"Magic has a source, Twilight Sparkle. It was never lost to the history books, but was simply... left out."
Magic...something that is held true and close to the hearts of all ponies in some form or another. It runs kingdoms, changes seasons, even is used as power. But what happens when magic has mysteriously disappeared, leaving Unicorns and Alicorns alike rendered the same as Earth ponies and Pegasai. The Crystal Empire is in shambles and the fate of Equestria - No. The world - rests on the shoulders of one.
Chapters (1)
~Authors note~
Alrighty,
Hello everyone! I'm Sexy Frog, aspiring writer and all the jazz. I want to start this off by saying that all constructive criticism is encouraged as it will help me make my future writing better! This is also my first one shotter, so I hope is goes well. Okay, where to begin? Well, I got the idea for this off watching a fairly new show that I'm sure some of you know. It's called 'Revolution'. It's basically how humanity coupes after the manipulation of electrical fields is rendered impossible. So then I thought on it for a while and figured, well in MLP they don't exactly depend on electricity all that much so what could it be replaced with? Inevitably, I came up with the usage of magic. In the show, magic is a fundamental element of the show as it's even in the title. So it only made sense that since Equestria and the Crystal Empire alike are both run by magic, magic should be the first thing to go.
I will say that this does deviate from the actual plot of Revolution drastically as it doesn't revolve around 'how ponies coupe with no magic' but rather, focuses on why the magic has gone and what Twilight goes through to get it back. I'm trying really hard here to detail this crap without giving away spoilers, if I have I'm horribly sorry. Anyways, I really hope you all enjoy and please tell me what you think.
~ Sexy Frog
intriguing idea.
Saving it for later and I'll get back to ya!
Okay.
All I can say:
DAT NAME
1641112
I've been seeing you comment on a lot of stories. Your comments are funny. xD
1641611 Thanks!
Other than just some nit-picky grammar and a few verb tenses that i had to reread it was a great piece.
A few parts seemed a little rushed here and there but the details were excellent.
Heres an upvote
enjoy!
It was really good but has the Twilight dies ending that I dislike. If you could have made the magic cause Twilight go crazy with power blah blah blah becomes the villain blah blah blah fights Celestia. Anything but her dying right afterwards. (It's just so anticlimactic)
I'm not saying your story is bad, it's just that I want more of it.
there are a few spelling errors still in here, other than that i have no problem with it save the ending, but you as the writer do not care about which pony i love the most. Almost screamed 'Noooooo!' even. Just a few questions on the logic behind the well. As nightmare stated, couldn't she and twilight just purge the magic by using tremendous spell, or just using their raw magic to blast at the wall or some such? As stated earlier, Celestia and Luna both used the well to recharge their batteries and even advance their abilities. Could you not have turned twilight into an alicorn? There is also the matter of Nightmare Moon atomizing in the well, could her malice not just infect every aspect of the well, thus corrupting the world entirely?
Look forward to the discussion
1673604
You tempt me to write an alternate ending. I didn't think of it being anti-climatic, but I'm glad you told me so.
1675680
Again, you also tempt me to write an alternate ending. But as per the logic part, the raw magic was a bit more destructive and like Nightmare said, the raw power is very dangerous, especially to those who do not have magical outlets. It's dangerous to those who do have horns as well but even more to those who do not. Yes, it was explained that Celestia and Luna used the well to gain a boost in their power but it never said that they fell in the Well, absorbing as much as Twilight and Nightmare did for so long. Just before they fell in, Nightmare channeled one of the rising columns of magical misty stuff into her. Based of this, it's logical to assume Celestia and Luna did the same, especially since Nightmare is Luna's alter ego and knows about everything she does. For your last point, I didn't exactly think of it that way, but I figured that she was converted to magical energy. I assume this would just neutralize any malice.
Your move.
1676139
Speaking of magical overload.
(SPOILER) Transformers Animated (Do I even need to say that?)
Sari the robot girl gets "upgraded" with the Matrix of Leadership/Allspark and is so overcharged that she loses control of her body and starts decimating the city and almost kills her friend.
That is the ending style that I was expecting. I wanted to see a fight similar to that.
(Beggars can't be choosers so write what YOU want to it's YOUR fic)
I'm just so confusing with my "yes change it" and "no keep it the same"
Maybe I'm using reverse psycology on you?
1676139
Well since nightmare herself is actually a magical creature (not like an alicorn mind you but more born of tainted magic inside Princess Luna) I assume that even her magic is infused with malice, despair and whatnot. Mind you, this is also just speculation. I assume you mean to bend the pipes like....turn them into a drinking fountain and i agree with you on this, but also, Twilight does have a way to output all that magic, as did Nightmare Moon. I can only assume that they were in the water for about what seemed to be 35 seconds, and for a well that gives magic to the world, i can pretty much agree with the whole brimming with magic till 'poof'. It remains an argument though that Twilight, being the element of magic that she is, and taking from season two (i think, having trouble remembering) when it flashes back to how Twilight when out of control with raw magic, her magic could have caused an intense magical transformation, turning her into an alicorn.
1641611
You'll probably be seeing me more too. except you're probably going to say what most people did when I was in school.
"SHUT UP Nobody even cares"
If there was poll I would have made the top 5 Most annoying Students list. (and been proud of it)
1676212
She does have a way to output the excess magic, true, but think of it more like a machine. I'm speculating she is set to handle a certain amount of magic. If you channel too much electricity into a machine, it tends to short circuit. Same with this scenario. Yes in that episode talking about her controlling her magic does depict her having an unusual amount of magic compared to most, but again, it's how much she is naturally fitted to whereas the Star Well pumps her with more than that amount. So in that '35 second' period, they are getting enough magic pumped into them to fuel the world's magical necessities for 35 seconds. That's pretty hefty.
Yes, she's a magical creature, though normally bound to Luna and coming out as an alter ego. During the seal, Nightmare was completely separated from Luna thus making her a totally different entity and I'd say warranting her to be an alicorn. But yes, I suppose some malice/despair/evil would still remain now matter how you put it.
1676594
Ah, ok i see what you did there. very good story none the less, i don't think you she re-write it, but you could (if it tickles you) use this as an opportunity to do some crazy crap with twi.Such as, maybe taking this to a different dimension, where she is gifted with divinity, there is the sun, the moon, but then there are the stars....think about possibilities between this story and the next, that is, if you intend to extend off this one
Well, that was interesting. There's only one thing bothering me: how did the plants get fresh water under the ocean? Must be a side effect of the Star Well.
On the topic of alternate endings, here's a fun one. Instead of watching her get converted into energy, Star Swirl touches his horn to Twilight's, absorbing the excess magic and saving her. Then he starts to fade, entrusting Twilight to be the island's new protector in his place. That way, everybody lives, except for Nightmare Moon and Star Swirl, but they were already dead. Although, Twilight would still be considered dead by the rest of the world, so it's still a bittersweet ending.
Would be a nice reference to the Ninth Doctor, though.
Finally taking stories off of read later after months of having em on there. I liked the story for the most part, it was an interesting premise and it was executed well for the most part. My major beef with it is that it was EXTREMELY rushed near the end, when you could have easily drawn out what happened afterwards, were the villians really stopped, how are Twilight's friends doing, whats going to happen to Spike, etc. Also kind of annoyed that a glaring plot hole at the end would be that Twilight could potentially teleport out and try to output magic to save herself, rather then just letting herself go. I know you've already got arguements for and against this, but if the well was purified by then she could have at least TRIED to save herself at that point, whether or not she would have succeeded. Overall, other then the end, I found it to be pretty good in the pacing and plot, and an interesting story.