Remembrancer Lirael and her niece the Princess Ellimere finally have some time to return to the Clayr's glacier to retrieve Lirael's belongings. But what seemed like a side excursion has the two young women travelling across a path never trodden, only trotted. At the end of this path, is Equestria, a paradise that appears not corrupted of free magic and yet free. Will Lirael open herself to friendship and what will Ellimere do if her aunt doesn't want to leave? And when the dead do not rest, will the loud, headstrong princess able to work with her insecure aunt as well as the six bearers, to send them back past the ninth gate?
Note: Garth Nix is too brilliant for me to copy his style. So, I hope you'll accept my imitation as a compromise. Takes place shortly after the events of Creature in the Case.
That excellent Twilight Vector by: fenixthefox93 @ fenixthefox93.deviantart.com
(forgive my horrible coverart, but I am not an artist)
W-wait... is this a crossover with the book series I'm thinking of?
Me gusta.
Abhorsen crossover?
...
...Proceeed.
(Looks good so far! Curious to see how this will all play out~!)
1710296>>1710350
I really don't know what I did to get two dislikes. Did you see anything glaring?
1710888 No, I thought it was pretty good! Well done
1710910
darn I hate it when I get disliked for no reason
1710927 Me too!
NEVER thought I would see this. I haven't read this series in YEARS.
1711383 I know right? That series is awesome. THough i'm still wondering why the do I have so many dislikes
Haters gonna hate.
That or Hedge has some minions out here in Bronydom.
I guess some are not fans of crossovers?
1711415 Naw, like I said, looks good to me so far, if rather short. As stated above, haters gonna hate and trolls gonna troll. Some people really do downvote HiE and crossovers on "principle" without even bothering to read it.
1715630 1712134 Argh. Guess you guys are right... oh why... why oh why did I not stick to my OC fics? If you are interested btws this is my masterpiece.
1710888 too short, under 1,000 words and you're fucked
1716697 Maybe you haven't seen both chapters yet... but if you do the math 1187 + 352 = 1539 words so I'm not in any other words, in trouble or else the mods would have seen it. And trust me they are sharp.
1716711 Any chapter under 1,000 will kill you
1716738 OH that's what you meant. Well... word count doesn't dictate whether the chapter is weak or not, I mean I wrapped it up nicely with a bit of a cliffhanger to get anybody reading the next chapter... So how does that rule work?
1716758 Most people don't want to read something so small... Just like (most) women don't like small *Not mentionable in an everyone story* s.
1716792 Oh that's what you were getting at.... well I'll see with what I can do. Thanks for the advice
I've read the abhorsen series myself and i think that in your first chapter you have captured the same kind of writing style as in the actual book. I would like to congratulate you on that, i am particularly interested in this story. Having a quick look at the emoticons, none of them are accurate enough to portray my feelings for this story. i have yet to look at your other stories, but i commend you on your work here. You have earned my respect. I've been trying to create a fan fiction of my own, i've just kind of lost the drive to do it though. Seeing this has given me that spark, igniting the flames. Thank you.
(close enough to what i'm feeling)
1718492 Thanks!
I'm glad I've inspired you to get that creative drive going and I'm really glad you said I've copied his writing style (listening to the audiobook while writing this helps). If you do write a first chapter, do feel free to use the proofreaders on this site especially those of the Proofreaders and Editors group, they are quite helpful.
Goddamn, I miss Kibeth...
1934162 I know right?
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
The Seven Bells and Six Bearers
Grammar score: 9/10 (A few typos and misplaced commas.)
Pros: First, you capture the world of the Abhorsen series very well. It's been a few years since I read those books, but your story brings it all back. Next, you craft an interesting mystery. I'm interested in what the Nightmare is going to do with the Dead. Finally, your characters are well written, from their descriptions to their dialogue. I think this is especially true of Lirael.
Cons: There is only one con I can think of, and that is that the story does not feel very accessible to those who have not read the Old Kingdom books. (This is a pitfall of all crossover stories, but Garth Nix's wonderful series is not as popular as something like Harry Potter or the Percy Jackson books, so you are really limiting your readership.)
Notes: As a fan of the Abhorsen books, I loved this, but I think you could explain a bit more of that world for the sake of readers who are not familiar with it. I realize this could be really tedious, but even a few lines here and there would help. Like, you could explain a little (without giving away the whole story) about Orannis, and what the Bright Shiners are, and even the Disreputable Dog. It would help new readers to feel welcome, or maybe interested in the world you are crossing over with their ponies. And I don't think readers who are familiar with the Abhorsen books would mind it. (Kind of like how, at the start of every Harry Potter novel, J.K. Rowling reviewed the events of the previous one to some degree.)
