Days of Wasp and Spider
by Luna-tic Scientist
===
The barrier that held the chaos at bay could be manipulated, but that would be too much. Instead the Pattern created a flaw, a point discontinuity at vastly higher energy than the rest of the bubble. Unfeasibly massive particles sprang into fleeting existence before reaching a carefully designed boundary and decaying into a few protons, more electrons and many, many photons. The final effect was exactly as intended; an omnidirectional energy source with a blackbody temperature of fifty five hundred Kelvin. With a soundless explosion of light, dawn broke across the surface of the planet for the very first time.
The unavoidable protons and electrons were a complication; eventually they would strip the atmosphere from the young world. More energy and a twist of space-time set the world's core spinning to produce a magnetic field; the shockwaves threw clouds of dust and vapour across the whole planetary surface. Another unintended consequence; a swirling pattern of lights in the upper atmosphere where the electrons were safely funnelled into the poles. The Pattern examined the phenomenon and decided to leave it alone; the roiling streamers generated complex and fascinating curtains of colour.
=== Chapter 4 (remastered): A Small Mercy ===
Packet fell silent, the act of telling his story taking him back to that room filled with smoke and pain. He scuffed the gravel with one forehoof, eyes distant. "I collapsed when I landed on the walkway and didn't see what happened next. They tell me Cooper relayed a message back to rescue command, who sent in another team to evacuate the Master. They pulled me out about ten kiloseconds later, after the reactor had been shut down." The stallion turned his head and looked thoughtfully at his left hip, the fur gone and the skin livid, but whole. "I don't remember much of that."
Fusion stared at Packet, uncertain of what to say in the face of such bravery. "That's good, Packet, really good."
Packet fluttered his wings in embarrassment, then shrugged and winced. "What about you?"
Fusion turned away slightly, unable to meet his gaze. "Not much to tell really. You know the theories, right? That magic is a result of local changes in the fundamental constants?"
Packet shifted slightly, looking uncertain. "It kind of makes my head hurt, but yes, I've heard that. Don't you have trouble with the way it contradicts what we were taught at the Church?"
"Not really," Fusion said, shaking her head. "There's still the question of how the changes obey the will of a magic user -- if the Maker isn't managing all that, what is? Although it's an interesting question, and you've got to wonder why God would respond to specially prepared gems and crystals." She looked a little guilty and her voice dropped to a whisper. "There was a lot of hanging around between my training sessions, and I overheard some of the things my Master was telling his student. She thinks the Maker is like a machine, it's got no will of its own and just follows orders... if you give it the right orders you can make it do anything."
Packet's mouth opened and shut a few times, but no sound came out. "I... I see. It makes me glad I'm not a Master -- imagine not knowing who created you and why!"
"Doesn't bear thinking about," said Fusion with a shudder. "Say, have you seen Random anywhere? She should be out of training by now."
"If that filly's special talent isn't teaching I'll be very surprised. No, I think she's taking one of the late study sessions today, so she'll be around later." Packet's eyes narrowed and he looked at the white mare with mock suspicion. "Are you trying to side track me? Come on, spill!"
Fusion fidgeted for a few moments, knowing she couldn't stall any longer. "My Master has me in the beam chamber of one of the big accelerators. All I need to do is deflect the beam, she can then study the effects, how magic is changing the properties of local space-time and so on."
Packet nodded. "So what went wrong?"
"I wasn't strong enough, I completed my orders, but it was too much of a strain and I overtaxed my magic. Damaged my horn," she said glumly.
"Ouch," Packet said, wincing in sympathy. "So they've got you on restricted activity until you heal. What happened here?" he said, tracing the curved scars that ran under her belly.
"My own stupid fault. I was so tired and forgot where I was. I just wanted to lay down for a second, catch my breath. Unfortunately I picked the shield emitter ring." Fusion's ears folded back with the embarrassment of the memory.
Packet grimaced. "Understandable. So how long are you off duty?"
"Another couple of days before my assessment. You?"
"Most of tonight under the tender ministrations of Spiral Fracture and the infirmary staff, then I'll be right back out there. I get to add power system construction to my skill list," he said proudly, then coughed slightly and turned away, unwilling to look Fusion in the eye. "They also want to add my experience to the learning centre archive."
Fusion grinned widely. "You were going to leave that little detail out weren't you? One of my friends, immortalised in crystal." Fusion remembered back to those sessions a few years before she was Blessed. Every day the class would get to experience the best examples of the true heroes of ponykind: some were scary, some hurt a bit, but all left you with lasting memories that you wanted to live up to.
While she chatted with Packet, Fusion caught sight of Gravity talking to a scarred green mare on the other side of the staging area. The two mares separated, with the scarred pony walking towards Fusion. From across the party, Gravity looked up and met Fusion's eyes, holding her gaze as the other pony closed the distance.
Fusion sighed inside then murmured to Packet. "Excuse me." She turned and stepped towards the other pony.
"Fusion," the mare said in a croaky voice. "How are you doing?"
"Hello, Back Draft."
