myself into it and let it consume me like a raindrop fallen into the ocean is strong. I’ve given into it before, let it obliterate my sense of self and integrate me into something greater. It’s a magnificent feeling, but not this time.
I am Twilight Sparkle. I am not part of you. The buzzing becomes confused and frustrated, but my mind is a fortress and it’s beaten back whenever it tries to assail me.
I shift myself back to how I used to look. No sense in raising the alarm with all the unreplaced guards sooner than I have to. They were useful when I needed somepony to practice on while I honed my mastery of this body but I’m far beyond that now. Besides, Queen Chrysalis should just be finishing off Celestia right about now. Nice of her to kill two birds with one stone for me. She’ll be weakened and the Princess is dealt with. To Tartarus with her. She probably tricked me into finding that stupid spell in the first place so I could stop this invasion. Wouldn’t be the first time she manipulated me into being her weapon. I should have seen it sooner.
Fastening my saddlebags, I travel straight towards the throne room. Everypony still thinks I’m just regular pony Twilight. Without a connection to the swarm the changelings don’t realize I’m one of them either.
I barge in. Chrysalis-as-Celestia is resting on the throne, looking a bit winded. She looks down at me and smiles. One thing she never gets right is the smile. It’s just a little too close to a smirk. “Ah, my faithful student. What can I-”
“Save it, Chryssy.” I throw off my disguise. It’s very satisfying to see her and the pair of changeling guards surprised by the reveal. Now they know how everypony else feels. “I challenge you for succession.”
Chrysalis recovers quickly, arrogant and assuming I’m no threat to her. “I don’t know what exactly you are, little drone, but you will regret that.”
The law of the swarm is clear; rule by strength. If you want to be the queen you have to depose the old one first. The guards are smart enough to back away. They might be caught in the crossfire, after all, and their queen prefers to handle these challenges personally as a deterrent to anypony else who might get ideas.
She darts off the throne, her size belying impossible speed, and it’s only because I know its coming that I can get out of the way. The armored plates that make up her hide deflect my own counterattacks easily, not even scuffed by the most powerful blast of magic I can muster up on the fly.
Chrysalis unleashes her own magic, and beams of energy rain down from above. The spots on the marble floor where they land are reduced to molten slag in an instant, radiating heat intense enough that I would burst into flames from even a few meters away. I prefer the times the beams hit me directly.
Even weakened from her fight with Celestia, even with my foreknowledge of her actions, Chrysalis is a terrifying opponent. Ninety nine times out of a hundred she’d beat me anyway.
This just happens to be time number one hundred.
I spot my opening; a crack between two plates. A tiny chink in the armor. It’s not an easy shot, and the last three times I got this far I missed. I focus my mind on the most powerful stunning spell I can and... release!
My aim is true. The magical energy worms its way through the tiny crack and Chrysalis screams as her muscles begin to convulse. Her legs wobble and she collapses to the floor.
According to everything I’ve read, when a challenger defeats a reigning queen they eat her to take her powers.
I have no idea how that would even work. I mean, she’s like eight times my size. Besides, those others never had access to a blend of unicorn and changeling magic to work with.
I whipped up something special I’m going to try instead. I walk over and touch my horn to the base of hers. Taking a deep breath, I start to siphon her essence into me. The rush of power almost bowls me over, but I have the self control to hang on even though my body screams in agony at the onslaught and bright spots fill my vision. When it clears again the room looks different, somehow smaller. No, the room’s the same. I’m just bigger.
I look down my long, porous legs. They aren’t quite the same shade as Chrysalis’ were. When the light catches them right there’s still a hint of my old purple coloration. I’ll have to find a mirror soon. Laying there on the floor is a withered husk of a changeling. At first I assume she didn’t survive the extraction process but then she twitches. I can tell that she’s trying to change shapes, but she doesn’t have the magic.
The two changeling guards are looking at me, expectant. The buzzing of the swarm is still in my head, waiting for me to claim the mantle I’ve just taken.
