Appleloosa

by Kraken Albatross

Chapter 3

Appleloosa
By Kraken Albatross
Chapter 3

At the far end of the room, behind a very low table, sat a portly old earth pony stallion atop a large floor cushion. His mane was as brilliantly golden as the various statues in his office and even his jade colored body seemed to glimmer, despite his old age.

“Howdy, Mr. Mayor. We’re-” Applejack began, attempting to get the meeting underway as fast as possible.

“Hello young Applejack and friends! Would any of you care for a nice, hot cup of relaxing tea?” the mayor interrupted with a broad smile. His accent was as foreign as the decor of his office. He gestured to an ornate porcelain teapot before him, the steam still rising from its spout. Pinkie Pie immediately darted to the sit on the floor cushion across the table and beamed back at him.

“Tea?! For me?! Yes, please!” she exclaimed before Rainbow Dash quickly yanked the earth pony up by the scruff of her neck.

“Oh, no you don’t. Caffeine is the last thing you need.” The pegasus gave her a look of exasperation, as if she stood at the precipice of a terrible calamity. Pinkie Pie drooped with a pouty face as she sulked quietly.

“I apologize, Mr. Mayor. Thank you kindly for the offer, but we simply don’t got time for tea, or relaxin’ for that matter,” Applejack explained.

“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it,” Oolong responded, his smile never fading. "So young and full of purpose, driven on without a moment to waste." He slowly rose from his seat as his deepset eyes studied Applejack. "Perhaps when you reach my age, you will realize the importance of slowing it all down, like a captain whose ship runs aground... You can always wait until the tide comes around," the elderly pony mused with a wink. The orange mare arched an eyebrow and was momentarily speechless, not quite interested in the mayor's proverbs.

"...Maybe... But for now I just need Braeburn's effects, mister," she bluntly responded after a drawn out pause. Oolong's grin disappeared as he turned away from her and approached a large wooden chest behind the table.

"Such a tragedy. Braeburn was a kind and passionate boy." He heaved a sigh as he rummaged through the chest. "We all gather demons in the mirror everyday, but for some of us, the light fades before we can vanquish them. Such a pity," the mayor continued, shaking his head slowly as he retrieved a small parcel. "This is what you came for, yes?" The question was apparently rhetorical, as he handed it to her before she could respond. Applejack quickly placed the package into her saddle bag.

"Much obliged." There was a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I am certain that you will honor your cousin's legacy and make your family proud," he assured with a gentle smile as he sat back down and poured himself a cup of tea. His wisened eyes appeared free of any doubt.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence," she responded with a half chuckle, her mood recovering slightly.

"You emit an aura of aptitude, young Applejack. If I were a gambling pony, I would bet my fortune on your success." The mayor nodded before taking a sip of his tea. "Oh, wait... I AM a gambling pony! Speaking of that, who is up for a game of mahjong?!" he asked with a cheesey grin as he whipped out a set of tiles from under the table at lightning speed. The jaws of everyone but Pinkie dropped as they gaped at each other incredulously. Once again, the pink pony zipped to the floor cushion across from the mayor.

"It's on!" she challenged, hefting a sack of coins onto the table.

"Do not worry young mare. I will try to go easy on you," he said after a hearty laugh, impressed with Pinkie's enthusiasm. The mare gasped and furrowed her brows.

"As if! You're going down Oolong!" She intensified her determined expression before she was once again yanked up from her seat by Rainbow Dash.

"No, Pinkie! Do you even remember why we're here?" Dash asked with a long sigh. The earth pony blinked vacantly.

"...Mahjong?"

"No! Oh my gosh..." The pegasus groaned before turning to Oolong, who had been entertained by the display before him. "Look, Mr. Oolong, sir. We're looking to buy lot fourteen right off Sarsaparilla Avenue." Her patience was wearing thin. The mayor placed a hoof to his chin and began to think. The room fell silent as the group anxiously awaited his response.

"I am afraid I cannot help you."

