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Ardensfax

Joined December 2011
681 followers

Stories (3)

  • Under the Aurora
    On a sleeper train in the frozen north, sleep is eluding two travelers.

    7,501 words · 8,392 views · 594 likes · 11 dislikes
  • A Bluebird's Song
    Rainbow Dash is struggling against her own past. Is it time for her rising star to fall?
    205,887 words · 16,002 views · 1,534 likes · 45 dislikes
  • The Shadow of a Doubt
    Nights in Canterlot are for sharing secrets. Ten years have passed, and the six friends have begun to walk their own paths. A burdened princess meets a friendly face among the crowds.
    19,681 words · 1,853 views · 230 likes · 5 dislikes

Blog Posts (60)

Source

In an otherworldly night, a sleeper train is making its way back from the frozen north. Sleep, however, is eluding two travelers. One has a hurt that needs to be mended, the other has a dream that must be remembered. It is the perfect night for secrets to be shared.

A FlutterDash one-shot, set at the end of The Crystal Empire, on the overnight train back to Canterlot; uncomplicated romance with slight sad and comedy elements.

Enormous thanks to NATOstrike and Shadowsreached for their awesome proofreading and feedback-ing! Thanks also to Tarantad0 for letting me use that amazing Jousting Fluttershy picture.

First Published
20th Nov 2012
Last Modified
20th Nov 2012

Comments ( 119 )

#1 · 87w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

gotta love these season 3 canon fics :heart:

#2 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Similar to a FlutterDash fic set on the train back after Season 2 ending...why is such a simple concept so awesome!? :pinkiehappy:

#3 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Trippy, man.

#4 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1651404 You're seemingly everywhere. Could you write my exam tomorrow ?

Nice story, btw ^^ I liked it!

#5 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1651540 What's it on?

#6 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1651544 Math...'nugh said

#10 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Pure adorable sweetness and passion here - so touching and gentle! Thank you so much for this piece! :heart:

As always, pacing and descriptions are perfect allowing the reader walk in the horseshoes of our cute couple with ease!

And yes - it's SO CANON!

My eyes are glistening with tears of joy - and I thank you for bringing some aurora borealis timid light into my dark and sleepless night.

I'd give you a most warm friendly hug you If only I could - at least have my thanks and words of appreciation.

Thank you.

#11 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

This was wonderful! I have to admit, the quality in FlutterDash fanfictions can be lacking sometimes. :fluttershysad: But this was a great little story! It felt so well to the characters, to the very episode it takes place after, and just about everything in between. I just loved every second of it. The sweet build up to their growing romance, the past elements, and everything else in between was nicely done. This was, in every sense, a lovely FlutterDash fanfic. I can honestly say that this has to be one of my favourites now. :pinkiehappy:

And hey, I wrote a similar fanfiction where they're together on the train after the events of A Canterlot Wedding. :rainbowlaugh: I was pretty amazed at the similarities, but how you managed to make the concept your own and very well-done. :twilightsmile:

Again, a very nicely written FlutterDash story. Sweet, adorable, and so real to them. Absolutely well done! :pinkiehappy: It made my day.

:yay::heart::rainbowkiss:

#12 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

YESYESYESYESYESYEYSYESYEYSYEYSYESYYEYEYSYYYDJHkfGS DJUDF6AJWEGF

ha ha... oh Twilight...

#13 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

It would seem trains make dash soppy.

I liked it, deserves more reads.

Twilight should quit walking in on people, I don't wanna know what pinkies up to in her cabin.

#14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

I enjoyed this. I have been waiting for a fic where Rainbow realizes she was hurting Fluttershy and felt bad about it. Most fics just have RD brushing it off as if it was no big deal.

#15 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Dang.  How you manage to put so much emotion so eloquently in such a short space suffuses my brain with stupefaction. (Try saying that 5 times fast. :pinkiecrazy: )  Regardless, I loved the whole story, but the ending was just so... perfect.  :yay:

#16 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

You know what infuriates me about this fanfic? As a commenter, as a reviewer, as the Review King, it is my duty to deliver just reviews that cite positives and criticisms to encourage a writer's strengths and to help them overcome their weaknesses. :twilightangry2: Why does this one-shot have to be so bloomin brilliant?

