Twilight has always been concerned about the future, it shows in the way she plans out her life to the tiniest detail, it shows in her obsession over becoming the greatest Unicorn mage that has ever been. She's always wondered about what the future would hold, and so it is for this reason that she suddenly decides that she could, easily, just go and see it for herself.
Is the future the shining vision she assumes it to be?
Or is it something darker? Just how far into Equestria's future does she go?
Foreknowledge is dangerous.
(A/N This is an idea that has been plaguing me for a while now, but it took a thoughtful message from Listic to bring it forth onto the proverbial paper. I owe this fic to him.)
Chapters (2)
This is mostly an experiment to see if i can, in fact, do sci-fi. The idea of it was born months ago and has been floating around in my head ever since. Tormenting me day and night with its strange concepts. There is one person i thank for finally giving me the kick i needed to, not only write it down, but publish it here for... well... public scrutiny and that person is Listic.
The catalyst? technical discussion about Pinkie Pie on the fic 'Friendship is Optimal' we were discussing how Pinkie Pie would interact with players and physics in Equestria online, the possibility of a Pinkie A.I (Designed to make people smile through friendship and ponies of course) and it turned (sort of) towards whether or not Pinkie actually breaks the laws of physics, or is simply not a part of said physics. Of course, none of this discussion has any major bearing or impact on the storyline of this at all... in fact... i have no idea where this will end up, and thus updates will be sporadic because this numbers as the third fic I'm working on and I'm working on them all... simultaneously.
So i hereby apologize in advance. I'm sorry... I'm so very sorry for any delays that will come in the future.
I have a lot of work ahead of me so... Allons-y!!!
Prologue is titled Forward Unto Dawn.
Am I sensing a soon-to-be Halo X MLP fic?
Before I start reading I'm going to predict that Twilight Sparkle of the future is either a tyranical ruler, or a rebel against a Tyranical ruler.
Twilight being the villain is awesometastic.
P.S. I hope it's the former and not something else.
(I'm just throwing my thoughts out there, I am betting that I'm wrong because I usually am.)
I can see why it's not popular. mostly because nothing really happened and there's only one chapter.
But it's cool!
yes but you don't really know anything about what's happening.
BUT IT'S COOL!!
I dont even know where this story going yet. What kind of Tone is it? What kind of feeling?
IT'S COOL
Yes but..
SHUT UP AND LIKE IT.
ok.
(If I was schizophrenic)
Oh and FIST TO LIKE! Take that Internet!
(I'm going to regret this later) *Add Comment*
*sigh* The description hooked me. After you upload a few more chapters and get a steady rate going, I shall begin to read. Wow me.
Another example of why Pinkie Pie is a danger to everyone around her. I'm interested so far and will watch to see where this goes.
Fascinating premise. Sign me up for the duration.
It looks like 802,701 — where is the sphynx? HG Wells Time Machine.
reads Chapter Name...... A Wandering Wizard likes where this is going.
1657145
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... but NOPE! I put that chapter name in as a reference but i refer to 'Dawn' as enlightenment not the ship...
1657417
Oh you! I have some wibbly wobbly timey whimey stuff planned but future Twilight is not the antagonist
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Thanks for the comment, it gave me the kick i needed to write the next chapter... and ima write it right now.
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It will go places. wierd places
1657854
I hope i don't waste your time then.
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802,701?
it looks like i have some googling to do
1658122
Note to self: never put a reference in a chapter name unless the story has a comedy tag.
---
Well, everything went better than expected the story got approved very quickly indeed (Wanderer D!) considering i wrote this in under three hours yesterday! this response is overwhelming to say the least, it looks like Listic was right. I should do more sci-fi.
Allons-y!
You have never read HG Welle's Time machine? Or seen either movie (both of which are much worse than the book).
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well no, but that is about to be corrected!
I have seen the movie though... both of them actually, all those blonde people freaked me out
Another fic? Let's hope this is well received. If you need it I'll still be a proofreader
1658922
I've said it before and I'll say it again. You. You're awesome.
