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MrSpartan 223196

Joined January 2012
55 followers

    MrSpartan's Stories (2)

    • To Be Remembered
      The world is vast and so is time but not even that can hide the existence of an ancient city forever

      9,399 words · 1,112 views · 201 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Dying Embers
      What came before the country of Equestria? A tale of revenge and bonds of loyalty.
      61,060 words · 4,539 views · 212 likes · 16 dislikes
    177
    4,539


    A Man. He hungers for vengeance from a time when the world including Equestria was still primal. It was before Celestia and Luna graced it with utopian peace and harmony. What if every thing about their rule is built on the bones of other civilizations? What if those old pony tails aren't just stories but the few bits and pieces that remained of the truth? The fables of monsters and intelligent races  not like ponies are more then fiction...they are dying embers of a time before.

    Note:Many, MANY thanks to Book Smart for helping me edit the first half of the chapters. Ther other half of my thanks go to one ProtheanBrony for doing the rest of the edits for the latter half of the chapters.BookSmart ProtheanBrony

    First Published
    8th Jan 2012
    Last Modified
    23rd Apr 2013

    Comments ( 177 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    That's a BADASS coverart.

    Also the story is coming along well.

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I like where this is going.

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    WANT

    WANTWANTWANT. Gimmie MOAR

    Cheers

    ~iraqlobstah

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I have not even clicked on the chapter link yet, and I'm loving stuff about this. The picture, the summary, it's just too AWSOME!!!

    Trying not to set my sights too high just yet. But I've got a feeling you may just meet, maybe even surpass, my expectations.

    Here's to hoping!:yay:

    #5 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    SHIT JUST GOT REAL

    #6 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I used this image for a comment! Neat!

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I can tell that this is going to be epic :pinkiehappy:

    #8 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I look forward to the next chapter.

    #9 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    An interesting story, but you really, REALLY need to work on your comma usage. There were FAR too many run-on sentences. That was the only thing that jumped out at me.

    #10 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>117173 And with that first chapter finished, you sir have officially blown my mind!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy:

    #11 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Welp. I'll say this. While the grammar isn't perfect, the setup is good.

    I'd suggest getting a very good pre-reader before continuing.

    #12 · Chapter 1 · 71w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Was very short yet you have my attention. Like Alzeron said a few sentences seemed to go on too long. Other than that looking forward to seeing where this leads off to.

    #13 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Not going to lie here, but when Angel quoted Hannibal, I luled. I'm curious to see where this is going.

    #14 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    hmm very interesting story and the mention of humans and how well written this is is even more awesum :rainbowkiss: keep up the great work :pinkiehappy:

    #15 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    That part when Rainbow tells Pinkie that she dropped her toothbrush in the toilet was from an episode of Spongebob.

    #16 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I'm loving this story.

    #17 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    pure liquid sugar

    That would be caramel. It's what you get when you melt sugar of any kind.

    #18 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Wow! Gonna be epic!

    #19 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Thanks for reading and commenting guys. I really appreciate it. Keep in mind this is my first fan fiction ever. I DO NOT expect it to be great despite any attempts on my part. I made this chapter much cheerier then the last out of necessity but also to try my hand at a slightly different writting style. Also this chapter was slightly focused on Pinkie Pie and we ALL know anything involving her will be either funny or strange. (Cupcakes does NOT count.):pinkiesick: Finally just so future readers know, I plan on taking my time with writting this. I don't write well under pressure and rushing along will deminish the quality so please be patient. CHEERS:heart:

    #20 · Chapter 2 · 70w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Excellent

    #21 · Chapter 3 · 69w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Dat coverart

    SO BADASS

    #22 · Chapter 3 · 69w, 5d ago · · ·
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    well expect for the fact that the chapter was kinda short it was awesome cant wait to see the up coming return of the humans WUAHAHAHAHA :pinkiegasp: keep up the great work

    #23 · Chapter 3 · 67w, 5d ago · · ·
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    You guys don't know this but I've had pneumonia for the past 2 weeks. :pinkiesick: I'm only now getting better (still hacking up my lungs though) and I'm working on the next chapter when I feel up to it. Sorry, I tried to work on it sooner but anything I wrote came out terrable. I don't like to keep any of you guys waiting especially since I don't like waiting ether yet I also don't like to be rushed so it's kind of stressful situation for me so please please please wait a little longer.:applecry:

    #24 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 5d ago · · ·
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    you really should have separated up the walls of dialogue more like whenever princess Celestia stopped and you described something exasperated the wall of dialogue, other than that the story seems pretty good so far keep up the great work :pinkiehappy:  

    #25 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 5d ago · · ·
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    SKYRIM FTW

    #26 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Nerd-Gasm at the Dragonlance reference!!

