Xenophilia: Further tales.

by TheQuietMan

46: Somebody to love.

Somebody to love.
Chapter published 6th July 2014

**************

It was a pleasant morning in the fair town of Ponyville. Midday was fast approaching as the summer sun shone down on the townsfolk as they went about their business. The air filled with the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the market as Lero and Lyra lazily made their way across the town square. Unfortunately, once one particular market trader spotted the nation’s lone human, the air was filled with more than just offers of the chance to buy the nation’s finest wares and enticements to part with hard earned bits.

“HEY! MONKEY! Your owners let you out on you’s own again? Shouldn’t you be back in your shed so good honest pony folk like us dunt have to look at you!”

Without saying a word, Lyra moved around to Lero’s other side, making sure that Honeydew could now see her. While the sudden sight of the Still Way grandmaster momentarily brought an end to the melon seller's ranting, it was only temporary and she soon started up again. Whether her confidence was bolstered by either the presence of her two sisters - who were helping today with the running of her stall - or the effects of the half drained ‘shine jug she was swinging in one badly-managed forehoof, no pony could rightly say, though most just wished that she’d shut her foolish mouth and leave the poor guy alone.

“What, I’m jus’ tellin’ it like it is. You think I’m gunna shut up jus’ cos you got ‘Captain Stompy Hooves’ with ya? Nah, I ain’t ‘fraid of you.”

A few weeks back Lero had introduced the town to the concept of using a funnel and cork to make ‘vodka watermelons’ - or rather ‘shine watermelons’ in Equestria’s case - and the idea had taken off over these hot summer months.

While Honeydew, the holder of the town’s monopoly on watermelons - though next year could well be a different story as both Carrot Top and Maroon Harvest were already planning to diversify their crops - was making a fortune by cornering the market, it didn’t seem to do anything to sweeten her permanently sour mood. If anything, it just seemed to have made it worse recently, as if the fact that her new found wealth was mostly due to the human’s ‘invention’ was something that her bigoted pride just couldn't swallow.

So instead, she spent a whole of time as of late swallowing something else... moonshine.

And to say that the town’s resident curmudgeon had been on a downward spiral recently was a bit of an understatement

“Yeah, yeah. Jus’ carry on walkin’ the pair’a ya.”

Though she waved her jug around, the large ‘over-tired’ earth pony made no move away from her stall, which was probably for the best as a number of her fellow traders - most vocally the members of the Apple clan - had made it plain that, if push came to shove, the elder Honey sister would find herself on the bucking end of more hooves than she knew how to count... which at the moment was probably not higher than four.

Behind the melon stall, Honeysuckle looked like she’d like nothing more than to climb under the wooden boards that made up their tabletop and hide herself away. At her side, her pegasus sister, Honeybee, was also trying her best to pretend that she wasn’t involved in the whole thing, though the way she was glaring at her bigger sister made quite plain that her feelings of embarrassment were soon to be outpaced by an ever increasing amount of annoyance.

So, for now, the general public left the Honey sisters well alone - while Honeydew did nothing more dangerous than rant and ramble at least. In turn, the two younger Honey siblings made sure that they didn’t stray too far from their sister’s side, just in case she decided to actually do something more dangerous than just make herself look like a total feedbag in public.

“Hey, if yous ask Maroon she can probably find ya’ a marrow or somethin’... anythin’ with a bit of” *snort* “girth... show those silly little girls of yours the kinda size they’ve been missing.”

After stopping off for supplies at Roselucks’s flower stall and the Apple clan’s apple stand, Lero and Lyra next needed to head over to Carrot Top’s stall, which meant passing right by the melon stand.

As the human came close to the ‘over-emotional’ earth pony, just about every pair of eyes in the square were following him, many of the surrounding ponies holding their breath without realising it as he stopped right by the melon stand.

After nodding a slight greeting to the two younger Honey sisters, Lero turned to the large - and surly - earth pony.

“So, Honeybadger, business looks good. How’s the hoof?” he asked, his eyes moving over the few remaining melons still set out for sale.

With the human standing his ground less than a body-length from her, Honeydew was at a loss about what to do next. Even if Lyra hadn’t been standing right next to him - pretending to be giving the melons the once over but in actuality watching the earth pony like a hawk from the corner of her eye - there was still about two dozen other mares watching her every move and some - most notably Applejack - were making it no secret they were just itching for a chance to come over and give her a piece of their mind.

