- Member Since 26th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen January 15th
Osper
I'm a simple writer. I write whatever I feel like at the moment and I don't stick to any one genre very much. I just want to entertain with my work.
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lol, fullmetal alchemist.
I couldn't quite get a grip on Rarity's feelings for Spike. I wasn't quite sure if she wanted to reject him when he was older to soften the blow or if she just wanted him to be older first before she would openly recuperate the feelings. Her obsession with Twilight came off as romantic but she held the same obsession with all of her friends, really.
However, Spike... heartbreaking really, loved Rarity unconditionally, even after what happened. The final part of the story was the most emotional in my opinion because of Spike's devotion to her. I could see Spike blaming himself for what happened at the end.
... Uh... well to be honest, having everything together without a space between each paragraph means it rather hurts the eyes to read...
And the bit at the beginning with Rarity's... well sexual fascination with beauty... that's a bit much.
Last thing, why no Twilight character tag?
1627481
As a big fan of Spike x Rarity, I like to think that she would'nt mind being with him if he were a bit older. And thank you for reading.
1627750
Thanks for reading anyway, even if you didn't care for parts of it. I appreciate your time. And no Twilight tag since 'Twilight' only makes a few sentences appearace. That's not really the character so much an object.
1627750>>1627940 I have to agree, Twilight wasn't a main character, just a motivation.
He's only abut 4 years younger than Twi.
1627940
Right... well tbh I didn't completely read it. Just skim it. The start and the entire text block thing kinda put me off.
The cemetery scene was dark, but very quirky and comical, with Rarity's one-sided dialog. For me, that opening set up the tone for an amusing black comedy despite the genre tags.
My biggest fear until halfway through the story was that Rarity was completely insane and had Spike tied up somewhere so she could exchange his life to bring Twilight back, like the Elements formed some archetype of perfection in her mind and Spike, being different in so many ways and a servant to boot, was the prime candidate for sacrifice. So glad it didn't go down that route. In fact the scene in the library was excellent and very touching. Although there was a slip-up when Rarity said:
She doesn't say if she would do it for Spike, although it can be assumed she would.
The basement scene was riveting and terrifying with just the right amount of gruesome. And what a well-written shock ending. Now we know why the kiss lasted that long. Rarity wasn't very strong of character in the end. If so, she would have had the strength to live with her disastrous mistake instead of sending a third friend to the grave. And she made Spike suffer the guilt, even after he had lost Twilight.
Overall, loved it. If only it had been written during October, because it's an absolutely perfect fanfic for the Halloween season. Perhaps I'll re-read it next year.
1628267
Thank you so much for the lovely, in-depth comment. I'll try to fix anything that may have been a mistake after some time passes and I'm glad you enjoyed it. And since you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to see what inpired it?
Scissor Twilight
1628790 That's pretty creepy. Though not quite as creepy as this.
Now I'm sad. Which is a good thing. Sadness really makes a story flow and work, so good job. I was actually kind of scared it'd be a TwilightxRarity story. ('o_o)
+fav
Great story. The description made me want to read this and I wasn't disapointed. Good but sad ending.
Finally, a comment!
...I'm so sorry it took me so long. Here, hope I can be forgiven with that long comment!
Okay, you know my usual style for commenting, so here we go :)
There were ways to fix this. Ways to have Twilight return to them.
...That's just not a good idea. Not a good idea, I tell ya!
Twilight's back legs were gone.
That must be so horrible...To see your dear friend in such a shape...
“Ugh, Twilight, I'm only saying this because I'm your friend. Maybe you should go on a diet when you're alive again.”
Okay, that's so Rarity!
Twilight, being a guest, had been given Rarity's own very comfortable bed and even now lay in the curtain-drawn darkness, snuggled in her covers.
...Creepiness level reached Critical!
“Because I'm in heat.”
Haha, good one Rarity! I guess I can see why Sweetie Bell didn't like that explanation, though...
Cutie Mark Crusader's Corpse Finders just didn't have a very nice ring to it.
I freaking love the humor in that story
“We're going to be detectives today! And we've already got our first case!”
As soon as I read that I knew that couldn't be good.
“Somepony stole a body from the cemetery!”
(watch me being all smug and all 
)
Ha, what did I tell ya?!
Rarity took a breath, gently filling her lungs. Twilight's scent was still on the air.
This I can relate to, somehow... Happened to me the other day. Pretty strange and sad.
Poor, poor Spike... Losing Twilight must have been so horrible to him. They were so close...
