In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only ponies! Equestria is assailed by countless foes from without, but only the shadowy Friendquisition can protect it from the enemies within. Can one Inquisipony and his team uncover a plot that threatens to destroy everything they hold dear? Or will sinister forces prevail in an MLP future that has become like the Warhammer 40k universe, the original grimdark franchise?
As seen at Equestria Daily. Note that the most recent version of the story, including edits and new chapters, will be available there first, and changes will eventually trickle over here. Please feel encouraged to leave comments here, there or at this thread on Ponychan. I would very much like to hear from you.
The Princess Protects
Vector by Prince Bluelolz on Ponychan
I must say I'm loving it so far. I like how you had the unicorn threaten the patrons with pies, it gave the whole thing a very distinct MLP feel.
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Thank you. One of the things I'm striving for in this story is to make the setting feel like both MLP and 40K at the same time. It's still Equestria, after all, and even if it's a little grimdarker, and the ponies' preferred weapon of war is the pie.
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That would be a fairly safe guess.
However, I've thus-far eschewed direct references to the Chaos Gods, as they don't exist in MLP. The closest thing the ponies have to the Warp (from what I've inferred) would be magic associated with negative emotions. So rather than being "Khornate," he would be said to have been corrupted by his anger. But still quite a berserker, I assure you.
Ah, this old fic. I remember reading it when I first saw it on EqD, and one of the factors that inspired me to work on my own 40k MLP crossover.. Still as fun as I remember.
The new cover is glorious
I've read the first few chapters of this story a while ago and stopped around the part where they escaped the illegal pet store that was full of cheat-worms. I just have a question: how exactly are you combining them? Do I need to read the entire story to find this out, or am I just missing something?
At first, being 40k, I thought Equestria was a planet. But then, you described it like it all took place on a single planet, making it more akin to WH Fantasy. Many things didn't make sense, even in the pony universe (peeked at last chapter at the time where the guy was executed by pie to the face), let alone having anything to do with 40k. In fact, it doesn't even seem to have very much to do with WH at all.
Of course, I only read a couple chapters, but still...
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Thanks, I got lucky. Caballus was drawn on a request, and I added the text and icon myself.
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I've been told it does have similarities with the Fantasy version, in both in style and scope. Rather than do the sort of crossover where something contrives to put the two universes together, the idea was to use the MLP world as a base, and pretend that it underwent pretty much the same changes that affected humans in 40k. Society, culture, technology, historical events, institutions are brought as close to 40k as I felt was still organic. Obviously, it's a matter of opinion, but I think I got close, and most of the feedback I've gotten back agrees.
I did keep a few things more on the pony side, such as avoiding the space part. I'm basically treating the pony's world as the galaxy, the nation of Equestria as the Imperium, individual regions (towns, cities, etc) as planets, and the sky/space in between as outer space. At least, conceptually. The comparison is most obvious in the most recent chapter, actually, though I won't spoil it. I also avoided quite a bit of overt violence, in keeping with MLP's cartoony nature. If I recall correctly, I haven't even explicitly mentioned blood yet. Having ponies use pies, as at it's their canonical weapon of war, instead of guns, was meant to be a bit humorous for the reader, while it's understood by the characters to be just as serious.
Much of my interpretation of the WH setting comes from the works of Dan Abnett and also parts of the Dark Heresy and Rogue Trader roleplay games, so if you're not familiar with the background that pertains to the Inquisition specifically, the connections might not be immediately obvious. Even so, I hope the first five or so chapters weren't entirely without merit. I've been told it's enjoyable even by a reader completely unfamiliar with the WH property, and I strive to make it a generally decent story, crossover or no. If you do continue reading, even if you don't end up liking it, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis.
Roughshod and Hairtrigger discussing ammunition was pretty brilliant. Fragmenting nut clusters was what got me.
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Thanks for explaining. And yes, the story is good but just not my cup of tea. For the type of story it is, it's great.
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You may say what you like about the Ponies not having Chaos Gods. In my mind, if it Charges Mindlessly like a Khorne Berserker, Bellows Incoherently like a Khorne Berserker, and is in a Permanent State of Fury like a Khorne Berserker, it's a Khorne Berserker.
Of course, in my own personal Headcanon, Discord is a Greater Daemon of Tzeentch who got mildly lost and got... Well. Corrupted is not the right word, but its the best there is, by Equestria.
Also. For this story. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
(Not Fanboying at all, Oh, No. Certainly Not.)
Oh. Question. Diamond Dogs = Dark Eldar, Yes/No? That's the feel I've been getting for them, at least...