This is a great idea for a crossover and you're really capturing both worlds. I'm excited to see where you take this.
Enjoy your review! (Hope it's helpful.) Please help me out by looking at my story... drat. None of my other ones are in the group, so it looks like I have to break the review chain. But thank you for your previous reviews. They mean a lot.
Keep up the good work.
1979597 I agree, i believe that major con was what got me my random dislikes... the problem is I don't know how to introduce the world more... without boring it out because they have to go to Equestria ASAP...
1980387
Well, you could have Lirael explain some of it to Twilight on the other end, who is a giant knowledge sponge anyway.
2071446 I will... but the initial chapters must have put some people off.
2071452
You need to see the story I just published.... Hah
We should join FORCES!
2087854 Yours looks interesting, though I can't tell much from the first chapter. I do prefer to follow Garth Nix's style when writing the crossover though because death isn't the same way if you write it in first person.
2089107
Oh I very much agree with you there, it was a risky endeavor that I undertook I admit, but it was for the death actually. Namely hers
or was it!? Yah it was, but that's not the point. It was just for the drama of the first chapter. The rest will be very much mirroring Garth Nix's style rather than my own butcherings.
Good criticism!
Okay let's get this party started!
"The water was still, flowing swiftly and surely"
Eek contradiction. Still but moving? I realize it's physics defying death water but my mind can't even picture that!
"flames flared and flickered"
Whee alliteration! points and mustaches!
Okay here's a big one, reread the books my friend, the dead have no form beyond the wellspring of life. That means no flesh to be burned off. Even Terciel and Lirael etc are never expressly stated as being fleshy but I assumed they were oh well... But a great dead spirit would almost certainly just be a spirit. There's nothing in death after all, to give life to an unliving form... Life that the dead require to maintain a host body of flesh and blood.
Not bad though, it all flowed nicely.
He was an exceptionally skilled Charter magician and thinker that had gotten to know Lirale during the events of last year.
-He's a wallmaker more specifically but this isn't really wrong per se. More importantly you misspelled Lirael's name there.
Orannis’s is corrected as Orannis'. No need for another s after a ' showing ownership.
Once again, good pace and flow. Personally I prefer a great deal more length but that's not a strike against.
2089508 2089473
Water was still, as in the surface was still, but the current is still moving very quickly.
Okay, I was listening to the audiobook of the first chapter of Sabriel while writing that, the dead have flesh-like forms, depending on the state of the dead, kerrigor was made of shadow-flesh, that really young Sabriel managed to grab (which caused him to throw her into the river) and I've read the books, the people do have forms even in death. I'm not sure where you got that information.
Still, I appreciate the comments, so have a new chapter.
An abhorsen in Equestria?
Actually, considering that the universe of the books is split into two worlds, perhaps travelling to a third won't surprise anyone too much? I approve of Kibeth being Lirael's favorite bell.
And glad to see that it looks like Ellimere is going to be getting some attention. She was underused a bit in the novels. I'm interested to see how the spooky world of the Dead interacts with the bright and cheerful world of Equestria.
2092464 We love Kibeth don't we :D. And Equestria won't react to the dead well, not well at all.
I'm going to go out on a limb her and speculate that in this universe/crossover, free magic was responsible for Luna transformation into NMM. Obviously, harmony is a kind of binding, an ordering of things, so it might conceivably be anathema to free magic.
2264043 No comment
2264043
Man, in my Sabriel fic I just had them all hosted as separate magical forces. That sounds way more interesting.
2092464
Lol, Ellimere plays a huge role in my Abhorsen fic man. You should give it a read.
2445341 I did and am reading your abhorsen story except you put it on Hiatus :P
2445967
Hence Trollestia! Nah I'll pick it up again pretty soon, I won't be able to stay away for more than a month.
Not sure if you noticed, Vren, but mine went on hiatus, too!
Twilight is going to go gaga over Lirael's books
. I do suggest Kibeth work much better for Lirael than other Abhorsen since she befriended the Disreputable Dog... who really should return in Equestria, different world means different rules and the power of Friendship can cause many changes 
Good chapter but I have one complaint.
Should be the ninth gate.
5278768 No. Seventh was intended because I noticed in earlier Sabriel books. The Abhorsen wouldn't always have the power to send the dead back past the ninth gate. Mostly they'd imprison them past the seventh.
5279042 guess I need to re-read them then.
ooo... i didn't know anyone on here heard of that book... sweet