Though Twilight alive with a headache was preferable to dead Twilight, why add problems?
I second that thought!
Perhaps something lizard based. They regrew limbs, didn't they?
Pretty good idea, actually... Quite clever.
She smiled, that cute little country gal half-grin that Rarity liked.
I like that smile too! :)
Poor Applejack, only trying to help... But now wasn't the best time to come and ask Rarity questions about her feelings.
I actually thought Applejack was dead when she fell down the stairs. Glad she isn't! Yay!
Rarity...it ain't right. Coming back ain't right.
No truer words were ever spoken. AJ and I totally have the same way of thinking.
We should totally date.Twilight's grinning face barely inches from her own sent her reeling back in a scream, the match dropping from her mouth.
I'd have died. Sucks to be Applejack too, tied to the stairs.
“I think...I think I made a mistake.”
I think too!
That moment when they're in the dark and they only hear Twilight crawling/moving around was terrifying. And I'm not an easily scared girl!
Being trapped like that in the basement with this thing-
Ugh. Sweet dreams I'm gonna have!
...
I sleep in the basement of my house!
In her home and business, there had been every bit of evidence of the fight and evil rituals she'd so readily told them about. But no bodies. No book. Nothing beyond all of the blood.
So.Creepy.
The kiss went on and on, as though she were hanging on to something she might never see again.
I sense something very wrong about to happen!
...
I hate being right all the time
(
)
Well, what a ride that was!
First of all, I reaaally loved the tone of the story. It was sad, creepy and funny at times. It was nice to have some humor in it.
You really know how to "write" Rarity. I could really hear her talking. Especially in that part:
“It's because I do care about Twilight. I love her so much that I'm willing to do anything, even cast these allegedly 'unforgivable spells'. I'd do it for any of you girls, Celestia be damned. Because I love each and every one of you.”
I think it is very believable. Rarity may seem as a quite selfish pony at times, but in the end she's totally dedicated to her friends and love them so so much. This is really tragic, and that line really shows just how deeply she was affected by Twilight's death.
Actually, the more I read those sentences, the sadder it gets.
I was happy to see Applejack make an appearance in the story. At that point I thought she was gonna save the day (understand what Rarity was about to do, force her to stop and help her grieve and accept Twilght's death) but...that kinda failed, didn't it?
That being said, she died as a hero! That's my girl!
The ending was very abrupt, but I thought it was just perfect. Poor Spike is losing everyone he ever cared about :(
Well well, I don't have a lot more to add... That was definitely one of the freakiest stories I ever read. I'm gonna say it again, but that part when Rarity and AJ are in the dark and they just hear Twilight moving was seriously scary...
Also, the fact that they never discovered the bodies... Makes me sad for AJ...And scared when I imagine what could actually be happening with that...creature. I'm pretty sure it's up to no good.
Great story, great atmosphere... This definitely deserves a fave!
And my final thoughts after reading that incredible story:
I hope Scissor Twilight isn't hiding under my bed
1664258
Ahh, it's nice to see my most in-depth commenter again.
Thanks for such a long and interesting take on what happened. I really appreciate it. And as for what happened to Scissor Twilight after that, you can catch up on her further doings here:
Ask Scissor Twilight
And making Applejack into a tragic hero was exactly my aim. I wasn't about to let that tough mare go down without a fight.
I loved it. It was very creepy and gruesome when Twilight was brought back as Scissor Twilight.
Yeah, your DA page brought me here because I fell in love with the idea and character of SciTwi
Your writing is good and you should feel good
Instant fav and sadness
!!
1665595
Thank you for enjoying it! That's why I write things.
And just to make sure you know (and not take anyone's credit) I just wrote the story for Iopichio. She's the one that originally drew SciTwi. Hope you thanked her too.
1665664
Oh, I'll thank her right away, I thought you were the same people ^^
Liked it, but I still have two questions:
1. What exactly happened to Twilight, how did she die, what happened to her legs?
2. How did Rarity kill herself?
1898560
How Twilight died is deliberately open ended. I made brief mention that Twilight invited Rarity to help her with some spells and there was the subtle implication that Rarity's day dreaming caused the accident. It's up to you what exactly happened.
And Rarity slit her own throat with the small mirror Spike gave her at the end.
I got chills.