Turning to face her sisters, she found Honeybee glaring back at her, a very slow shake of the head and a silently whispered ‘no’ told her that there’d be no help coming there.

Honeydew may not have been the smartest mare in town, but she also wasn't dumb and she knew well enough not to start anything physical while the odds were so badly stacked against her. The problem was that her mouth, encouraged as it was by enough ‘shine to spice up at least half a dozen melons - which is what the shine had been ‘obtained’ for in the first place, oh well - had yet to be informed of the general game-plan and happily blundered its way off into dangerous territory anyway.

“Hey, you dumb monkey-”

“Ape.”

“-whatever! What’s it with you and the names? I’m not a ‘honey badger’. Or a ‘honey-drizzler’. Or a ‘honeypot’. And I have absolutely no idea what the heck a ‘honey boo-boo’ is but I sure as Hearts Warmin’ ain’t one of those either! It’s ‘Honeydew’... Hun-eee-due... like the melons.”

“Yeah - big, round, thick-skulled and full of booze.” came a masculine shout from out in their audience. On the edge of the crowd, Jim Beam and Rivet snickered and clopped hooves, delighted at their quick thinking. It probably wasn’t the funniest joke in the world but the sudden release of tension sent a wave of guffaws around the crowd. Honeydew just fumed more than she had before, an impressive feat in its own right.

“I really thought we’d seen the last of yous when you pissed off to Canterlot, but no, here you are, still all up in my face.”

Dropping her now empty ‘shine jug onto the countertop, Honeydew sat herself down on her haunches and folded her forelimbs across her chest. “Look, just take what you want and leave me alone, alright?.”

At her stallion’s side, Lyra glanced up at Lero, who in turn shrugged his shoulders at his mate’s questioning look. In all the time they’d known the ornery earth pony, they’d never seen her quite so... dejected.

“Code Double-B?” Lyra asked.

Stroking his chin while pondering the melon seller - who was now staring in the other direction, pretending the targets of her previous ire were no longer present - Lero nodded in agreement.

“Oh yeah, this is totally a Code Double-B.”

Putting two fingers into his mouth, Lero let loose with three shrill whistles - two short and one long. It took less than three whole seconds before a grey shape fell from the sky and landed less than a few feet from the human’s side.

“Code Double-B, Mister Lero?” Derpy asked as she threw out a crisp salute.

“Code Double-B, Miss Doo,“ Lero confirmed as he returned the salute. From out of nowhere Pinkie Pie appeared at Derpy’s side, a large cardboard box with two smiling bumblebees drawn on the side resting on her back.

“That was quick,” Lero commented as he took the box, “Pinkie sense?”

“Yeperroonie,” PInkie grinned, “a double rear-right hoof quiver, three sneezes and both ears tingling, all at once. Must be a least a Double-B I thought so I brought the entire box just to be sure.”

“Spot on, as always,” Lero tickled Pinkie behind the ears as the pink mare pulled a selection of musical instruments from the box. Passing a trumpet to Derpy, she kept one for herself, a harmonica went to Lyra while Lero took a small microphone with a built in amplification enchant.

More instruments were pulled from the box, which totally did not look big enough to hold them all - tambourines, tiny saxophones, the smallest double bass in the world, and teeny-tiny drum set were all passed around to a small collection of ponies who had just arrived on the scene. Every pony with an instrument also received a single sheet of music which they each pored over intently. After a few seconds of intense discussion they all nodded at Pinkie who counted off...

“Okay everypony, one, two, one, two, three, four,”

...then put her trumpet to her mouth and started to play. The rest soon followed suit.

Within seconds a crowd had started to form around the impromptu band, many called over by the sweet sound of ponies playing their instruments, others fascinated by the fact that there was music playing but the the magic of harmony was nowhere to be heard. There was still plenty of room left around the group though, which meant that Lero could shake himself off and hop about for a few seconds as he readied himself for what came next.

Turning to his audience, he lifted the microphone to his mouth and addressed the crowd.

--Lero--

I’m so glad to see so many of you lovely ponies here today, and we would especially like to thank the Honey sisters who have chosen to join us here in Ponyville’s market square at this time.

We do sincerely hope you'll all enjoy the song, and please remember people, that no matter who you are, and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them, everybody, everybody.