I am Twilight Sparkle, and you belong to me now.
The swarm submits, and information rushes into me. This time, I’m in control of all of it. Each individual changeling is just an extension of my will, and commanding them is no more difficult than commanding my hoof to move. With a thought, I could halt the battle raging outside and send the swarm flying back to the wasteland.
I don’t, of course. Not when there’s a whole city ripe for the taking like this. I back the swarm off enough to keep the buildup of disharmony from triggering the Elements before turning my attention back to Chrysalis, still twitching pathetically on the floor.
“Your little revenge plan backfired, Chrysalis,” I say, nudging her with my hoof to ensure that I have her attention. “You thought if you tricked me into casting that time spell and made me relive this invasion over and over you could break me. Well, who’s broken now?”
I push my horn into the side of her flank and direct some magic of my own into her. Her form shifts and wobbles under my control before it coalesces into the shape of a little lavender unicorn with a purple streaked mane and a starry cutie mark proclaiming her aptitude for magic to the whole world. “You wanted Twilight Sparkle cowering before the Queen of the changelings? Well you got it,” I say. I glare down at the thing in front of me and I feel a surge of hate for it bubbling up in my chest. “You’re pathetic. You’re stupid and weak and you deserve to suffer for it forever you miserable little failure.”
Chrysalis is trying to talk. “Didn’t.... any time spell. Wasn’t... us,” she manages to get out.
I kick her in the chest, hard. I feel at least one of her ribs break as I do so. “You will never contradict me like that again.” It’s not a request or a command, merely a statement of fact.
My transformation into a changeling queen left my saddle bag in a pretty sorry state, tattered on the ground beside me. I open it up and fish out what I’ve brought along, a collar attached to a short chain. I fasten the collar around Chrysalis’ neck and drag her back to the throne by it, around the quickly cooling patches of melted marble from our fight. I yank the chain downward and secure it to the base of the throne before stepping back to admire the results. Chrysalis tries to stand, but the chain doesn’t have enough slack and she can’t lift her head high enough. After a few attempts, she settles onto her knees. I’m glad she’s figured out her new station in life so quickly.
Every queen needs an honor guard. I call a few of the changelings in the palace to myself and take my disguise again. Everypony out in the halls is rushing to and fro, and nopony pays us much mind. I seal the entrance to the throne room behind me. They’ll meet their new ruler soon enough, no need to spoil the surprise
My brand new poison glands go into overdrive and I run my forked tongue over my hollow-tipped fangs. I reach out with my mind to contact the changelings getting ready to assault the train my friends are riding. They need to take those five alive if I’m going to exploit their connection to the Elements of Harmony to neutralize them for good. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even convince a few to join me. As an afterthought, I send a few more to find my parents and bring them here as well. I can’t wait to see what they think of their little filly, all grown up.
Next stop, Luna’s room. I spent many a delightful afternoon blowing off steam in that bedroom over the last however many cycles, and I don’t see any reason that has to stop now. Luna might not be thrilled about the new me at first, but with a potent enough dose of mind-twisting changeling venom I’m sure she can be made compliant. If nothing else, the experiment will be absolutely delicious.
Walking through the halls I look back and take stock of the afternoon, and all the other versions of it that culminated in this one. If the hivemind is to be believed changeling queens are effectively ageless, so even assuming I can’t break this spell it could easily be centuries before I see it again. Everything I’ve ever wanted, I'll take by force. Once the Elements and Luna are neutralized, there won’t be anything keeping me from spreading my glorious rule to every corner of Equestria. My swarm will feast for decades.
I’m Twilight Sparkle, Queen of Canterlot Hive.
Long live the Queen.
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So was this the really bad ending, and [Chapter Four] the really good ending? Oh god, if this was only the "sorta bad" end....
Also, did not see that coming. At all. I was more expecting a Lich, because then she'd never have to die again. Either way, good show.
This was... a remarkably clever alternate ending!
Totally unexpected and glorious, if not terrifying, to read.
I absolutely love the alternate ending, great job. The normal one, too.