    #27 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>205401 At least somebody noticed that.:pinkiesmile:

    #28 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 4d ago · · ·
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    THe only complaint i have is the wall of text, you should break that up, it can be difficult to follow for some readers, but overall pretty good.

    #29 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Try to work on the giant walls of text you got going on and see if you can put them into different paragraphs with each new or different idea/description. The part where you're describing what each of the mane6 are looking at in the room especially could use some breaking up since it's a real strain on the eyes for most people I'm sure. (Myself included.)

    Another great chapter otherwise. Now lock your armor Spartan! We're about to go feet first into hell! (Halo reference? No? Ok...)

    #30 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>208024 I think I'm noticing a trend here. I'll try to work on that in the futer. Also another thing...Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. I am aware of the refrence.:twilightsmile:

    #31 · Chapter 5 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
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    YEY AN UPDATE! :pinkiehappy:

    ths story just keeps getting better :twilightsmile:

    cant wait to see the next chapter :rainbowdetermined2:

    #32 · Chapter 7 · 64w, 13h ago · · ·
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    I'm now imagining OUR human race (No magic or that stuff) suddenly popping up out of nowhere and fighting off the other humans/

    wat

    #33 · Chapter 8 · 63w, 1d ago · 1 · ·
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    i though he would say ' IT WAS PAIN' no death... oh well.

    #34 · Chapter 1 · 62w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Our time has come.

    For one thousand years, we prepared, we grew stronger.

    While you rested in your cradle of power.

    Believing your people safe and protected.

    You were trusted to lead the three races, but you where deceived.

    As our powers of darkness have blinded you.

    You assumed no force could challenge you.

    And now.

    Finally...

    Image: 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

    ...We. Have. Returned.

    #35 · Chapter 8 · 62w, 2d ago · 1 · ·
    Reply 

    FATALITY!

    FLAWLESS VICTORY!

    #36 · Chapter 9 · 56w, 15m ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Awww yeah shit's getting real!  Can't wait for the next chapter :rainbowkiss:

    And it would seem I'm first. :yay:

    #37 · Chapter 9 · 55w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    So did celestias parents kill all of the bipedal races?:rainbowhuh:

    #38 · Chapter 9 · 55w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    i almost forgot about this story.....................and now its updated it hath became 20% cooler!:pinkiehappy:

    I :heart: THIS STORY!:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

    p.s. I CLAIM THE TITLE OF: "THIRD!":yay::trollestia:

    #39 · Chapter 9 · 55w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>498456 That will be explained a bit more later but I plan on leaving the full story of what happened more or less vague.:trollestia:

    #40 · Chapter 9 · 55w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>498742 damn you!!!, Jk aslong as this celestia dies, i will be a happy man

    #41 · Chapter 2 · 55w, 3d ago · 1 · ·
    Reply 

    Sounds like everything pony like is going back to nature. Animals are skittish, clouds and rainbows are going back water vapor and light reflections. Pest animals are showing up in a utopia. Yep, sounds like humans to me.

    #42 · Chapter 10 · 54w, 8h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Freaking Elements of Harmony.

    When skill and ability aren't enough, god-mode it.

    #43 · Chapter 10 · 54w, 7h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    i call hacks, no way they could have done that

    #44 · Chapter 10 · 54w, 7h ago · 2 · ·
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    Noooooooo! WHY! WHHHHY!

    *sighs*

    Why did the humanzzz have to loose. :fluttercry:

    #45 · Chapter 10 · 54w, 5h ago · · ·
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    It aint over yet people.:raritywink:

    #46 · Chapter 10 · 54w, 4h ago · 2 · ·
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    Honestly... I want the humans to win...

    #47 · Chapter 10 · 53w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #48 · Chapter 10 · 53w, 4d ago · 2 · ·
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    WHY WONT YOU DIE PONIES!!!!

    #49 · Chapter 11 · 53w, 2h ago · 2 · ·
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    I call upon the highest of bullshit if he is defeated and this is the end of the war.

    First the mane 6 win because of Deus ex Harmonia.

    Then, Illitheous gets wasted when he was winning for the same reason.

    #50 · Chapter 11 · 53w, 1h ago · · ·
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    If, Illitheous dies then really? That would simply be one of the most horrible ending in the 'ENTIRE UNIVERSE' besides ME3, man that sucked.