Back Draft was Fusion's foalhood teacher -- in truth she was everypony in corral twenty seven's teacher. She knew a little about Back's history; the mare had been part of one of the emergency teams until she had gotten a little too close to one accident. A secondary explosion had killed half the team, while fast fragments had slashed her vocal cords, removed her right wing just above the shoulder and cracked her skull. Thaumetic medical was able to fix most things, but amputations and nerve damage took a long, long time.
So long that she was deprioritised from the treatment program and removed from the active labour pool.
Fusion smiled. "Getting better, day by day."
"Gravity said you might want to talk."
Oh she did, did she? Fusion thought. "She's just worried. I said some... things I probably shouldn't have, before I knew the truth of the matter."
Fusion kept her expression neutral while Back Draft studied her face. "Really? Listen, if you ever want to talk about it..."
"No seriously, I'm fine," Fusion said, scrabbling through her memories for something to distract the other mare. "Tell me, how is the latest batch of foals doing? I hear that Shock Diamond is getting into almost as much trouble as I did..."
===
By the fifth day Fusion was starting to climb the walls with boredom, so the arrival of Animal Scanner was a great relief. The crimson pony flew in as the sun was setting, alone this time, trotting up to Fusion Pulse with his equipment harness rattling. Removing the same instrument he'd used during her first inspection, the stallion nodded politely before studying her intently.
"How are you feeling, Fusion Pulse? Have you tried to use magic or fly since I first saw you?"
"No, no flying or magic. I've felt fine for at least two days, it's getting very frustrating." Fusion shifted her weight from hoof to hoof, impatient to get this over with so she could return to her duties. "Just you this time?"
"Yes," Animal Scanner said absently, "Gamma is a field surgery specialist." He gestured with the instrument. "Please stay as still as possible, I need to record these scans."
His horn glowed and a shimmering plane of red light appeared in front of Fusion's muzzle, then started to track up and down her body. Animal studied the display for a second to make sure the thing had connected with the distant Hive medical systems, then turned his attention inward to the images his magic was showing him. More sparkles and a brighter glow from his horn, and smaller disks of light moved slowly along the leading edges of Fusion's wings and up and down her horn. Fusion gritted her teeth at the sensation; a fierce itch was building up where her horn pushed through her skin, and it was taking all her willpower to resist the urge to scratch.
Animal's eyes came back into focus and he looked at Fusion and smiled.
"Based on these scans it looks like you are fit to work." He moved to stand next to her, his magic producing a startlingly accurate image of Fusion, apparently hanging in the air, legs dangling and head drooping. "You were pretty far gone at this point." The image split and zoomed in on her horn and right wing, Fusion watching fascinated, itch forgotten, as the feathers, skin and muscle were stripped away to show internal details. Her wing bones and horn started to abate away and the image enlarged further.
"This is you on the night of your injury. You can see here and here--" Little patches of the image were highlighted momentarily. "--small scale disruptions in the crystal structure. It may not look like much, but we really depend on a specific set of quantum properties to manipulate magic, and any systemic damage generally results in a vast reduction in capability. Fortunately," he said, gesturing to the crystal studded instrument still floating by his side, "unlike these synthetic crystals, we can heal. Equally fortunately, I can't detect any damage to the horn's growth bed, or the nerves attached to it. I take it you have had no headaches?"
A second set of magnified images appeared below the first. The fine electric pattern of cracks could still be seen, but the dark voids were filled in with bright, intricate crystals. At the base of her horn was a thick plate of bone and dense tissue; this was the growth bed. Nerves reached downwards from this to vanish between the hemispheres of her brain.
"It was pretty bad on the first evening, but nothing since then."
"Good. The initial pain was due to the formation of the fractures -- the horn is dead, obviously, but there is a kind of thaumic feedback to the nerves, which is why it hurt. No lasting pain means no nerve damage."
She'd heard something of this before, and knew that the feedback worked in both ways; the constant, unconscious desire of the brain to make sense of the information flowing back from the horn at all times prompting a tiny trickle of magic to repair the damage. The new material looked out of place amid the smooth helixes of the rest of her horn. Fusion traced one of the healed fractures with her forehoof, turning to look at Animal with a troubled expression. "This doesn't look like its gone back to its previous state. Will... will I be a strong as I was before?"
Animal nodded back at her. "Good question. You know when you've done a lot of exercise and your muscles ache?"
Fusion nodded, frowning at this apparent digression.
"Well, what you are feeling are a multitude of tiny tears in the muscle; a day or so later you'll feel better and the muscle has been repaired, stronger than ever. The same thing applies to bone and in your case, horn. Essentially you just over did it."
"Oh." I'm stronger now? "I can try some exercises?"
"Please, in fact I was going to suggest just that. It will give me a chance to check for any subtle problems."
Fusion turned and trotted to the rear of the corral shelter, smiling as she used a light touch of magic -- the first for almost half a million seconds -- to activate the external lights. Under the canopy, at the back of the facilities hub, was a collection of ten chrome spheres in five different sizes. She glanced along the row and picked up the smallest, setting it rising and falling in a steady rhythm.