As he swept his hand across the crowd, ending with the Honey sisters, he began to sing. Behind him, the band started to move in time with the music, taking two steps left, then two steps right, then back again, each change of direction signalled with a little kick of a hind hoof.

--Lero--

Everybody needs somebody

Everybody needs somebody to love

--Lyra--

Someone to love

--Lero--

Sweetheart to miss

--Lyra--

Sweetheart to miss

--Lero--

Sugar to kiss

--Lyra--

Sugar to kiss

--Lero & Lyra--

I need you you you

I need you you you

--Lyra--

I need you you you

--Lero--

In the morning

--Lyra--

I need you you you

--Lero--

When my soul's on fire

As Lero dropped to his knees in the middle of the market square, Lyra lifted her harmonica to her mouth. Cupping it to her lips with her forehooves she let it wail.

--Lero--

Sometimes I feel, I feel a little sad inside,

when the world mistreats me, but the sadness never lasts when you’re all by my side.

Jumping to his feet, Lero danced his way out into the crowd, clapping his hands and encouraging the audience to clop along. Within seconds they were all clopping and stomping and dancing along with him. Running back to where Lyra was still wailing on that mouth harp, Lero again dropped to his knees as his lover draped herself against his back.

--Lero--

Sometimes I feel, I feel a little sad inside,

when the world mistreats me, but the sadness never lasts when you’re all by my side.

--Lero & Band--

I need you you you

Lifting his hands to the sky, Lero called on the audience to join them in their song...

They happily obliged.

--Lero & Band & Crowd--

I need you you you

I need you you you

Getting back to his feet, Lero danced his way back into the crowd, waving his arms and pointing at random townsfolk. Their song echoed back at them from the walls of the nearby buildings, making a few dozen ponies sound more like hundreds.

--Lero & Band & Crowd--

I need you you you

I need you you you

Overhead Derpy flew above the crowd, flipping little loop-the-loops as she worked her trumpet. Give her an instrument to keep her mind occupied and her flying would improve no end.

As the crowd continued to chant, the band leading the way while Lero waved his hands in encouragement whenever they started to falter, he once again addressed the crowd.

--Lero--

You know people, when you do find that special somepony

Hold that stallion, hold that mare

Love them, please them, squeeze them, please them,

Hold, squeeze and please that pony, give 'em all your love

Signify your feelings with every gentle caress

Because it's so important to have that special somepony

to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze and please

With the audience’s chanting in their ears, Lero and Lyra pranced their way around the market square, Lyra’s harmonica weaving its way around Lero’s lyrics. Pinkie and her band were by now bouncing their way all around the crowd as, up above them all, Derpy and her trumpet span in excited little circles.

--Lero--

Everybody needs somebody

Everybody needs somebody to love

Someone to love

Sweetheart to miss

Sugar to kiss

I need you you you

I need you you you

I need you you you

--Crowd--

I need you you you

--Lero--

In the morning

--Crowd--

I need you you you

--Lero--

When my soul's on fire

--Band & Crowd--

I need you you you

I need you you you

I need you you you

I need you you you

Lifting his arms into the air, Lero brought the song to its crescendo. Pinkie, reining the band in, ended the song just as Lero’s arms dropped.

**************

As the last notes, and the crowd’s chanting, faded away, the audience jumped and shouted and clopped and stomped and just generally made about as much noise as they could.

On the other side of the square, Mayor Mare, who’d come out of her office to see what all the ruckus was about, just rolled her eyes before heading back up the stairs into town hall.

Panting slightly, Lero crouched down in front of a... stunned was the only word for it, Honeydew.

“You know,” he said as he ran a single finger under the gob-smacked pony’s chin, using the digit to close her mouth, “if you listened to your sisters, cleaned up your act a bit, and stopped being Little-Miss-Angry-Pants all the time, you might find yourself your own special somepony to love. Could be just what you need, no?”

Gently, he bopped her on the end of her nose with his finger before standing himself back up..

“Anyway,” he added, “just a thought. Have a nice day.”

Wandering away, the human dropped his microphone back into the box from whence it had come before picking up his shopping bag and heading off towards Carrot Top’s stall as if nothing at all untoward had just happened.

With the last of the instruments packed away, Pinkie lifted the bulging cardboard crate onto her back, gave Honeydew a wink, and wandered off herself back towards Sugercube corner.