Because when Twilight Sparkle goes evil, well, she's gonna do it right!
Wait. The story still reads incomplete. Crap. Super Evill ending? With Genocide?
Damn you for killing Spike! Still a brilliant ending. Great story, hope you got more work in the pipeline.
You bastard! Already complete D:?
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/364/e/1/what___________by_neroscottkennedy-d5prb38.jpg
I DEMAND MOAR!
But anyway, good story :)
I love the alternate ending! The Queen Twilight par was unexpected.
Someone must have found Peter's Evil Overlord List in the archives....
I would say doing some more of these if you ever get bored and want to do something fun. Like some more misadventures she's had, some more chapters where she has gone certifiably insane. Stuff like.
Maybe even a Discord chapter! 
Brilliant! Great canon ending! I was nervous about reading the alternate ending, for some reason I was expecting worse: like no matter what she was stuck in the loop.
Question though, I might have missed it in the original ending. Does she still start that relationship with Luna? Or was that just a loop thing where she doesn't start in the final one because, well, it's the final one?
Hope to see more great writing from you in the future! Any ideas what your next story is going to be?
Any chance for some closure? I love this story but an extra bit of info on what happens after the happy ending would be really cool.
I like the alternate ending, but the canon one just fits better...
The part that bothers me most is spike's fate.
The part of me that is not bothered demands a sequel starring Queen Twilight, a few centuries down the road.
2028386
But far more than just a few would survive. In the zombie apocalypse scenario, sure, most humans may die out, but humans are just a drop in the bucket compared to all the other sentient creatures on Earth and probably on other planets. In Twilight's scenario, The invasion is only going to really harm the ponies, but ponies, like humans, are only a drop in the bucket compared to all the other sentients. Also, since Twilight can get killed indefinitely, she can potentially create an infinite number of new universes, all with sentient, content, creatures (aside from the ponies), and thus doing the greatest act of ever to be done, given that the idea of new universes being created is true.
I like this one better! Lovely ending; you really out did yourself on this chapter.
I like this ending better. Long live the goddamn queen.
Daymn son!
2030105
I don't know that it needs it per se, but it was just another angle I wanted to flesh out. As for Twi/Luna I suppose it could go either way, she could try to start up a relationship with her or it could have just been a one time thing, taking advantage of her last reset to scratch that particular itch. The fact that she mentions going back to Luna repeatedly in the alternate ending makes me lean towards the former.
2030131
Really? It shouldn't, shows up complete to me.
2030139
I thought implying turning Luna into her mind controlled little sex toy was worse, personally. I'm always banging away on something, although given that I wrote all this over the last week less chapter one means I should probably recuperate a bit, catch up on my read later queue.
2030160
I hope so, if anyone's earned that it's her, and Luna certainly didn't seem to be complaining.
2030204
That was a loop, it got reset like everything else. Whether she'll start something going forward is up to your headcanon.
As for next, I'll probably wrap up the Zombie Gerbil Horde story and some of my other incomplete stuff first. I never know when I'll get an idea that I just have to write, this one really grabbed me with a surprising intensity.
2030207
Not sure what needs closure. I'm sure Twilight comes out again to her parents and her friends and they take it well. Maybe a few more flings with Luna, or she actually starts a more serious relationship with her. She was only supposed to be in Canterlot for a couple of days in the first place so sooner or later it's back to Ponyville Slice of Life.
2030223
I suppose it depends on whether you think she's creating the time lines, or simply jumping from one to the other and they already exist.
I don't know that I'd say one has a moral duty to go about creating timelines, though. Especially when she suffers to create each one
Dam. This ending just leaves me wanting more.
So I read your story from the beginning. At first, I rather enjoyed it. I'm a big fan of timey-wimey type stories, time loops even more so. And this one seemed pretty cool. Then the second chapter came out, and I was still enjoying it. Everything was going good, I thought.
