gotta love these season 3 canon fics

Similar to a FlutterDash fic set on the train back after Season 2 ending...why is such a simple concept so awesome!?

Trippy, man.

>>16514041651404 You're seemingly everywhere. Could you write my exam tomorrow ?

Nice story, btw ^^ I liked it!

>>16515401651540 What's it on?

>>16515441651544 Math...'nugh said

>>16515521651552 Math?

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4cuziUOqz1rur2fwo2_500.gif

>>16515601651560 Math.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mavnb65Pgr1r8434o.gif

>>16515771651577 Math.

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6wrifvjnt1rsbzr1o1_500.gif

Pure adorable sweetness and passion here - so touching and gentle! Thank you so much for this piece!

As always, pacing and descriptions are perfect allowing the reader walk in the horseshoes of our cute couple with ease!

And yes - it's SO CANON!

My eyes are glistening with tears of joy - and I thank you for bringing some aurora borealis timid light into my dark and sleepless night.

I'd give you a most warm friendly hug you If only I could - at least have my thanks and words of appreciation.

Thank you.

This was wonderful! I have to admit, the quality in FlutterDash fanfictions can be lacking sometimes. But this was a great little story! It felt so well to the characters, to the very episode it takes place after, and just about everything in between. I just loved every second of it. The sweet build up to their growing romance, the past elements, and everything else in between was nicely done. This was, in every sense, a lovely FlutterDash fanfic. I can honestly say that this has to be one of my favourites now.

And hey, I wrote a similar fanfiction where they're together on the train after the events of A Canterlot Wedding. I was pretty amazed at the similarities, but how you managed to make the concept your own and very well-done.

Again, a very nicely written FlutterDash story. Sweet, adorable, and so real to them. Absolutely well done! It made my day.

YESYESYESYESYESYEYSYESYEYSYEYSYESYYEYEYSYYYDJHkfGS DJUDF6AJWEGF

ha ha... oh Twilight...

It would seem trains make dash soppy.

I liked it, deserves more reads.

Twilight should quit walking in on people, I don't wanna know what pinkies up to in her cabin.

I enjoyed this. I have been waiting for a fic where Rainbow realizes she was hurting Fluttershy and felt bad about it. Most fics just have RD brushing it off as if it was no big deal.

Dang.  How you manage to put so much emotion so eloquently in such a short space suffuses my brain with stupefaction. (Try saying that 5 times fast. )  Regardless, I loved the whole story, but the ending was just so... perfect.  

You know what infuriates me about this fanfic? As a commenter, as a reviewer, as the Review King, it is my duty to deliver just reviews that cite positives and criticisms to encourage a writer's strengths and to help them overcome their weaknesses. Why does this one-shot have to be so bloomin brilliant?

Let's start with the obvious; this fanfic is astonishing. In its writing, in its pacing, in its characters, its romance, even its little dips and dabs of humour it is simply a wonder to behold. I was captivated by the writing; spellbound into reading on further even though its start is uneventful the sheer quality of its description and how much you care for detail compelled me to read on. Then, when the story kicks in, everything is executed with perfect precision and timing, keeping the characters true to themselves and having the story progress with immense levels of patience. The story is a sparkling jewel of an idea and I'm sure it took great strength to not rush to a single line, to get to the point where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy burst forth with emotion. Everything is explored with immense levels of depth and despite how lengthy this one-shot is every scene feels like it belongs, each scenes quality of writing upping the size of the podium this fanfic stands upon. The concept was nice to look into, the idea that Rainbow Dash had unintentionally hurt Fluttershy in the jousting having a lot of different ways to explore it and I feel the way you did so was true to the characters. Finally, the comedy was not exactly in great amounts but this is not a comedy and what you had was not only satisfying but led to a charming ending that brings me nothing but joy .

As I tried to think of ways for this fanfic to be improved, I looked to several moments but realised that following events slayed my attempts to provide critique like a sword to a dragon's heart. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are going into this relationship somewhat suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere-wait, there's backstory behind this and feelings never expressed. Fluttershy's acting awfully bold here, almost out of character levels-wait, she goes back to being shy again after the events but seemed to have carried some of her sudden action boldness from the day before into a more balanced progression of the character. In the end there were only two little things I can think of suggesting (there's not even anything wrong with the story to highlight); the potential added humour if you were to add Pinkie Pie to the end scene as I'm sure the ruckus would have woken her up and I can think of some good ideas involving her. I wouldn't suggest Spike though as your addition of RariJack adds a whole other element to this story if Spike becomes involved (saves entire kingdom, doesn't get the girl ). My other suggestion would be to shorten the opening a little, the Rainbow Dash leaves train and flies for a bit scene as while it is stupendous, it doesn't have much to do with the main plot. Its wonderfully written as everything else is, but to some it may run on a little bit too long and it wouldn't hurt for it to be shorter (forgive me if this sounds like nit-picking but I'm wanting my comment to serve a purpose by offering advice and this is the best I can come up with for a story of this calibre).

