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  • E In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash

    Ice Cream, so sweet, so delicious. Who would have thought a simple ice cream cone would have the power to nearly topple the financial basis of Equestria?
    2,798 words · 11,009 views  ·  1,281  ·  17
  • E Daring Do and the Dance

    The story of a disposable minion of Ahuizotl as he tells of his forbidden love for Daring Do. Not the book, the pony.
    2,169 words · 2,116 views  ·  369  ·  3
  • T The Monster in the Twilight

    Twilight Sparkle’s brilliant mind was gone, burned away by her own power when she nearly destroyed Canterlot twelve years ago. Now there is a monster prowling the Everfree. And it is starting to remember what true power felt like.
    96,091 words · 15,364 views  ·  2,341  ·  44
  • E Diamond Tiara Buys a Little Sister

    Diamond Tiara is off to the Ponyville Hospital to shop for a new little sister, but she should be careful. She may get more than what she expected.
    9,292 words · 7,290 views  ·  488  ·  6
  • T Letters From a Little Princess Monster

    Monster finds problems fitting in and getting used to her new world in Ponyville. To help adjust, she reaches out to Princess Luna who has many of the same problems now that she is recovering from being Nightmare Moon.
    133,097 words · 13,424 views  ·  1,053  ·  20
  • E Yes Twilight Sparkle, There Is a Santa Hooves

    On Hearth’s Warming Eve, Princess Celestia has always spent the night alone in her private study, allowing the castle staff and most of the guards time to spend with their loved ones on this night of friendship and family. Tonight is differen
    6,695 words · 3,173 views  ·  444  ·  7
  • E To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

    In the highest spire of the highest tower in Canterlot, Princess Luna dreamed of nightmares....
    20,777 words · 2,427 views  ·  215  ·  3
  • E The Traveling Tutor and the Diplomats Daughter

    All Princess Sun Shines wants to do is escape from her stuffy room and explore the castle. All Green Grass wants to do is find some distraction to keep him from worrying about Twilight Sparkle’s most recent dangerous mission. Solution: Tour G
    35,757 words · 2,235 views  ·  281  ·  5

Blog Posts116

  • Monday
    Monday Needs Sinnin - A Punderful Request

    As the worst possible sin against nature is the Pun, and some of the people who follow me are twisted aberations against nature (some?), I thought it only fair to wonder out loud:

    What is the worst possible MLP-FIM Pun you can think of for a story description and title?

    For example:

    Description: The Pie family rock farm is  in trouble and only Pinkie Pie and the Elemnts of Harmony can save it from being taken over by a big conglomarate farm, but will they be able to find the traitor in her own family before it is too late?

    Title: Game of Stones

    Go nuts in the comments.  Stay germane, but try to keep it PG rated at wurst.

    19 comments · 232 views
  • 4w, 1d
    Upcoming fic battle - Flash Sunset vs. Trixie and Twilight, Sitting in a Tree

    First, go read This and appreciate it  I fear we may have created a monster.

    Ok, now for what passes as planning in Georg's world.  Which of these two fics do you think I should concentrate more effort on:

    A:  Flash Sunset

    After finding real friends for the first time in a strange dimension of odd creatures, Sunset Shimmer has finally decided to return home to Equestria in the hopes of apologizing to Princess Celestia for her betrayal.  Instead, she is greeted by an attack from the Royal Guard, and a pursuit across nighttime Canterlot that ends in disaster.

    Can two injured ponies who hate each other so much manage to survive the Everfree Forest and return to civilization, or are they just doomed to be eaten?  Grab some popcorn and settle down as we answer that question and more.

    -or-

    B: Trixie and Twilight, Sitting in a Tree

    The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned to Ponyville, apologetic for all of her previous actions, and cleansed of all thoughts of revenge, domination, power and destruction.  Now reformed, she only wishes to be accepted and loved in this wonderful little town while making friends of her own.

    Yeah, right.

    Would you believe Trixie has convinced that foolish unicorn and her dopey dragon pet that she should live rent-free in the library with them while she recovers from whatever it is that she claims to be suffering from this week?  Yeah, let’s go with that.

    Join Trixie and her friends the rest of the town as she settles into Ponyville, makes some enemies friends, and tries to find true love survive the experience.

    Bring a cream pie.  You’ll need it.


    Sample section from Flash Sunset

    Flash Sunset

    The Return


    The hardest word to say is ‘Sorry.’