Then came chapter three, or the beginning of my disillusioning. For the most part, I had no problem with the chapter. But then you brought up Twilight's sexuality. Now, I have no problem with homosexuals, but in this story it seemed needless to include that. Sure, you used it to bring her closer to her family. For one scene. That was it. You had an infinite time loop to work with, albeit one with a sense of impending doom, and you only gave her one scene with her parents. Even with the sense of impending doom, that could serve to create even more touching scenes between her and her parents. Because she knows that they'll die at the end of the day, but she won't. But, nope. That was it, one scene.
Then, the ending...
For the most part, I only have a few problems there. Now you brought up her sexuality again, so that wasn't entirely pointless. But then you made Luna the same. There were no hints that Luna was also lesbian, and we saw nothing about how Twilight wooed her. Once again, she was in an infinite time loop. You literally had all the time you could have needed in the story to have that scene make sense. But, nope, nothing. Just, "Luna is lesbian now too, guys!" Which made any feelings they may have shared for each other shallow and hard to relate to for me as a reader.
But, now for the biggest problem I have with the story.
You screwed up writing a time loop story, big time.
Now, before people get angry, let me elaborate. A time loop story should be about more than just action. In a time loop, a character experiences an extreme amount of personal growth. And that is exactly what the story should be about. The growth your character experiences as a character as they are forced to relive the same stretch of time over and over again. I'm not saying there can't be action, but if it is the focus of the story, then you lose a lot of material.
Case in point, this very story. By all rights, your story should have extended much further. But it ended already, because there was no more action for Twilight to partake in. If you had instead focused on the learning she did, and the experiences she had during the altering of her mental state (which, I can guarantee, would be altered), then you would have had a much better, and longer story.
So I am sorry to say it, but it is my honest opinion that you failed at writing a good time loop story. As much as I want to like it, I just can't. Which is why I reversed my favorite/vote.
Better luck next time,
-RisingOne
well all I have to ask is. will there be a sequel?
2030185
I just read it; liked it.
Welp
2030331
I've read hundreds of time-loop-stories.
And you're absolutely right.
This was a great story. But a very anti-climactic time-travel one.
I cared more about Twilight's shenanigans, rather than "completion." Additionally, it felt like a cop out... by just posting the very last chapter.
No Discord. No montage. Very minimal Twilight confusing friends. Very minimal Twilight, in general.
On the other hand, time-loop-stories are rarely finished. So it's refreshing to see it "completed."
Sadly, the journey should have had priority than the ending. And such an attempt would be daunting to any author, if she/he wanted to write other stories. Why?? 'Cause they measure around 60,000+ words...
Still a little sad.
2030345
We can only hope.
The most disturbing part, is that the two endings are not mutually exclusive, this could have happened before the previous ending.
Liked the alternate. I did kind of suspect it would be a bad end where she joins the changelings, though taking over I didn't see coming.
2030283
But if Twilight doesn't go around creating timelines, then Twilight is stopping incomprehensible numbers of creatures from being born, and That doesn't seem to different from killing them. If new universes are actually being created every time Twilight goes into a new time loop, then The alternate ending is actually the best ending overall, due too all the new universes being created.
Wow, I'm saying that Twilight become the changeling leader and killing Spike, not to mention mass amounts of other ponies, is overall a better moral choice. I think I'm getting a serious case of blue and orange morality...
2030223
>sentient
quietspeculation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/You-keep-using-that-word-300x252.jpg
What a brilliant and thought provoking alternative ending to a great story, all by Kudo's to you. I guess if anyone was stuck in that situation, they'd eventually become like twilight was well due to negative actions lacking negative reinforcement and positive action having no long term effect.
2030445
But I do know what it means...
It's the ability to feel and perceive or be conscious. What lead you to the idea that don't know what it means?
I didn't enjoy this ending so much than the other one.
I mean, I like dark story's but this is just overachieving
But it was written so well, that I couldn't really stop reading it.
But don't blame twi, she probably saw her friends, her mentor and parents die a few hundred times. You go insane from less.
2030506
Sorry I may have spoken to soon and mixed up sentience and Sapience.
