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Alone.
Tin had always felt alone, almost always. His life started alone. The first day he remembered was in the Canterlot Orphanage.
The now old stallion recalls his past, remembering his once held zest for life. This story will retell his life, mistakes, and regrets.
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A/N
I'd like to thank Sorren, my editor, for helping out thus far. He's amazing.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Please be critical and point out any mistakes I have made. Any suggestions to the story would also be appreciated. This is my first fanfic, and I would love to know what I am doing wrong and what I need to improve on.
Lol blacksmithing jokes
This is actually a very nice story. And I don't say that to many people.
Much love from Wuten. I'll be keeping my eye on this one.
1714843 Thank you very much! Glad to hear someone enjoys the story.
Hi there we meet at omegle and you asked if i could read your fanfic and say what i think but you left before i was done reading it :/
But anyway i think this story is really good to be your first :) saw some spelling errors but not many :)
Good work my friend :)
Actually, he probably just lay there; he was too young to tell fibs back then.
Having written a couple of Old Pony stories in my time, I'm definitely interested in this one, and will stick with it.
1716015 Derp!
Fixed! Thank you very much.
it was well, i'll give it a like.
I suck at reviews.
But yuh. You can write. You get your tenses right, don't fuck up your comma's and all of dat.
I do think you need to get a good grasp of foreshadowing in one form or another: Unless the story is only meant to be about him growing up? Right now, the chapter is very grounded in the 'present', as in the 'present' of the current timeline. Which is with the foal Tin. We don't have any hints at what might happen next, except that he grows up, which is what everypony does anyhow
If you're only intending for this to be a story about Tin growing up, then that's fine. But if the story has more substance than that, then you might want to hint at it, to generate interest.
1718598
Thanks for the reply! I'll make sure to add some suspense in the next chapter, building up to any conflict or future story points. Thanks again for taking the time to read it.
That was amazing tin is soooo cute
1719222 Thanks for the read!
A very sweet setting you've created here. One thing I especially like about your writing style is that you use lots of descriptive words and literary devices to bring life into your sentences, but at the same time that never goes over the top and distracts readers from what is happening. Not usually a genre I prefer, but I'll keep my eye on this one.
1721021Thank you so much for the comment! The next chapter should be released within the next few days, a week at most.
1st chapter completed. Again, tell me of any mistakes I, or my awesome editor, have missed. I was a bit tired while writing this.
This review brought to you by the group: Authors Helping Authors
Fic: Iron Vein
Grammar Score: 9.5
Pros: There are plenty of all OC stories, but this one is taking an interesting route in its setting, tone, and style.
The style seems to morph depending on Tin's age, adding an extra and fully enjoyable layer of depth.
The emotions present in this fic are already very potent, and have immense potential to become even more moving.
Cons: The overarching plotline has not yet been explicitely determined, though as a beginning fic this is understandable.
The brevity of certain scenes causes them to have less impact than they would were they longer.
Pacing of the entire story needs adjusting.
Notes: Not much to add except what I've said above. I will comment on your excellent grammar and how refreshing it is to see it so well done. The tone seems very whimsical despite the sad tag, which is a rare find that should most certainly be read more. Keep up the good work! You've more than earned my like and fav.
Enjoy your review and hope you find it helpful. Please review my fic Marks of Harmony. I won't expect you to read it all in one sitting btw!
1886504 Thank you much, I will read and comment on your story soon.
This review is brought to you by the group Authors Helping Authors
Name: Iron vein
Grammar: 9.5
Pros: Great story concept
Great detail of characters feelings.
The character is well developed, and belivable.
cons: Can't really think of any other than what inky jay mentioned.
Notes: The grammar was great, and refreshing. I like the concept and I like to read OC stories.
I'm defenitly going to keep my eye on this one.
Hope you enjoyed your review, Please review my story Guardian of the Hearthfire, and if you want my story Twas a Hearthwarming eve.
A very nice story
. I'm interested to see where it goes. Faved.//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
This is probably the first OC only fanfiction I've read, and its pretty good
. Keep up the good work. 
Founder and Admin Coming in for a review
Name: Iron Vein
Grammar: I give it a 8/10, the sentence structure is quite basic, but you've got it down. That's good
Pros: It's got a nice tone and as Inky states, the tones are distinct according to who is speaking
Transitions well from old to young. Very few people can pull this off well, so kudos to you for that
You've also established your OCs pretty well and provided a sufficient amount of intrigue in order to convince us to follow
Cons: The sentence structure is rather simple gives a bit of a choppiness to it
I'd like to see more description and more showing of his facial expressiions and the environment. I mean we saw a lot of his crib, but not a lot of the actual rules of the orphange. It seems like a very caring orphanage, but is Lullaby the only person running it?
