Iv'e always been a fan of horror and many other things involving dark situations, but I also like kind more comedic things, I'm not that great of a writer but I try
after a strange tree grows in sweet apple acres with even stranger fruit growing on it, things start getting weirder then usual for the main cast.
Heaven help us!
"It was a pleasant day for Sweet apple acres"
Already off to a bad start.
"Applejack was a rather pleasant person, if you knew her personally you would know why, she was generous and was always there to help anybody in need she also had a real no nonsense attitude and didn’t stand for any rudeness towards her, her family and especially not her friends. "
No, I don't know why, You need to explain better. Think of us as people who have no idea what MLP is.
"After an entire morning of seemingly endless apple bucking in the field of infinite apple trees, all standing tall and proud across the land, Applejack came across something bizarre, a tree, not that a tree amongst many other trees would be a bizarre thing to see, in fact it’s quite a common thing to see, but this particular tree was different then all the others, it certainly wasn’t an apple tree, it was a different kind of tree, a tree Applejack had never seen before, it was covered in patterns of blue and grey and was misshaped in a rather unsettling swirly kind of way, but the strangest thing about the tree was what was growing off of its branches, dangling from each of its branches was a strange looking fruit, none the same shape or size as each other, but all different, they all resembled different kinds of normal fruit like strawberries or bananas, but were made odd by their patterns and miscoloured skin."
Longest, painfullest, biggest run on sentence i have ever seen. Imagine saying that in one breath. So why make us read it?
"“It certainly no apple!” she thought to herself pulling a confused face."
You do not pull a confused face. You put it on. And "It certainly no apple!" Is not even a sentence.
i had always wanted a one piece crossover, but i dont know if this is it
Don't listen to the haters. Keep writing, keep practicing, you can do it!
might be a troll fic... but if not there is defiantly a lot of work to do, everyone starts off somewhere. you have to mess up to get better sometimes.
Ok I only has 2 complains:
1.- "Applejack was a rather pleasant person" So the story is mane 6 humans or just a mistake?
2.- Blocks of Text! try 2 eliminate them.
other than that this story sounds interesting... I will track and see what happens next.
Oooh, this gona be good. oh want to hear a crazy idea, come up with your own curesed fruit, like...how about......THE MULTIMULTIFRUIT, yes the multi-multi-fruit, like the name sake the eater is able to make multible copies of them selfs, it could look yellow with black dot, and bulges like a grape but all the same size shape a texuer. i know that was random but...hey.....pinkiepie cant have ALL the fun.
Great job by the way bucko.
Awwww.... I was gonna do a one piece cross over... You beat me to it though, not bad.
Oh this is gonna be so EPIC!
bit of a short intro, but I am intrigued to see what heppens next.
Nice idea for a story, this isn't the first MLP/One Piece cross-over I've read, (FanFic.net crossover page) but the other one was Human-in-Equestria bassed. I like whara this story is headed, I kind of have a thing for Supper-Powers. the discovery, the emotion, lerning the extent of your new power and deciding what to do with it, all greatly interest me.
I like your description of the tree the cursed fruit grows on, it's not exactly how I thout it looked, but it works just like I imagined. When I read your description the name "Tree of illusions" came to mind, I don't know if this is a canon name I read some whare, or I made it up some time in the past, but it is what I remember it being called. Name at your discretion my friend, this is new territory for pony's and names like Devil Fruit or Cursed Fruit don't seem to fit them, so I'm excited to see what thay call it.
rule of thum about Devil Fruit:
1) thay tast horrible 2) after one bite the power is absorbed, and the rest of the fruit is powerless, awfull tasting piece of fruit
3) the power of the fruit will make it's self know shortly after you eat it 4) if you eat two, you explode (and not in a good way)
good story so far, pace it out a bit and your golden.
I am glad that you are continuing the story.
But, I think you might have skiped a chapter or two.
I don't know what went wrong, but I can only read the Intro and chapter 2: explanations. what hapend to chapter 1.
can you send me the URL. I'd like to read it>>291480291480
now can you read it?
I think this chapter is beter then the next
ye the next chapter was really just so short to show that I'm still updating
Who saw this coming? (Raises hand)
good story! moar!!
I believe you mean hoof ;)
This started off well enough and shows potential. But I don't like how it was just picked off of a tree...but no matter.
