Tuna the tuna
"'Tiaaaaaa," the lunar alicorn whined out for the umpteenth time in the last hour alone. "why did you have to get rid of Mr. Fluffykins?"
"Because after our little... incident... there was nopony left to take care of him." Celestia finished with a sigh, not looking up from the mountain of paperwork that sat in front of her. "That and he somehow grew into an octopus thing of evil called 'Cluthulu' and suddenly disappeared. Did we not go over this the first couple hundred times you asked?"
"He is not evil, he is just misunderstood! Anyways, why did you get to keep Philomena then?" the younger princess pouted, still trying to find a reason for the disappearance of Mr. Fluffykins. This time, Celestia looked up from her workload and made eye contact with Luna with a raised eyebrow.
"Because, I doubt Philomena would suddenly become evil and threaten to overtake Equestria."
"Not evil, misunderstood," Luna corrected her sister. With another heavy sigh from the solar deity, Celestia once again began the tedious task we call paperwork. The room was filled with silence, save for the idle scratching of quill writing on paper and the shifting of papers.
"But still, why did you have to get rid of Mr. Fluffykins?" Luna once again began the argument that had consumed the duo for the past three hours.
“Luna, stop. You’re acting like a child. This is a meaningless argument that we should not be having. Stop being stubborn, you’re almost eight-teen thousand years old,” Celestia said in a scolding tone.
“You’re a meaningless argument!”
“Luna… that didn’t even make sense. What is the point you’re trying to make with this?”
“You’re a point!”
“Is this all about Mr. Fluffykins?” this immediately shut up the younger princess, who cast her gaze to the ground sheepishly. Celestia once again stared at her sibling, as Luna continued to shift her focus from one interesting speck of dust to another on the floor. The two sisters continued to bask in the awkward silence, as Luna began to idly kick her hoof along the royal study.
"...is that really all this is about?" this only caused Luna to lower her head further, trying to, and failing to, become as small as possible. As the answer became apparent to the solar princess, a regal hoof slowly met her face as she realized the truth. "That is what all of this is about," Celestia repeated, making sure the presented information was correct.
It only forced Luna into a deeper well of foolishness, as Celestia continued to stare at her sister.
"Oh Luna..." Celestia said before she slowly got up from her prone position to embrace her sister in a soft hug. "If you wanted a new pet you could had just asked."
The lunar deity looked up to her elder in a confused state, wondering to herself what Celestia meant.
"Do you remember your first Nightmare night?" Celestia said, and received a slow nod from Luna. "If I remember you telling me about it, you met Fluttershy who helped you with your... speech problem... right?"
This got another nod from Luna, whose face lit up a soft pink at the mention of her speech problem.
"Did you know that Fluttershy also deals with animals? I'm sure she can help you find a pet." As the last word left Celestia's mouth, Luna's face lit up with a smile. At the sight of her happy sister, the solar goddess also let out a soft smile. "Go on now. If you truly want a pet, go and find one to your suiting. Remember, a good pet is an animal that will forever remain loyal to you!" The last part of her warning fell on death ears, as Luna was already out of the window and flying away towards Ponyville.
With another sigh, a happy one, the deity finally settled down and prepared her mind for the tedious task that is called paperwork. With a final glance to the fading dot that was Luna, a single though briefly flashed thought her mind.
'I probably should have told Luna to wait until morning... oh well; I hope Fluttershy won't mind helping anyways.'
~~~~
Luna soared above the empty space that was Equestria and the occasional town and city bellow. Her moon looked overhead, providing the light needed for a safe travel. As Luna flew at her breakneck pace, the quaint little town of Ponyville began to appear as a speck on the horizon.
Seeing her goal in sight, she urged her wings to fly faster with the hopes of a new companion for the lonely nights of Equestria. As the town became bigger and bigger, the speed at which the lunar princess flew increased as well. With wind rushing thought her ethereal mane, she hastily flew over the congregation of houses at ludicrous speeds.