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Well, you're certainly welcome. Fanboying is not at all discouraged, as long as it's honest.
I hate to just drop it awkwardly into the story as exposition for its own sake (as some authors might), but I have thought about the nature of Chaos as it exists/would exist in the MLP world, and this is what I got:
Daemonic entities, including the Chaos Gods, are manifestations in the Warp of the emotions felt by sentient creatures in physical reality. MLP is similar, in that emotions can clearly manifest as magic. The Elements of Harmony are one example, an artifact that harnesses the positive emotions of friendship into powerful purifying magic. Windigos are even more direct, as they are purely magical creatures (like daemons), who feed on negative emotions (like daemons). Also consider Luna/NMM, since she is almost an exact analogue of Horus. Her jealousy (and in my headcannon, a similar such symbiotic negative-magic-being) did the same things to her that it did to Horus: turned her scary and evil. And I agree: obviously, Discord is, in all but title, a greater daemon of Tzeentch. Between the devious plans without a discernible agenda, horrifying mutations, mastery of sorcery, corruption, manipulation, and literal puppetry, there's really no room for doubt.
But in the end, this is Equestria, not the Milky Way galaxy. There are no humans, and no Chaos Gods. In their place, I tend toward the idea of some nebulous, intelligence, not unlike a Warp-entity, driving and directing the evil magic of the world. I have the ponies call it "The Darkness" or "The Great Tenebrae" rather than dividing it into the Ruinous Powers we're familiar with. It felt more appropriate to me. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.
And yes, the Diamond Dogs are analogous to the Dark Eldar. I'm glad that was at least figure-outable. I figured that, since kidnapping and forced labor were already in their MO, it was pretty obvious race assignment. From there I only found more similarities: hit and run tactics, striking from nowhere (underground vs the Webway), and the way the splinter rifle is described, it already shoots some kind of crystal.
Thanks for reading.
... Aww - This one doesn't leave me with any unanswered questions or constructive criticisms or anything.
So... guess I'll just leave comments about how awesome this is and how I want to read more?
But seriously, congratulations on writing the most credible 40k/MLP cross I have seen to date.
It is awesome, and there needs to be more of it.
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Thanks. This seemed as good a place as any to branch out. EqD is good visibility, but the conversation is a little lacking. If you really can't give any criticism, I'll not try to wring it from you. The praise will have to do, I suppose.
And don't worry, I have no plans to stop. Even if no one else liked it, I would still probably keep writing. That said, I am slightly surprised at the positive reception I've gotten. When other writers of other 40k crossovers tell me I've been some kind of influence, it makes me feel like some sort of big shot. In my wildest, most uncharacteristically immodest dreams
, I dare hope to one day see this story become something akin to the "Fallout: Equestria of 40k." All I can do is aim high, and keep trying to improve.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis
gifsforum.com/images/gif/dis%20gon%20be%20good/grand/this_gon_b_gud_gif.gif
Oh boy...
HI INQUISIPONY STALLIUS YOU ARE THE BEST :D
I'm still leaving you comments on EQD, but this is just a little hello to say I found you!
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It actually hadn't occurred to me to link my EqD page to here as well as the google doc. Feel free to leave me comments here, if you prefer, since I like FimFiction's comment system much better than EqD's. I'll even be responding to your last critique here instead. It'll look a little strange to everyone else.
Thanks Present, your watchful eye is always quite welcome. I fear I've been without it for far too long.
Errors are all fixed. It's strange that a few of them were auto-corrected in my Word document, but not before they were copied to the google doc, and then copied here. Oh well.
I try to pick names for everything that has at least some little nod to something or another, either a 40k-style reference to ponies, or a pony-style reference to 40k. "Destrier" is a good example: A passing mention of a ship class is named after a type of medieval war horse.
That Dragonshy reference also goes the other way: Vulkan, before he was Primarch of the Salamanders, slew a giant alien lizard in a volcano in a contest against the Emperor.
The occasional shift in POV is a technique I imitate from my muse, Dan Abnett. Truly the Cadillac of 40k authors.
Shaking? At the confectionatus scene? Really? I suppose I was going for "awe-inspiring," so I guess it worked. And I'm glad my little stabs at wordplay aren't entirely in vain as well.
I was a little worried that the flashback would either be too obvious or not obvious enough. The Stablea Progenium and a lot of the related terms are taken almost directly from the Schola Progenium of Warhammer background. I've only ever encountered it in the events of a story in "Cain's Last Stand," of the Caiaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM series. It is a rare and often brief glimpse into peaceful, civilian Imperial society.
