Rarity and Big Macintosh? About time. I like the story so far, but this needs a lot of clean-up.

Here's some things that can go a log way.

-Fix the formatting. An extra line of space after every paragraph and an indention if you're willing to go the extra mile.

-Look up some grammar rules on using quotation marks. They can be somewhat tricky.

-Make sure every name is capitalized.

-A personal thing of my own, but spelling out a pony's full name when used out of quotes. IE: Using Big Macintosh instead of Big Mac. While I think Big Mac is considered acceptable (I could be wrong), you can't get away with just Mac.

This is the jist of what I found (there is more, but at that points it becomes less general problems I can point out quickly). I hope to see more of this fic, but it's going to be difficult to grab readers with the problems listed above.

>>123473123473

Thanks, I appreciate getting some constructive feedback so quickly

great

More constructive criticism, hope it helps:

-Formatting is inconsistant: Some paragraphs are indented and others are not and their is too much space between paragraphs or none at all.

-Again, the issue with names listed before.

-Inconsistent tense usage. This is something that plagued me for awhile too. Only advice I can give is that if your unsure of a words tense, look it up.

-Missing punctuation, especially around quotation usage.

I have two pieces of advise: Reread your own works. Reading out loud is especially helpful. The other tip, find someone willing to be an editor.

This looks better than the last chapter. Baby steps to literary masterdom!

This really good. In fact this is probably the best version of this shipping pair I've ever scene, so far. I like how you got the personalities down right and the fic is very well written. Thanks for not making Apple Jack unlikeable in this fic. I've seen enough of these fics where they make AJ a bitch for no real reason. Yeah it's fluff but there's nothing wrong with fluff. I can give this five stars, no problem. Can i have more please?

Here's a funny meme as payment for the story:

Image: http://chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-weekend-at-grannys.jpg

Peace Out.

Excellent

>>133401133401 It seems whenever I see you comment its one word comment, but considering you seem to be following a over-the-top amount of Fanfiction I guess you don't have much time for writing a comment. Now then, onto the Fic!

So much FUCKING D'AWWW. I really like this fic and this the best version of this shipping pair that I've ever seen. This is made of win.  

fantastic

>>142271142271 See? There you go again. I keep thinking your a robot...

... Well then, this is the first RarityxMac I've ever read, and I must say that you are doing a very good job of it! So far it gets atleast a 4.5 star from me. Tracked!

Four stars from me.  Things are proceeding a little faster than I'd like but what's here is well written, clear and easy to understand.  So many fics have grammar so bad it's tough to figure out what the author was intending but thankfully you don't have that problem.  A few spelling errors here and there aren't distracting and I like the characterizations.  

“Hi Mister Mackintosh! You looking for Rarity?” > Macintosh*

Besides that little error, nothing stuck out to me (Although, I only ever notice the very obvious errors.) Keep it up!

great

me like story. Tracking nuff said

>>167967167967

Took the words right outta my mouth.

“Well princess, you have met Applejack have you not? Well you see he has this brother, who is how I shall say, simply divine….”

Applejack is a boy? I know It's not that funny, but I can't help but laugh at this, don't even fix it! Just leave the typo there!

great

Having made some sort of peace with her conscience, she resolved to enjoy the test of the afternoon with Rainbow Dash.

Don't know if it's a typo, but sounds like it it should be rest.

...The Hay? I got an Update Notice......I'm Confused and Puzzled....or for lack of a better word... Confuzzled.

This could be interesting, In my mind I'm picturing Blueblood and Mac becoming best friends and they end up getting drunk, stealing a cop car and go out smashing mail boxes. Maybe even pranking a few foreign dignitaries.  

That being said I really like this fic and would change a damn thing about it.  

Wish the chapter had been a bit longer... but that said,  I do like the idea of Mac and Blueblood becoming friendly.  (Strange, as I'm contemplating a fic myself with them being much more contentious...)  Mac's a generous soul, and if Blueblood's sincere about changing, he's the right person to get to know.

Fine work, and I hope the next chapter is out soon.

Sis, I am dissapoint....

>>145707145707

Just walk away, theres nothing to see there.

