Theangryman
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57w, 5dPonies in the Real World
I lived a typical life as a sixteen year old. School work was heavy, most of my time was spent on a computer and I played way too many video games that should of rotted my mind a couple of years ago. The only real difference you could find with me is the fact I'm a brony - a fan of the show 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. Most of the people I know would think that's a pretty weird thing for me to like but hey, since when has normal ever been fun?
Ever since I watched the show out of curiosity I'd been hooked, heck, I managed to watch every episode that had been aired in under three days I love the show that much. As a typical brony I've always wanted to visit Equestria and meet the mane six, play for the day and just forget my worries, but when It comes to thinking things over I always took it too seriously - what would happen to my family, would I be missed, e.t.c... This is quite the pathetic to hear from a teen in all reality, but my imagination had taken it as far as to hugging my pillow at night pretending it was one of the mane cast just to feed my needs. On some nights, my mind takes it far enough for me to dream about spending the day being a pony and hanging out with my favourite characters.
This leads me pretty well onto the next part of my tale actually, as it was a weekend I had my room all to myself. I took this night alone to let my mind wonder through Equestria, just talking to my imagination for about an hour or so. I fell asleep clutching my pillow pretending it was R.D. (hey, it sounds weird but I never take it THAT far if you're thinking what I think you're thinking) telling myself that I was being stupid - no matter how hard I tried to believe, it would never happen. I eventually drifted away still holding my imaginary pony. That wouldn't be the first time it had happened.
I awoke the next day to groggy to open my eyes. "UURRGHHH..." was passing through my mind when it eventually booted up. I was still holding my pillow after it has gotten lumpy through the night so I started to push on the hardest parts, trying to shift the stuffing downwards to even things out, but to my avail I had little success. "This isn't working..." I said aloud to myself, so I tried hitting it a little harder to find it had started to shift. It moved, and then it groaned. Wait, what? my internal monologue mentioned; causing my hand to dart around, trying to feel what happened, eventually coming to rest on some feathers. That explains the lumpiness, I thought, slowly opening my left eye.
It revealed to me that I was hugging a cyan pegasus in my arms, and no longer my pillow.
My still dazed brain kicked into overdrive as it tried to figure out why the rainbow mane'd pony was in my bed, let alone my world. After five minutes of intense thinking and brony excitement, I decided to just stop wondering how this happened and to just enjoy it. I had wanted a moment like this for weeks. Rainbow Dash was in my bed, (Giggidy - But no, it wasn't meant to sound like that) sleeping like she had just finished a try-out for the Wonderbolts.
After another five minutes of me forgetting the real world and just living my own, Rainbow Dash started to fidget and shuffle, slowly stretching out her limbs. 'OH DEAR CELESTIA. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, SHE'S WAKING UP' was something along the lines of what my brain was screaming then, so I panicked and did the first thing that any closet brony would do when they didn't want the world to find out - I put my hand over her mouth to try and stop her from screaming at the sight of a stranger in what she thought was her bed. To my surprise it worked with great effect, muting her to just a small squeal.
She proceeded to paw at my hand, with wide eyes and a startled look on her face; I would be surprised too if I found an alien being in my bed with their hand over my mouth. She eventually removed my hand from her face to ask "Who are yo..."
I cut her off mid sentence only to shush her so she would quieten down to a whisper. "Who are you and what are you doing in my bed!?" She murmured as I held a finger over my lips.
"I could say the same to-" I replied with a glare. "Never mind. Do you know where you are?" I asked, hoping she would know.
"I'm in Ponyville, and you still haven't told me who you are!"
"I'm someone you can trust," I told her, "and you're not in Ponyville any more - or Equestria for that matter".
Her reply was only a dumb-founded look on her face with yet another question. "Where am I then?"
"My bedroom, in my bed."
Unsurprisingly, she was startled by this comment and pushed me out of my own bed. I stood up to reach for my dressing gown at the foot of the bed and asked her to look away as I got dressed, to which she agreed. I turned back around and just stared at her for a while. Rainbow Dash, under the covers, in my bed. She returned the stare and we just looked each other over for a while, her wondering who I was and me wondering how she got here. Eventually Rainbow broke the silence with a lazy yawn and got out of bed to stretch her wings. I was amazed by how much smaller she was then I originally thought. I was expecting her to be around my height, but she was only around four and a half feet at estimation. Her wingspan however, excluding her torso, was around six feet to my astoundment.
"Do you even know who I am?" she asked me.
"You're Rainbow Dash, pegasus weather pony of Ponyville" I told her, to which my reply was yet another dumb-founded look on her face.
"How... whu?"
I laughed at how cute her confused expression was and told her not to worry about it. "I'm Alex, if you're looking for a name, and you're lost by the looks of it. Do you remember anything from last night?"
Rainbow Dash thought hard for a few seconds. "I was testing out a flying spell on the Pinkiecopter with Twilight and Pinkie, when we crashed over the Everfree Forest" she informed me, staring to tear up. "I blacked out after I heard Twi and Pinkie shouting my name and woke up here. I hope they're all right..."
I pondered what she said for a few seconds before speaking up. "Is that all you can remember?" I asked, to which she replied "yeah, pretty much."
I could see the tears starting to roll down her cheeks, worried about her friends and scared that she was stuck on an alien planet. I sat her down on the guest bed and hugged her tightly. "Hey, it's gonna be all right. I'll get you home one way or another", I lied to her while looking her in the eye, as I had no idea to get her home. In all honesty at the time, I didn't really care if she went home or not. I was living my brony dream. Rainbow Dash, the cyan pegasus, was in my room and I was comforting her, with the best part being that I was holding her in my arms. She seemed to cheer up after I told her this wasn't the Rainbow I know. "What happened to the coolest, awesomest, most radical pony in Equestria? This isn't you Dashie."
