• Published 2nd Dec 2012
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Xenophilia: Further tales. - TheQuietMan

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35: I couldn't see what was right there in front of me (Xenophoolia part 6of6) (MMC)

Xenophoolia - A trilogy in six parts.

Part 1of6 - “If you follow me we'll put our differences aside.”
Part 2of6 - “But I look a little closer and it starts to feel familiar too.”
Part 3of6 - “I'm just like you and you're just like me.”
Part 4of6 - “Everything is turned around, this crazy world is upside-down.”
Part 5of6 - “Helped me to see all the possibilities.”
Part 6of6 - “I couldn't see what was right there in front of me.”

Lero's world was hazy, especially around the edges. As his mind started to clear, his ears twitched... actually twitched, long-unused muscles on the sides of his head moving his ears an almost imperceptible amount. What could possibly be the sounds of a train clacking its way along old and rickety rails worked its way through his poor befuddled brain.

As his vision slowly started to clear he found himself standing in the middle of what was undoubtedly a train carriage... an honest to goodness human-world train carriage, as ridden by humans, dirty and smelly and noisy as it was.

The printed map next to the grab rail by his head told him he was on the Chicago ‘L’ train while the... smell — oh God, what a smell — told him that it was the middle of summer.

"Rise and shine, Mister Michaelides. Rise. And. Shine."

Standing just in front of him, in the otherwise empty carriage, was a human male. It had been a while since he'd seen one but it was plain as day that this guy was getting on a bit - under his eyes were deep bags and what would have been a full head of jet black hair was now as much salt as it was pepper.

On the whole, a perfectly normal human male in a rather sharp suit... except maybe for the blood red pupils surrounded by bright yellow sclera. Lero couldn’t help but feel he’d seen this guy somewhere before... Off somewhere in space annoying the life out of a frenchman with a distinctly English accent maybe?

Over their heads a loudspeaker crackled into life.

“Welcome,” it squawked out in a voice that Lero could swear was his old high-school chemistry teacher. “Welcome to the city of your dreams. You have chosen, or have been chosen, to tackle the oncoming strife head on. You will, at times, find that even your own brain is fighting against you. So good luck, you’ll need it.”

"Not that I wish to imply,” Discord’s voice came from the creepy man in the suit, but the sounds just didn’t match up with the lip movements, ”that you're not up to the challenge, and after what you've just seen no one would be more deserving of a good long sleep than yourself. But the time has come for you to shine. The right human in the right place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mister Michaelides. Wake up and smell the pancakes."

***********************

Lifting a hand, Lero held it across his forehead in a particularly vain and pointless attempt to keep some of this dreaded morning sun from forcing its way between his sleep-crusted eyelids. Strong beams of light lanced their way between a crack in the curtains and across the human's face, burning his tender eyeballs with patterns that danced about in his bleary vision.

He’d been dreaming. Of what he’d been dreaming he couldn’t rightly say, but then he’d been like that for days now. Visions of cutie marks danced around in his brain, mixed with images of his own smiling face.... and a spaceship... and a huge seven legged spider? Weird.

At least this time he hadn't woken up feeling overwhelmingly sad or crushingly guilty or just wanting to curl up and cry, like he’d let someone down or cheated on his wives or lost a good friend or something like that. Whatever was going on his his dreams recently, he really wished it would stop.

On the other side of the room the door to the bedroom creaked open as Lyra entered the room, the sweet smell of freshly made pancakes wafting in behind her.

“Good morning, cuddlemonkey,” the earth pony cooed as she crawled onto the bed and laid her head across her stallion’s chest. “Guess who got Twilight to come home for breakfast? I have no idea what I said to her last night, but she’s back... for now, at least.”

“That’s great news,“ Lero agreed, letting his hand fall from his face to rest behind his wife’s ear, rubbing at that sweet spot she loved so much.

“Yeah, we’re having maple syrup pancakes to celebrate.” Lyra moved her head so that Lero’s fingers ended up wrapped in the pink and blue curls of her mane as she rubbed her forehead against his chest. “Dunno why, but I’ve got a real craving for the sweet stuff right now.”

Behind Lero a mound of bedclothes groaned and started to move, the sheets falling away to reveal a disheveled unicorn, her mane free of its usual hairband, left loose to curl into a series of loops where it lay around her neck.

“Urgh,” RD yawned. “You and me both, darling. I’d literally die for a stack about now.”

After planting a quick kiss on her herdsister’s face - and a muuuuch longer one on Lero’s lips - Lyra lept from the bed before bouncing around the room on her hooftips.