"So far so good," she muttered to herself, feeling the gentle tingle of Animal Scanner's magic as he examined her horn as she worked. Keeping the first sphere bobbing, Fusion picked up the next and set it moving as well, then the next and the next. Before long, all ten were floating in stately wave from the smallest pair, a mere horn's width of aluminium, to the two spheres of tungsten as big as her head. Fusion kept them up for a hundred seconds, then glanced at Animal with a raised eyebrow. She'd been able to do this when she was a much younger foal.
"No difficulty or pain?" he asked.
Fusion shook her head.
"Good. How do you feel about an endurance test?"
"Sure. Do you mind if Gravity comes along?"
"Your sister? Not at all."
Fusion trotted off, coming back a few moments later with the dusky blue mare. She then fanned her wings a couple of times experimentally, took a few quick steps, and sprang into the air.
After so long stuck on the ground, flying felt wonderful. Squinting into the cold slipstream, Fusion pumped her wings vigorously to gain height, then folded them in to plummet earthwards. Pulling out ten bodylengths off the ground, she ignored the sudden twinge of pain in her wing roots at the bottom of the curve, focusing instead on the heady rush of seeing shelters flick past as she shot down the central avenue. A few ponies waved up at her as she past; one young colt even flew up to try and catch her, but his small wings were no match for her power dive. Laughing for the sheer joy of it, Fusion traded her speed back into height to rejoin Gravity and Animal, patiently hovering nearby.
"That was foalish; you could have damaged something when you pulled out of that dive. Then you really would have wished I'd brought Gamma Knife along," Animal said in an annoyed tone.
"Only a twinge," Fusion said in a small voice. "Sorry, it was just so good to get back in the air."
The stallion sighed. "Don't worry, you're obviously fine. Please take it a bit easy for the first day or two, though. Pulling a flight muscle while at altitude would be an embarrassing way to go."
The three ponies flew on in silence through the gathering darkness, towards the lights of the training centre.
===
Korn rubbed one paw over his muzzle, then used his claws to unpick an annoying tangle of fur at the back of his head. Glancing at the clock he bared his teeth in displeasure; eight kiloseconds after his supposed departure time and two kiloseconds after he was supposed to meet up with Inthra. Korn sighed, mind wandering over what they'd planned for this night... then winced when he remembered what she'd said when he'd cancelled. That wasn't going to happen any time soon. To think he'd been so pleased to get this studentship with the Academician... it was only later he had realised that her reputation for genius went paw in paw with an attitude that involved treating her underlings like servitors.
Well, almost like servitors. At least this one had survived the punishing schedule the Academician had forced on the research group. Fortunately, it looked like they'd found one with the right skill-set this time, assuming Vanca could be persuaded to take it a little slower. Korn forced his thoughts back to the main display and placed one paw in the manipulation box. On the screen a complex and apparently random pattern of swirls, spirals and straight lines exploded out from a central point, each in a different colour. Twitching his paw, Korn rotated and manoeuvred the pattern, tagging some lines and removing others to allow the computer to build its predictive model. Another few patterns and the system had learnt enough to do the work itself; Korn leaned back against the wall in the small, windowless cubical and gazed with disinterest at the rapidly cycling display.
"Finally," Korn muttered as his comms unit beeped suddenly, then ran a claw over the input pad on his bracer. The main display froze and shrank away, replaced with a medical feed from a veterinarian servitor out somewhere in the patchwork of corrals surrounding the Hive. He tapped the acknowledge control and typed 'proceed' in the supplementary orders box. All the various medical parameters -- heart rate, blood pressure, neuron firing frequency, thaumic flux and so on -- started forming little graphs across the screen.
Korn nodded a couple of times to himself -- they looked alright to him, but he already knew Vanca's opinion of his veterinary skills... so he also opened a link to the medical expert system. In a final window he opened a pair of thumbnail video feeds from the training centre's own monitoring systems; one on the facilities hub roof, the other actually inside the berm. The view from the first wasn't great -- the camera angle was too wide -- but he could see the red coated veterinarian and a blue servitor whose name he'd forgotten lying on the berm. In the second view, Fusion Pulse had just levitated a pair of metal spheres above her head and started them spinning.
With interest he watched the spheres blur as they accelerated, quickly calling up the centre's assessment systems to get an idea of the servitor's power handling capability, compared to its historical data. His eyes widened and he shivered slightly -- he'd seen the numbers when the servitor was selected for the project, and he'd been in the control room during the first proper experiment -- but there was something more... real about this feat. He'd seen light shows before, obviously; every Hive used the servitors' ability to generate convincing firework effects. Somehow the light show in the beam chamber had seemed to be nothing more. Maybe it was that the physics he dealt with was always so abstract, so apparently disconnected with the real world.
There was nothing abstract about a creature able to move several tonnes of metal at high speed with only a thought.
Korn started to write a message to Vanca, but stopped to peer more closely at the video feed from the pit. The view was getting hazy, even though the servitor appeared to still be in focus. He glanced back at the medical display then did a double-take at the thaumic flux readings and the calculated total power output. The other video showed a half sphere of haze centred on the white servitor in the middle of the pit, tendrils of fog rolling off the force field's surface.