With the thought of a new pet filling her mind, she flew on auto-pilot and had set a course for the cottage of a yellow pegasus. As the small cottage entered Luna's field of view, the idea of slowing down abandoned her mind as visualizations of an amazing pet filled the empty pocket.
~~~~
The cottage was quiet save for the sound of a few scampering animals and the soft snores of their caretaker. In the only bedroom was a single pegasus curled up into a small ball, whose hooves were wrapped around a small ball of snow white fluff.
Time seemed to pause for a moment, as nothing in the quaint house moved. Not a single sound was heard, as the air held a peaceful moment. Then, a faint sound began to resonate from outside. It could have been described as the sound of something moving at a great speed.
The sound slowly grew closer and closer, as the nocturnal animals that lived near the cottage lifted their tiny heads up to search for the origin of the sound. As the oddity of noise grew closer, the intensity of sound became nearly unbearable.
As the sound reached its crescendo, it suddenly stopped. What followed after was almost like an earthquake, as the earth around the cottage shook violently for a few seconds. Some animals fled in terror, others stayed to see what had caused such a violent tremor. Clouds of dust formed around the hill side cottage, as a flurry of animal noises erupted from inside.
As the dust cleared, a new feature became apparent on the abode. On the house's roof, a pair of hind legs and a starry tail swayed erratically.
~~~~
"FLUTTERSHY! WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO HELP US FIND A PET!" Luna unwillingly screamed using the royal Canterlot voice, unable to hide her excitement. The poor pegasus bellow her did the only reasonable thing to do when surprised at night in your own room, and when the trespasser is only a couple inches from her face.
She screamed loudly and proceeded to flail all four hooves at the princess's face.
~~~~
"I'm terribly sorry princess, I really am," the pegasus mare said while tending to a kettle of hot tea.
"It's fine dear Fluttershy, it was my fault for scaring you," Luna responded with a downcast voice. A moment of silence passed, as Fluttershy placed the hot kettle in between the desk they occupied. With a flick of Luna's magic, the kettle levitated and poured itself into each of the two cups. As the warm tea cooled, Luna continued the conversation.
"But the question still stands, will you help me find my very own pet?" Luna hid her excitement behind a calm tone.
"Oh, certainly princess; but could it wait until morning? It’s about..." Fluttershy paused and shot a hastily look at the clock above her, "three in the morning..."
"Nonsense, there is no better time to get a pet!"
"But princess, most of the fluffy animals will still be asleep. If you choose one now, it will surely be nocturnal," the animal lover said while taking a small sip of tea.
"Even better!"
With a reluctant sigh, Fluttershy got up from her position and made way to the door.
"Please, follow me."
~~~~
As the pair made their way outside, they saw the masses of animals staring with worry at the cottage. Fluttershy stared at the animals with a soft smile, signaling them to not worry and that she was all right. The worried pairs of animals reluctantly scattered away in the pursuit of their sleep, while Fluttershy led Luna into an area behind her comfortable cottage.
As they approached the area behind the home, it got noticeably darker. Moonlight failed to pierce the area behind the home, as foliage that hung off the cottage blotted out any attempts at light. From the darkness, bright eyes soon began to shine as they motionlessly stared at both the caretaker and lunar princess.
"Could you please come on out now? I know that all of you have never been given the chance for adoption, but I believe that you will be on your best behavior." As she finished, the flurry of eyes retreated into the darkness only to be replaced by a variety of animals. Luna watched with rapt curiosity as all the animals came into view.
The first to approach the princess was a dog like animal with a long and apparently fluffy coat. As the animal grew closer, Luna began to move towards the animal as well. When they got a foot or so away from each other, both began to give each other a look.
"Fluttershy, what animal is this?" Luna said, not moving her eyes away from the snow white animal.
"She's a gray wolf if I remember correctly."
"Fascinating..." Luna simply said, before looking back to the other congregation of animals assembled for the occasion. She finally moved away from the wolf and trotted over to what appeared to be a red rock. She examined the rock impersonator like she did with the wolf, moving her head all around to capture all its angles.
