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Black Alicorn 11220

Joined August 2011
99 followers

    Black Alicorn's Stories (1)

    • New Beginnings

      84,250 words · 9,935 views · 351 likes · 46 dislikes

    When a young human super-soldier falls to Equestria, he must move on from his dark past filled with war, tragedy and bloodshed. Will he embrace this new chance at life, this new beggining? And most importantly. can he protect it when an ancient evil returns for a second time?

    (NOT a Halo crossover.)

    First Published
    7th Sep 2011
    Last Modified
    9th Nov 2012

    Comments ( 631 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    My first story!

    Please comment,rate and point out any mistakes!

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Human super-soldier in Equestria? Sweet. I am definitely keeping my eye on this one.

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Chapter 1 will be up shortly.:twilightsmile:

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I think you should explain who is Nyx. I heard this name before and still don't know who is she. You wrote her down as Twilight's daughter, but it's not clear to me.

    Anyways, your writing is good! Nice work!

    #5 · Chapter 2 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>2847

    Thanks for the compliment,and Nyx is one of the main characters from Past Sins.My writing is nothing compared to that masterpiece.

    #6 · Chapter 2 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Wow, fast reply and new chapter! Thanks for the infos!

    #7 · Chapter 2 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>2851

    No problem,I'll be here for a while and working on chapter 2 at the same time.:twilightsmile:

    #8 · Chapter 2 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Cant wait to read it! Have fun with it.

    Oh, one more thing: as I know the ponies never seen a human before so they should be more surprised. A strange, 2 meters tall, bipedal and tailless creature with small eyes... I should be affraid of him if I were a pony.

    Just sayin'

    #9 · Chapter 2 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>2853

    Well as we know,Twilight can get too curious for her own good,and after saving Ponyville from an ursa minor (and any other creatures she has faced in fanfics that are based before these events) she should have earned the trust and respect of the residents of Ponyville.

    But thanks for the advice!

    #10 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Chapter 3 is up,it's a bit shorter than expected but it's there.

    #11 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Hmm, one more thing: how Twilight "got" her daughter? Was Nyx adopted? Or is she Twilight's real daughter? If yes then who is the father? O.o

    #12 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Hey, started reading your story, really liked it so far.  Not sure if you know, though, but the title should be "New Beginnings".  I'm not sure if you're able to change the title after submitting it, but if you can, I'd recommend doing so.  I almost didn't start reading because, due to the misspelled title, I was afraid the rest of the story would have all kinds of grammatical and spelling errors (which fortunately, it didn't).  Other than that, keep up the good work, I look forward to reading the rest of this fic!

    Also, Zephyr, Nyx is Twilight's adopted daughter.  I recommend reading Past Sins if you've got the time, though, it is amazingly well written.

    #13 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>2882

    Thanks for pointing that out!

    #14 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    i really like these crossover stories you think maybe after this story you could do one featuring mewtwo from pokemon? i'd really like to read something like that and i've had the idea of pairing mewtwo with princess luna they'd make a good couple they both long for something for mewtwo it's finding a purpose and acceptance and for luna it's making a friend anyway keep writing this story and maybe write the new story i just suggested.

    #15 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Grammar and spelling are a big issue in this story. Otherwise good job. :twilightsmile:

    #16 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>2927

    :pinkiegasp: have I made many mistakes?

    #17 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·
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    WHY U NO BE MORE DESCRIPTIVE?

    #18 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>2965

    Better description for Wolf's face on chapter 1.Nothing big,I might change it more later.Too busy working on chapter 3.

    #19 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Can't wait for chapter 3!

    #20 · Chapter 3 · 90w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>3007

    It'll be up soon.:twilightsmile:

    #21 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Yay chapter 3 is up! :D

    #22 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>3079

    Would have been up faster if Mom and Dad weren't dragging me all over Europe.

    I hope you all enjoyed chapter 3.I certainly enjoyed writing it.:twilightsmile:

    #23 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Whoops!Forgot a bit of the morning coversation between Nyx and Wolf.:twilightsheepish:.Fixed now.

    #24 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>2909

    Sorry buddy,but I'm not a pokemon fan.Don't know who you are talking about.And,after I finish this one,I'll be writing more!Have 2 ideas so far,1 is a sequel to this,and the other involves a road trip around Equestria.The second one will be written.Sequel,not so sure.

    That's all I'm saying!=P

    #25 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I want you to make your writing more descriptive. It makes reading so much more enjoyable.

    #26 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>3121

    Didn't know what you meant before,I'll get to work.:twilightsmile:

    #27 · Chapter 4 · 90w, 21h ago · · ·
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    Better description of places,people and Spinar added.

    I'll try to describe things better from now on.

    #28 · Chapter 5 · 90w, 18h ago · · ·
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    I SO need a cover for this.....

    #29 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    New chapter! Big event. Bigger question.

    Cant wait till the next one! :D

    #30 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>3239

    I'll tell you the truth,my heart was racing as I was writing the last part......

    #31 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I'm curious to see what's gonna happen in the next chapter.