It's just I'm so used to 'sentient' being used to describe self aware extraterrestrials in Sci-fi.
That was...really entertaining! I know that's wrong of me to say, but just seeing Twi go ax crazy and become a near immortal super villain to escape a time loop was rather genius. Really dark, but really awesome!
Will there be any bonus chapters with more loops in the future?
*tries to think up a witty way of asking the author to make a third ending where there is total synthesis*
*is hit by an anvil*
...Regardless... Great story, following.
I didn't actually realise that this was an 'alternate' ending at first; I read it as if when Twilight eventually died in the previous chapters world, be it from old age or something else, she just wound up starting the loop again. It was terrifying.
ah yes. A truly dark ending. I prefer this ending with the epic takeover and less random shipping.
Heh.
While I think, on balance, I prefer the first ending, I do feel a certain... kinship with the last one.
And the fact that Chrysalis dies horribly in both endings in just icing on the cake. (Not that I have any particular dislike for her, but here she was the utterly unrepentant bad guy and so totally deserved exactly what she got; especially in the Evil ending.)
Great work!
How about...
Cut out Spike's heart. Petrify him before he can die as a result.
Become a changeling
Save Celestia
'Challenge' the already defeated Chrysalis and drain her essence
Take over the changeling hive mind and cancel the attack
Negotiate with Celestia until she effetively lets you use Equestria as your emotional hunting grounds. Getting all the right arguments might take several loops, but it'd be worth it.
Then all you have to do is find a way to clone or enchant a replacement heart for Spike, and have it ready to implant when you turn him back from stone.
2030625
She doesn't die in this one, though I'm sure she wishes she had...
huh, i guess she went with the old "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" philosophy. very nicely done!
Enjoyed both endings. The alternate would have been near impossible to predict and was quite gratifying. The normal happy ending where they save Equestria was also nice.
Enjoyed the whole thing, still think home run was the best part.
Loved this story, and both endings. Well done.
I liked the original ending, but I have to say that the alternate ending was kinda what I was hoping for. Badass Twilight is best Twilight.
-Minty
I liked the alternate ending better,
I see what you did there.
2030695
It did end rather quickly for a time loop story. But the possibilities are still endless for Alternate Universe spinoff endings. In mean, think about it... Twilight "won," in both cases, even if in the dark ending winning meant crossing the moral event horizon (cue Pinkie Pie saying "Forever...")
If one really wanted to go dark and tragic... Twilight would need to find a way to live, but still lose. That was sort of looked into when she failed to save Luna and the other five earlier. The idea that she has to become a changeling to save everyone has merit... what if it really was the only way? Not necessarily the part where she eats Spike's heart, but if she chooses to sacrifice her equinity to save the world? SAVE the world, not enslave it. I suppose that could have been one of the loops that brought her to the crazy dark side, though.
2030331>>2030388
I have to agree with both of you, though the author did point out this wasn't going to be completely like The Best Night Ever, more like a combination of Groundhog Day and Die Hard. I was disappointed by the lack of "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker." (motherbucker?) but I was not expecting huge character growths for Twilight. Many action movies have things happen for no reason, and they somehow do well. (What Transformers movie are we on now?)
I didn't see this chapter as really dark, some parts in the other chapters were darker. I think the reason I didn't think this was dark is cause there was an emotional detachment, Twilight was essentially sociopathic, and since we were not emotionally attached to any other characters (even Spike), we the readers, were sociopathic as well. Spike's murder, the potion had to be done; Celestia dies, least it makes Chrysalis weak; my friends don't agree with me, they must not care about my suffering. Since Twilight was emotionally dead after so many loops the readers had no one else to sympathize with to give it a dark feeling.
The canon ending had more emotional attachment, though it would have had more if you described some loops were we got to see Twilight break down in dispair over and over so a sense of relief could be felt once it was all done. But other than that, I did enjoy the story, but there was never the sense of dispair like in The Immortal Game or Heavenly Turmoil.
Finishing note, liked it, would read again.