"What's this one called?"
"Oh, that's a hermit crab. The rocky exterior is just its shell." As the finished speaking, the rock erupted legs from beneath it and slowly moved away.
"That's rather interesting to say the least... is there any other animals that bask in the presence of the night?"
"Oh, most certainly princess. There are still so much more animals to see," the timid mare spoke, as more nocturnal animals slowly moved towards Luna in hopes of an owner. As the princess's eyes traced the variety of animals before her, she felt a fuzzy warmth crawl up her leg and rest in between her wings.
Luna turned around to inspect the intruder, only to find a pair of dazzling green silted eyes stating back. A mewl escaped from the maw of the ball of fuzz as it curled into a dark circle where Luna's wings met. At the sight, the lunar process couldn't help but smile at the display. She let the content cat set up residence on her back as she resumed searching for a suitable companion. Time ticked on for the duo, as animal after animal approached Luna.
As she observed each animal for traits she liked, a small beam of moonlight found its way to Luna from the small river behind the cottage. She calmly approached the river in search for who produced the small sliver of light. Meanwhile, Fluttershy waited off towards the sidelines and teetered on the brink of sleep.
"Fluttershy! I think I have found my companion!" Luna said, causing Fluttershy to jolt up in panic. As the timid made quickly looked around in search for the princess, she found Luna holding something in an indigo magical aurora.
"Oh, wonderful! Now all that's required is for you to fill out a few adoption forms to ensure that-" Fluttershy stopped speaking as she saw what was being held in the magical field. Inside the magic was a sphere of water, and inside the water was what appeared to be a fish.
"Please go on Fluttershy, I wish to bring Tuna back to the castle as soon as possible!" the smile on the princess's face was great enough to reflect the moonlight, as she radiated excitement.
There was a brief silence that followed the statement, as Fluttershy stared dumbfounded at the fish in the water ball. The silence was quickly broken by Fluttershy, who dared ask a question.
"Is that a tuna?"
"It’s not just a tuna, it's Tuna!"
"...are you calling a tuna 'Tuna'?"
"Yes, I am. This tuna is called Tuna, and she shall be my tuna called Tuna. Now, can we please move on to the paperwork needed for adoption? I want to show Tuna around the palace!"
"I'm pretty sure 'Tuna' is a male..." Fluttershy finished, and then she motioned the Princess to come inside. Happy with finally going home, Luna cantered with a spring in her steps as she made a move for the forms and paper that needed to be filled out in order to bring her new pet home. All the while, Fluttershy continued to sleepily stare at the fish, not saying a word.
As the final sheet of paper fell, Luna laid the quill softly on the desk and stared at Fluttershy for a few seconds; almost as if asking if there was more to do. "That should be all of it princess, if you want to leave you can," Fluttershy mumbled the words, as Luna dashed out with Tuna before she even finished the sentence.
With another sigh, Fluttershy picked up the scattered paper and sluggishly set about sorting them away.
"I didn't even know we had a tuna here..."
~~~~
Celestia peacefully slept on the sizable bed that lay in her equally sizable bedroom. To the side of her bed, the mountain of paperwork had diminished to a small stack, as an empty inkwell sat on top of the unfinished papers. It was a tranquil moment, a peaceful frame in time. Once again, it was shattered by a dark blue alicorn bursting through the window.
"'Tia! Look at my new pet!" Luna screamed at her elder, as she shoved Tuna in front of Celestia's face. As Celestia was forced awake by the loud noises, she opened her drowsy eyes only to see a pair of soulless eyes staring back at her. Like any other normal pony, she screamed and flailed all four hooves at the offending intruder.
~~~~
"Luna, you really should work on not startling ponies that much," Celestia said, now lying down comfortably at the foot of the luxurious bed with Luna at her side.
"I know 'Tia, but you know how I get when I'm exited! After all of those years without a pet, I have finally gotten another!" she happily exclaimed, still holding Tuna in a bubble of floating water.