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked as she rose an eyebrow.

"I believe that lot is owned by Black Hill, the proprietor of The Pearl Saloon." He nodded resolutely before taking another sip of tea.

"What?!" Applejack exclaimed, her eyes wide almost to the point of frenzy upon recalling the occurrence earlier in the day. Everyone turned to stare at Applejack, utterly confused. "I mean... how 'bout that..." She awkwardly looked down at the floor, blushing in embarrassment and cursed herself silently.

"To be honest with you, I am surprised that you are surprised. He owns half of Appleloosa's real estate," Oolong admitted.

"What?!" Four voices rang out in unison.

"In our humble town, we foster an environment of entrepeneurship. Ponies should reap the benefits sewn by the sweat of their brow and the strength of their back." he explained before finishing his tea.

"But a lone pony ownin' half the town? Sounds like a whole can of worms just askin' to get opened." Applejack wasn't sure if it was her place to tell the mayor how his town should be run, but at the time she just didn't care. Oolong didn't seem to mind, chuckling at the mare's anxiety and shrugging it off.

"Mr. Hill is indeed a... shrewd businesspony. However, that is what makes him such an asset to the town. There is no reason to fear free enterprise if one is truly competent. That is the reason Appleloosa expanded so quickly. We do not care where you are from, what you have done in the past, or what you aspire to do in the future. All that matters are the actions of the present. Concentrating your mind on that one simple truth is the only way to achieve your full potential." The mayor finished with his eyes closed, bearing a peaceful smile.

"Well I reckon you have a point there, Oolong," Applejack conceded as the other ponies reflected on the mayor's words.

"Not like it matters. We have to deal with this Black Hill chump anyways. He's probably going to try gouge the hay out us," Rainbow Dash grumbled in irritation, seemingly unaffected by the imparted wisdom.

Oolong gave a heavy nod as he carefully examined the blue pegasus. "I wish you luck, miss. You seem to have a fight in you that will not be easy to overpower. Remember this when you conduct business with him: Keeping one's wits is very important, but nothing is more necessary than keeping one's nerves. If your nerves go, you will not stand a chance..." Rainbow Dash simply narrowed her eyes and smirked with determination.

"Oh my... I'm glad I don't have speak with him " Fluttershy gulped as she cowered behind her friends.

"We all are, Fluttershy. We all are." Applejack chuckled at the idea of Fluttershy keeping her nerve in any situation, much less confronting an intimidating businesspony. "We best get goin'. Thanks for your time, Mr. Oolong," she added, turning towards the old stallion.

"My pleasure. If any of you would like to stop by for tea, mahjong, or friendly conversation, you are always more than welcome." He flashed a hospitable grin and wished them well as the four mares took their leave.

"Well that was hardly what I was expectin'," Applejack commented as the party stepped out into the thoroughfare.

"Some mayor! If he let's everypony do whatever they want, like I don't know, maybe buy half the town, what's the point of even having a mayor?!" Rainbow Dash huffed as she stared angrily off in the distance. "...Talking like we can't handle some sleazy businesspony..." she added mostly to herself.

"I'm sure Mr. Oolong does many things like... make laws," Fluttershy suggested quietly.

"Apparently, the laws don't sit well with even the sheriff if that dramatic exit was any indication," Applejack responded, not sure why she felt the need to side with Dash. The yellow pegasus submitted through silence, not wanting to perpetuate an argument.

"Well I liked him! He was like a friendly cute grandpa!" Pinkie Pie bounced along with a giggle which was met with a groan from her wife.

"You would. You'd just LOVE to gamble away our savings while sucking down tea with that senile, old coot, wouldn't you?" Dash snapped bitterly, dismissing Pinkie's approval. "Come on, let's get to The Pearl and size up this big shot." She gestured for Pinkie to follow.

"Actually, I was thinkin' we could join ya at the saloon," Applejack suggested somewhat awkwardly, a hint of nervousness permeating her voice.