Korn stared at the two video feeds open mouthed. Cold, he thought, inside that dome it must be getting really cold. "Energy is being siphoned out of the internal volume to...to... he said, voice trailing off. Power the servitor's magic, he thought.
On the wide angle video the two servitors outside the pit had gotten to their hooves and appeared to be shouting, while red lights started to flash around the perimeter of the berm. Then the red servitor produced a long cylinder and pointed it at the one in the pit.
"No!"
Korn surged to his paws, reaching out to the screen as if he could stop what was about to happen, even as a pinpoint of violet light flicked into the pit. Eyes back on the medical display he waited for the charts to drop to zero... but they never did. Back on the wide angle view he saw the blue servitor go flying backwards and the veterinarian turn back to the pit. Suddenly realising what he needed to do, Korn went back to the supplementary orders system and started to type frantically, but before he could send the message there was a white flash on both videos, and all the data feeds -- cameras and remote medical scans -- went dead. Korn stared dumbly at the 'remote server not responding' icons flashing up from all the various windows he'd opened.
"No," he whispered, then tapped Vanca's comms code into his bracer. There was a seemingly endless delay while the connection request went unanswered. Finally the little screen lit up to show the Academician in formal waistcoat and sash, the background a kaleidoscope of similarly smartly dressed people. "Well?" Vanca didn't look or sound pleased, but then she never did.
"Academician Vanca..." he paused, momentarily at a loss for words. "Korn thinks the servitor is dead."
Murmuring in the background, a questioning tone from somewhere, then the view jerked and rose as Vanca stepped quickly away from where she had been seated. "What! How did this happen?"
"The servitor showed an unanticipatedly high power output during a standard endurance test. It looks like the veterinarian interpreted this as a thaumic excursion and carried out a field euthanisation."
Vanca narrowed her eyes. "What isn't Korn telling Vanca?"
"Look at this." Korn called up the last few seconds of video and sent it to Vanca, giving her a running commentary while it played. A small part of his mind -- the fraction that wasn't busy panicking -- was gratified to see Vanca's expression change from anger, through surprise, and on to horror.
"Vanca will make some calls. Secure the data you have, then encrypt it with my public key and put it on two storage cells. Then -- this is important -- wipe the server and the log files. Vanca will send Korn her access codes shortly." Vanca pointed a claw at the camera and glared at him. "Korn will not feel tempted to use the codes to go poking his muzzle anywhere else. Vanca expects Hive Security will be auditing the Institute before another day passes."
Korn swallowed, heart thundering. Hive Security had a fearsome reputation. "Y-yes, Academician, Korn understands. What does Vanca want Korn to do with the storage cells?"
Vanca smiled thinly at the fear in Korn's expression. "Keep them safe." She cut the connection.
Korn slumped back in his chair, half convinced it had all been some kind of bad dream, until a tone from his bracer told him of a change to his security permissions. Turning back to his terminal he authenticated at his new level and set to work.
===
Vanca killed the connection to her student, lips curling up in a snarl. With a supreme effort of will she calmed her features and tapped the comm code for Councillor Indutu's office. A short pause and her screen lit up with the face of a young male with impeccably groomed fur. "Academician Vanca for the Councillor, it's urgent."
"This one is sorry, Academician, Councellor Indutu is not available," the male replied in a smooth voice.
Vanca clenched her teeth in frustration. "Indutu needs this information immediately." The fur on the back of her neck stood on end as she had a sudden premonition as to why the Councillor was not available. "You will tell Indutu that Vanca knows what caused the military emergency."
A flash of shock crossed the receptionist's face and was quickly suppressed. Vanca grinned widely; the creatures the Councillor had on comms duty all looked like pretty, empty things, but they weren't stupid.
Suddenly business-like, the male did something to a console out of the camera's view. "Please hold." The screen was replaced with the Synod seal.
Vanca paced up and down the short corridor outside the banqueting hall, obscurely glad to be away from the politics and influence pedalling she'd been forced into to keep her research program alive for almost a gigasecond. Vanca paused in her pacing for a moment -- that was nearly thirty years. If she was right all that would be over, what she had discovered would boost Lacunae Hive to pre-eminence, perhaps even to the domination of the other Hives. She shook her head, the stupidity of those ancient wars, the short sighted treaties that had split the six Creation Stones and prevented their use in modern times. She growled in the back of her throat. Where was that fool Indutu?
Abruptly her comms display changed and she brought it expectantly up to her face. Councillor Indutu sat behind a desk, pale fur looking dishevelled, while an inset window showed the head of someone she recognised from the news casts. A grey furred face raked by pale scars and flanked by mismatched ears, one little more than a tattered nub. Neither of them looked particularly pleased.
"Strategist Faungo. It is an honour," Vanca said, nodding to them both.
"What do you think you know, Academician?" he replied, face bland and voice empty of expression.