"Still, out of all the animals you could have gotten, you chose a tuna. Is there any reason why you chose it?" Celestia said in a quizzical manner, still staring at the floating fish. A long silence passed, as Luna stared at her pet while wondering why she adopted it.
"I... I guess I never did get over Mr. Fluffykins, so I got something that also lived in water..." with that, Luna stared sadly at the floating fish. Tuna stared back at Luna, still not really knowing what's going on because it's a fish.
"I know Mr. Fluffykins is a rather touchy subject for you, but it's best to move on. Besides, you've got... what did you name the tuna again?" Celestia once again asked.
"Tuna."
"Luna, I know it's a tuna, but what did you called him or her?"
"Tuna," Luna said once again with a tad bit of annoyance. At the mention of the pet's name, Celestia sighed.
"What time is it right now...?" Celestia asked.
"Why, it's about... five in the morning?" as Luna finished speaking, Celestia got up and repositioned herself to comfortably lay on a pillow. "...'Tia, what are you doing?"
"Sleeping, it's obvious that I'm dreaming. In case that I am not dreaming, you might want to get a bowl or something for 'Tuna',"Celestia said, before finally going back to sleep. Luna stared at Celestia for a few seconds, before pouting and walking out of the bedchamber. Once outside, she made way to her own room.
"Don't listen to her Tuna, you're real to me," she softly said to the tuna as it swam in circles in the ball of floating water. "and you will be real to 'Tia whether she likes it or not."
~~~~
After a two hour sleep, Celestia woke up groggily. She slowly adorned herself with the usual regalia, struggling to shove off the drowsiness of sleep. She enveloped both chest piece and golden crown in her yellow magical field, as all four golden shoes soon followed.
As the last shoe attached itself to its owner, Celestia had finished fully waking up. With a fully functioning mind, Celestia trotted over to the balcony. A short couple of seconds was all it took to reach the large balcony; the moon still hanging on the crest of the horizon. Celestia stared out into the dark wonderland, basking in the small moment that would soon disappear.
Once moon touched the horizon, Celestia began pumping magic into her horn. A distance away, a blue glow soon followed. Celestia continued her daily task of raising the sun, remaining oblivious to the act being preformed in secret. With a magical shove from the lunar princess, the floating white ball of rocks finally fell bellow the horizon.
As soon as it fell, the ball of gas called the sun slowly began to rise from its slumber. It peeked out from the horizon at a slow rate, gradually engulfing Equestria with its life giving light. Celestia continued the lengthy process, putting the final touches on the sun's movement.
While Celestia focused on the sun, Luna's horn ignited for a second time. In the area bellow Celestia's balcony, a manifestation of magic began to build up. Once the sun had fully risen, the area bellow Celestia's balcony glowed with magic.
As Celestia stared out over Equestria, the bubble of magic exploded. The explosion dislodged the balcony and sent it, and Celestia, flying a few feet up into the air. Once the balcony and its occupant reached its apex, it stopped and floated in the air; a faint blue magic surrounding it.
Suddenly, a huge globe of water appeared in front of the sun princess. Inside it, countless of fish floated in circles. Celestia was given no time to even scream as she was engulfed in the ball of water and tuna, as Luna watched eagerly from the sideline at her helpless sister. Beside her, Tuna lethargically swam in a circle.
"IS THIS STILL A DREAM SISTER?!" Luna cackled madly, while laughing at Celestia's misfortune.
~~~~
"Was that really necessary Luna? I can understand that you're upset at me for thinking that Tuna is not real, but to go to that extent to prove me wrong?"
"I feel completely justified in my actions. Tuna the tuna is as real as anypony, so I demand that she is given respect." Luna finished her speech and stared without sympathy at a now soaking wet Celestia. With a sigh and a swivel of her wet mane, Celestia turned around and began walking to her room intent on a warm bath.