I want to see Blueblood do a keg stand(that's where your buddies hold you upside down over a beer keg and you drink from the tap, btw it's awesome and you drunker that way cause the blood is rushed to your head.)

Blue Blood: "what are we doing at Canterlot University at a dorm room?"

Mac: "We're crashin a frat party and we're gonna do jello shots till we puke up a lung. Then maybe we'll smash some mail boxes."

Peace Out.

The next chapter should be called: Attack of the Killer Kegs and it should tell the events that happened and how Mac and the once snobbish Blueblood became best friends.

fantastic

I eagerly await the awesome!

Uh oh....two things could happen according to my sleep-deprived mind.

1. The Princess is not amused.

2. TROLOL!

ALLONS-Y!!!

At worst maybe community service or maybe a fine for the property damage, He didn't actually kidnap anyone, he was just trying to show a new friend a good time and things got out of hand.

Also kite surfing? They must had an ultra awesome night.

Blueblood and...Applejack?  

This has to be a first.  

First off d'awww. This is like he best example of friendshipping EVER!!!!! You did a wonderful job making the prince actually likeable. As a fan big fan of Tanquerray gin, I applaud you for putting my favorite liquor in the story. I say kudos on Blueblood x Applejack, I've only seen that pairing done thee times, but this is the first time I may get a chance to see it fleshed out more, plus it'll be great to see how Blublood redeems himself to AJ.  

Peace Out.

Blueblood and APPLEJACK?!  That will not end well.  

Those two know how to party.

I love blueblood/applejack and I love you for including it in this!

I can't wait to see more.

Well here it is. What am I doing? I'm not sure any more.

I'm confused: his tired mind began to debate the wisdom in keeping a wooden dragon in a library made of wood… maybe he would ask Twilight in the morning.

Blue Blood might have an easier time adapting to Applejack's life style in comparison to Mac adapting to Rarity's lifestyle. To be fair it will be funny seeing the prince use a more country way for speaking and Mac becoming more refined. Plus at least in Ponyville Blue Blood has a friend to go drinking with and to go out smashing mail boxes at 2am for fun.

>>685779685779

Good catch fixed it now. The words, they get the better of me sometimes.

thanks for the feedback

God, you scared me! By the way the chapter started, I thought this was some kind of epilogue, and that the fic had ended.

>>685779685779 Why would Blueblood have to change the way he speaks?

>>724791724791

Not his way of speaking, but his way of living; a farm is a lot different than a castle.

Uh, Twilight, you might want to think very carefully about the wording of your letter...

"Dear Princess Celestia!

After examining the cases of your sister, your nephew and your personal student (me), the data suggests that the ponies closest to you grow up to be maladjusted antisocial misfits! However, behavioral problems lessen once the subjects leave your direct supervision and presence, and resurface mainly when it pertains to you, personally, as with the Smarty P- as with the Thing That Shall Not Be Named episode!"

Reading something along those lines might upset her...

OK! so almost 17000 words and i'm still going. Not exactly sure what i am actually achieving here, but i am going to finish what I started.

This had been going on for so long mainly because i have never written anything like this before, but i think the story is slowly moving forward again. Joy.

Feedback always appreciated. it inspires me, and given time, it might help me get better.

Thanks`for making it this far!

That's the thing about a one shot character like Blueblood, writers have free range to do whatever they want to do with said character.

Prince Blueblood himself goes into three categories:

1. Evil

2. Incompetent

3. Misunderstood/Trying to redeem himself.

As an example of the third option, I really like this story as far as the humor and pacing goes.

This story is good, but there are a ton of little errors. Big Macintosh does not have a "k" in it!

Also, every so often I'll see a word that needs to be capitalized, or a capitalized word that shouldn't be capitalized. Only proper nouns and beginnings of sentences should be capitalized!

sweetapple acres -> Sweet Apple Acres.

Stuff like that. Other than that, it's all good and I'll just keep reading.

aww, i hope Blueblood wins Applejack's heart!

they by most (besides fluttermac) are the cutest couple ever!

How did I miss this update?! I gotta know what comes next.

>>736589736589 Funny, but true.

Now does anyone else hear the ticking time bomb?

I hope Blueblood is ready for some honest hard work.  Applejack is going to work him to the bone.

LOVE the Pirates quote in there xD