Lyra and BonBon go on holiday to the new resort of Mare-On-Sea, and learn of Hinnysmouth, a disreputable seaside village further up the coast. Despite misgivings, they decide to visit Hinnysmouth, and soon regret their curiosity.
( Inspired by Lovecraft's 'The Shadow Over Innsmouth', of course, and riffing on a certain meme. Some names suggested by Happerry - thanks! Despite the opening quote, not necessarily in the same universe as 'The Stars Will Aid Their Escape' )
*le gasp* READING TIME! :D
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*chuckles* Well, after you've read it I hope you'll consider a detailed response :) the more feedback I get, the better the rest of the story will be :) by all means speculate away
Given that I have read the original source material for this its not terribly hard to see where certain things are going, especially with Lyra's *ahem* love of the sea and the tragedy tag, not to mention the upright sitting posture of the locals :P
Overall, a nice start to the piece, I am looking forward to more of it! a little fast for my liking so far, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. That view is perhaps because I have been digging too much into Lovecraftian styles due to my recent research and analysis of his works for my own machinations.
I assume that it won't be as dark and as terrifying as the original source material due to the lack of a Dark tag, but I look forward to it all the same. as a small view of foresight, Lyra's promise -"Bonnie... the sea is awesome, but you know I'd never leave you, right?"- will not end well... Poor Bonbon, perhaps when the moon is gibbous and the stars do shine in the necessary pattern on all hallows mass, you shall catch a sight of dear Lyra as she rises from Y'ha-neigthlei where she dwells in wonder, and splendor, forever.
Ia Scylla Ia Kraken!
1679669 HELL YES
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1679695 Y'ha-neigthlei? Oh, that's good! And you're quite right, not many ways the story could go from here
re: the pacing - as much as adore Lovecraft's prose, it didn't seem to match the story I was aiming for here - hence the streamlining :)
Hope you enjoy the rest as it comes up.
Not bad, not bad. I'll be keeping my eye on you.
Most of the problems with the text itself are minor.
I also enjoy Lyra as the human obsessed Cryptozoologist. :P It kind of fits her into the whole "erudite narrator" thing that Lovecraft does, while you don't chain yourself to his style.
1682616 Thanks :) Plus, of course, Lyra's hobby is funny - for now...
re: the text, by all means point out any problems you spotted - I welcome constructive criticism :)
looking forward to the next chapter...
1752074 may be slightly delayed - work has been obnoxiously busy :/
Sea Pony-o, Sea Pony-o, Where art thou Sea pony-o?
1867794 yesss, I realise I'm running rather late on the next chapter. It doesn't help that this season we've had a dozen different ponies sitting that way. But mostly it's down to my procrastination, and a very busy lead-up to xmas.
"Anomaly Hunter"
*snerk* A pony who's destined to be a paranormal/cryptid investigator.
"And as i watched the etheral, supernatural fog roll in, i heard the voices, speaking in such tongues as were not heard in millenia, and such as should be confined where no pony may hear. yet the eldritch tune continued on:
Shoo Be Doo, Shoo Shoo Be Doo."
Continue, good colt!
2071380 Indeed - and a purveyor of deeply dubious conspiracy theories to boot :)
2193547 heehee
2228195 I needed to put something sufficiently Lovecraft-y. I wonder what The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath would be like with ponies? Especially with the equine-headed Shantaks.
Looking forward to the Royal Guard raiding the place for "Tax Evasion" or "Bootlegging." :P
2228550 Ohh, yes, that would be rather interesting - a tour of Equestria. But who would the protagonist be seeking?
3220236 *grins* I just wish that my workload this year (which has been beyond all reason, despite the fact we have more employees than ever) wasn't leaving me utterly exhausted every evening :(
3273046 Hmm... hard to say...
all I know is that various lovecraft things are now in my headcanon. Shantaks are distant pony relatives, Deep Ones are a type of deep sea sea pony, buopoths are an established race, byakhee are common in a certain part of the Everfree, Shoggoths are common on the Frozen Unnamed Continent in the south pole, and the Great Old Ones are known as the Parliament of Draconequi.