I like where this fic is going but i feel there wasn't enough dialogue. I can imagine Twilight having a few choice lectures ready for pinkie when they arrived.(
)->(
) Overall though, I look forward to the continuation of this fic.
The first half of this is written amazingly eloquently, and I was loving it. Then Pinkie had to go and ruin it.
Don't get me wrong, I love our delightful pink pony as much as the next person. However, I think she could be toned down just a bit and still keep her unique personality intact. Here's the one that really threw me off:
Funny? Yes.
Appropriately in line with what this fic seems to be trying to accomplish? Not so much, in my opinion.
Also:
Again, it's fun, but is it really the feel you're trying to illicit with this story?
The forth-wall breaking gag works well with comedy type fics, but for something that is tagged as 'dark' and 'adventure', it may be prudent to avoid it.
The human thing, of the three that I quoted here, is probably the only one that I would let slide, had I been a pre/proofreader on this. It's... okay, I guess.
The Doctor Who shout-out could be dropped completely and you would seriously lose nothing for doing it. In fact, I think just having Pinkie yell "Twilight! Stop!" would have a greater impact on the reader, as in: "Wow, Pinkie seems to be being serious about something... shit must be going down".
Don't want you to feel like I'm coming down on you, because this is a very interesting concept and so far, extremely well written. Just thought I would throw in my two bits on something that I really think would help the story as a whole.
NATOstrike ~ Pro-level proofreader/editor & TWE Railroad Maintenance Engineer
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1
PS: Tracking for now... I'll be back with a thumbs-up later if the chapters keep up with this level of quality.
edit: I went and checked out your userpage... I see you're following my boy, CookieMonstar. Expect awesome things from Five, I should have the rewrite in my hands for editing today or tomorrow, and we're hoping to have it posted by the end of the weekend.
1659320
Thanks for the review and I'll try to keep Pinkie's randomness in check.
It was originally supposed to be just Twilight but i couldn't help but put Pinkie there since it was discussion of her interactions with physics that made me write this. I'll go ahead and take that advice and tone down miss Pinks, because the... shall we say 'Future'... isn't quite the place for her antics.
There are no words that describe how i feel about getting a review from the TWE
(How is it that no one has seen the Quantum leap reference yet?)
1659433
Hulllllloooooooooooooo? I was promised a chapter a week ago! I couldn't help myself, I read the first chapter prematurely. God help me, I'm hooked.
1704430
I'd have had it out days ago but then i took a spike to the plotline and sweet celestia i hate spike
i hate him and i hate writing him and i wish i could omit him all together.
stupid dragon, i wish he was dead.
1705812 You hate one of the only characters with mustaches?!
On an unrelated note, when are you getting the next chapter of Priori Aevum in? It's starting to gather dust (so says the user who hasn't touched his story in 4 months at least)
1710452
It's mostly complete, there are just a few holes i have to fill in first and some dialogue tweaking.
Ponies can have mustaches! I've seen it!
and just to be an ass to you all! picture Gilda with a mustache and ungodly amounts of armpit hairs!
Finally. So its been what, two months since you updated? Anyways, nice chapter. Loved some of the explanations on the magic used, like the time anchor. Simple, yet it explained all the reader needs to know
A few mistakes I saw:
<Twilights close friends> < noticed Pinkies disappearance>
Needs appostrophes
<Spike shuddered as he recalled the ‘Need it Want it’ spell.>
Want it need it. You have it backwards
<quavering with fear.>
Quivering would make more sense
Otherwise, not much. Great job!
(Do try to get the chapters out a little faster though)
Pleasant surprise seeing it update. Unidentified Unicorn -- arrest and detain. I wonder what the third drone will say after 2 are immobilized by TS.
2053414
Also I was apprehensive about posting this chapter and now I know why...
I love how you managed to take what we would see as a perfectly ordinary (okay, maybe with more arrest-drones and such...) modern city-scape, and make it sound so dystopian and alien to Twilight, who would be used to places much less technological. Kind of sheds an interesting light on how technology marches on.
I have to be honest, I had forgotten all about this, but now I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.