Let's start with the obvious; this fanfic is astonishing. In its writing, in its pacing, in its characters, its romance, even its little dips and dabs of humour it is simply a wonder to behold. I was captivated by the writing; spellbound into reading on further even though its start is uneventful the sheer quality of its description and how much you care for detail compelled me to read on. Then, when the story kicks in, everything is executed with perfect precision and timing, keeping the characters true to themselves and having the story progress with immense levels of patience. The story is a sparkling jewel of an idea and I'm sure it took great strength to not rush to a single line, to get to the point where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy burst forth with emotion. Everything is explored with immense levels of depth and despite how lengthy this one-shot is every scene feels like it belongs, each scenes quality of writing upping the size of the podium this fanfic stands upon. The concept was nice to look into, the idea that Rainbow Dash had unintentionally hurt Fluttershy in the jousting having a lot of different ways to explore it and I feel the way you did so was true to the characters. Finally, the comedy was not exactly in great amounts but this is not a comedy and what you had was not only satisfying but led to a charming ending that brings me nothing but joy :pinkiehappy:.

As I tried to think of ways for this fanfic to be improved, I looked to several moments but realised that following events slayed my attempts to provide critique like a sword to a dragon's heart. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are going into this relationship somewhat suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere-wait, there's backstory behind this and feelings never expressed. Fluttershy's acting awfully bold here, almost out of character levels-wait, she goes back to being shy again after the events but seemed to have carried some of her sudden action boldness from the day before into a more balanced progression of the character. In the end there were only two little things I can think of suggesting (there's not even anything wrong with the story to highlight); the potential added humour if you were to add Pinkie Pie to the end scene as I'm sure the ruckus would have woken her up and I can think of some good ideas involving her. I wouldn't suggest Spike though as your addition of RariJack adds a whole other element to this story if Spike becomes involved (saves entire kingdom, doesn't get the girl :fluttercry:). My other suggestion would be to shorten the opening a little, the Rainbow Dash leaves train and flies for a bit scene as while it is stupendous, it doesn't have much to do with the main plot. Its wonderfully written as everything else is, but to some it may run on a little bit too long and it wouldn't hurt for it to be shorter (forgive me if this sounds like nit-picking but I'm wanting my comment to serve a purpose by offering advice and this is the best I can come up with for a story of this calibre).

I love FlutterDash (:yay::heart::rainbowkiss:), and I really like RariJack (:raritywink::heart::ajsmug:) despite my head canon of them both being heterosexual and the least likely of the mane 6 to date another mare, but even if I wasn't a shipper of these pairings I would still be praising this fanfic. This one-shot is good and you should feel good. Astonishing job, keep up the fantastic work! :twilightsmile:

#17 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1651915

...man why do you have to be such a good reviewer? I have nothing more to say now.

#18 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Congrats on hitting the 'non-mature' feature box, Arden. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I get a chance to work on a fic that is so well recieved.:yay:

As always, it's a pleasure to work with a writer of your talent, and I can't wait to get working on the next chapter of In Her Blood.

*edit: don't forget about pedobear and them falling eyeballs! :trollestia:

#19 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

That was really really reaaaaally cute :twilightsmile:

and the ending almost made me bust out laughing :rainbowlaugh:

Love it.

#20 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Thanks so much, everyone! :twilightblush: Seriously, the response to this story has been amazing, you guys are teh awesomesauce. :rainbowkiss:

>>1651815 Hot Pinkie/Sombra action going on in the next carriage. Called it. :pinkiecrazy:

>>1651830 Actually confronting Dash with the consequences of brushing off her friends' feelings was part of the reason I decided to write this, actually. All too often she seems to get away with it, and I thought it might be interesting to bring her down to earth a bit, so to speak.

>>1651915 Okay, I will now flail my arms and go "AAAAAAA" for several minutes in an inarticulate yes dance. :pinkiecrazy: In all seriousness though, thank you so much! Coming from a reviewer of your standard, it honestly means a lot that you like it such a lot. :twilightblush: I've got to agree, I can just imagine Pinkie reacting in any number of brilliant ways, not least among which is the option of: 'remain perfectly silent, but acquire popcorn and sit in the doorway with a "go on" expression'. :derpytongue2: I know what you mean about the flight scene at the start; in all honesty it was probably a little self-indulgent, given that I love writing descriptive passages of Dash flying, so I'd agree it could probably have gotten away with being cut down somewhat! Making over-detailed descriptive stuff is something that I'm kind of prone to, so it's good that you've flagged that up. Thanks once again for taking the time to post such a fantastic comment! Have an appreciative yay: :yay:

>>1652348 Thanks a lot! Mind you, I consider myself pretty damn lucky in the proofreading department, so it's a pleasure to work with you too! :pinkiehappy: Also, woo, feature! (I also now have the indelible image of a badly decomposed zombie-pedobear with droopy eyeballs stuck in my head... Someone needs to make a Left 4 Dead mod of that.) :pinkiecrazy:

#21 · 87w, 22h ago · · ·

This fic minus the flutterdash is now my headcanon.