I love FlutterDash (), and I really like RariJack () despite my head canon of them both being heterosexual and the least likely of the mane 6 to date another mare, but even if I wasn't a shipper of these pairings I would still be praising this fanfic. This one-shot is good and you should feel good. Astonishing job, keep up the fantastic work!

>>16519151651915

...man why do you have to be such a good reviewer? I have nothing more to say now.

Congrats on hitting the 'non-mature' feature box, Arden. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I get a chance to work on a fic that is so well recieved.

As always, it's a pleasure to work with a writer of your talent, and I can't wait to get working on the next chapter of In Her Blood.

*edit: don't forget about pedobear and them falling eyeballs!

That was really really reaaaaally cute

and the ending almost made me bust out laughing

Love it.

Thanks so much, everyone! Seriously, the response to this story has been amazing, you guys are teh awesomesauce.

>>16518151651815 Hot Pinkie/Sombra action going on in the next carriage. Called it.

>>16518301651830 Actually confronting Dash with the consequences of brushing off her friends' feelings was part of the reason I decided to write this, actually. All too often she seems to get away with it, and I thought it might be interesting to bring her down to earth a bit, so to speak.

>>16519151651915 Okay, I will now flail my arms and go "AAAAAAA" for several minutes in an inarticulate yes dance. In all seriousness though, thank you so much! Coming from a reviewer of your standard, it honestly means a lot that you like it such a lot. I've got to agree, I can just imagine Pinkie reacting in any number of brilliant ways, not least among which is the option of: 'remain perfectly silent, but acquire popcorn and sit in the doorway with a "go on" expression'. I know what you mean about the flight scene at the start; in all honesty it was probably a little self-indulgent, given that I love writing descriptive passages of Dash flying, so I'd agree it could probably have gotten away with being cut down somewhat! Making over-detailed descriptive stuff is something that I'm kind of prone to, so it's good that you've flagged that up. Thanks once again for taking the time to post such a fantastic comment! Have an appreciative yay:

>>16523481652348 Thanks a lot! Mind you, I consider myself pretty damn lucky in the proofreading department, so it's a pleasure to work with you too! Also, woo, feature! (I also now have the indelible image of a badly decomposed zombie-pedobear with droopy eyeballs stuck in my head... Someone needs to make a Left 4 Dead mod of that.)

This fic minus the flutterdash is now my headcanon.

Not that the flutterdash is unwelcome ;)

Very well written and enjoyable! Thank you!

Also surprise RariJack for the win! After all, good things are better when they're a Rarity ;)

This is another excellent story. I wanted to see you write FlutterDash since I read "A Bluebird's Song", and it's even better than I had hoped, especially considering its length.

>>16529431652943  *ahem*  I don't suppose you'd be willing to write the Rarijack that you hinted at, sil vous plait?

HAHAA. That ending was great. Great job on this story. Really enjoyed it.

That was quite awesome

You know, I'm starting to think Flutterdash is the Mane 6 equivalent to Lyra/Bon-Bon.

Considered reading it.

Then author read "Ardensfax."

So I'm like: "... Isn't he the author of 'A Bluebird's So'-- MUST READ!!!"

And now, I also realize...

YOU'RE HERE TOO!

>>16515911651591

Wazzaaaahhhh?!

>>16560361656036 WHAZZAPH?

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qPmzL1flALs/Tl5x93yPgnI/AAAAAAAAATg/_gko75vBwT8/s1600/wazzup.jpg

I like this side of Dash that you portrayed in the story - she's sweet and gentle, yet still believable. Overall, this was a very beautiful story.

Poor Twilight, that's almost like walking on on your parents

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_gasp.png

>>16560461656046

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m88sw8w1eg1rpbfuco1_500.gif

>>16561941656194 Best movie ever.

>>16561981656198

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHp4nh07hsyrDUcHhWNCcFW58sndMc-9A-wqStgCnQf9-ZY9mE

It is...

Great story. Very charming.

I don't know what I can say about this that hasn't been said already so...have a moustache.