"A bit less than half a kilosecond ago the Hive's early warning sensors detected an thaumomagnetic pulse with a very specific signature. One matching the trace profile measured from the Hive's Creation Stone."
The Strategist raised an eyebrow, then smiled slightly, thin lips pulling back from abnormally large canine teeth. "It is up to Indutu, but Faungo thinks Vanca should be told. Faungo suspects she knows more than we do, anyway."
Indutu tiredly waved a paw at Faungo. "Fine, it's not like there's much to tell."
Faungo nodded his grizzled head. "This is a view from STAR five, a few seconds before the pulse."
The Solar Transmission Authority Reflectors -- or heliostats as they were generally known, vital for maintaining the output of the vast farms -- were nominally under the control of the Solar Transmission Authority, one arm of the World Court. Even though the Court didn't allow actual military hardware in orbit, the big orbital mirrors were such an obvious threat that each Hive was allowed military personnel on the ones operating in its territory -- and there was no law against having good sensors.
Vanca gazed in fascination at the video feed replacing the Strategist's head. A cloud swirled circle, the terminator a curved line separating the sunlit blue and green from darkness filled with sprays of night-time lights. A flash of static flickered over the window, then the view expanded rapidly, centred on Lacunae Hive's main arcology. The landscape was familiar, a dark shadowed pattern of hills and rivers scattered with pinpoints of white light surrounding the artificial mountain range of the Hive proper. A neat, circular hole had been cut in the pattern, a patch of absolute darkness.
"This is the underlying tunnel network," Faungo continued his narration. "Contact was lost with all the network infrastructure within the circle."
A complex tangle of tunnels, layer upon layer, overlaid the dark image. This was the true bulk of the Hive, chambers and subterranean structures spread like matted hyphae around a fungal fruiting body. Outside the circle these were lit with dense code markers for active nodes -- comms units, computers, every bit of networked hardware -- but inside there was nothing. It was like someone had taken a ten kilolength bite out of the landscape.
"The scale is impressive," said Vanca, slightly awed.
"Yes," said Faungo dryly. "Quite similar to a strategic thaumomagnetic pulse weapon. It was fortunate that a defence analyst noticed the lack of a thermal pulse that would have accompanied such a nuclear pumped thaumic device, otherwise this conversation would have been unlikely."
"The Deadpaw was activated?" Vanca said in a calm voice that belied the sudden feeling of cold that settled in her chest. Her mind's eye travelled out over the Hive's territory, out along the clusters of servitor-powered heavy lift launchers scattered throughout their land and ocean spaces. Early on in her academic career she'd specialised in weapon physics and knew better than most the devastation that could be released in a few tenths of a kilosecond by those massed launchers and their cavernous magazines. All of those weapons, along with other, more esoteric systems, tied into an isolated command network able to automatically retaliate in event of armageddon, the so-called 'Deadpaw'.
"That analyst will be receiving a commendation from the Synod." Faungo grinned his deaths-head smile, then continued in a mild tone. "That is the sum total of this one's knowledge. Is there anything the Academician would care to share?"
Vanca suppressed a slight shiver at that. From what she'd heard, that same tone of voice had ordered everything from the quiet internment of suspected enemy Hive agents to the bombardment of a civilian settlement during the abortive Three Day War with Baur Hive. Strategist Faungo was the nominal head of both the Hive military and its internal security force; as such he was not someone to offend. She talked quickly, knowing that every second could be vital. "The Strategist understands that the Institute's goal is to understand the fundamentals of magic? During this research, Vanca has used the servitor race as test subjects -- pony adaptability has produced some impressive results."
"It has been very expensive in servitors," Indutu grumbled. "The eugenics program exists for more than just Vanca's benefit."
Vanca ignored that sally. "Watch this," she said, sending the final few seconds of video that Korn had shown her.
The Strategist looked thoughtful, one claw tapping against his muzzle. The Councillor just looked impatient.
"Well, what does it mean?" Indutu said.
"The fog is water condensing, that means the air temperature dropped significantly during the test. The servitor was drawing power from its surroundings, rather than just itself."
The Strategist looked sharply at Vanca. "That's supposed to be impossible."
Vanca felt a surge of relief. Praise the Maker, Faungo actually understands! "Yes... but it does match the theoretical behaviour of the Creation Stones."
"There are stories... from when the servitors were created," the Strategist began.
"The last recorded use of the Stones, yes."
Indutu looked from one to the other, confused. The Strategist took pity on him. "The Academician thinks she has created a way to replicate the power of the Stones."
Indutu blinked, momentarily stunned. "That changes everything," he whispered. Then, in a firm voice. "What does the Academician need?"
"Immediate recovery of the servitor, or more likely its corpse, and any witnesses."
"Do it," the Councillor said to the Strategist. Then, turning his gaze to the Academician; "Vanca believes it is dead?"
Vanca waggled her paw. "It seems probable. The veterinarian on site used a mercy wand. Even so, an autopsy would be of great value. A live subject would be easier to work with, but the tests Vanca has in mind would result in its euthanisation eventually." The areas of the brain responsible for magic control were well understood; direct electrical stimulation would make the rest of the brain unnecessary. She looked at the Strategist, who had just finished speaking to someone out of camera view. "How long will it take?"