Of course Banehoof was an Inquisipony. How else do you become an Inquisipony Lord?
A fan of the Mechanicus, eh? I figured it's probably easier to do the Sign of the Cog as a pony, as they don't have knuckles. But when it comes the the Sign of the Aquila? Probably only pegasi.
I apologize for getting you all worked up only to leave you hanging.
Once I get through my scholarly obligations, I'll be sure to keep chiping away at the next chapter.
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>Shaking? At the confectionatus scene?
I get a little overwrought sometimes. :B
And most of what you said went completely over my head. You know I know nothing about Warhammer, right? That's why the names keep impressing me; I have to imagine they're extremely clever takes on the very somber Latin WH terms.
Pie and slingshots make this a true MLP story, nice job. I'll keep reading.
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I thought the Deep-Grabbers more resemble Orks...but the whole 'take-slaves' thing would certainly point to Dark Eldar. And wouldnt Discord embody Chaos Undivided? I see him more like Abbaddon, Champion of Chaos and leader of a Black Crusade/Disharmony amongst ponies.
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...this story deserves far more reads.
Big props for the merging of MLP-W40k lore: 'Dracopath' - thats just ingenius!
I got to say, this story is really good. I'm not sure you wanted me to laugh everytime they kill a cultist with a cupcake but I cant help it...
Ah, so you played Dawn Of War II Retribution? You sir just took the most epic introduction to an exterminatus and made me choke on my laughter. 'Confectionatus'!!
I'll never be able to view that cutscene without thinking of the Cyclonic Fruitcake...
About the setting, I think its great that you didnt involve space travel (yet) and putting the subsectors as countries was a good call. This way you maintained both an MLP and W40k atmosphere.
And I immidiatetly recognized Hairtrigger...I assume you make a reference to the Arbites that joins Eisenhorn in Dan Abnett's trilogy? I'm not a codex reader myself (I dont play the tabletop), but I own quite a collection of novels and, as said, played the games.
Keep up the story!
I was already wondering how you would weave Luna into your background story
To make her the Omnassiah is awesome.
Never liked the overzealous Sororitas/Sisters Of Battle in W40k and I see I wont like the pony version either. Keep Mystic alive!!!
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Thanks, it's nice to know others are "getting" it. I think a straight-faced sprinkling of MLP's lighter tone into the story is my favorite part of the crossover.
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I have in fact played DoW2:R, and I did use it as a sort of baseline for how I would do it myself. If I managed to capture any of the awe of the moment, or make it funny, I guess I did it right.
It's funny you bring up Eisenhorn. It and Ravenor are very much the inspiration for this story, at least the broadest strokes (an Inquisitor and his team investigate Chaos conspiracies). I think Hairtrigger was influenced a little by Fischig, though also by material from the Dark Heresy rulebooks. At one point, I was toying with ideas for things that could happen toward the ending, and I realized one idea mirrored almost exactly the actions of Fischig in Hereticus. I thought "nah, that's too close," and I scrapped it. You could draw rough lines of comparison from most of my characters to ones from those books, though I hope I wasn't too obvious.
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Yeah, I figure since this is still Equestria, I wouldn't be able to follow 40k history exactly. So even though Luna fills in for Horus in the ancient past, she was turned good again afterward. Then she takes a secondary spiritual role to Celestia, where only the Meq-priests still pay her homage. The Celestia-centric Heliarchy (Ecclesiarchy equivalent) considers this borderline heresy to orthodox teachings, but tolerates it out of necessity. Hence Sera's patronizing dismissiveness of Fyzzix.
As for the Fillies of Battle, well, they have a role to play, and part of it is to be unlikeable.
Thought for the Day: From the Princess all life springs. And to her, all lives must be devoted.
Did he just tell an Arbitrotter he could have fun? In a den of thieves? He does realise how that's going to end, right?
Interesting. You know, I've been seeing a lot of fics on this site but I never expected the Equestrian Friendquisition.
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Sigh. Okay, I'll bite.
NOPONY expects the Equestrian Friendquisition!
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This is the most heretical thing I've ever heard.
Yay! I am definitely hungry for more Archives.
I forget what Caballus is supposed to be masquerading as, but I guess mech-adepts aren't weird enough to see hanging around that Fyz's presence would be a hole in the ruse, hm? Ah, at least Mystic has a good cover story. I was wondering about her too.