Seriously though, this was fantastic. (Not at all biased because it featured two of my headcanon ships )

Now if only there was some TwiPie

At first I was like "you in trouble for hurting fluttershy rainbow dash!"

But then I was like" all right . . . But I'm still keeping my eye on your ass!"

Awesome~~~!

Beautiful story, i just wish i could see the look on Twilight's face.

Makes me wonder where Pinkie is though. Usually she is the one dropping on by during her friends intimate moments.

Upvote and Fav'd this is just wonderful.

Great job! Looks like it went as well as we always expected it would! ^_^ Also, it got featured? 0.0 I missed that

>>16584901658490 Thanks! Actually it's still there, but only if you uncheck 'View Mature'. (The feature box works in mysterious ways..)

This is so good I have to read it again. And again after that.

>>16586291658629 Got it! Thanks! Congratulations!!

>>16589751658975 Thanks! And also, yay.

>>16561941656194 I have saved that gif forever and will use it as a reaction to anything and everything. Seriously, that is awesome.

>>16542811654281 *Gandalf voice* Do not tempt me! Actually, do. I need to write a RariJack at some point, love that pairing.

>>16561621656162 And then your grandparents immediately after.

>>16597691659769

I just made an author very happy by making a comment that has absolutely nothing to do with his story!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHp4nh07hsyrDUcHhWNCcFW58sndMc-9A-wqStgCnQf9-ZY9mE

Btw, great story.

... A Bluebird's Song was better.

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQaVjZCmpQE82pwjIoVAdNRcZm8LQOqLSS7m0ha8S0E4uIPHAvCDA

>>16598001659800 Eeeyup. And I should damn well hope Bluebird was better, considering it was 25 times the length of this!

>>16598781659878

Image: https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTiMyWM5oWLT2O_cIsl_804zxWFJSCT0AdxTHX6xgBCybWzArgl

47 TIMES!

Lot of damn chapters. Lol.

Great story, I very much enjoyed it.

>>16597691659769  Please write the Rarijack portion of this story?  It would be a wonderful companion to this cute, sweet story.  :3

It's been far too long since I read a good FlutterDash. This was awfully physical though, which isn't a bad thing, I enjoyed it. I'm just surprised you didn't decide to take it all the way and make it a clop.

Ha, Twilight rolled a 1 both times she opened the doors.

EEEEE I loved this. All of it. Just. HNNNNG. <3 And that ending! XD Rarijack AND FlutterDash in one fic? Is it my birthday again already?

YES!!!! i loved this story, it had everything for me, the romance, and what i like to see, IE twilight freaking out about finding not only fluttershy and RD, but rarity and AJ as well!! omg to funny, i really do hope (i know youve gotten quite a few comments for this) you do a rarityXAJ portion to this explaining what the heck was going on, i would really LOVE LOVE LOVE to see that (another of my favorite couples but unlike flutterdash i just cant seem to find many rarityXAJ ship fics... dont know what im doing wrong, but anyway!)

>>16621321662132 Or a 6, depending on your perspective...

>>16674371667437 Either way, Twi's DM was being a troll.

this story gave me all of the feels

and sudden Rarijack! so awesome!

So sweet! I love train fics This was indeed reminiscent of Nintendogal's Pegasi Introspection, but pretty different, too, and right up with it on the squee meter. The gentle vibration, sound, and sensation of motion, combined with the feeling of being warm and safe from the harsh outside world just makes train rides so comforting and romantic

Thank you for giving my mind something to imagine happening, to cope with the trauma that was the jousting scene. Rainbow was just so mean, it almost sunk my Flutterdash ship

I liked the bit of backstory that they'd been almost a couple back in flight school. That was probably a good move on Rainbow's part to wait until they were older, rather than taking the high risk of being broken up by all the bullies at school and drifting apart. Sad that they didn't get right to it as soon as they first moved to Ponyville, but it certainly is scary to change the dynamic of long-standing friendships, so it is quite believable.

I also loved the bit with Rarity and Applejack at the end. Poor Twilight And that line about not learning her lesson... cause, you know, Twilight and lessons

And your comment about hot Pinkie/Sombra action... I can't get the image out of my head that she found his horn that went flying after he blew up, and is putting its long and curved shape to good use

this was one of the best flutterdash fics ive ever read

and i really loved that rarijack part in the end after reading that part i was half expecting pinkie to show up out of nowhere and kiss twilight

>>16801821680182 Dam and behind the third door is futur Twi with Pinkie pie lol.

You got featured, congratulations!