    #32 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>3242

    Already writing it.:twilightsmile:

    #33 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    That reminds me we still need a MLP/Killzone crossover.

    #34 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I'd like to see a MLP/Halo crossover.MC landing on Equestria or something like that.

    Also,to those of you who gave low ratings to the story,could you please specify why in a PM or in here?I'f I've made any mistakes I'd like to try and correct them.:twilightsmile:

    #35 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Minor spelling errors fixed,and added some more details to a few parts.

    Chapter 6 will be up from anywhere ranging to later today,to Tuesday.

    #36 · Chapter 3 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    May I ask why you don't put spaces after Full stops and Question marks?

    #37 · Chapter 6 · 89w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Used to writing in Greek.We don't put spaces after them.

    #38 · Chapter 7 · 89w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I am in love with this story!

    #39 · Chapter 8 · 89w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Keep up the good work.

    #40 · Chapter 8 · 89w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Apologies for the short chapters,they look MUCH bigger on Open Office.

    But still,quality over quantity right?

    #41 · Chapter 8 · 89w, 3d ago · · ·
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    i guess the pairing is twlight sparkle and wolf huh? anyway story looks like it's starting to get good keep writing.

    #42 · Chapter 8 · 89w, 2d ago · · ·
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    In the process of fixing all remaining grammatical errors,and added the characters that I had forgotten when I first uploaded.

    #43 · Chapter 9 · 89w, 1d ago · · ·
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    ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

    #44 · Chapter 3 · 89w, 16h ago · · ·
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    >>2862

    It was from the story Past Sins. You know, the one everyone has been going crazy over?

    #45 · Chapter 9 · 88w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>3952

    Yeah, I began to read it a while ago but had no time cause the school...

    Hmm, Soulsilver will you continue your own story?

    #46 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    muffins!

    #47 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Good chapter.

    #48 · Chapter 2 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·
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    What is this a crossover with?  I assumed Halo because of "Super Soldier" and the picture, but I've never heard of the Spinar.

    #49 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    hey how can i read it g ?

    #50 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>4520

    Yes, first of all, you have just violated one of the BASIC internet safety rules,

    And 2, just click on it......

    And 3, you know this is a site meant for Bronies/Pegasisters right?

    #51 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 2d ago · · ·
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    plainly amazing ! were did you get the imagination required to write something as amazing as that ? :D

    #52 · Chapter 10 · 88w, 10h ago · · ·
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    Just started to read this, what got me interested the the halo reach pic ( big halo fan) and then instantly recognized Nyx ( past sins, awsome fic that I've followed from the it's very first release).  Right now, it seams to be a decent fic (bit no *Past Sins*) but my only problem is that these d@m ponies drive me to insomnia :pinkiecrazy:  but seriously, so far not bad fanfic and might possibly recommend to others :yay:

    #53 · Chapter 1 · 87w, 6d ago · · ·
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    NYX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #54 · Chapter 10 · 87w, 6d ago · · ·
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    now this is epic

    #55 · Chapter 10 · 87w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Ok, I've just got done reading this and I've come to this conclusion:

    1. Defeantly a halo type cross-over with MLP with the armor, background story and ships AI.

    &

    2. the character Wolf is defeantly like a master chief type cast, but I detected a bit of Star Killer from *Star Wars force unleashed* after he started to use telekinesis.

    After this analises (sorry about any typos) I find that this has the potential to be an epic story, but I'll wait and see.

    #56 · Chapter 10 · 87w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>4941

    Ooh, it will be an epic story, believe me, I know some spoilers (what I wont tell anyone :P ) and it will have a fantastic ending... Just wait to it!

    #57 · Chapter 11 · 87w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Looks interesting, I'll have to give this a read later.

    #58 · Chapter 11 · 87w, 3d ago · · ·
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    ♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

    #59 · Chapter 1 · 87w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You're rushing. Slow down, develop and expand the scene, take you're time. What you have here is a good author overview of what you want to happen, but to me as a well developed reader (my fanfiction.net favorites list has over 1600 stories listed) it's too chaotic, fast paced and too lacking in detail for me to immerse myself in the scenes, or to engage/sympathize with the characters

    But don't put too much detail that you're readers are spending an hour just to get through one chapter. Trust me, I've seen it happen, and while the plot is interesting, slogging through so much useless information to get to said plot points was absolutely horrendous.

    To sum it up, you need more details, but don't put too much. Find that happy medium.

    You show great promiss, you just need more practice.

    #60 · Chapter 11 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    W00t! Expansion! 900 words! :D

    #61 · Chapter 11 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    IM me on yahoo !

    #62 · Chapter 11 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·
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    how d you rate ? friend told me to rate for him cause he doesnt know the website !

    #63 · Chapter 1 · 86w, 4d ago · · ·
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    DEAR GOD!!!

    Please let me proof read this!!!  And change some transition words!!! PLEASE!!!

    It sounds like the most epic story evar!!! BUT DEAR CELESTIA THE GRAMMAR!!

    Ex.  “DAMN IT!C'mon girl,you      :facehoof:   Please just let me fix the grammar!