Rainbow Dash stopped and quirked an eyebrow at at her friend. "Why? You have the key to the farm house. Don't you want to go check it out?"

The earth pony turned her eyes toward the ground. "Well I figured we weren't in a rush and maybe y'all needed some backup," Applejack answered before turning to her wife. "If that's all right with you, hun," she added.

"That's fine. I've never been in a saloon before," Fluttershy responded cautiously with a touch of naive curiosity.

"Whatever." Rainbow Dash shrugged and led the way. As the group made their way down Mane Street, Applejack bit her lip in anticipation. She was glad that her excuse was bought without much consideration. She could never admit that her true motivation was the stranger on the balcony. She had a hunch that he was the same pony the mayor had mentioned but she had to be sure. For some inexplicable reason, she felt the need to meet him face to face.

When the group finally arrived at The Pearl, they took a moment to take in the building. It loomed over them, casting an enormous afternoon shadow that engulfed much of the street. Even the carving of a giant clam, pearl included, possessed an unsettling quality. They could hear the low wail of a piano as the muffled notes sailed over them from inside. The music almost sounded sad. Even Rainbow Dash was beginning to be affected. The pegasus quickly shook off the ominous feeling that was beginning to creep up her spine and the four ponies stepped inside.

"Well slap me thrice and hand me to me mum! Four mares, here, and to top it all off, it's only three o'clock! It must be my lucky day!" A burgundy earth pony stallion stood behind the bar, grinning at them

"Uh... howdy," Applejack said awkwardly, surprised by the bartender's sudden and enthusiastic greeting. His extremely short, blood red mane contrasted with his enormous size. He was at least two feet taller than the mares and his broad frame was complemented by a set of huge muscles.

"'Ello there! Welcome to The Pearl! Tray of salt for you? Maybe one on the house for the pretty little thing in the back?" He shot a wink at Fluttershy who immediately blushed and turned away with a flattered smile.

"Oh my. I mean, oh no. I mean, no thank you... sir." She kept her eyes glued to the door, still bright red.

"As you wish, poppit. Anypony else?" He looked around, unfazed by Fluttershy's awkward rejection.

"No!" Applejack spoke for the group sharply, a twinge of jealousy in her voice.

"Actually, we're only here to speak with Black Hill." Rainbow Dash cut to the chase.

The bartender's smile gave way to a serious look of consideration. "To what purpose, love?" he asked slowly. Dash had to roll her eyes and shake off his manner of speaking. She didn't particularly enjoy being called 'love' by a stranger, especially a stallion.

"We're going to buy one of his lots," she explained bluntly, attempting to stare down the enormous pony.

Without saying a word to Rainbow Dash, he looked over to the brown pegasus stallion seated at the piano who gave him a subtle nod. "Black! Some mares here to see you! Looking to see about a lot, they are!" he immediately shouted up at the exposed second floor to an open door that was presumably the proprietor's office. The few saloon patrons that were in the building turned to the four mares with bewildered expressions before nervously turning back to their own business at the bar, poker table, and the like.

"Okay Pinkie, because this is your bakery, you need to do the talking at first. It's how you deal with guys like this. You soften him up, then we unleash the secret weapon, me, to swoop in for the close. Do you think you can handle it?" Rainbow Dash explained her master plan in a low voice. Applejack gave her a perplexed look, not entirely sure if Dash really knew what she was doing.

"Duh! Talking is what I do best, silly!" Pinkie replied playfully. Her face composed into an intense expression of determination that evaporated when a loud thud rang out through the saloon. It was followed by another, and then another as the slow and heavy footsteps grew louder until the open door was darkened by a dark gray unicorn stallion. His greasy, black, slicked back mane shone with a glint as he emerged from the office and leaned on the railing to observe the entirety of his saloon. Applejack's heart sank to her stomach upon realizing that it was the same unicorn who had been watching her. She made sure not to make eye contact with him as he surveyed the room.