I love the comedy at the end, but the seriousness of the beginning. I feel like there's room for a sequel, but fine to be left as is.

'grats on the EqD!

Absolutely the best part of this for me was Rarity. That's exactly how I see her reacting to such an event .

As was mentioned above, this story was great largely because I kept going "oh come on, that's - oh no wait never mind". Every time I thought I spotted the mark of inexperienced underdeveloped cliches, all my complaints were covered in the next couple of paragraphs.

Well done.

“Twilight, this isn’t what it looks like!” spluttered Applejack

All the lol's!

Great story!

Oh...Oh my.

My cheeks are getting warm...

I wanted to eloquently tell you how fluidly the dialog and action intertwined with one another and carried forward the narrative, but I am at lost for words. This is definitely a piece of literature worth the time to read. Thank you for writing it.

Haha, nice one! I laughed out loud when Rarity and AJ got caught as well

>>16735811673581

I never saw Dash as being mean in that scene, more like an aloof Big sister (or girl with a crush depending on your goggles) who was forgetting just how sensitive the little pegasus can be. I have had days like that and regret what I say, again you'll note that once Dash remembered, she promised to go a little easier on her. I think the main reason she picked Flutters was to get her out and more active and spend time with her.

By the way, awesoem story

Wonderful.

Loved it

This fiction was EXCELLENT. I will admit that even though I'm more of the action writer, I'm a SUCKER for fan-fiction romances. When I saw this on EQD, I thought "What the heck. Let's give it a go." It did NOT disappoint. Enticing narrative descriptions, exposition that played my heartstrings like a harp and ending comedy that was downright clever; this fiction deserves every piece of recognition it gets.

TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, O WISE ONE!

>>16597691659769 and after the raryjack you MUST write Pinkie teasing twilight!

Good fic. And that ending

this is a great story (just look at all the reviews). any chance of rewriting the story except from applejacks or raritys point of view?

A great story and the perfect ending.

Ending was a bit goofy, but I really liked this story. Nicely done

Hehe, have had this in my read-later since you released this, afterall, A Bluebirds Song was the 2nd fic I'd ever read, and, you also introduced me a little to fics herearound, and, well, you're was the first response I got from someone in this community

The downside of a list like that and there beeing so much great stuff on this site, is that the list tends to grow instead of keep stable at, like 10 fics, as I planned when starting out here

Anyway, lets try some actual commenting here :)

First of all, nice idea. I haven't seen this be done, it might have slipped past me though, but the idea of describing the aftermath of the events in the first two episodes of this season is neat

Secondly, you do this in a very nice way. You keep with RD, and her thoughts and views on things. This makes it easy to imagine what she's experiencing.

The emotions you describe seem legitimate from this view, and everything does add up with the memories you add in into the dialogue. And great touch with the comedy at the ending, made it an even better read :)

So, finally, congatulations on getting featured on EQD, you deserved it, this was very well written indeed

Liked and faved.

M

That was a really cute fic. I think I may be becoming a Flutterdash fan.

The section with Dash flying outside the train was just gorgeous. So beautifully evocative! The following scene actually seemed a little pale in comparison, once they moved into Fluttershy's berth and you got distracted with dialogue.

Twilight walking in on them was a little funny, but I got a good laugh out of the second time. That's some classic Twilight right there.

I had a few issues with this story, unfortunately. First, you used "the X mare" so many times that... well, I noticed, which means I stopped being immersed in the story. Awkward phrases like "the prismatic-maned mare" are particularly bad about that. You should also watch out for using adjectives that indicate completely different shades for the same character -- for example, primrose and canary (which, by the way, is a bright, intense yellow that Fluttershy isn't.) It's okay to just use the characters' names. Like using "said" repeatedly, they'll slide right past the reader unnoticed. It's fine to change it up every so often, but I'd aim for something like an 80/20 split, and even then, try to shake up the descriptors rather than using "the (color) mare" or "the (color) pegasus" every time. If you can use a different noun entirely (like, say, "the pink-maned beauty" or "her athletic friend"), even better.

Second, "please don't hate me" is a line you should never use. Ever. It's overused to the point of cliche in fanfic, often word for word, and it almost universally rings false. When one character begs another not to hate them, it implicitly raises the stakes to the point of "OMG, could this break up their friendship?!?" when that's not even remotely on the table. That trades the scene's natural dramatic tension for one that's blatantly false. Before you reframed the possibilities, there was already the tension of "how is Fluttershy going to react?" present in the scene. But I know Fluttershy would never come to hate Dash just for expressing affection. Therefore, the opposite outcome is reduced to a certainty: Fluttershy reciprocates.  (I know intellectually that other responses are still possible, but the right half of my brain doesn't really believe that so the tension is still lost.)