As she took a couple steps, she stopped and turned her head to face Luna for a quick question, "Before I go and wash this fishy smell off of me, did you ever find a container for Tuna? You can't keep her, or him, floating in that ball forever, you will need to sleep eventually." With her final thought said, Celestia wandered off to the soapy sanctuary that awaited her.
Celestia's statement lingered in Luna's mind, as she stared at Tuna's temporary container. With the fish still swimming in a circle, Luna made way to her room in search for a suitable container for Tuna and for a comfortable place to sleep. Countless flower vases and tapestries passed by Luna's field of view, as she continued to slowly trot along the red carpet. Sunlight continued to pour in through the glass panels, further driving her actions.
Luna barely managed to stop herself from colliding with her indigo door, as time finally caught up with the princess. With another magical shove, the door swung open and Luna dived into her equally indigo room. She did not waste any time with finding the nearest hollow glass sphere, which happened to be a gift from a foreign ambassador, and gently placed Tuna and the supply of water inside of it.
With her last ounces of strength, she flung herself onto her bed and fell into a deep sleep.
~~~~
Under the cover of sunlight, an intruder of avian nature snuck into Luna's room. Luna continued to sleep, unaware of the atrocious action about to occur. The bird of red and yellow plumage shot one last look at the sleeping alicorn, before finally shooting like a bullet towards Tuna's temporary container.
The only sound heard were the bird’s claws gripping the glass edge of the bowl. The unfortunate fish inside noticed the predator and began to swim in circles faster, hoping to avoid the red enemy in vain. The bird continued to stare at the panicking fish, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
It only took a few seconds for the intruder to make its move, as the fish was picked up and out of the water in a swift motion. With the fish in the bird's grip, it flew outside and began to fly towards the castle's highest tower.
~~~~
With the setting sun came the awakening of the lunar princess. After an adorable yawn and a short period of stretching, Luna woke to the last rays of light disappearing behind the horizon. With the thought of a productive night ahead of her, she set about equipping herself with her own set of dark blue regalia.
Once everything was in place, she spun around with a smile and looked towards the fish bowl.
The now empty fish bowl.
The only thing in the fish bowl was a single red feather that haphazardly floated around the water.
"Well, that's odd," Luna said, pausing for a few seconds before realization, and panic, set in, "OH MY MOON, WHERE'S TUNA?!"
~~~~
As the sun fell and the with the last piece of paperwork laid to rest, Celestia laid in her bed ready to finally sleep after another day of ruling Equestria. With the last ray of sunlight came Philomena, who looked rather content and happy. The bird's talons gripped the sturdy stand that stood besides Celestia's bed, before shifting a bit and getting comfortable for a good nights rest.
As both sun beings ended their last thought, an ear piercing scream erupted from the castle, "WHERE'S TUNA?!"
They barely had time to register the yell, as Celestia's doors were violently swung open. Behind the door stood an angry looking Luna, who was holding a red feather in her magical grip.
"Celestia, why did Tuna turn into a feather? Why does it look just like one of Philomena's? Did an evil enchantress put a curse on Tuna? Please, I want answers!" Luna finished, driving herself into a deeper well of panic with every spoken word.
Celestia simply stared at the feather held in Luna's grasp, shifting her gaze to the now terrified Philomena. "Luna, can I see the feather?"
Luna reluctantly nodded, slowly letting Celestia's magic overcome her own. Once the feather was completely enveloped in Celestia's magic, she began to pull the red object close to her. "Careful! Those are Tuna's remains! We can still probably save her!" Luna yelled when Celestia pulled the feather a little to fast.
With that said, Celestia went at an even slower pace as to not offend her sister. Once a full minute of slight movement, the red feather had finally reached Celestia; where it began to be examined from all angles. With each passing second, Philomena began to shiver uncontrollably. The red fiery phoenix began fearing her punishment, as Celestia continued to observe the feather.
"Well, 'Tia? Did a foul pony put a curse on poor Tuna, or was it something else? If it was an evildoer, I shall not spare them my wrath!" Luna shouted out, causing Philomena to curl into a ball.