“How’s a whole stack covered in syrup, strawberries, blueberries and cinnamon frosting sound?” Lyra beamed, “Sugar and spice and everything nice! It’s like epic pancake time down there. Any more frosting and we’re gunna need another winter wrapup to deal with it all!”

“Sounds good,” Lero gingerly sat up in bed, his body telling him that if he followed his nose to the source of this heavenly smell then he certainly wouldn’t regret it. “But hold the frosting on mine, thanks. That much sugar first thing in the morning would probably put me in a coma.”

“I’ll have his!” Rare’s eyes lit up in that way she had whenever inspiration hit. “Oooooh, i-dea! Lyra, my love, could you add some red-bean ice cream and slices of dill pickle to mine?”

Whatever reaction she was expecting, it certainly wasn’t the pair of odd looks that Lyra and Lero were giving her.

“What?” the unicorn exclaimed, “Is Lyra the only one allowed to have breakfast-time cravings around here?”

“Yeah, but dill pickles and ice cream?” Lero laughed, “that’s just weird. You're not pregnant or something, are you?”

“Oh ha ha, very funny, dear. You know that’s physically impossible.” Rising from the covers, letting the bedclothes fall from her body, Rares began to stalk her way across the rumpled sheets, slowly drawing closer to her stallion. “Unless you sneakily turned into a pony last night when...”

Stretching her hooves out in front of her, she wiggled her rump while arching her spine like a hungry cat preparing to catch a mouse unawares.

“...we...”

Pouncing on her mate she used her weight, and all four of her hooves, to pin him to the bed whilst using the surprisingly soft touch of her magic to tickle the skin along his rib cage hidden away under his clothes.

In the midst of all the laughing - and the blowing on of belly buttons as RD pushed her muzzle under her mate’s sweatshirt - Lero called out to Lyra for help. As she rolled her eyes at them both, their earth pony herdmate just turned on her hooftips and trotted off out of the room, leaving the human completely at her herdsister’s mercy.

“OK, I surrender.” Lero cried out as the tickling finally became too much for him.

“Good.” Rares declared as she released her ‘victim.’ “And now I claim my prize. You can help me get my mane back into a ponytail before it gets completely out of control. I swear, I just can’t do a thing with it. One pass with my brush and whompf, curls everywhere.”

Encased in a pale blue glow, a mane brush levitated its way over from a nearby dresser.

“I don’t know how Rainbow does it,” Rares commented as Lero grabbed the brush from the air before sitting cross-legged on the bed behind his mare. “With a mane that long she must spend hours each day keeping it all under control. I just don’t think I’d ever have the patience.”

“You think maybe her animals help her out?” Lero suggested as he brushed loose a group of tangles, letting the tips of the unicorn’s deep blue mane fall against her withers.

Unlike the multi-coloured mane of her pegasus friend, Rares tended to keep her own mane fairly short, usually cut to just about shoulder length and pulled back out of the way with a pair of vibrant blue hairbands. She claimed that the two hairbands were totally necessary as just one would be nowhere near up to the challenge of keep the sheer amounts of fabulousness her mane possessed under control. In reality though it was just that in her day to day life she was known to lose a hairband here or there to a particularly strong gust of wind or overtly violent thundercloud or even one of her more... enthusiastic Thunderbolts practice sessions.

Rainbow, on the other hoof, seemed to take great pride - one of the few things Lero had ever actually heard her express pride about apart from her animal friends - over the state of her mane. It was long, luxurious and incredibly striking. Odd really, for such a shy and unassuming mare, who spent so much of her life hiding away behind her fringe, to sport and maintain such a vibrant and eye-catching display.

Rainbow's mane had in fact been one of the very first things that Lero had seen upon his arrival on Equestria. A striking rose-colored eye surrounded by pale blue fur had been peeking out from behind these multi-colored tresses as he’d fought through untold waves of pain just so he could open his eyes. Perhaps that was why he’d been seeing her face so often in his dreams recently? That might be it... though it didn’t do anything to explain why he’d been dreaming about her *ahem* rear end just as often these last few days.

So lost was the human in his thoughts that he almost didn't catch that his wife had started talking to him again.

“...that could explain why she’s been looking so uncharacteristically....” Rares considered her next words carefully, “windswept this week. I hear that her animal friends have been somewhat uncooperative these last few days.”

“Ha, ‘uncooperative’ isn’t exactly the word I’d use.” Lero laughed. “Big Mac’s asked me to meet him out at her cottage later today to patch up whatever else they’ve managed to trash since I was there last. Hopefully we won’t find her stuffed in a cooking pot... again.”