Dash it but these recent chapters have been feeling altogether too short. D:
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Thanks a bunch. I hope to get the next one going quickly. I find the speed I write is directly proportional to how excited I am about the content of the chapter.
To clarify: Caballus is disguised as a Rogue Trader. In 40k, Rogue Traders are intrepid individuals who are empowered by the Imperium to explore the beyond its boundaries, as a combination of missionary, merchant and conquistador. Because of the apparent profitability of this, Rogue Traders frequently form ancient, wealthy dynasties with lots of power and influence. I'll be getting a little more into it in the next chapter.
Fyzzix is posing as his seneschal, basically a manager of his enterprises. Because the Adeptus Mechanicus (or in my story, Mequestricus) have a jealously guarded monopoly on the development of technology, they can be found nearly anywhere large or complex machinery are. They are also valued for their scientific and analytical skills. Expect more dealings with them in the future as well.
Mystic is posing as a Dracopath. Astropaths (short for Astro-telepaths) in 40k are psychics who can send messages across space. I thought this was rather like Spike sending letters magically, so I figure some unicorns (who stand in for psychics) could replicate the ability by using dragonfire. She's basically Caballus's walking mailbox.
I know you don't necessarily care too much about the 40k half as such, but that's some background anyway. Consult http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Main_Page if you want to broaden your view.
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Not at all! The background is always interesting.
I have a question. Fyzzix mentions Lunassiah. Does that mean that Luna is the analogue for the 'Machine God'?
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Indeed. Not because she has anything to do with machines, but I felt it fit fairly well in the Imperium's religious structure. I had to put her in somewhere, and with Celestia making such an obvious Emperor, the clear secondary deity of the Imperium is the Machine God. Some Mechanicus maintain that the Emperor is the Omnissiah, the earthly avatar of the Machine God, in order to appease the hardline Ecclesiarchy. Those that claim otherwise, that the Machine God is distinct from the Emperor (as Luna is distinct from Celestia) are considered borderline heretics by the mainstream Imperial Cult. The fact that Luna pulled a Horus way back when only increases the tension. After all, when your God is the sun, worshiping the moon instead (who at two points tried to overthrow it) is extra heretical.
It'll come up much later.
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I was trying to figure out how you were going to work in the Hersey with Luna as Horus and the Machine God.
Also, you have tipped your hat towards Fluttershy with the Fluttermanders
, so does that mean that the Mane six play a roll or will they be resigned to the history books like the Primarchs? Or is that prying too much?
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Since this is still Equestria and not the Imperium, I figure I don't have to try following every little detail of 40k lore if it doesn't match MLP canon. Luna went through a thousand year Horus phase, but after she was purified by the Elements, she took her place by her sister's side, and became slowly relegated to her current backseat Omnissiah role.
And just like the Primarchs, the mane 6 are figures of myth and legend from the distant past, and play no active role in the goings-on of grimdark-future Equestria. I don't have too much thought invested into them (this isn't a space-marine-centric story), so what exactly happened to them probably won't even come up. I figure if I try to get too deep into which pony is which Primarch and why, then someone will object, and then I'll have to figure it out. Right now, I'm leaning toward just saying that later generations were inspired by the feats of the Elements, and when Pony Marines appeared, they styled themselves after these "Harmonarchs" without any direct link to them. Just an idea right now, but it's a tantalizingly easy solution.
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And that is why I like your story. You don't force things to fit where they don't belong.
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And here I thought we'd be hearing about Twilight Sparklimann of Unimar.
Twilight could be my spiritual liege any day.
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I'll certainly always defer to show canon, first and foremost, because it does maintain the feel I'm going for. I can always add details that don't contradict canon to add more 40k content, but I feel the most immersive parts are the ones that expand on show canon, and frame it in a 40k perspective. It's also convenient that a lot can change after 10 thousand years if need be, including the historical record.
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Make no mistake; the Codex Astrotes is signed with a six-pointed star.
But it could still go either way: Maybe Twilight wrote it in her later years, as the Harmonarch of a Pony Marine legion, or maybe the first Chapter Master of the Ultrasparkles compiled her writings and added new ones in her honor, centuries after she was gone. I've seen other fics make them into Primarchs, but whenever I try to think of them as towering paragons of the Empress's wrath, it just feels OOC to me; the mane 6 have never really had a violent bone in their bodies. Again, it probably won't come up, at least not for a while, so I don't have to decide how my fanon will mesh with the canon just yet. But what I can tell you for certain is that they definitely won't be making any appearances.