The Strategist smiled tightly. "Vanca's little test subject lit up every thaumatoloical sensor on this side of the planet. Everything Lacunae has is moving, as are our neighbour's strategic assets. If there isn't an attack carrier at the site by now, Faungo will want to know why."
This is definitely an interesting take... I am quite curious to see where this continues to go.
It looks interesting. Very interesting actually. I can't read it now, but i will certainly later. I'll try to write a review or something then.
^ This. Pretty much what I was going to say.
This sounds very interesting, you have my attention.
Okay, just going from the tags and description, I am definately going to read this. You know why? Because this is exactly the sort of backstory I came up with in my head the first time I ever saw the show.
What? My first episode was Winter Wrap Up, and when Twilight said that the town was founded by Earth Ponies, I (being completely ignorant of the terminology at the time) thought "ponies from Earth? wait... are these cartoon ponies the results of human experimentation in the far future that somehow got out of control and replaced humans, then settled down somewhere else?" I kid you not. That was my thought process. Then I saw the rest of the episode and facepalmed myself.
Very interesting... I find that I cannot wait to see what happened to Cele... I mean Fusion Pulse...
I love the clever names
Tracking this. Giving it a read because it seems right up my alley.
Holy fuck this is unique. Please please please please update.
"...how can one mare save herself and the rest of her kind if she doesn't even know she's a slave?"
Oddly, that line reminds me of the Geth in Mass Effect. Or at least from the backstory we got on them in ME3.
Atom And Evil - Heaven And Hell
It is fantastic going from reading Fallout: Equestria fanfics to this. A perfect before story. Love the fine detail and skill in relating it, keep up the good work!
Wow!
You did a wonderful job setting up the universe, its people and technology.
I loved the political hints in this chapter, the setting goes well beyond cookie-cutter fantasy.
As I am already waiting for Ponies make war, Total War Equestria, New Beginnings and Misfit to update, I promised myself I wouldn't start another uncompleted story.
I was too weak, and now I must add this one to the list of story I am eagerly awaiting updates for. And from the look of it, the story has barely started...
Damn you Luna-tic Scientist, damn you!
525835
Yep, 49 separate editing passes on chapter 2. The others only have lower counts because I re-partitioned everything after that and reset the counters...
I may be a little over paranoid when it comes to proof reading.
To everyone else: thanks for your comments and thank you for reading! Next chapter should be ready for this weekend.
526190 Haha, I knew I couldn't have been the only one to realize that about Fusion and Gravity.
I wonder if they ever will rebel against the Masters?
Sorry if this is a stupid question, but are the 'masters' Diamond Dogs? And are the Diamond Dogs supposed to be an analogy for humans?
See, here's another thing (problem, maybe?) about kiloseconds: still assuming I haven't messed up, ten kiloseconds is something like two hours and forty-five minutes. I know nothing about nuclear reactors, based on what I recall knowing about you I'm going to assume you do, but 'about ten kiloseconds' makes me feel about the same as 'about ten minutes', and the incongruity between those two is massive.
Mind you, part of that could just be me having a bad mental representation of kiloseconds.
You've got a continuity error between this chapter and the previous one. In the previous chapter, you mention the supercoolant "flaying skin and cutting deeply into the large muscles attached to [Packet's] left hind leg". Here, it appears it's his right side that got hit. Packet doesn't seem to be missing a leg (I checked), so I'm going to assume that the missing fur is the practical extent of the damage.
This here? This is exactly what I was thinking of when I mentioned the new author's notes system on the last chapter.
2587493 Yes to the diamond Dogs (though this is 'only' Word of God; I can't find the comment right now, I'm afraid), no -- I think -- to the humans.
I am enthralled.
(I love that I'm weird enough to count time in kiloseconds, because this story flows much more naturally that way.)
Twilight must never learn of this, or she'd build her own particle accelerator just to stand inside it for practice.
That can't be right... wait, maybe their year is longer. As I recall a Gs is around 31.7 of our years.
I see the horseapples have hit the propeller now...
Let there be light!
Really liking the way the story is doing this whole creation thing. It's clear what we are talking about, and yet it's done in such a way as to not be to overt. Keeping it to science, explaining how it's happening.
Maybe I gave 'The Masters' to much credit last time in not being utter fucking bastards. He just fucking nearly died saving one of you, and you just leave him laying on the floor, wounded, in agony, for almost three hours before even TRYING to help him? Holy fuck that mind control must be REALLY good to keep them THAT fucking devoted while being treated so utterly like shit.
Ohhh, trying to explain magic. And given the whole 'Pattern' stuff, it's got to tie in somehow to that. And of course "God's Will' explains everything, yeah totally. Though, the whole "God's just a machine we can hack" that's a weird way of looking at it.
Given just how badly he seemed to have gotten hurt. Either, ponies heal really fast, they have medical tech that helps them heal faster then normal, or, well, they're going with the Navy's idea of thing. "Fuck it, you can move, now get down there and start working, don't give me any of this crappy 'medical light duty' bullshit. If you can get out of bed, you can work."
