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A/N: This is just a story that I’ve been thinking about for awhile. So I decided to finally write it down and post it. I am starting on a second chapter but I want to see how the first one does before I post the second one. This is my first story so constructive criticism would be nice.  

Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of this stuff.

*WACK* “OOOOWWWW” I screamed as I woke up. With my head throbbing I looked around the room. “Wh-Where am I?” It looked as if I was in some kind of cabin. I was sitting on the bottom bunk in a bunk bed. In the room there were some boxes and barrels. There was a clock that looked to only have a minute hand, a desk with a piece of paper on it, a mirror, and a door with a big number 3 on it. I sat up and walked over to the desk. I picked up the paper and started reading it.

“Hello there! And welcome to my kingdom! Now I bet you’re wondering why you are here? Well I’ll get to that a little later. Right now I have a game for you to play! All you have to do is find a way out of this room! Easy right! Well just to make it a little harder for you. You will have 30 minutes from the time you stepped down from the bed to escape. So I’d better get moving! Because if you don’t get out in time… well it’s not going to be good.”

I looked up at the clock with the minute hand. It looked as if the hand was in-between the 6 and the 5. “28 minutes” I said to myself. I quickly looked at the door with the 3 on it. I saw that there were 3 rectangle card readers next to it. Was this the key to opening the door? If so then where are the cards? I looked around the room for a good 10 minutes before I finally found some cards in a box near the far corner of the room. I spread the cards out on the floor. All the cards were numbered 1-9 but the number 3 card was missing. I looked over at the door and back to the cards. “How am I supposed to know what cards to use?” I asked myself. I looked around the room and found some writing on the wall. “1+6+9=7” I had no idea what this meant. I know that 1+6+9=16 not 7. I pondered over the problem over and over in my head. “How could 1+6+9=7? 1+6+9=16… 1+6=7 but not 1+6+9. … wait a minute. 1+6+9=16…. 1+6=7. 1+6=7!” I finally figured it out. I looked up at the clock. The hand was on the 2. “10 minutes left.” I ran over to the door with the cards in hoof. “Now let’s see. 2+4+6=12 1+2=3!” I grabbed the 2, 4, and 6 cards and placed them on the card readers. I green light turned on. “Yes!” I yelled. Another box that was next to the door opened. It had a number 3 inside a heart. My heart dropped. “There was no number 3 card anywhere. I looked around the whole room and only found those cards.” I wanted to cry. I went over to the mirror on the wall. I looked at myself. “What do I do now?” I looked at the clock. “6 minutes.” I sighed and looked back at the mirror. My eyes were turning red, my mane was getting messed up. “Wh-what the hell?” I looked closer at the mirror. There was a necklace around my neck. It was very tight around my neck. There was no way to pull it off, and no clamp either. There was something hanging from the necklace too. It looked like a heart. The heart had a 3 on it. It was red and said “solo” under the 3. “How did I not see this before?!” I ran over to the box. “How do I take this thing off?” I pulled on the heart and pulled out with a string attached to it. I placed the heart on the box and a second green light came on and the door opened. “OH THAK YOU!” I yelled. The heart zipped strait back to the center of my necklace. I immediately ran out the door.

I found myself in some kind of hallway. A very long hallway with lots of doors. I ran down the hallway checking every door along the way, but none of them would open. As I was trying all of the doors I tried to remember how I got here, who could have taken my, and why they would want to take me. Then I realized something. “I… I don’t remember anything. How I got here, who brought me here, not even where I live or what my name is!” I tried to go through my head to remember anything about my past life, but I could only find one thing. Only one memory of my past life.

I was in some kind of library. I was sorting out the books and putting them back on the shelves. Maybe I was some kind of librarian. There was somepony else with me too. I couldn’t really make out what they looked like, but I knew they were there. “Oh crap I totally forgot!” The pony screamed. “I got to go!” “What did you forget?” I asked the pony. “Oh it’s this really really REALLY big thing. I’ll tell you about it later I gotta run. Later!” And with that she ran out the door. I continued placing the book on the shelves when suddenly I hear a window crash. I turned around to see a can lying on the floor. I walk up to it and it starts spraying some kind of gas in my face. I fall to the ground and start feeling really dizzy. All I see is what looks like a pony with a gasmask on staring at me. Before I could say anything I pass out.  

Was that the day I was kidnapped? Why was I kidnapped? Who was that other pony with me? So many questions went through my head. I was interrupted by somepony yelling from the other end of the hallway. “Hey! You there!” I turned around to see a white unicorn staring at me. She had a purple curly mane. She had a necklace too, but hers had a blue 3 on it and said “solo” “Do you have any idea what’s going on?” “I’m not sure.” I replied to the other pony. I told the unicorn about how I escaped from my room. “Well that about the same thing that I went through.” She looked around the hall. “Do you think that anypony else is here?” And as if on cue we heard a high pitched from down the hall. “Well I guess that answers your question.” The screaming got louder and louder. All we could see was a big yellow and pink blob fly past us. We looked at each other in confusion. Following that was the sound of rushing water. We looked down the hall to see a huge wave coming toward us. We both screamed and ran down the hall. At the end of the hall we saw a big double door. We struggled to open it but just managed to get it open and close it before the water reached us. Unbelievably the door held the water in the long hallway. We were both gasping for air. “I… can believe… we… made it.” I said trying to catch my breath. “Well… I guess that makes 9 then.” We both looked up to see 7 other ponies looking at us. So many questions ran through my mind. But one stood out the most. “What the hell is going on here!?”                        

#1 · 104w, 4d ago · · ·



#2 · 104w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1680985 Glad you like it

#3 · 104w, 4d ago · · ·

Yes, yes, YES! I'm not going to lie; I was thinking about writing my own story which is 999: The Pony Version.  This looks like sort of a mixture between 999 and Virtue's Last Reward (the superior sequel).  Nice!

I'm curious to see who the characters will be, besides for the Mane 6.  I'm also curious to see how you'll deal with their personalities.  Do they act the way they do on the show, or do they act like Virtue's Last Reward characters (for example, Pinkie Pie being Clover), or a combination of both?  Is Twilight the only pony with amnesia?  Are we going to learn that the 9th Man was secretly a pony all along?

As for constructive criticism, I would recommend splitting up some of the humongous paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. Sometimes, it's hard to read a huge block of text, just because it's easy to lose your place in the paragraph if you scroll down. On the other hand, the Zero Escape games are certainly guilty of having massive exposition overloads, so it feels rather authentic to have a ton of non-dialogue text.

#4 · 104w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1681037 Ok thanks for the feed back. I'll be sure to fix that in the next chapters. As for the questions you have other than the main 6 Luna Celestia and Trixe will be there too. As for the amnesia all of the 9 ponies will have amnesia. I did this because since they all know each other they would just ally with each other and it would make for a very boring story. I was thinking since they all have amnesia that they would act kind of like themselves but not really. Like pinkie pie not being as hyperactive as she is on the show since she has no memory of the sonic rainboom. I don't really want to tell you that much more because of spoilers so again thanks for the feed back

#5 · 96w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmmmm.... this seems promising! :trixieshiftright::rainbowhuh:

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