Not that the flutterdash is unwelcome ;)

Very well written and enjoyable! Thank you!

Also surprise RariJack for the win! After all, good things are better when they're a Rarity ;)

#22 · 87w, 21h ago · · ·

This is another excellent story. I wanted to see you write FlutterDash since I read "A Bluebird's Song", and it's even better than I had hoped, especially considering its length.

#23 · 87w, 21h ago · · ·

>>1652943  *ahem*  I don't suppose you'd be willing to write the Rarijack that you hinted at, sil vous plait?

#25 · 87w, 19h ago · · ·

HAHAA. That ending was great. Great job on this story. Really enjoyed it.

#26 · 87w, 19h ago · · ·

That was quite awesome

#27 · 87w, 19h ago · · ·

You know, I'm starting to think Flutterdash is the Mane 6 equivalent to Lyra/Bon-Bon.

#28 · 87w, 16h ago · · ·

Considered reading it.

Then author read "Ardensfax."

So I'm like: "... Isn't he the author of 'A Bluebird's So'-- MUST READ!!!"

And now, I also realize...

YOU'RE HERE TOO!

>>1651591

Wazzaaaahhhh?! :trollestia:

#30 · 87w, 16h ago · · ·

I like this side of Dash that you portrayed in the story - she's sweet and gentle, yet still believable. Overall, this was a very beautiful story.

#31 · 87w, 15h ago · · ·

Poor Twilight, that's almost like walking in on your parents

#33 · 87w, 15h ago · · ·

>>1656194 Best movie ever.

#35 · 87w, 15h ago · · ·

Great story. Very charming. :pinkiesmile:

#36 · 87w, 13h ago · · ·

I don't know what I can say about this that hasn't been said already so...have a moustache. :moustache:

Seriously though, this was fantastic. (Not at all biased because it featured two of my headcanon ships :derpytongue2: )

Now if only there was some TwiPie :twilightblush:

#37 · 87w, 7h ago · · ·

At first I was like "you in trouble for hurting fluttershy rainbow dash!":flutterrage:

But then I was like" all right . . . But I'm still keeping my eye on your ass!"

#38 · 87w, 5h ago · · ·

Awesome~~~!

Beautiful story, i just wish i could see the look on Twilight's face. :rainbowlaugh:

Makes me wonder where Pinkie is though. Usually she is the one dropping on by during her friends intimate moments.

Upvote and Fav'd this is just wonderful. :twilightblush:

#39 · 87w, 3h ago · · ·

Great job! Looks like it went as well as we always expected it would! ^_^ Also, it got featured? 0.0 I missed that :twilightangry2:

#40 · 87w, 3h ago · · ·

>>1658490 Thanks! :pinkiehappy: Actually it's still there, but only if you uncheck 'View Mature'. (The feature box works in mysterious ways..) :rainbowwild:

#41 · 87w, 3h ago · · ·

This is so good I have to read it again. And again after that. :heart:

#42 · 87w, 2h ago · · ·

>>1658629 Got it! Thanks! Congratulations!! :raritystarry:

#43 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1658975 Thanks! And also, yay. :yay:

>>1656194 I have saved that gif forever and will use it as a reaction to anything and everything. Seriously, that is awesome. :pinkiecrazy:

>>1654281 *Gandalf voice* Do not tempt me! Actually, do. I need to write a RariJack at some point, love that pairing.

>>1656162 And then your grandparents immediately after. :derpytongue2:

#45 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1659800 Eeeyup. :pinkiecrazy: And I should damn well hope Bluebird was better, considering it was 25 times the length of this! :rainbowwild:

#47 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

Great story, I very much enjoyed it.

#48 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1659769  Please write the Rarijack portion of this story?  It would be a wonderful companion to this cute, sweet story.  :3

#49 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

It's been far too long since I read a good FlutterDash. This was awfully physical though, which isn't a bad thing, I enjoyed it. I'm just surprised you didn't decide to take it all the way and make it a clop.

#50 · 86w, 6d ago · · ·

Ha, Twilight rolled a 1 both times she opened the doors.:rainbowlaugh:

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