The crystals. Memory orbs? Also, again just, good job on The Masters part, speaking from a strictly technical POV. Not just the straight mental rewiring, but the subtler, social conditioning too. You CAN see why ponies act the way they do, despite being treated like they are treated.
Okay, so going with one of the first options. if they can heal an outright amputation, even if it takes a while, yeah the lesser things should be a lot easier and quicker. And going to assume that the vocal cords were healed before they gave up healing the rest and shunted her over to a job where they expect her to eventually kill herself out of regret for not being able to suffer daily abuse for The Masters.
Yeah, like I'm such a failure, I should just end it all. I survived the 'test' unlike all the other ponies that left that scorch mark on the wall behind me, but I'm a failure for needing time to recover.
Okay, this I'll give her. That's just understandable regardless of any other issues. Spending that long without being able to do anything, yeah boring as hell.
Ohhhhh, really liking the explanations for how their horn works, biology, all this. And, it does make sense more or less. All seems plausible. and just, the little details added. Love when stories do that. Explain the details of how things work.
Nooooot really. I mean horn, maybe that's a special case but, bones, generally a healed fracture tends to be a bit weaker then the rest of the bone.
Yeas it would. Again really liked this little bit. would have been so easy to simply say she had recovered instead of actually showing them testing and proving it. Love taking the time for the little details. And just adds to a better understanding of how this 'verse works.
WOW, actually getting into the head one of the 'Masters'. Me like.
Serves you right, though, doubt it's that bad. Try ACTUALLY being treated like one. Though, this does kind of quash the idea that might have been implied in the first chapter. That Korn actually gave a fuck about the ponies. Since seems he only cared about her recovering due to seeing her as a tool that needed to be repaired before being used again. Not any concern for her actual well being. And yet, still not really evil, or vile. On an individual level, they simply, have been just as condition as the ponies to see them as tools and nothing more. Why would they think of them any other way?
So, seems Fusion really is quite gifted, enough to impress Korn.. and she thought she was useless. Not QUITE sure what's going on, but have a few guesses.
Annnnd now... WHAT THE HELL!? What.. what just happened? WHY!?
What!? Well and another reason you lot are idiots for drilling in anything but perfect service is worthless and you should kill yourself. But, seriously what!? And what happened with the feeds....
And, alright again not sure exactly what is going on but, seems Vanca wants to hide something, but why? Ohhh this is getting really intriguing. Most.. figure out.. mystery. Holy hell this is getting me hooked. Really great job.
Six.... 'creation stones' SIX!? Ohhh pretty sure I know where THIS is going. And yet even more questions raised. How? Why? WHAT ABOUT FUSION!?
okay so what I've been able to gather. 'The masters' had some war in ancient times, likely over the 'creation stones' or something, and split up into.. guessing six, separate states, of Hives. none getting along with the rest, with some sort of overall 'World Council' dealing with bigger matters and keeping things orderly. But all of them engaging in MAD. One gets hit, it'll launch enough magical nukes to kill the rest.
And, Fusion just, did something, that registered as a nuke level energy output..... and yet also apparently had a power signature close to that of one of the 'stones'. The mystery deepens.
WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
................................... You... you are now a the top of the list of characters I want to see something really really bad happen to you fucking bitch.
Alright, this... this is now getting REALLY good.... to the point I almsot just want to stop typing and just get on with the reading to find out what the hell is going on. First three chapters had me interested, now, you have me invested, you have me hooked.
WHAT HAPPENED TO FUSION!
Something tells me this is going to be important later.
More disgust as they speak of
CelestiaFusion as if she were a dispensable object readily replaced. A eugenics program? Pardon me while I shudder.I find it kind of hard keeping up with what the fuck is going on through the story, but this chapter really highlighted that issue of mine. The transition between Pulse's recording and the next one happened way too suddenly, I had no idea what was going on. THe fact that I didn't know who was euthanising who made it even worse...
THen you go and talk about orbital I-don't-even-know-what and dangerous mirrors that they all had to keep under surveillance apparently, for whatever reason. Good to know.
I liked the way you gave the reader the impression that there's more to it going on, that he's just a spectator only now tuning into the thick of events. But enough is enough.
I love the sci-fi you're building into this story, and the mind control is raising some hard questions about what slavery really is... All human examples have been some variation of abuse, but what can you say if the victims actually are happier as slaves?
Then of course there is the obvious powder keg the masters are sitting on: if anyponyever gets wise...
5673656 I get the impression that you're a fan of Celestia.
6378320
More a fan of Luna (AKA Best Pone), but I have a strong respect for her. But respect for Celestia is not why I felt such disgust. We're talking about slavery, Eugenics, and a disregard for the value of the lives of intelligent, feeling individuals. The identity of the individual being targeted is of no import. Granted, my great respect and adoration of the royal sisters aided my loathing of the circumstances, but if it were someone else I'd react in much the same way.
Also, I have zero tolerance for things like the Blessing.