Poor Rainbow. Lero been working on building her a new shed for storing animal feed on a few days ago and when he’d nipped into her cottage for a glass of water he’d found a whole bunch of those so-called ‘harmless little critters’ preparing to turn the overwhelmed pegasus into pony stew.

For some reason the thought of pony stew suddenly made the human a whole lot more nauseous that he’d expected and he had to hold back a strong urge to gag. To distract himself - and his stomach - he busied himself with RD’s mane, gently but firmly brushing out the strands along their entire length while letting the ends curl into the loops that Rares usually fought so hard to control.

“There, how does that look?” Lero asked, the pair of hairbands still wrapped around his wrist. As he released his mate’s mane, it fell down over her right shoulder in a short though elegant corkscrew curl.

Levitating a hoof mirror, the unicorn appraised her new ‘do’ with a critical eye, the kind she usually reserved for any particularly troublesome cumulonimbus clouds that came her way.

“I’m not sure,” she growled, turning her head to better see how the blue of her mane contrasted against the white of her coat, “It’s not very practical, is it, darling?”

“True,” Lero admitted, “but it’s very pretty. And it’s not like you need to go to work today so it shouldn’t get in the way of anything.”

“Well, it’s not my normal look, but I will admit there’s a certain increase in the amount of overall fabulosity involved... maybe ten, no, twenty percent even.” Rares nodded at the mirror, watching the way the curl bounced against her shoulder. “Yes, I do believe I’ll give it a try. I can’t promise it’ll stay like this all day though.”

“That’s my girl.” Lero leant forward and kissed his wife behind an ear. “I’ll keep the hairband handy then, just in case you need it.”

Lifting his right hand, he waved it around to display the vibrant blue fabric - the exact same colour as Rare Deluge’s eyes - poking out from the end of his sleeve.

“Ohh, handy, ha ha,” RD giggled, the gentle girlishness of the sound of her laughter always such a surprising contrast to her usual tomboyishness.

Leaning back against the human’s chest, RD rubbed her face against the underside of her lover’s chin. She'd never admit it, but she really loved it whenever she managed to get his scent all over her face. It meant that she could spend the rest of the day with the smell of him never far from her nose.

And if it meant that some of the other girls on the weather team could smell her stallion’s scent on her and maybe get a little jealous of her as they worked... well, that didn’t exactly upset her either.

Noticing something from the corner of her eye, RD turned herself around in order to better take in what the human was wearing.

“Darling, did you sleep in your clothes again?” she asked. “That really isn’t good for them, you know. And is that dear Diamondjack’s idea of pajamas? I know our resident fashionista may have started out as a simple farm girl, but I had no idea that a type of potato could have its own university.”

“Potato?” Lero asked, puzzled by what his marefriend meant.

“You know,” RD replied, “Idaho potatoes. Big things, very yummy baked and with lashings of sour cream. Oooh, I-dea! I could murder a baked potato covered in whipped cream, marshmallows, melted cheese and marigolds right about now.”

As his wife started to drool over the thought of her new culinary invention, Lero looked down at his own body and was surprised to find that he was wearing a black sweatshirt and faded blue jeans. Emblazoned across the chest of the sweatshirt were the words “University of Idaho” in large gold and white varsity lettering. Try as he might he couldn't remember putting these on before he'd come to bed the night before.

Come to think of it... he couldn't remember coming to bed last night at all!

This was really odd... the single set of clothes he’d arrived in Equestria with years ago had long since been declared a total loss and destroyed, and he couldn't remember Diamondjack ever making him another set quite like these.

Hopping from the bed, Lero stumbled over to the full-length mirror by the door to have a better look. Reaching behind his neck he grabbed the sweatshirt's tag and pulled it out so he could see it reflected in the mirror.

There it was, something he hadn't seen in years. Along with the words ‘Machine Washable’ was the phrase ‘Made In The USA’ written in reverse bouncing back at him from the mirror’s polished surface.

Running his hands over the outfit, Lero discovered that both of the back pockets of his jeans held a pair of objects he thought he’d never see again. From his right pocket he pulled a familiar worn and battered leather wallet, from his left the flexible plastic oblong of his long-lost smartphone.

Flipping though the wallet yielded twenty three bucks - honest to goodness American dollars - his driver’s licence, his university ID, his employee discount card and his bank cards. They were his... they were all his. But he'd lost them all years ago, a long long time before he’d ever set foot in this land of magical talking ponies. How on earth could they be back in his possession now?