"So these are the Ponyvillians I've been hearing about! Come from their civilized world to bestow culture, courtesy, and every other fucking thing to us uncouth savages, squatting like beasts out on the fringe of society!" the unicorn called down with a grin as he made his way to the stairs. No one had any idea how to respond. He appeared to be jovial and outgoing, but there was something sinister about him. All of the mares could sense it, but they couldn't put their hooves on exactly what it was.

"You've heard about us?" Pinkie asked cautiously, remembering her orders to do the talking whilst taking great pains to suppress her 'Pinkieness'.

"When you have a hoof on the throat of the town, you tend to hear things." He gave her a slow nod.

"You mean pulse of the town," the pink mare corrected helpfully with a smile.

"What did I say?" the stallion asked coyly, a sly gleam in his eye as he arrived at the table they had been standing at. "Black Hill, owner and proprietor of the joint in which you now stand," he introduced, locking eyes with Pinkie whose constitution was already beginning to crumble.

"Hi there! My name's Pinkie Pie and-"

"Pinkie Pie..." Black repeated with a bemused smirk.

"Umm... yeah. And this is Rainbow Dash, my wife." Pinkie gestured at the pegasus.

"Your wife?" he asked as he arched a brow.

"My wife," she confirmed with an uncomfortable nod.

"...Your... wife?" The unicorn seemed to be in disbelief.

"Yes, her wife!" Rainbow Dash shouted, glaring at him. After some thought, Black Hill's eyes widened in a moment of clarity.

"Ah." Turning to Applejack and Fluttershy, he shook his hoof in their general direction. "And you two as well?"

"...Yep..." Applejack finally responded with a sigh. However, the mare was less insulted by his bluntness and more surprised that the saloon owner acted as if their encounter earlier in the day had never occurred.

"Must be something in the fuckin' water over at Ponyville, huh?" A snide smirk crept to Black's face.

"Hey! Who do you think you are, buddy?" Rainbow Dash stepped forward with a scowl, fed up with his audacious crudeness. The unicorn raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise.

"The proper fuckin' question to be asking is not who I think I am, but simply, who the fuck I am. It'd do you good to discover that some time, buddy," he uttered menacingly right before his demeanor immediately shifted back to joviality. "Let's forget the whole thing, huh? No fuckin' offense intended. You’ll have to cut me some slack. I am stupidest when I try to be funny," he continued amicably before turning to the bartender. "Let's have a sack!" he called over, before the earth pony withdrew a brown sack from under the bar which was then hoisted into the air by Black's magic. The four mares could only watch as the unicorn took over the conversation. Even Rainbow Dash prevented herself from giving him further rebuke after his apology, regardless of how insincere it was. "I'm surprised Gladius didn't scare you out of the joint before I made it downstairs." Black Hill nodded to the bartender and opened the bag.

"Not at all. He was very nice," Fluttershy spoke up, blushing slightly. The unicorn turned to her with an amused expression.

"Sure, his cheery oafishness is endearing at first, but it gets old very fuckin' quick." Gladius let out a hearty guffaw at his own expense. No one else laughed. "Salt?" he offered as he began pour white cubes from the sack into a small tray on the table. The mares looked at each other awkwardly before Applejack chose to speak up.

"Thank you kindly, but none of us partake," she informed.

"Well I hope it don't shatter your dainty sensibilities if I 'partake,' myself," Black Hill said before immediately licking up the tray and letting out a contented sigh.

"...Go right ahead..." Applejack deadpanned as he was setting the tray down. The saloon keeper eyed the orange earth pony carefully.

"Judging by the adorable hat, drawling accent, and little apples plastered on your flank, I take it you're the salt fiend's relation?"

"You mean Braeburn?" She was beginning to be numbed to irritation after having the same conversation over and over. "He was my cousin. Name’s Applejack." The orange mare pursed her lips, uncomfortable with the fact that Black had decided to single her out. She realized that his watchful gaze earlier in the day must not have been coincidence.