"Hey! Only two people I know can call me Dashie, and you're not one of them!" She told me with a weary smile.
Somehow, I knew that would cheer her up. I grabbed the comb off my bedside table and told her she looked like a mess, needing to sort her mane out. We laughed at this, taking our minds off her problem. I eventually told her if she wouldn't sort it out, I would.
I was surprised to find that she didn't really care who did it and let me get to fixing up her mane. After ten minutes of combing and comforting, she looked more presentable. "Feel better?" I asked.
"Yeah, thanks".
Girly moment over, I asked her "so what are we going to do with you then?".
"I don't know... you could show me around the area?"
"That's a brilliant idea, but it's only 8 'o' clock and I don't want to wake anyone up"
"Only eight? We could go back to sleep?"
"Hmm... I like that idea. Do you want this bed or mine?" I told her, pointing out the options. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow and poked me in the shoulder with a hoof.
"What are you getting at?"
I looked back at her, with a puzzled look on my face and then it hit me, how... strange... to put it, what I just said was.
"Ooohhh..." I replied bringing a hand to my forehead. "It wasn't meant to sound like that. I was going to take the other bed to what you chose". To my surprise, she told me she wanted to share a bed as it was cold in my room. The heating in my home didn't turn on for another hour.
"No funny stuff, otherwise you'll be in for a whole new world of hurt."
I told her not to worry, as the most that would happen was me fidgeting in my sleep, to which she was fine with. We both climbed back into my bed and Rainbow Dash drifted off to sleep. I watched her close her eyes and snore gently as I fell asleep myself. Looks like today isn't going to go as planned...
Comments ( 16 )
Chapter releases are every two weeks. This post is going to be my update post, letting you people know what is going on with the story. I'm changing it whenever something is going on with the story rather than make a whole load of pointless blog posts.
So far:
I got nothing.
It's pretty good. ![]()
But try to keep it to one speaker per paragraph, okay? Otherwise it can get a little confusing.
okay, finally a decent self character in a fanfic. do you know how many times ive read a story where all it is, is the character being a jack of all trades, but the only thing is, he knows everything, gets the pony he wants to instantly love him, and he gets to be a hero and all this good stuff.
not a FANFIC. a FANtasy.
meh, at least its not another fluttershy in the human world fic (Though i wouldn't mind seeing at least ONE twilight in human land fic) still good start
Ok. That was pretty good.
Only a few places where things didn't sound right.
1. Your punctuation. This was pretty good, but it felt like you where missing a few commas and periods on places.
And
2. Only one speaker per paragraph.
That's all I saw, so you're doing a great job.
Have fun writing! ![]()
.. Interesting... You have my track.. Though, I wonder, why are there no stories like this with Twilight? That seems more likely.
hmmm this is actually good readins'. I noticed some grammatical errors here and there. While reading this my less impulsive more compulsive side was just dying to go in and edit said errors, quite frankly however I haven't the slightest idea as to how I would go about undertaking such a task. Not that there are so many errors I feel it would be overbearing,(I actually fix up some of the stuff one of my friends writes, whether he likes it or not) just that I literally don't know enough about how internet stuff works to fathom the act of editing an article that is not saved on a computer directly in front of me.
Feel like being a proof-reader? With this being the first fanfic I've wrote, it would be a good idea for someone else to review the chapters before release and improve on any of errors I miss. After taking in some of the feedback my main problems appear to be mainly grammatical errors.
-P.S. Chapter releases will vary between a week or two, with the reason behind this being the fact I'm actually writing chapters on the fly when I feel like it, instead of writing them before hand.
Love it! Make more please! ![]()
Was i the inspiration for your story? In your description it said My Little Dashie and several others, so i guess it is.
This is the problem most "Human to Equestria/ Pony to Earth" fanfictions have, the beginning is too rushed, so we can't exactly feel the believability of your character. In my story, the reason why it took so long for Dashie and Chris to meet up was to establish a sense of caring for my character. If the first chapter is like, I am just a guy who likes ponies and then suddenly Rainbow Dash! I usually stop reading, because it's the same character we all see in every story. Take My Little Dashie for example, the author established a feeling for the main character at the beginning of the story. He wanted us to be in that character's position with him. It would be a good idea if you make the first chapter MUCH longer and give the readers a lot more description about Alex.
I noticed that in this story, Rainbow Dash does not seem to initially react to being on some stranger's bed. Let's not mention he is a totally different species from her, so she would initially try and fight back. I know i would.
The reason Rainbow Dash established trust with my character, Chris, in my story is because Chris tended to her wounds when she was injured by the dogs, not to mention he saved her life! Here it's just Rainbow Dash wakes up and strangely decides to trust this weird creature for no reason whatsoever.
What i am saying is that, you should consider brainstorming before writing the chapters, it will give you a lot more ideas than to rush a story that could have potential. The reason it takes one to two weeks of writing a chapter is because i read carefully and try and think of ideas that would fit naturally in the story. Every story, believe it or not, is like real life. How would a person react if you were in their bed sleeping next to them? How could you trust a creature that could have been the reason you were gone from Equestria in the first place? See how this all falls in?
Well, i hope that helped because i expect more from you later on. If you are having writers block or if you are running out of ideas, feel free to notify me.







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