    Mine. "DAMN IT!  C'mon girl, you  

    #64 · Chapter 11 · 86w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>6763

    :pinkiegasp:! Whoops, sorry. I keep forgetting that Open Office has grammar check.:twilightblush:

    #65 · Chapter 11 · 86w, 1h ago · · ·
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    man was it the financial crisis that made  you so imaginative ? love it ! where did you get all those ideas? i will definitely be watching this one. Seems  like Hamish  was right , there are some Bronnies  out there with some imagination !  Mind if  i mail you for advice later on ? Oh and please give my store a look .

    #66 · Chapter 11 · 85w, 4d ago · · ·
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    sorry pal i meant my story . Plus one more thing your sentences are too short try joining them .  

    #67 · Chapter 11 · 84w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Pingas:moustache:

    #68 · Chapter 5 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Badass... but for the cover image... I'm almost sure this isn't Halo.

    #69 · Chapter 6 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>3288 You sir, just gave me an idea.

    #70 · Chapter 7 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Let me guess, in the coming chapters, I will be going "Bestiality FTW?".

    #71 · Chapter 11 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>13213

    No, It's not Halo.

    But I think the cover image fits Wolf nicely......

    #72 · Chapter 11 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Update anytime soon?

    #73 · Chapter 11 · 83w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Should be next weekend.


    I hope....:fluttershysad:

    #74 · Chapter 11 · 82w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>13548 man ive heard from many writers about the horrors of writers block guess the best cure is to take your time and something will come to you :rainbowdetermined2:

    #75 · Chapter 11 · 82w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>16229

    It's gone, It's finally gone! :pinkiehappy:

    #76 · Chapter 11 · 82w, 6d ago · · ·
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    ME WANTS in the wrods of our lord and master fluttershy MOAR!! :flutterrage:

    #77 · Chapter 11 · 82w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>16247 Grats man good to hear :pinkiegasp:

    #78 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I'm glad this story is featured. It certainly deserves it. Keep it up, man!

    #79 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>16601

    Oh I will.

    #80 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Human in Equestria is my favorite type of fic. :pinkiesmile:

    Thanks! :yay:

    #81 · Chapter 7 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    dmn why is it har to find these kind of stories wy do i ahve t wait un til someone sees this......ii waant mooooooore

    ps; bestiallity?......so don't say anythign i will read it later

    #82 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    wit wait wait i started reading this 90 minutes ago so in thsi time there came a new chpter.......AAAWWEESOOMMMEE

    #83 · Chapter 4 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    It was the same thing from chapter 1! No offense.:flutterrage:

    #84 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    OH i was sure that you would be feautured pretty soon! You deserve it pal , congats ! :D

    #85 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>16679

    He is featured now...

    Just sayin'!

    (spoiler: the next chapter will be up next week!)

    #86 · Chapter 2 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This story isdiffrent then most and great story I'll be tracking this one :eeyup: :)

    #87 · Chapter 1 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX NYX!:yay::yay::yay:

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

    HOWEVER: if ANYTHING happens to Nyx in this story, I will KILL YOU!:twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2:

    #88 · Chapter 2 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    WHY U NO HAVE NYX IN CHAPTER?!

    #89 · Chapter 2 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Why is noone freaking out or at leased weirded out by a human being there? :rainbowhuh:

    #90 · Chapter 4 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>3080

    Dragging you all over Europe?

    Lucky B*stard. :ajbemused:

    #91 · Chapter 6 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>3288

    WHAT WE REALLY NEED: An MLP/ A-Team crossover.

    #92 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>16837

    Think about ever other sentient creature in Equestria, hell Diamond Dogs are bipeds and they weren't freaking out when they saw them

    so why freak out with a Human

    #93 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    :facehoof:Oh! i'm sooooo dumb not!

    #94 · Chapter 5 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    OMG Diamond Dog army?!  So awesome!:rainbowkiss:

    #95 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>16966

    That's not the point, think of how long the ponies knew of the diamond dongs existence, probably for 1,000+years.

    For the Human:

    A sentient Biped that carries a mysterious weapon that can easilly take down a manticore, and rides a metal horse that runs on two wheels, that only has hair on their head, and is a couple of feet taller than the ponies.

    #96 · Chapter 7 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>13218

    If you don't add in to Haylo, I'm sure he won't add it to New Beginnings.  Then again, god hates us.

    #97 · Chapter 10 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Combustable soldier is best soldier!:pinkiesmile:

    #98 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 4d ago · · ·
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    WHEY U NO HAVE NYX?!

    #99 · Chapter 4 · 82w, 3d ago · · ·
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    This is beginning to feel like a parallel world of "Past Sins". i look forward to what happens next:rainbowlaugh:

    #100 · Chapter 12 · 82w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>17692

    As Black Alicorn's friend, I can tell you something.... It's a spoiler, but whatever, you will read it within 4 days :D

    So, Wolf will meet somepony.... As the Scout said in Team Fortress 2: Look at me, look at me!

    If it wasn't clear: It's going te be me! Or at least my ponified alter-ego, check my profile pic :)

    And we learned something important today: Befreind the authors, they can involve you in their works!

    :pinkiehappy:

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