"I fucking knew it. All of you apple picking cocksuckers have the same way about you. Come to take over his orchard then, no doubt?" Black said with a hint of inexplicable frustration in his voice, seemingly oblivious to the irony in his word choice.

“Yessir. Braeburn left me all his earthly possessions in his will."

“His will...” the unicorn repeated loudly, shooting a sideways glare at Gladius who hung his head sheepishly.

“Uhhh... Yessir.” Applejack was utterly confused. Black Hill looked back to her as his expression went from frustrated to compassionate.

“It’s got to be quite the ordeal, abandoning your home to relocate in the fuckin’ hinterlands, not accounting for the fact that there ain’t a single acquaintance, relation, or even simply a soul that doesn’t want to rob you fucking blind awaiting your arrival."

“I’m mighty grateful for the concern Mr. Hill, but I’ve got all the friends and family a pony could ask for right here.” The group of mares smiled as the saloon keeper struggled to suppress a gag.

“Isn’t that just darling?” he commented through his teeth, rolling his eyes. “Have you even considered the fucking headache of managing an entire apple operation on your own?” Black added, the feigned sympathy beginning to fade.

“I’ve done it before, sir... Pardon my askin’, but what exactly are you gettin’ at?” she asked hesitantly, beginning to see some sort of ulterior motive.

“Getting at? Oh, I’m not getting at anything! I’m just a concerned old pony who loses sleep every fucking night over the troubles and hardships of the young folk. It would just give me some precious peace of mind if I could take that cumbersome old orchard off your hooves, fair recompense included, of course...” Black Hill's intense, almost flaring eyes contrasted sharply with the mellow sweetness of his voice.

“Meanin’ you want to buy Appleloosa Orchards?” Applejack asked incredulously.

“How does one hundred and fifty thousand sound?” The unicorn's face hardened with icy resolve. Applejack almost choked as her friends’ jaws dropped.

“You’re pullin’ my leg...”

“Serious as a slit throat,” Black's stony expression did not change. Applejack closed her eyes, extremely tempted, but after a pregnant pause, she shook her head.

“Your offer is mighty generous, Mr. Hill, but that orchard is an Apple Family orchard, and no amount of bits could make me sell away my family’s honor."

“Honor being a couple of fucking apple trees?!” the unicorn hissed, venom dripping from every syllable. Applejack was taken aback by the sudden dissolving of Black Hill’s mood and simply blinked at him. After a moment, the unicorn sighed and and composed himself, pouring a few more salt cubes into the tray. He raised it up as if to toast. “Let’s hope you run it better than your fucking cousin,” he muttered before downing the salt. Applejack didn’t understand the implication.

“You knew him well?” she asked carefully, wondering if Black's interest in her stemmed from her relation to the dead pony.

“Braeburn? Of course! He was a regular here. How else do you think he became a salt fiend? He just couldn’t get enough of Big Kahuna’s music. Isn’t that right B.K.?!” he called over to the brown pegasus with the curly black mane who was seated at the piano.

“Correctamundo, boss! Old Braeburn did enjoy a tune or two,” Big Kahuna confirmed without ceasing his playing or even turning his head.

“Only when he was dehydrated out of his fuckin' mind, that is... See? Us degenerate lowlifes are all acquainted in some form or other. So glad you could join our humble ranks... Welcome to fucking Appleloosa!” he exclaimed in a resigned tone, toasting yet again with a third downing of salt. The unicorn grimaced as his cold eyes darted around as if he was deep in thought until Pinkie Pie finally spoke up.

"Ummm... Wasn't this meeting supposed to be about the lot...?" The earth pony wished she was anywhere else but the saloon. Black Hill snapped back into focus and narrowed his gaze at Pinkie.

"Of course! The fuckin' lot! You'll have to forgive me. I'm an old bastard, losing my train of thought and going off on tangents and the like. Which one did you have in mind?"

