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Rainbow Dash isn't exactly looking forward to having Pinkie Pie tag along as she trains in preparation to impress the Wonderbolts. She begins to appreciate her friend's efforts, however, during a jaunt through the Everfree Forest. Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle's observations reveal a disturbing threat to Equestria.

First Published
19th Nov 2012
Last Modified
9th Feb 2013

You have my interest.

As far as I can tell by reading the first half, you do everything right. No grammar issues, no splices, you use the rules of parentheses right. You sir, have made a piece of gold amidst the sea of bronze here. Great work.

>>1641201

Glad to hear it. :) I hope you enjoy the story!

>>1641353

Wow, thank you! It's so encouraging to get a comment like that. Enjoy the first chapter. :)

>>1641201 You forgot to hit the like button, my friend.

>>1641370 Whoops. Fixing right now.

Wow.  Very good so far.  Very nicely written. :pinkiehappy:

You got yourself a watcher for this story.  I look forward to see the rest soon.

>>1641451

Thank you! I'm going to start on chapter two almost immediately. Glad you're enjoying it so far. Thanks for the watch!

The only critique I have (other than the possible grammar and spelling mistakes I might have trained myself to overlook after reading fanfiction for too long) is that you tend to state the obvious, or do observations for us. The former isn't bad as long as it isn't Captain Obvious, but as for the latter......Three words: Don't. Do. It. Here's what I mean:

It did not, however, remove the sparks of magic that now existed within Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

Let us make the observations. You can direct us to them, but don't point them out for us unless it's one of your characters doing the pointing out. It kills the story for us.

Other than that, I'm really liking this story. Keep it up.

>>1647504

Ooh, I didn't think about that. Thanks for the critique! I'll go back and edit that part and see if there's anything else I need to fix. Glad you're liking it though!

>>1647680Hey, if I can do anything to help improve a story with lots of potential, I'm more than happy to do so.

I'm very much enjoying this so far, and its been a long time since I've seen something on here written without seeing any mistakes.

>>1656337 I know this reply is a little late, but thanks. :) There actually were mistakes (mostly with capitalization and other style problems), but I revised everything thoroughly and it should be pretty fixed up now. :P

You sir have done a good job:twilightsmile:

You've got a very interesting and original premise here, and you've done a fine job of setting it up.  Plus, Dash and Pinkie's relationship in this fic is adorable and touching. :twilightsmile:  I'm gonna have to see where this one goes.  Keep it up!

>>1935114 Thank you! :pinkiesmile: I'm actually very close to being finished with chapter two, so keep an eye out! I hope you'll enjoy it. :twilightsmile:

Hmm.. corruptions of magic from a force from space... And then we see what's REALLY inside the comet: AN ANGEL!!

:trollestia:

I'm gonna eat that comet and become THE MOST POWERFUL EVIL PONY EVAR!!!  :trixieshiftright:

#20 · 134w, 6d ago · · · Corrupted ·

Whoa.  I loved this chapter - once again, Pinkie and Dash's friendship here is touching and adorable beyond words - but dang, that cliffhanger gave me chills.

#21 · 134w, 6d ago · · · Corrupted ·

>>2043082

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the next chapter. It honestly took a different turn than I was expecting, but I'm fine with that! I will be working on chapter 3, but since MLP is banned at my house I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to finish it. :P

#22 · 134w, 6d ago · · · Corrupted ·

>>2043179

Huh? Banned? Why is it banned?

#23 · 134w, 6d ago · · · Corrupted ·

>>2044508

My dad thinks there's something wrong with it. Luckily, I have time at school and the library to work on stuff.

Short, but intriguing and intense.  You do a great job of writing Zecora; many fans try too hard to make her dialogue rhyme, and it sounds forced and phony as a result.  But here it just sounds smooth and natural.  And once again, Dashie and Pinkie are making my heart melt. :pinkiesad2:

Glad that pinkie didn't die

Ya see, this is why Equestria needs to invest in nuclear missiles!

Blow that damn comet to smithereens!  :pinkiecrazy:

>>2099240 Glad you like how I executed Zecora's lines. Honestly, I love writing poetry so it seemed pretty natural. It's good to hear that you're liking the story so far; there will probably be a couple more chapters before I'm done with it!

I am just now finally getting around to reading this and I am so sorry about that. My fail aside...Andrew! This is a great beginning! I am so excited to read more!

Okay, I am finally all caught up! You now have my permission to write more. :moustache:

>>3443155

Haha, thanks for taking the time to read it! :scootangel:

I'm actually done with the first chapter of a new story, which I will be posting soon. :pinkiehappy: I really need to check out more of your stories, though! I still can't believe how awesome Harbinger was (and Love Letters). :twilightsmile:

Anyway, thanks for commenting, hope everything's well with you!

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