With one final look at the feather, Celestia slowly gave it back to Luna and sat still; contemplating an answer for her sister. She shot her head towards the now red feathery ball, and made up her decision on the matter.
"Luna, this is perfectly normal for fish," Celestia said, not moving her eyes from Philomena.
"...what?" Luna said, dumbfounded at the answer.
"You heard me, it's an unexplained phenomenon that causes fish to turn into feathers. It stared to happen after five-hundred years after you left, and nopony knows why it happens," Celestia said, hoping Luna would believe her outright lie.
Luna simply stared at her, darting her gaze from the sun princess and the red feather.
"Oh... Oh! Thank you 'Tia! I knew you would tell me the truth! Don't worry Tuna, you shall forever be remembered in my heart!" Luna said, grabbing the feather and darting out of the room.
Once the now happy alicorn left the room, Celestia sighed and crept back into her bed, "Philomena, come here," she sternly said, holding out a hoof for the phoenix to land on. The fire bird reluctantly agreed, transforming from a ball of feathers into a distraught wreck. Slowly, Philomena flew up into her owner's outstretched leg.
"Philomena," Celestia calmly said, "what you did was unacceptable. This will be the last time I lie for you, is that understood?" she finished and stared down at the shivering bird.
When addressed, Philomena hastily shook her beak up and down. As soon as she did, the benevolent smile once again appeared on Celestia's face.
"Good. Now, go sleep in the corner and think about what you have done."
~~~~
"Oh Tuna, if you would have only told me about your medical condition. We could have worked together to heal you, work on a cure to save you and your brethren!" Luna said, talking to the red feather that was now the centerpiece of an ebony necklace.
"Alas, you did not speak up, and now this fate has fallen upon you. You may be gone, but you will forever be close to my heart. Not one pet shall ever replace you, my dear Tuna," Luna once again spoke out loud to one one in particular, idly chatting with herself.
She slowly walked to the throne room, wearing the necklace on top of her chest piece that held the shiny red feather. "The night is still young, yet I can't help but feel as of thought I have forgotten something…”
~~~~
Fluttershy sat in silence as the moon peered through the sizable hole that made up a portion of her roof; using a cluster of animals as a blanket. As another frigid gust of wind passed by, she idly wondered what she did to deserve this.
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All of my sandwich.
What the hell, Regidar? How many sets of hands and eyes do you have?
1698863 1698856
he makes a beholder's eyes to shame and an octopus reach to shreds
1698880 Dungeons and Dragons.
1698863
1698889
That's right you silly foal
1698903 G 3.5 is best.
1698912
i got it, also got D20 modern, mah collection is evergrowing
1698918 Never played D20 modern.
1698927
oh shame on you, D20 post apocalyptic scenarios are fun, you never know when you run into toxic waste or something equally fun
1698938 Like fallout, only for nerds.
1698946
true story
I say for next heart warmings eve someone buys luna one of those "billy the bass" things,
a' don't worry,
be happy!
One can never read to many crack-fics.
Also.....
1698856
Do you SLEEP!? I swear, you're like a 'thing' here in FiMfiction. At this rate you'll probably become a MEME yourself.
1699217 That's my goal.
1699223
Well... as the saying goes: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right!"
1699238 And I better get my own memebase article.
1699242
Ah....a wonder way to end the night, I'm very glad I read this story, it caused me to laugh my ass off...I really enjoyed it
Poor Fluttershy, alsways be the butt of someones jokes, that got to be harsh 
Ahh.....a great story, I loved it
1699242 ill try to make you one
Noticed an error,
1704642 Oh, you.
I'd love that a lot.
Thank you tf2 and beer
DERPDERP
What the Carp?
Get it? Because a Carp is a kind of fish?
I'll leave now.
I reviewed your story tonight you can find it here
Plot twist: The tuna is living inside Philomena's stomach and the feather was because it eviscerated the bird's intestines, which naturally causes conditions such as feather loss, mild discomfort, and organ failiure.