The part where they both decide to go to sleep felt weird and abrupt in a "porn goes here" kind of way. It didn't flow naturally from making out to "I'm sleepy", the scene just sort of hit a wall and stopped as if you suddenly realized foals were listening and changed what you were going to say. It wouldn't have taken much to smooth it out, just a yawn and apology from Dash or something, rather than being informed that they were both abruptly too tired to take it any farther. I'd have liked to see them cuddle a bit more before dropping off, too, but that's just my personal taste.

Still, none of these problems stopped me from giving you a thumbs-up.

>>17585931758593 Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it; it was certainly a fun one to write.

Name-repetition is really something I need to sort out. I have kind of a habit of defaulting to 'mare', 'unicorn' or 'pegasus', then adding a colour for a bit more definition. Thanks for flagging that up, it's definitely something that needs work.

About the 'please don't hate me' thing... yeah. It probably could have done with a different phrasing, perhaps more along the lines of Dash insisting that it won't happen again, with Fluttershy jokingly coming back with an "oh, that's a shame," kind of response. In fairness, the stakes were pretty high from Dash's point of view; Fluttershy's a very timid character, and if she hadn't reciprocated, It's easy to imagine her not being at all comfortable with Dash, at least for a while. Perhaps not a full-blown deal breaker, admittedly.

Anyway, thanks once again for the detailed feedback, it's much appreciated!

>>17812921781292

Yeah, I've struggled with the "color species" problem as well. Another writer I saw once said that you should never, ever use the phrase "the lavender unicorn" because it's so overused in the fandom. While I don't entirely agree, it's something I now keep my eye on.

And yeah, with Dash I would have just left it at her profuse apologies and waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. I think that "please don't  hate me" is kind of the relationship equivalent of "please don't kill me". Even if Dash and AJ were having a serious scuffle, death wouldn't really be a realistic option.

Hey...you know what?

Reading this story gives light on the simple beauty of young love.

Screw sex this is beautiful.

dude... I think you broke my dawwwwww. I cant daww no more, and omg i loved that part with rarity and AJ. priceless. Poor twi, she has seen and been through so much.

Nicely done! Believable FlutterDash without harping too much on the "Flight School buddies" trope.

>>17840881784088 I must confess I've never felt there's anything wrong with 'The lavender unicorn'. I tend to avoid 'prismatic' as a descriptor for Dash because it kind of sticks out a little bit, but I think 'lavender' suits Twi pretty well without sounding too cliched.

>>17950001795000

I don't dislike "the lavender unicorn" either. It's just that some authors use it every other time. Because of that, I try to use that phrase very sparingly.

I think I've gone back and read this fic about five times already. Mostly for research as I write my own ship fic with these two AND a VinylTavia on the side, but also because this is my ultimate OTP, now and forever. I loved everything about this story, and I'd love to see more from you. You are one of my top five favorite shipping writers across this entire fandom.

The Applejack and Rarity bit was funny! Poor Twilight.

Very sweet story, great job!

All of the guys who have read this story want to read a romance fanfic about what happened between Rarity and Applejack. I know, I can read their minds.

Also, I have a strange feeling that Pinkie Pie might have thrown some weird kind of a "Twi and Spike saved the day!" party for both of them...

Yes, that's a challenge.

No, I can't really read minds.

I just know they all want it to happen.

I see you just had to fit in Rarijack in here somewhere after the shiptease at the end of the episode.

I'd ask you to write a side story about what happened with Rarity and Applejack, but I have a feeling that it'd be a bit more "Adult" than this story.

>>18926321892632 Distinctly so.

Tags: Teen; Sex.

Wait, what? Sex? What?

You're kidding... you're kidding, right? #Nightmare Moon

I don't remember any sexual relations in this story... although I did read it a month ago... IDK!

Beautifully written, my friend, well done. Another excellent Fic.

Out of all the FlutterDash's i've read, this one was the most beautifully written. Well Done!

Lovely story

On the matter, I too would love to see a story about the Rarijack romance that's glimpsed here.

No review I could give could add to the few wall-o-txt (tm)s to have thoroughly explored this masterpiece of dawsome, so.

Daaaaaaaawwwwwww.

“Fluttershy, I—”

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/105/435/129824351384.png

poor Twilight

lovely writting dude, love it :)