5818230
That's actually the great ethical danger involved in creating sapient slaves. Of course they would be created to be happier as slaves. But the fundamental logical contradiction there would both thoroughly corrupt their masters and in the end lead to some sort of slave revolt (though it might take strange forms).
The scary thing from a human-future perspective is that we've lost the concept of Natural Right that would show us why this is a very bad idea.
This is officially the origin story that makes the most sense. Heck, it even makes sense for cutie marks to be a slave mark, locking each slave in one talent their entire lives.
4 chapters and around 20 thousand words and we finally get to a hook only for it to pass by so quickly and layered with so much jargon that it hardly even mattered. Usually I enjoy hard sci fi but this, this is just a mess. A great author once said know where to start and stop with worldbuilding, renaming actions, some more esoteric things sure but renaming everything down to the second and minute, why? The setting is clearly not the world we know, adding unneccessary layers of complicated nonesense helps noone and in fact I more then a few times had to stop and think to myself... the fucks a gigasecond? Why would they use seconds as their sole unit of measurement? That seems ludicerous, what if you were saying a specific time would you say one thousand kilo seconds plus one hundred and twenty pico seconds? Or would you say "I will meet you in forty three thousand four hundred and ninety two seconds" Why would any advanced race use that over just ten thirty? No conversion, no unneccassary math, no needless complication to what is otherwise a simple thing. Just two words and as many sylables to convey a meaning that would take considerably longer to say and decrypt. Why not just use military time if your aim is greater effeciancy? This just seems frankly silly. Furthermore there is nothing in the first 4 chapters that is even remotely interesting. Yeah its odd and rather interesting that ponies are a servitor race (but that was already used in the description and is your primary hook but you need a secondary hook once they start reading. Sheer cuiriosity is fine but you need to ramp it up considerably if thats litterly all your aiming for. For a good example look at Rama, its relatively dull but it builds up this enormous alien space craft for a long time making it a huge mystery.) but calling them ponies, servators, and several other things is another just plain silly thing. Why? When you reffered to them as servitors I had to stop and think, servitors are commonly reffered to as robotic slaves, things that do not have free will but we are clearly shown that ponies have that. Yet another weird disconnect that seems only to try and buff the amount of world building without actually adding anything to the story. I get they renamed cutie mark, i get a couple other changes but seriously, not every single word needs to be changed in the entire lexicon. I dont think there was a single term, phrase or object that was not turned into an obtuse mockery that pulled me out of the story and made me puzzle out what the heck your talking about.
Then there was that huge long thing with that other minor character that flutters in and out and gets a whole wall of text only never to be heard from and seem to add no information at all to the story, some character we dont know got hurt, another character we dont know got hurt and i'm left sitting here thinking... why? We knew the plant was damaged before that character was even named. Why wax on and on about some no name character that was so devoid of personality I litterly cannot recall their name or personality despite reading that chapter less then five minutes ago? Copper something? Litterly his only descriptor is, apprentice that is deferential to masters. Thats it, theres nothing. And yet he had so many words dedicated to fleshing out little more then an empty husk of a character and a scenario we already understood.
I think worst of all is the complete lack of all personality in every single pony and other character. I mean I dont think a single one gets more then a single descriptor. Venal orwhatever is driven, thats it, other dog guy is not a dick, and thats it. If you eliminated the names you would not be able to tell any character apart in the story. If you were taken from chapter one to three without any names you wouldnt have a hot clue what was going on because they all act identicly. They are all deferintial to the same degree to the masters, the description of each is breif in the extreme. This is a slog of unparrelled proportions.
I like the idea but it is just bogged down in so many different ways. I am tempted to just to skip to the sequel because it seems as though you finally manage to get some kind of action after what I have no doubt is thirty chapters of mind numbing jargon and forgettable characters.
8565943
Not keen, huh? Thank you for taking the time to comment; it's rare to get a negative one at all (most folks just walk away). It's a bit hard to follow, though, kind of 'wall of text'. It's bad form to argue with readers -- everyone has things they like and don't like -- so I won't address any of your specific complaints unless you want me to. The only thing I will say is that you are less than 5% into the story, barely through the introduction (and yes, I realise that word count would be a good quarter of some novels).
I suspect you may not like the sequel, either. The density doesn't go down, and I like my technical terms. A full chapter-by-chapter plot summary can be found here, if you want to dip back in.
This might be the only time I ever ask for simpler sentence structure. I'm pretty good at reading comprehension, and even I had to reread a few things. And I don't want read through the story only to realize I didn't retain any of it.
6378523
As horrible an it is, apathy towards another sentient creatures existence is a bit of a prerequisite trait for villains. There's something emotionally sickening about the way it happens between species here, but on it's own, it isn't very remarkable. It's the basis on which evil is built.
um forgive me...but I am very confused by this chapter...from what ive gathered....fushion was verified as healthy by animal scanner, they did a few tests, she flew...and...then she exploded? who made the room colder? what is a deadpaw? HELP?
““Walks over and tries to pickup container” container fucking slams into the roof that’s all I can picture