please feel free to comment.

I want to know what  you guys think of the story.

Image: http://i48.tinypic.com/vxi1bl.jpg

It has some potential. Although I think that Fluttershy would start to wise up to the situation pretty fast. While she might not understand what things are, she would at least get some understanding within the first day.

Otherwise, as my picture illustrates, I like this, more please!

not all that bad though the grammar needs some ruffening up

>>18416291841629 I did get an editor. I guess I should talk with him.

>>18416591841659 an editor should be able to catch what I can being as I am rather far from being an editor

I'd say, first things first, put some capital letters in your summary. I don't even want to read the story itself because your opening pitch for your writing skills includes a complete lack of the shift key.

>>18417541841754 That was cold.  But I tried my best. Now edited as much as i could see.

This was Great!

He gonna fucking rape her then murder her. I just know it. Poor Fluttershy.

>>18440061844006 I'm not the kind of person who would write that.

your scaring me.

Seriously. Why all the hate?

Not hatin. I love this fic. The rape and murder thing was just a joke. I didn't mean to send a message of distaste. This has been great so far. Needs a little more meat on it, but it's good nonetheless.

I hope you will continue.

>>18445271844527 Sure, no worries. I just was reminded of a classmate that said my stories need more hookers and death. I promise the story will get more meatier as it  progresses, whatever that means.

I am on chapter 6 at the moment and it just needs to go through the editor to get it up.

Good to hear! ^^

Edit 1 complete. Hopefully there is less of a distraction this time.

Whenever I find girls with butterfly tattoos, that tattoo is a surprise, and it's never on their shoulder.

>>20600202060020 I'm not sure if that is a suggestion for the story, or a crude joke.

Awww!!!!!

>>20600522060052 Which part?

>>20600712060071 to how she was so... Fluttershy? The blushing was alway's cute!

>>20601082060108 Ah, well I try to keep in character as much as possible. A bit hard sometimes when I'm a stone hearted person. Still, the way she is in touch of her emotions, always displaying shyness or worry, makes her my favorite pony.

*GASP* It updated????? *SQUEE*

>>20601582060158 yes... through much trial I managed to update. I plan to update every two to three weeks from now on.

hopefully....

>>20601772060177 I see you had problems with editing, I would love to help with this if you are interested.

>>20608622060862 Sorry, but the position has been filled.

I am subscribed to a help forum for specifically MLP fan fiction. I got help there from someone who has read my story before it was published.

No comments yet? Really? Alright.

Well, I loved the story so far. I do however hope to see longer chapters and more so a better building of Fluttershy and who she is, aside from just her discomfort in real life.

Keep up the good work.

i like the story, and i'm very interested in his past. i cant wait for the next chapter.

I want to reveal several awkward bumbs in the story... but that Derpy with some kind of hunting rifle won't let me formulate what I'd like to say...

>>23448222344822 Go ahead, I need to expand as a writer. I'll calm down Derpy with a muffin cart

I will brake that officers balls if he even tried!!!

>>24434472443447 don't be mean to the rookie. He means no harm.

I'm more worried about the racist bully.

>>24440982444098

Dont worry about the bully he'll get a 45. Up his ass

Damn right I cried