Just one objection...do you have a plausible plan for them finding about Akuma No Mi's? Unless the Straw hats themselves accidently show up and Luffy teaches Pinkie(which would probably be the end of the world) but no matter. This. Is FUN!!
anybody know what's going on? the word pinkie keeps on getting replaced with the word surprised
>>392808392808 April fools day gag by fimfiction. Main background thing is different and the mane six have their names changed to their first generation counterparts (except applejack and twilight cuz that is what they were back then i guess)
soo, twilight ate Robins devil fruit?
ye it suits Twilight the most out of all the mane cast
Have to agree with you there. Though I wonder, will all of the mane cast get a Paramecia fruit or will some acquire Zoan and/or Logia fruits? Are you taking suggestions? If so, must they be canon or can they be OC fruits?
HANA HANA NO MI!
Fluttershy gets to have the tremor tremor fruit
>>416321416321 I call Fluttershy getting a zoan class
She must have the power to destroy the world!!! Irony is funny!! XD
>>419051419051 But cuteness and suitabilty reign supreme.
Imagine Fluttershy part dragon. Or lion. Or bear. Or pig. Or rhino. Or cat. Fluttershy is cute because she is a poofy pink maned yellow Pegasi. You cant pull off that same look as a bear. As a creature of the moon, I stand for power. Umbreon!!!>>419168419168
>>419232419232 Chopper made dear and humans cuter so clearly Fluttershy would become so adorable the world would collapse
>>393489393489 I feel Twilight is more suited to the Mera mera fruit since she is know to burst into flames
If you tell me Chopper is cute in his human form, you're lying. He was often mistaken for a gorilla. And the Mera Mera no mi? She burst into flames and looked like a Rapidash once...
The Hana Hana No mi suits her fine. Robin and Twilight are both very book/logic oriented.
(why do I feel like I just stumbled into a one piece/mlp:fim similarity and difference battle?)
>>419339419339 I meant the mixed species chopper.
Also I don't like the idea of basing the fruit on similar characteristics
I would say Applejacks m ore suited for the flare flare fruit
But a lot of the Guys in one piece IS related to thier fruit personality.
Luffy is a rubber headed idiot(a wonderful idiot)
Ace is really fiery spirited, he tried so many times to fight Whitebeard.
Whitebeard is a uber powerhouse. Like his power.
Mr. 3 is an oily weirdo. Waxy.
Buggy is always in pieces. Literally.
Mr. 2 is a cross dresser. And is the perfect impersonator.
True, not all of them fit. But many of them do.
A couple more...Foxy...never mind, I don't know what to think of foxy except split-head.
Mr. 1 is cold hard, like his blades.
Hmm, this all the personality/fruit stuff I can think of off the top of my head.
H, and is suppose tht one supernova, Al Capone. His mafia style and his Military Body kinda matched up.
And yes. Chopper is adorable in his 'in-between form' absolutely adorable.
Fluttershy has Haki right, I think thats cannon?
Oh god don't even get me started. Even though you just did.
People overuse the Haki idea. To say Zoro or Sanji has the King's Disposition pisses me of like Tartarus. No, Zoro just has major Intimidation, and Sanji? He's an Ero-cook.
Fluttershy's stare, I am sorry, cannot compete with Luffy's "stare".
Fluttershy's Stare is just her personal ability to assert, for a lack of better words. Luffy's disposition can knock out thousands of grown men/Stallions effortlessly. Honestly, I think Luffy would be able to take Celestia in Combat. Yes, I am aware of the heat problem. And I still think he's that strong. Not win maybe, due to the whole magic deal, but put up a good fight. I think only Zoro my be able to learn a little bit of Busoshoku Haki, so he can hit Logia people. But I hate the idea of Haki being Overused.
Hmm "devilish smirk" you know choppers fruit, the humanhuman fruit? well who do you we know that is a pony, whose always going on about humans, and would love to be one. i think that would be a gag.
never thought of that good idea
I need to know, is this story good or not? (PLEASE be honest)
>>483411483411 its pretty good, too short in ma opinion, but i,m used to long chapters, its an interesting read, also you need conflict, maybe trixie with black beard fruit, now that would be awesome, or maybe Gilda with smokers fruit, or to be fun a group of diamond dogs with different powers. i'm just saying need conflict, all in all its a great read.
decent. its a good concept but too short
MOREMOREMOREMOREMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y U TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE!!!!!
self esteam issues, plus whenever I look over my chapters all I see is crap