    #51 · Chapter 11 · 52w, 6d ago · 1 · ·
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    I´m calling it, he gets turned to stone, every pony sighs in relief, and 2 seconds later the stone prison explodes, and the shrapnel kills at least one of the Mane 6 :pinkiecrazy: (or injures at least) :pinkiesick:

    (By The Way) Great story .

    #52 · Chapter 11 · 52w, 6d ago · 1 · ·
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    FOOLS! VENGEANCE NEVER DIES!

    #53 · Chapter 11 · 52w, 6d ago · 2 · ·
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    I can't be the only one feeling sorry for Illitheous am I? I know he is a lich, but still I find him more enjoyable than Celestia as a character.

    And as for the Deus Ex Machina stuff from chapter 10 I have this to say to the author “For that latest attempt on this story, you have set in stone a very slow death for yourself.” :pinkiecrazy:

    #54 · Chapter 11 · 52w, 6d ago · 1 · ·
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    The elements of harmony vs a revenge obsesses lich?:trixieshiftright:

    obviously the mane 6 are forgetting rule 13:rainbowlaugh:

    #55 · Chapter 12 · 52w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :pinkiehappy: epic chapter is epic :pinkiehappy:

    #56 · Chapter 12 · 52w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Ok readers I've got good news and bad news. The good news is the new chapter is up and I have about two chapters worth of un-edited material in the works. The bad news is that my proof reader is on vacation for the week and wont be available to make the chapters presentable. So you'll all have to wait a minimum of 5 days to a max of 10 days before any updates after this. Sorry.:fluttershysad:

    Still, any comments, thumb ups, and such are appreciated.

    #57 · Chapter 4 · 52w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Is this middle earth or a combination of fantasies? I CAN"T TELL!

    #58 · Chapter 12 · 52w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>627185 Think about my friend. Think about it long and hard and the answer will come to you.

    #59 · Chapter 12 · 52w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>627185

    I get the feeling that this is playing a big part in the story.

    #60 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·
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    As others have said, the grammar could use some work. However, the descriptions are genuinely a bit creepy at times, and you've done a good job of setting the mood, despite this chapter's brevity.

    Once I've read the story as a whole, I'll try and give what feedback I can. If I weren't so busy, I would volunteer to be your editor, as I can see some real potential here.

    #61 · Chapter 4 · 51w, 23h ago · 1 · ·
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    >Ben Baggins

    HOLY FUCK A HOBBIT

    YES :pinkiecrazy:

    #62 · Chapter 13 · 50w, 6d ago · 2 · ·
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    Hope they die, in this story, no hard feelings.

    #64 · Chapter 14 · 48w, 6d ago · 3 · ·
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    I truly hope the Humans win, I feel thier pain, It was the Alicorns fault through, not the Equestrians (ponies), it was all their fault. The humans just want there land back

    #65 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 6d ago · · ·
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    THERE CAN ONLY BE O-*zzzzap*

    No wait, that doesn't work.

    How about.

    OFF WITH HIS HE- *bzzzzt*

    #66 · Chapter 14 · 48w, 5d ago · 3 · ·
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    >>742477 ditto, humans ftw:pinkiehappy:

    #67 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 5d ago · · ·
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    human emporer got pwned:pinkiesad2:

    but thunder guys dead now right? so WOOT victory by default for Illitheous :P:pinkiehappy:

    #68 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>746660 Thank you so much for the comments!:pinkiesmile: I can never get enough feed back (constructive or intertaining).

    YOU HERE THAT READERS?! COMMENT!!!

    #69 · Chapter 10 · 48w, 5d ago · 1 · ·
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    Somehow magically 6 ponies with no combat experience at all managed to defeat all their opponents I can understand not being able to kill Fluttershy and maybe Pinkie but the rest just no. Yeah, I'm done here, it was good while it lasted. :L

    #70 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>746924 Well I'm sorry to hear that.:fluttershbad: Though I wouldn't say the ponies had NO combat experiance, Nightmare moon still counts for something and they were all training extensivly for about a month due to Luna and Celestia's warning. Also the elements of harmony have done similer plot device agiants Discord. That was my resoning behind it.I will admit that was not my finest moment but that chapter was filled with writers block and I guarantee you wont be seeing any more of that from here on out if you give my work a 2nd chance you wont be dissapointed...please.

    #71 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>746741  would have commented faster but my exams only finished recently and i didnt have time to read:pinkiesad2:

    but now i have returned....AND I SHALL READ ALL THE FANFICS:pinkiehappy::trollestia:

    #72 · Chapter 15 · 48w, 5d ago · · ·
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    KILL EM KILL EM ALL

    #73 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    So Luna, you really think Human's are bad. They do what is necissary, not what is right or wrong.