Notes: A pretty darn good story that I hope you continue on in the future. Have a like, fav to go along with this review. You do need to add more showing of the facial expressions, but it's the beginning so i understand.
Recommended Story: You've already read Remembering the Fallen so I'm going to recommend you to my main story Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects
This review brought to you by Authors helping Authors!
Name: Iron Vein.
Grammar: 7/10. Some typos and comma problems, just enough to be distracting.
Pros:
Changing the flow of the story according to age is really well done
The prose is generally good
You have good tension, especially in chapter 1
Cons:
There is some inconsistency in the prologue
An adolescent having a comfort toy isn't believable. I'd age him down in Chapter 1
I have yet to get a clear sense of your MC
Notes: I really like this. It's not often I see a slice of life that actually interests me, but the use of vignettes into a pony's life are good, and chapter 1 especially shows promise with the tension you present.
First, let's talk about the prologue. You did a good job presenting an infant's voice, but I think you could go even further with it. I'm reminded of the first sentence in James Joyce's "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man." It goes like this: Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo..."
Clearly you don't have to go to that extent, but I would make the infant's voice even younger. In some ways he is ignorant-he doesn't know what blood or pain is-and yet he knows candles are. I think you can make this more consistent-describe the world through this infant's eyes. Another important thing to add to this chapter is more of Lullaby, as establishing her more in this chapter will allow the reader to feel even more tension when we think she's ill in chapter 1. Show us a scene of Lullaby comforting Tin in more detail. To Tin, an infant, she represents safety, security, and love, right? Illustrate that. Paint us that picture of Lullaby. What would a caretaker look and feel or smell like to an infant? If she is his mother figure, she will be the most important figure in his life, and her entry into the story at that point should be momentous.
On to chapter 1. The major issue I had here is with your telling us things in the beginning-you mention Tin is adolescent, but adolescent implies teenager. I don't think you meant Tin to be a teenager in this chapter. He strikes me as seven or eight, on the cusp of wanting independence but still very clearly dependent on Lullaby.
That leads me to my next point- general your prose is good, but you do have a telling problem at the beginning of your chapters. Don't do that. Lead us into the story with a scene, don't slam the reader with a paragraph like the first one in chapter 1. If you change the prologue and show us Lullaby's importance, you won't need to do that at the beginning of chapter 1 anyway.
Also, I mentioned that we don't have a clear sense of your MC yet, though this may simply be a result of the style of story you've chosen to tell. Even if you show a person through time, however, are there unique personality traits you can show us to characterize him that remain constant? Maybe play up his adventurous streak that is implied from his sneaking out of crib and following Lullaby. Also, I might have missed it, but describing him physically would help. I think it would be cute/funny if as an infant he saw himself in a mirror and didn't know who it was at first. Just a random thought.
Anyway, I hope that was helpful. Liked and faved!
If you want to check out my work, please check out Journey to Equestria
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story: Iron Vein
Grammar Score: 9
Pros: Interesting way you have written this, setting, style etc.
Interesting storyline, kept me hooked.
Likeable character.
Cons: Slight change in pacing is needed
I think I spotted a bit of inconsistency somewhere.
Can't really think of anything else at the moment.
Notes: The way this has been written has kept me interested. I haven't read another story like this one. The OC is likeable and the style of writing is excellent. You have most definitely earned a favourite (actually I favourited this a couple days ago, just didn't have time to read it until now
) and a like. Keep up the good writing. 
I hope you like this review, please help me out by looking at my story The Arrival
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story: Iron Vein
Grammar: 9
Pros: Interesting writing style and story
Can easily relate to OC
The grammar is great
Con: Slow down on the pace
Too brief with certain paragraphs
Notes: Too early in the story for a plot so not sure where this is going. However, the way you're writing it caught my attention and the good grammar convey the mood well. Just slow down on the pace and add a more detail to certain scene and you'll be fine.
Enjoy the review and I hope it helpful. Please review my fanfic A Choice. Just a head up, it's kind of long so don't worry about reading it all at once.
I'm Gooshie from Authors Helping Authors
Iron Vein
Grammar 9
Pros: Different to the other OC story's
Good style of writing, flows very nicely.
Story holds my interest.
Cons: Pacing needs adjusting.
Some scenes seem to fall flat, for me anyway.
Notes: This is a very nice story, very different from the other OC story's, I will definitely be tracking this. Keep up the good work.
I'm Gooshie from Authors Helping Authors
Iron Vein
Grammar 9
Pros: Different to the other OC story's
Good style of writing, flows very nicely.
Story holds my interest.
Cons: Pacing needs adjusting.
Some scenes seem to fall flat, for me anyway.
Notes: This is a very nice story, very different from the other OC story's, I will definitely be tracking this. Keep up the good work.
You can't review me as I don't have any story's.