First Published
4th Dec 2012
4th Dec 2012
Last Modified
15th Dec 2012
15th Dec 2012
- Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
- offline for 2w, 5d
I am Matthais Unidostres, I'm a Christian and I love FanFiction!
I am Matthais Unidostres, I'm a Christian and I love FanFiction!
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Uh... what?
"The Return of Harmony Part 1 made no sense!"
Apart from the fact that it made perfect sence, your correct.
>>1740221
Also, you're saying that the episode about the SPIRIT of CHAOS didn't make sense.
...
I'll let that sink in for a moment.
Other than that, this isn't terrible.
Yes it did.
...
Yeah...
So you took the whole point out of the episode?
Sorry, but the thing is...
Discord. Used magic.
Ok, the changes in the first episode has to reflect the changes in the second episode, so anyone saying this is stupid has to wait for part 2 to come out, dont just jump to conclusions...
>>1740395 -
He's the villain, and the gamemaster. Since the Elements are the only thing stopping him, he will bend the rules...He most likely said that "nopony can use wings/magic". Is he a pony?
So . . . everypony successfully resists the temptations and mind-control of the demigod of chaos who is canonically more powerful that Celestia and Luna together . . . except Rainbow Dash.
What.
>>1740770
Exactly my point.
He used magic in the original episode (and this one too,) and that is why it worked.
I've seen better but.....hey I'm not that good soooo you get a fave!
"The Return of Harmony Part 1 made no sense!" ...So here's my way of making it make even less sense.
Or something. I don't get it.
But....
Huh?
Do you even poni?
Soooooo....where the buck are the Elements of Disharmony? all In see is Blaze (Element of Betrayal, dark half of Rainbow Dash and fastest of the Dark Elements) sort of disappoitedthis did not have them in it, not sure how you think the two episodes did not make sense but hey, to each their own.
So.. You think it didn't make any sense?
I know something (or someone) else that isn't making any sense right now.
"I can fix something that ain't broke."
Smooth hook.
Made no sense? dude, whats with you
>>1740311
Oh! Hush now, it was late and I was tired.
Oh fuck I remember this.
Gave me a good laugh last week...
What's the fun in making sense, anyway?
>there are more dislikes than likes
Really? I mean, it's not perfect, but at least it doesn't pull the "Twilight is the only competent one" bullshit that was used in the S2 Premier and finale, and the S3 finale. The fact the writers of the show always used the idiot ball for at least one of the main characters has always pissed me the hell off, especially in game ponies play, where all they had to do was ask the mare if she was the games inspector or whatever profession they were assuming she was, and the whole episode's problem would be over.
This is almost identical to the original shit.
>>3368268
Oh yeah. . .except for the Mane Five being too smart to fall for Discord's ridiculously transparent tricks, Twilight not being so stupid as to use Spike as the Element of Loyalty, Twilight using logic to solve Rainbow Dash's paradox, Rainbow Dash understanding what the lesson was and breaking out of her corruption, Discord putting up a fight against the ponies by using his powers offensively, the Mane Six fighting an actual against Discord and using their Elements offensively, and Discord being killed.
Yeah, other than those few details, this was exactly the same.
Seriously, shut up, troll.
>>3380664
Hey, calling me a troll, seriously?
I said "almost the same". Not "Completly the same as the episode"
Yes, it got changes.
But anyway the outcome was the same.
Discord defeated. But killed instead.
This isn't "Alternative Ending", this is "Somewhat Changed". And all the changes changed nothing. You just made the mane 5 smarter and gave them resistance to mind powers. The last one makes no sense.
And then, Discord would never use his powers in the way you described in this story. You use it as a excuse for killing him off.
>>3381667
You posted a negative comment containing a swear without giving reasons why my story was s***. That makes you a troll.
>>3381667
. Besides, in the show, he dangled three ponies over a pit of fire, so he does use his powers that way.
>>3382427
Did I say your story was shit? Read again and check your eyesight.
>>3382429
When did he do this? Tell me excactly where in what episode I'll find that. It is a long time since I saw season 2.
Kinda on-topic:
In most fics where Discord is reformed the thing Mane six often uses against him as a argument is the mind control. In this fic they resist that and therefore they have no personal grudge towards him. And then you kill him off. It would be a better start for the reformation later (if you haven't added the part where discord offensively uses his powers). This story was good written, but the changes was small and was uneeded or made no sense.
>>3382453
In part one, we see a stained glass window of him dangling ponies over a pit of fire and laughing sadistically as they scream in pain,
>>3967331
And that means it couldn't be propoganda?
>>3986387 We hear the sound of those ponies screaming during that scene. That authenticates the scene.
>>4296925
How so?
I'll stop commenting, I'm just trying to get over the point about Discord not being sadistic in the way you described. Why didn't he do anything else than create chaos when he got free in the series? Why didn't he kill Celestia when he had the chance?
All this lead me to the conclusion he never actually directly hurt anypony, but through his pranks or chaos ponies could be hurt, but not directly. In Season 4 we could see he get imprisoned in a flashback. I think it reveals he didn't actually kill/injure ponies directly, but through the chaos they often hurt psychologically or just get annoyed. They often also refers the Discord-era as an time where the ponies lived in unrest. It was never said he did anything worse than changing the world to an unatural state.
Look, buddy, I like your attitude. You take risks. Risks that, on the surface, statistically show that you're good. Now unlike some I also, kind of sort of, conscientiously object some of the writing in Season 2. Along with several others. Overall, in order to save this story, you have to realize you're taking a television episode and turning it into prose. The written word opens doors like you couldn't believe, mate. I usually see potential, love it, and take aim to help people. Shoot me a PM if you have any other questions, but here are some general tips to guide fixing one blemish on your track record:
TL;DR, please try controlling yourself while applying common writing techniques when transferring television to words.
Show, don't tell. Simple principle of writing and a subset of sustained engagement. Another problem that you run into when trying to take a screenplay to the digital page.
Pacing primarily sets tone as well as controls the flow of a good story. I made a mistake about three years ago opening an extremely edgy, and shitty mind you, fic with dialogue and failed to continue on sound points and reasoning. It was downvoted to oblivion, thus marking my official exit as a writer until the torrential tide of testosterone subsided. This relates whole-heartedly because openings have to be engaging. I mean look at the opening of The Count of Gem Grotto, one of yours:
This opens a lot of questions early, and quickly. You have who, what, where and why already set up, and you follow through. By trying to jump off of the pill bottle cap that is an assumption, namely thinking everyone is going to remember half of part one of RoH, you can kill a story really quickly. Try writing the story from the ground up, instead of in the middle. That way you can clear the air with discrepancies already mentioned over three years ago.
Lastly, you're writing from third person omniscient. This is the big one, and the most important, especially when it comes to the aforementioned points I've made. As you can tell, being a Redwall fan and all, TPO has the most flexibility overall in writing style. On count, I tally eighteen page breaks. Your first section breaks the major rule of TPO, which is self-control. When writing in the least-oriented of the three major writing styles, you have to take care with pacing and scenery. Another technique you can apply is the oft unused stream-of-consciousness. Show us what the M6 think and feel as things are happening. It'll change the tone a little bit, sure, but at the same time that's important for conveying crises. Those of which were established in the writing of the show. It'll also help polish your understanding of character faults. I don't think that the show's writing was fair in allowing one party to steam roll one side of the conflict so easily in either direction. In retrospect, it feels rushed. Like this fic.