    #74 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>792070 Her opinion has changed considerably as of the end of this chapter. Thank you for commening.:twilightblush:

    #75 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 2 · ·
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    :pinkiehappy: a suitibly epic tale for the leader of the humans :pinkiehappy:

    nice touch with the taking on the name of his dead brother:twilightsmile:

    #76 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
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    >>792241 I know right? What a twist! :twistnerd:

    #77 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    humanity will rise again take back what is ours

    #78 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    We will rise defeat the wretched alicorns and peace as our reward

    #79 · Chapter 15 · 47w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    Awww man, humanities emperor just got owned... that sucks. DAM YOU OVER-GLORIFIED MULE!

    #80 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 2 · ·
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    Never saw that one coming! A fantastic plot twist I must say... Now, all that stands against humanities birth right, is Celestia! And the mane six... dam those pest!

    #81 · Chapter 16 · 47w, 4d ago · 2 · ·
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    >>793875 I love that you enjoyed the plot twist. That was my pride and joy when I came up with a rough outline of what would happen in the story. So many comments make me happy:rainbowkiss: Now I only need more thumb ups so it gets featured and today will be just perfect.:heart:

    #82 · Chapter 2 · 45w, 6d ago · · ·
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    #83 · Chapter 17 · 45w, 6d ago · · ·
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    loving this chatper:twilightsmile:

    Illitheous  is kicking ass and taking names...and hostages too:trollestia:

    #84 · Chapter 17 · 45w, 6d ago · 1 · ·
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    This world is ours now and forever

    #85 · Chapter 10 · 45w, 6d ago · · ·
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    yeah... the turnarounds are a very poorly written dues ex machina that is just plainly unsatsifying even for the ones who wanted the ponies to when to be honest :/

    #86 · Chapter 17 · 45w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>857455 Writers block is bi*yay*. :yay:

    #87 · Chapter 14 · 45w, 5d ago · 1 · ·
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    >>746630 KILL ALL THE PONIES!!!!!!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

    nah, i just want the humans to win without the sappy ' they all lived happily in peace together with the ponies' ending

    #88 · Chapter 16 · 45w, 5d ago · 2 · ·
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    So what happend to the mother?

    #89 · Chapter 17 · 45w, 4d ago · 1 · ·
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    >>859936 She died due to a deal she made to have the chaotic foreign races moved elsewhere out of Equestria at the cost of her strength. She promptly died of a lack of will to live after. Celestia mentions this from her point of veiw briefly in chapter "One Princess's Perspective is Another Man's Lies". It wasn't overly important to the story so I kind of went over that part in brief. I know in my head what the details were but it would have destracted from the main focus of the story too much.

    #90 · Chapter 5 · 44w, 3d ago · 1 · ·
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    Lookin good so far.

    #91 · Chapter 17 · 43w, 1d ago · · ·
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    le more

    #92 · Chapter 1 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Alright, Alrght! I got chills at the end of the chapter. I'll delve deeper into the mystery despite my misgivings about humans as the villains. Oh but we make such goooood villains do we not? :moustache:

    Time is 7:10 PM.

    #93 · Chapter 17 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1058604 Just a warning that the chap Bring Down the Sky will be rewritten because it really could have been better I'm told. So mabey just skim that one or something. Im also starting to reworke with most of the other chapters to a much lesser degree.

    #94 · Chapter 17 · 40w, 6h ago · 1 · ·
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    Score another one for god ol Human ingenuity and force. Humanity is on top, while the ponies are between a piece of lettuce and tomato!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

    #95 · Chapter 4 · 34w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Damnit more then one human. I'm out.

    #96 · Chapter 18 · 30w, 5d ago · 1 · ·
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    AW, I was hoping that they would be trapped there forever, so they can't possibly interfere with Humanity.:pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2:

    #97 · Chapter 18 · 30w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1463041 No such luck.

    #98 · Chapter 18 · 30w, 5d ago · 1 · ·
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    I laughed so hard  when that door quoted, 'Horse please, I'm a door.' :rainbowlaugh:

    Great job!

    #99 · Chapter 18 · 30w, 5d ago · · ·
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    update yay i love this story

    #100 · Chapter 18 · 28w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Wow just got done reading this and i have to say, bravo sir this is quite good.

    There are one or two elements that seem cliche at first glance but i think overall, they lend a very 'television' feel to the whole thing.

    I think you had the right idea with the comic, as good as this reads i think it would be far better as a comic or animation. Not that you have the ability to do that, but take it as a complement i find your story good enough for a more than one medium. :twilightsmile:

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