      --Princess Celestia


    “I’m naked!”  It was a tribute to just how long Sunset Shimmer had spent in the weird world of ‘humans’ that even before the mind-scrambling effects of dimensional travel had fully faded and the wonderful feeling of Equestrian magic had soaked into her horn once again, her absolute first instinct had been a shocked realization that her carefully-selected outfit with matching earrings, pumps, and a daring-but-not-flaunting miniskirt that Rarity had pressed on her before departing was gone, and the cool breeze that swept through the Royal Gardens felt extremely weird on her bare rump.

    The second shocked realization was that Starswirl’s Mirror had been moved out of the secure storeroom where she had first encountered it, and placed in the middle of what could only be Celestia’s private garden.  Nowhere else could there possibly be such a degree of flowering, blooming, growing, sprouting, and just plain green that filled every single crack and crevice of the ground around her, only parting in its expanse of photosynthesis in order to grudgingly permit the occasional stone bench or gravel pathway, and even there, the tips of curious vines crept out onto the forbidden territory just as far as they thought they could get away with their intrusion.  All around her, the rustle and creak of hidden creatures filled Sunset’s mind with a strange mixture of intrigue and fear.  The mirror should not have been put out here; it was a priceless treasure of Equestria that should have been locked away where nopony else could possibly fall through the cracks into another world like Celestia’s rebellious young student had done so many moons ago.  Her reflexes surged to a near-panic as a nearby bush rustled, and her eyes caught the glint of polished steel in the moonlight.

    It’s a trap!

    Teleportation had always been easy for Sunset, an application of her boundless will upon the universe indicating that her current position of here was incorrect, and she actually was supposed to be there instead.  A surge of welcome magic flooded over her horn and she reappeared on the wall of the castle in a flash of golden light, which did nothing for her night vision and everything for the guard’s ability to see where she had gone.

    “There she goes!”

    The rustle and flapping of wings brought a hammering terror to Sunset Shimmer’s heart.  She had stolen from the Princess, assaulted the Royal Guard, and even committed what could be considered Treason Against The Crown, for which there was only one penalty.  She had hoped that Princess Celestia would have ‘gone easy’ on her, but it seemed that her destined path after her return was going to lead to a dark jail cell somewhere and unthinkable consequences.  Her dazzled eyes could just barely make out the form of the mirror in the garden, but there were bulky armored shapes in front of it now, as well as a tall pale shape she knew too well.  The only option left that held any hope was flight, away from Canterlot and into some place in Equestria where she could hide until Celestia’s immortal vengeance cooled, which looked to be a long, long time.  An armored shape flung itself out of the dark garden in her direction as Sunset Shimmer turned her back and fed power into her magic again.

    “I’ve got he—“

    The wind from a pair of pegasi hooves barely breezed through her mane as Sunset reappeared on a nearby roof in a brilliant flash and a breathless panting.  Using magic after this long away from Equestria was far more draining than she had anticipated, and she took a moment to orient herself against the familiar shapes of buildings in the silver moonlight.  Either things had changed far more than she realized in the last few years, or possibly she had managed to connect the portal to the wrong Equestria, because the city seemed different in some fashion as it faded into sight to her flash-blinded eyes.  Canterlot had always been awash in small changes as ponies attempted to one-up their neighbors with an ornate roof here or a trellis garden there, but this was far more.  The moon had even changed, no longer bearing the image of a dark unicorn, but instead wearing a soft silver of vague craters like some old pony who had gotten a facelift.

    Sample Section from Trixie and Twilight

    Trixie and Twilight, Sitting in a Tree

    Chapter 1 - Enter, Stage Left


    It was the most perfect day Spike could ever remember in Ponyville.  The sun was out, the birds were singing, Twilight was sleeping in after a long night of studying, and nothing at all could possibly go wrong.

    Spike peeked out the window while wearing a pot on his head and carrying a stout wooden spoon.  There was something terrible about to happen.  He could feel it in his scales.

    Outside, the shouts of happy foals filled the air, and the distant sound of music could be heard from the small carnival that had set up in front of the town hall.  If he squinted a little, he could just make out the sign that advertised ‘Free Ice Cream And Balloons.’

    It was worse than he thought.

    A sharp shudder shook the library as a heavy object burst through the front door, pinwheeled across the floor in a flurry of paper, and smashed into the library couch with a terrible thud.