"Lot fourteen, pretty please with sugar lumps on top!" Pinkie replied before darting a hoof to her mouth, embarrassed that she let her 'Pinkieness' slip through. Black, however, didn't seem to notice with the potential transaction on the table.

"Prime fuckin' location! If there was anymore foot traffic, they'd have to call it a riot! Rent's seventy dollars a day to The Pearl. Tent only. No construction." The unicorn's amiable, businesspony demeanor returned.

"Actually, we want to buy it! A bakery can't bake many baked goods in a tent!"

"...A bakery?"

"Mmhmm! We'll be giving out free samples to everpony when we open up so you can come by and have all the tasty tasteables you can eat!"

"You hear that boys?! Finally! Our barbaric lust for cupcakes can be sated at last!" he shouted to Gladius and Big Kahuna who simply grinned as they worked. "How do I find myself perpetually beset by bewilderment?" he groaned to himself while rubbing the top of his snout.

"I'm prepared to pay..." she trailed off as she looked over to Rainbow Dash helplessly who then mouthed a silent number. "...five thousand."

"You'd pay seven," Black countered as he paced thoughtfully.

"What if I told you we would?" she asked slyly, beginning to feel more and more comfortable.

"I'd tell you that price isn't the present fucking issue," he snapped at her, visibly bothered by something. "What's your connection with Canterlot?" he asked suddenly, turning to her.

"Ummmmm... what?" She gaped at him.

"In the process of hearing things about you filly foolers, I happened to hear that you have friends in high places, specifically at the right hoof of Princess Celestia herself, that haughty cunt," he seethed. Pinkie and her friends were baffled.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hill, but I don't understand..." Pinkie's confidence began crumbling once again.

"At least she has her backwoods, inbred, bumpkin 'honor' to account for her presence in the town!" he shouted, waving a hoof at Applejack before turning back to Pinkie. "What's your excuse?! A fuckin' bakery?! You honestly expect me to be fooled by that fairy tale and set you up in a prime location not a block from my joint with backing from the cocksuckers in Canterlot?!" His eyes turned wild. Pinkie could only shrink back, speechless and dumbfounded. Rainbow Dash quickly stepped in between the two.

"You better watch your tone, Black. I don't care who you are, you do not speak to Pinkie Pie like that. I'm not sure what sort of ridiculous rumors you've heard, but we aren't spies for Canterlot, or secret competition, or whatever the heck you think we are. Pinkie is just trying to live her dream and open up her own bakery. That's all. You have our offer." The pegasus finished passionately with an intensity in her eyes that matched Black's. The two stared at each other for a long while until the unicorn finally broke his silence.

"As touching of a story as that is, spare me the fucking waterworks. Here's my counteroffer to your offer: go fuck yourself!" He glowered at her furiously before turning around to ascend back up the stairs, the door slamming behind him as he entered his office. The entire saloon turned to gape at the four mares. Even Gladius appeared to be shocked by his boss's wrath, and Big Kahuna went as far as taking his hooves off the piano keys.

"Somepony needs to wash that fella's mouth out with soap and water. His mother must be ashamed of him!" Applejack announced to the silent saloon with a huff. Satisfied with her awkward last word, she quickly turned to leave with her friends in tow.

Comments

[Nyte_Crawler]

Caught that rush reference.

[fuck mcdickbutt]

443119It had better be the band your talking about...

[MellowMabari]

That Black Hill guy is a total arse-face (and reminds me a bit of Maven Blackbriar from Skyrim, come to think of it ). Ten Bucks - er bits - says he had Braeburn offed so he could take over the acres, and now that AJ won't sell, he'll be after her next. Or Fluttershy - he'll get to AJ faster that way. Also, Rainbow should go kick his butt. Seriously.

Really liking this so far, even if broken wing non-Wonderbolt Dash always makes me sad. I like the dynamic her and Pinkie have. I have to say I don't ship AJ with anyone other than Dash, but her and Fluttershy aren't bad. Keep up the lovely work