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Since you mentioned the historical record changing in 10 thousand years, maybe the Mane 6 weren't actually "towering paragons of the Empress's wrath" but millennia of myths and legends entangling with their stories have transformed the way they're 'remembered'?
Just throwin' out ideas here.
And if the Codex Astrotes is signed with a six-pointed star, does that mean that the Pony Marines are Jewish?
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That's basically what I was saying. Rather than assume the Elements matured into Primarch-like beings, they would simply be remembered that way. Like Fluttershy, for example: In reality, she shames the dragon into leaving peacefully. After a couple hundred years, the story is probably that she fought it into submission, and a couple hundred after that, she might have slain three or four single-hoofedly. Then, one chapter from the first generation of Pony Marines thinks "that Element of Kindness sounded pretty badass. Lets use her as a spiritual liege."
Anyway, that's what I'm leaning towards. That, and heaping amounts of intentional vagueness on the subject. My story is much more concerned with "present" events anyway, so until I have a reason to explicitly state how it really was, readers can assume whatever they please.
Oh mother, there's more Archives to read! :D
Ahh, we get to see the others first!
She drank the whole thing? @_@ Bad Hairtrigger!
Hmm, I have seen this "where to look while dancing" scene before.
Fun? My god. There's got to be a regulation against that somewhere.
Smile instances!
Roaneo? GROAN
Snidely. I love it.
Oh god, that guy is creepy. D:
This was a good chapter. :D Things are heating up!
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Dancing scene: I'm trying my hand at the slightest bit of romance here (mostly for character development reasons), so I probably ended up being cliche and ham-handed about it. I'm not sure what my strong suit is as a writer, but I doubt it's that.
But at least my puns are going well.
The names of things may well be what I work hardest on.
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Haha!
I'm all right with the romance. It's been pretty obvious since the outset, and I've been enjoying it. Just don't make the mistake that you have to remind your reader "THERE IS ROMANCE RIGHT NOW"; let the characters breathe and they'll do what's necessary to get the point across.
The plot thickens...
inb4 plot joke: "I hear diet and exercise helps with that."
8/10/12: I've added a couple details about Caballus's outfit. Basically, if you already know what Rogue Traders tend to look like, he's dressed like that.
8/12/12: Also, I gave Meister a sword in chapter 23. Pip had a sword with his pirate costume in Luna Eclipsed, so swords are canon. Why not.
The plot thickens. The pie filling, on the other hand...
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...explodes? I must say, those pony bakers are quite ingenious. I see Pinkie in a whole new light now.
Wait, when she was throwing cakes at Spike in "Secrets of my Excess," would that count as deadly force?
"Jay walking, refusing to cooperate with guards men, baking explosive weapons"
"I said they had an explosion of flavor! Not that they would explode!"
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She made it explicitly clear that she was "assaulting him with cake."
While they won't always match up exactly, I generally think of pies as a bolter-equivalent weapon (bulky but portable, with lots of stopping power), with the smaller cupcakes being like lasguns, and larger cakes probably being anything bigger, like lascannons, autocannons, or even artillery.
>Stairs were an unworthy foe.
Wat.
"smoking pie" Hah!
"black ovid" You never cease to amaze with the ponifications.
Saint MacIntarius, eh? :D Ah, and that would be where "Macsnacht" comes from.
Actually glad I didn't have time to read this last weekend, because I definitely want to know what happens next. You're so very good at handing out the plot a spoonful at a time.
Uh-oh!
Whew. Dodged a cupcake, there.
Meister comes off as a very strong character, surprisingly.
So the Princess no longer walks among Her people? :O Surprising!
I love this scene describing the singer, who I'm visualizing as a pegasus Fleur de Lis. Great visuals here.
Good one, Caballus!
So we get to see a little bit into the workings of confectionery weaponry. Interesting! You know, I totally nicked the idea for a recent small fic of mine. Couldn't work out how it even happened, went with something more akin to acid.
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In 40k there's an Imperial Guard general based on Alexander the Great named Macharius. I'm particularly proud of coming up with the ponified name.
They also use the more latiny versions of animal names, like calling lion-like aliens "felids," so "ovid" made sense.
Meister sort of grew in importance the closer I got to the parts that involved him.
" who I'm visualizing as a pegasus Fleur de Lis."
That's pretty awesome of you to say, because that is exactly what I was going for! Except with more fluorescent coloring. And with bigger, Princess-style wings, rather than the stuny-looking normal pegasus ones. I think they're more elegant that way.
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I can see that. :D
awesome story. this is easily my favourite w40k crossover. faved