    “Mail call,” shouted Derpy, somewhat muffled from the remains of the couch on her head.  “I’ve got a couple letters here for you.  Somewhere.”  After digging out the letters and placing them in Spike’s claw, the mailmare staggered out the door and flapped up into the air, somehow managing to remove two muffins from the library kitchen in the process.   Spike placed the letters on the book check-in table and opened them up with a single swipe of his claws.

    “Oh, no!” he groaned.  “A letter from the Equestrian Revenue Service.  We must owe… a refund?”  He looked at the hundred and twelve bit refund check and trembled.  It was far worse than he thought.

    ....(skipping forward)

    I, Spike the Dragon, being of sound mind and will, do hereby bequeath—

    A peal of thunder rolled through the library.

    Spike looked out the window.  Still sunny.  No clouds.  Chirping birds.  Distant music.

    The sound of pouring rain came from the library front door.  Small trickles of water leaked in under the sill where he was supposed to have installed weatherstripping instead of reading comic books.

    Spike looked out of the window again.  Still sunny.  No clouds.  Chirping birds.  More music.

    He turned back to his will, hoping to get it done before the eventual end of the universe, only to draw up short as a series of pathetic knocks sounded from the library front door.

    “We’re closed!” he called, trying to remember how to spell amethyst and finally deciding just to eat them all before the end instead.

    The knocking continued and Twilight called out from her bedroom.  “Spike!  Somepony’s at the door!”

    “I know that, Twilight!” he called back.  “Do we have a notary public in town?”

    The knocking continued.  Twilight called out again.  “Spike!  Get the door!”

    “All right, all right,” he grumbled.  “Maybe they can witness my will.”  He stomped over to the library door, kicked a rug over the damp spots where the rain had run in, and opened up the door.

    Standing in front of the library doorsill was a woebegone blue unicorn, her pointy hat squished into a flat soggy disk on her head.  Rain poured off her purple cloak, bearing with it the dissolving remains of a few glittery stars that left sparkly tracks down her sides and across the puddle she was standing in.  The Great and Powerful Trixie was soaking wet, so wet in fact that if she had been thrown into a lake, she could have emerged dryer than she was right now.  Even her tail had been drenched into a rat-like plait, hanging down to the ground and dragging in the mud.  It looked much like her mane, separated on each side of her head in a thick white stream of rainwater that arched from each shoulder and brought a cold shudder down her soaked coat.

    She looked up at Spike with deep blue eyes, her bottom lip trembling.  “Please, kind dragon.  I seek Twilight Sparkle for—”

    -SLAM-

    “Who was it?” called out Twilight Sparkle.

    “Nopony important,” replied Spike, going back to his will.

    “I am too!”  The knocking resumed, only louder.

    “You turned me into a basketball,” shouted Spike.

    “You got better!” replied Trixie.  “Now open this door!”


    Flash Sunset will be a self-contained serious semi-shipping, semi-Enemy Mine/Shards of Honor story, already mentally mapped out.

    Trixie and Twilight will be a continuing series of nutty and silly chapters as the muse bites me.  (No poetry on either though.  I’ve still got too many muse bites for that, and I understand Møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…)

    Nothing out of the current EG movie will be used in Flash Sunset.  Unless I feel like it.  And it's funny.

    And yes, this will slow down the rest of my writing at the same time my workload at the office just went nuts.

    So let me know in the comments.  Although I like writing on them both, getting positive feedback helps rebuild my poor shattered ego while I’m spending time in Writers Prison for Second Degree Whenceslaughter (I’ve got an appeal in the process now, and am hoping to get some time off my sentence with community service.)

    33 comments · 244 views
  • ...
 72
 5,511
Source

The history of war may be written by the winner, but the Royal Historian is the one who provides the notes and background to the writer.  The recent events that some have called ‘Mare Wars’ or ‘The Invasion of the Barracks’ are no exception.  The Royal Historian has painstakingly compiled this folder of notes and background material on what should more accurately be called, ‘The Opening of the Guard.’

Please remember to return the folder back to the Royal Historian when you have completed reading, in the event we gather more material that needs to be included.

Musty Pages, Royal Historian

Source for   inside photo   Featured on Equestria Daily

First Published
3rd Dec 2012
Last Modified
3rd Dec 2012
#1 · 98w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

Author Notes:  Miss Cozy is stolen wholesale from Skywriter's excellent fic Princess Celestia Hates Tea and Chef Ram Sea from Dawnscroll's fic A Slice of Life   (which really needs to have the last few chapters done, I've been waiting like *FOREVER*.  I've talked to him about it, and he's working on it, so I have to be patient...)