All around them, the townsfolk drifted away, returning to whatever it was they were doing before all some random music-of-harmonyless musical pandemonium had broken out.

Less than a minute after it had ended, it was impossible to tell anything out of the ordinary had even occurred, leaving Honeydew to peer suspiciously into her ‘shine jug, wondering if it was maybe time to cut down on the booze now that it was giving her full-on hallucinations.

“I... err...” Honeybee’s voice came from behind the melon stall, “I think I got somepony I need to go see. I’ll, aaah, catch you both later.”

Spreading her wings, the pegasus took flight, flapping her way across the market square and away.

“Actually,” came the soft voice of the youngest Honey sibling, “me too. Sorry sis. I’ll be back to help pack up later, but I... I gotta go.”

Pulling her apron over her head, Honeysuckle dropped it onto the countertop and wandered off, vaguely in the direction of Bon Bon’s BonBons, leaving Honeydew alone with her thoughts and her melons.

Author's Note:

"Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" was written by Bert Berns, Solomon Burke and Jerry Wexler way back in 1964 but it's probably best remembered from the Blues Brothers movie... the ONLY Blues Brothers movie.

And it still rocks.

Comments

[TheQuietMan]

Been having a bit of a flump recently so I just wanted to do something to get the pony words flowing again. This seemed to do the trick.

Yes, it's got spelling mistakes etc etc blah blah, no need to post comments just to point them out.

[BronyofMeddlers]

I'll be honest, this chapter is so cheesy, that I enjoy it.

[cunning_linguist]

Wasn't there a Blues Brother's seq--

*ducks a gunshot*

Okay! Okay! Fuck!

[warpd]

Enjoyably silly. If only this could work in real life. We might have less problems.

[karl]

In my opinion, this story was only missing one thing: A Twilight Sparkle, thoroughly annoyed at how she missed the magically-unassisted musical event, and therefore was unable to study it.

[eisenstein80060]

Just what I needed to read on the way to a wedding.

[Grahf]

I agree there is only 1 Blues brothers movie just like there are only 2 Indiana Jones movies

[Pvt PartyPooper]

Words can not describe how much I love the Blues brothers, so this was a delightful surprise

Let the good times roll.

And this won't come to bite him the ass, no sire

[Powerdrainer]

--Lero--
You know people, when you do find that special somepony
Hold that stallion, hold that mare
Love them, please them, squeeze them, please them,
Hold, squeeze and please that pony, give 'em all your love
Signify your feelings with every gentle caress
Because it's so important to have that special somepony
to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze and please

Unlike the rest of the song, this part has not been written in bold.

But a nice chapter, looking forwards to more.

[Fluffershy]

4651506

It's part of it that he's actually talking and not singing. If you check the start of the song, the other part where he's talking and not singing, it's not bolded as well.

--Lero--
I’m so glad to see so many of you lovely ponies here today, and we would especially like to thank the Honey sisters who have chosen to join us here in Ponyville’s market square at this time.
We do sincerely hope you'll all enjoy the song, and please remember people, that no matter who you are, and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that make us all the same. You, me, them, everybody, everybody.

[wiiman]

On the one hand I'm disappointed because I came in expecting Queen, on the other hand I instead got Blues Brothers which is always good.

[Mike Teavee]

Moonshine melons…

…Wow, Lero really IS nice, throwing Honeydew a bone like that!

Though I have to wonder what's the story behind how she mended fences with Honeysuckle and Honeybee.

[The Chronicler]

This was brilliant!

[Red Bomber]

Did... he really got an entire crowd of ponies sing song that basically said, "you need to get laid?" (along with she needs to clean up her act first).

[Pvt PartyPooper]

4652134 He rescued one of them from drowning

[APS]

[Dysons_Fear]

I love Honeydew chapters :)

[Mitch H]

I'm just picturing some stallion in the Carrie Fisher role showing up to berate Lyra for leaving his herd at the altar.

[BlueNinja]

her mouth, encouraged as it was by enough ‘shine to spice up at least half a dozen melons had yet to be informed of the general game-plan

Yeah, sounds like an alcoholic. Does Equestria have AA?

“Yeah - big, round, thick-skulled and full of booze.”

Comma. Also, why would Equestria have a pony named Jim? Unless he's being voiced by Shatner ...

“Yeperroonie,” PInkie grinned,

Double capital.