As he held the wallet open in his hands, something in the mirror caught his eye. Moving closer to his reflection he started to make out what it was that had caught at the edge of his vision... it was a pale blue feather caught up in the braid he wore behind his left ear.

How on earth had that gotten there?

And, more importantly, how come he’d never seen it before?

As his right hand reached to touch it, his finger brushing against the very edges of its vane, the fabric of RD’s similarly coloured hairband rubbing against his chin as he stroked the feather's barbs, he suddenly knew... just knew... that the feather had been there for a very long time, that this was exactly where it was supposed to be.

It meant something to him - something important, something special - the feather and the way it was woven into his braid. But for the life of him he just couldn't remember what.

It had been in his dream, of this he was certain. Someone - not somepony but someone, though he had no idea who - had told him it was important, that it was something he should hold onto.

“Find something to hold onto,” Lero murmured, his fingers curling around the feather, “to believe in, and don't let it go.”

Who, who did it belong to? It came from somepony important, somepony.. some pegasus pony very special to him... probably the most important pegasus in the world.

As he held the feather, he could feel a fog lifting from his brain, like the Red Sea parting or the sudden surge of movement the split second after the starting gun had fired.

Dashie! It came from this ‘Dashie’ I’ve been dreaming about!

He could see her now, in his mind’s eye.

A bold, brave pegasus, a brash attitude and mischievous smirk on her face... rose-colored eyes surrounded by pale blue fur, a multichromatic mane flicking about in the breeze as they both lay in the grass.

She leant in and kissed him... he hadn’t been expecting it and it had left him confused. As she’d watched him, waiting for a reaction, her face had fallen, her confidence had fled. She’d turned away, hiding an expression of shame and sadness behind her mane, his hand coming into view, reaching for her shoulder...

Oh my god! It’s Rainbow! ‘Dashie’ is actually Rainbow Connection!

His hand on her shoulder, she turned back to face him, tears forming at the edges of her eyes. there she was... the love of his life... his Dashie...

Rainbow Dash!

And as quickly as it had departed, the fog swiftly rolled back over his brain, and she was gone.

‘Darling,” RD’s voice from behind him, “are you alright?”

Turning in place, Lero found the love of his life lying there on the edge of the bed, watching him with eyes filled with both love and concern. She’d been so worried about him these last few days. He’d so hated to look into those striking blue eyes and find them so troubled, knowing that he was the cause.

“Yes, I was just thinking.”

“About?” the unicorn asked, patting the sheets next to her with a forehoof, asking him come join her on the bed.

But what had he been thinking about? It was there, at the edge of his brain, on the tip of his tongue, so near but yet so far.

But it was gone now, and nothing he could do would bring it back.

“I’m not sure actually. Can’t be important though. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually.”

As his hand fell from the feather hanging against his neck, Lero made his way back to bed, all thoughts of his precious ‘Dashie’ now forgotten.

Author's Note:

OK, so it's been a month **mumble** and a bit **mumble** since April Fool's Day so it's time for some notes.

When I originally came up with the idea - back in late Jan'14 I think - for a Leroverse-spanning collaboration between authors I wasn't sure the guys would go for it so I chucked the idea and a vague storyboard out there just to see if anyone'd grab the ball and run with it... Oh boy, did that ball ever get grabbed!

Spinel bashed his chapter out in a couple of days and embarrassed the crap out'a the rest of us with how fast he can work. I'm still ashamed about how slow I am.

Archonix was well up for the idea and was throwing ideas about left, right and centre but then real life bit him on the arse so I took on the Xenophiles Guide chapter (I'd been dying to try doing a script format thing for a while) which I think worked out quite well. But then I provaricated for only god knows how long before working my way though the first, last and forum chapters, only in the reverse order which made the whole thing quite weird to work on. Oh dear.

But MikeTeevee... well let's just say that Mike and his posse of Rikmach and Wolfe Trax didn't just grab the ball but went full on Forrest Gump with it and ran it across the pitch, out of the stadium and halfway to Maine before we about ran out of time. Whatever you've got to say about DR's chapter, you gotta agree with one thing - it's EPIC!

And was it worth it? You bet it was! We ended up with six chapters spanning four different stories plus a meander off though the forums! DR andXFT are now confirmed as AU versions of each other! We got to revisit Gus in Xenophilia:Advanced one more time! We poked more cultural references with a pokey stick that even I can remember plus, and here's the best bit, Discord got to sing!

So here's to all my fellow authors who got together and made all this happen. Remember to go check out their other stuff, leave nice comments (or not so nice ones if you absolutely have to) and generally just be excellent to each other.

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