New cover art by ElenaFreckle on DeviantArt.  Very nice work.

Approved by EqD Jan 6, 2013 here.

I would like to thank Bad Horse for his assistance in bug-blasting.  If you like this one, please go visit his Sisters fic, which was on EqD along with my tagalong   In Celestia We Trust - All Others Pay Cash .

Hopefully I can get Concept Art - Captured in Stone approved sometime, it's been bounced twice so far.

#2 · 98w, 6d ago · · ·

Well, this certainly happened.

#3 · 98w, 6d ago · · ·

Why is the cover pic a pillow?

#4 · 98w, 6d ago · · ·

Damn hilarious, as expected from you. It's like looking through some companies email.

#5 · 98w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>1730387

You're joking right?:ajbemused:

#6 · 98w, 6d ago · · ·

Well done. I like the patchwork technique you have going here. I also recognize the homages.

#7 · 98w, 5d ago · · ·

A nice light-hearted tale.  I do like the 'collected memoranda' style of writing.  It's a different way to tell a narrative and it lets you jump from POV to POV without having to tangle up the writing with narrative.

I particularly liked your resigned!Shining Armour.  Something tells me that helping look after the filly Twilight was more of a preparation for working with the Princesses than he could ever have imagined.  If anything, Twilight, even as a filly, was more the logical and predictable one of the three. :twilightblush:

#8 · 98w, 5d ago · · ·

I like the sound of Mrs. Banehammer already.

#9 · 98w, 5d ago · · ·

We demand more!

#10 · 98w, 5d ago · · ·
#11 · 98w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

For all intensive purposes for tonight, you could be replaced by a statue
It's "all intents and purposes":raritydespair::twilightblush:

#12 · 98w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1735948  Whoops, let me get out the grammar blaster.

#13 · 98w, 3d ago · · ·

That was the best fix I've read. it must be longer

#14 · 98w, 3d ago · · ·

Lol, that was great. I'm in the presence of a master.

#15 · 95w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay, so you pitched it to Bad Horse in rhyming couplets, and you stole Skywriter's Miss Cozy?  I have got to read this now, once I get back to a computer.  (Faved so it skips ahead of my eternally growing Read-Later list.)

#16 · 94w, 3d ago · · ·

I love it! :heart: Great job! :pinkiehappy:

I love this style and you are hilarious. :rainbowlaugh:

This totally made my day (and I was in a bad mood too). :yay:

Thank you very much for sharing this with us. :scootangel:

#17 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

Boredom, immortality and a wicked sense of humor: three great tastes that taste great together.

And where can one procure a set of electric bagpipes?

#18 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

That was nothing short of comedy genius!  I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

#19 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

VERY interesting format, this was a fascinating and humorous read! :twilightsmile::heart:

#20 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

That...was...beautiful. :raritystarry:

#21 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

Congrats on the EQD mention!

#22 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

ahhh, I love Celestia and Luna sister fics like this.

#23 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

Had to reread this one when I saw it go up on EQD, and I am glad that I did. Stories like this one that leave you smiling the entire way through are what makes me glad to be a part of the fandom.

#24 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

You realize, of course, that Chef Ram Sea totally won the bagpipe contest, right? By like, a mile. :pinkiecrazy:

“Let me make this perfectly clear.”  Shining Armor sighed, and pressed a hoof to his forehead in concentration.  “For all intents and purposes for tonight, you could be replaced by a statue.

I died. From laughter. That is all.

#25 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

I'll admit, I haven't had fun with a story in some time. We need more of these, this was very well weaved together into enough bits where you can essentially play out each day's events quite vividly between the two sister's little pranks on each other lol

lol at the one point in the story I got to that made me explode in laughter since it just built  up to it *just* right! I won't spoil it since it's a mention of things readers are reading about/from anyways :rainbowlaugh: line was well delivered xD

Also, "You must be the guard that didn't bring Luna's paper last time" after a very adorable scene by Luna.

This may be vague'ish, but considering how short this is, I strongly recommend people just sit down and read this without question, It's certainly a very entertaining read xD (I would cry if Luna turned me into a mare, but still it beats being a male cactus I suppose!)

#26 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

Bwahahaha! I love it! The little bulletins were the perfect balance between forthright and vague to make you imagine just what hijinks must have ensued. The little sprinklings of references and cameos was wonderful as well :twilightsmile:

Y'know, I'd love to see something about the aftermath in the same format... Maybe a few notices from the barracks infirmary about the sudden rise in twisted wings and dislocated jaws after the ladies take their place on the roster and the gents drop one too many lewd comments :rainbowdetermined2:

#27 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1728745 I have been inspired by the cover art, I must have a pillowcase just like that one. I wonder how I can make that happen... hmmm. Oh, and great story by the way. Its a definite win in my book.

#28 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

         Now that Princess Cadence has achieved military parity with weaponized pillows you must write another story along this line. PLEASE!!

       This is such a refreshing change from the gloom and doom that seems to be the norm lately. More of this variety please.

#29 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

Very unique and fun way to tell the story.

#30 · 93w, 5d ago · · ·

Woot! Features on Equestria Daily! Way to go!:pinkiehappy:

#31 · 93w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

I can tell by your use of the names "Frazzleberry" and "Ram Sea" that you read a high amount of fics about Celly and Lulu

#32 · 93w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

*Grins* very cute. my onliy issue is the footnotes. When they are at the end of the page but before a whole whack of comments they can be difficult to locate. The best method I've seen is actually to have them at the top of the page since they can easily found (Or in my case, copied to a separate doc :twilightsmile:)

#33 · 93w, 3d ago · · ·

Excellent work.  Is there any chance of you continuing or a sequel?

#34 · 93w, 3d ago · 4 · ·

>>1932240  I have to admit, the thought did cross my mind.  Most likely not done in the same style, except maybe an excerpt from a note as each chapter's head.  It had occurred to me, that the Canterlot Police might not send their rejects on to the Palace, but might instead be sending their version of Dirty Harriet and Michelle Hammer.  That first day at weapons training, might look a little like this:

Trainer:  Now lady, I'm going to come at you with this knife, and I want you to--

*Crack*

*Snap*

*whine!*

Mrs. Banehammer: "You haff de right to remain silent, but if you haff any brains, you've going to tell me where you got dot knife, or I'll dislocate your odder shoulder."

#35 · 93w, 3d ago · · ·

I love it! This is the right kind of story to be told this way. I do have to say I didn't see much sense with the whole "no mares" issue, but taboos are arbitrary, so whatever. Great story. :)

#36 · 93w, 2d ago · · ·
#37 · 90w, 6d ago · · ·

This was beautiful.

#38 · 90w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Mrs. Banehammer, Sergeant, Homicide

Mrs. Banehammer, Sergeant, Homicide

Banehammer

As in the Imperial Guard super-heavy tank, a varient of the titan-hunting Shadowsword from Warhammer 40k?  THAT banehammer?  Or just a coincidence?

#39 · 90w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

>>2034271  Well, they had to name the tank after somebody....

#40 · 90w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

>>2034489

haaaaaah.

I love that tank.  Took out an entire swarm of Tyranid genestealers in one shot, saving my company command squad from a grisly fate of being disemboweled and eaten by 'nids.

#41 · 89w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

"If I come back, and somebody has stolen that door, I’m going to be upset.  You understand?” :rainbowlaugh:

this pretty much sums up what i think the canon royal guard actually does xD

Sus
#42 · 75w, 6d ago · · ·

I really like your mane writing style.

Very low-key, but the implicatons are hilarious. Who knew immortal alicorns could be such silly ponies?

:twilightsmile:

#43 · 75w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

I find it most interesting that Cadence took the percaution of reinforcing the pillows. It appears all alicorn disputes are settled this way.

#44 · 69w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

Quite the enjoyable read, but the Screwtape writing style may not be the best choice for a comedic work. It feels like you're telling a joke but neglecting the punchline.

#45 · 63w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

All that buildup and no punchline. Argh, so disappointing.

#46 · 59w, 4d ago · · ·

I SHALL ATTACK YOUR FORCES WITH MY ARMY READY!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

#47 · 56w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3004536

I thought "and grants" was the punchline.

#48 · 54w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Delightfully charming, and I'm always a fan of abnormal narratives. Worth every minute poured into every word; well done. :twilightsmile:

#49 · 50w, 4d ago · · ·

Loved it, loved it, loved it.

One of those few fics that really has nothing wrong with it at all.

PresentPerfect
Site Blogger
#50 · 50w, 15h ago · · ·

This is absolutely my favorite kind of story. :D

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