In all seriousness, this was one of the best horror stories I've read on the site. You tapped nicely into that element of psychological horror and insanity, it was so painfully effective. The scene in the dark was good. The suspense and tension were definitely there, what with the whole, slowly lurking monstrosity aspect. In the dark. But really, having that slow, horrifying yet not immediately threatening creature wandering around where you can't see it, that's pretty powerful. Even without a means to hurt Rarity or Applejack, that the thought of something so unnatural existing is enough to get everyone scared. And then it found the blades...
What I liked about the Scitwi scene was that the immediate threat was there. It wasn't just some legless corpse wandering around, this thing that used to be their friend was now armed in the most gruesome way possible, with the intent of causing harm. And of course, once it became a threat, we saw it in broad daylight. That was the thing, really. Now that this thing wasn't just a vague abomination, we could see it in full, morbid detail. That stark contrast between what was just going on previously did wonders for the dramatic tension. Applejack was totally in character, btw.
What I liked most about the fic, though, didn't actually have anything to do with Scitwi. It was Rarity's subtle madness and Applejack's involvement. From the beginning to the end, the best part was watching Rarity's mental state progress through all these different phases. In the beginning, though Rarity's narrative was so casual, it was obvious from the obsessive qualities that there was a touch of madness underlying it all, further enforced by the way she spoke to Twilight's corpse.
And then Applejack came in. Boy was that an episode. There was that weird conflicting of the obsession Rarity had over her friends with her actual concern for her friends. I think, though, that when everything started falling apart, Rarity's genuine compassion won out, and Applejack was there to be her rock. Cause Applejack is faithful and strong like that.
The ending got to me. Along with the atmosphere of desolation, there's also that niggling feeling that no one, neither Spike nor Rarity, were able to recover from the incident. That fact that the fallout lasted so long struck another chord with me, much to the point that I wasn't surprised with what Rarity did at the end. That doesn't mean it hurt any less.
This was good. The physical threats are always nice when they're there, but the mental horror aspects are what really make a good horror. Like I said, this was one of the few horror stories to ever actually keep me in suspense, on the edge of my seat, and all that. Keep it up! I'd definitely like to see more like this!
1900259
Actually, the darkest thing about the story was that the "abomination" actually was Twilight, and it DIDN'T intend to cause any harm.
1901737
No, I'm pretty sure it meant to hurt them. We got that scene with Twilight's corpse had the orb in its mouth, the one that spoke with Twilight's voice. I think that was meant to imply that Twilight's soul was a separate entity from whatever was controlling her body. That, and it tried stabbing Rarity.
1902660
It didn't try stabbing her, it stabbed her by accident. Look at the ScisTwilight thing that inspired this story. http://askscissortwilight.tumblr.com/ Part of the horror of the story comes from the contrast between what Rarity wanted to happen, what she thinks happened, and what actually happened. The narrator here is unreliable as it's from Rarity's perspective.
1902687
I already know about the tumblr, and I already considered the fact that the story is told from Rarity's perspective. Regardless, I feel like they're two separate storylines. Besides, it's hard to stab in front of you when the blades are on your back legs.
1902711
I think I got to this story because Lopichio linked to it as being the official back story. Besides, if you look back there is nothing that confirms that Twilight was trying to hurt them. The first injury was made when the blade when through the door, so she had no way of knowing if they were on the other side. The second came from Applejack thrusting herself onto the blade. The action scene is a bit ambiguous as to exactly what was going, so that parts a bit confusing.
1900259
Thank you very much for the in-depth review and I'm very glad you enjoyed it. Truthfully, I don't plan the subtle psychological stuff. I just write by my gut. I'm glad it knows what it's doing.
1902760
And Io did let me write this story since we're pretty good friends. But the tumblr only started after I wrote it. Before that, I only had three pictures to work with and no backstory of slightly silly SciTwi. I hope she updates soon. She told me her processor burned out and she can't draw right now
Like a lot of people, I loved the beginning and build up. The one part that scrambled me, though, was the end.
I just didn't like Rarity's suicide. It felt like I only knew she'd killed herself at the end because I could predict that she'd kill herself because that is the way that these stories end.
From about the part Spike opened the letter, I was kind of ... eh. Part of it could be because I came here through SciTwi, so I've seen the girl and she is beautiful, but, entirely within the bounds of the story, Rarity only viewed death as a temporary hang-up, so why would she let this thing stop her as well? It felt like a kind of whiplash as you slammed the door on a character who was already willing to cheat death to get what she wanted.
Despite the end, it was very good, and I liked how you made Rarity off-kilter and driven, but not to the point of raving.
2496759
Thanks for giving it a read.
I felt that she learned her lesson about fiddling with the forces of life and death towards the end and knew that it was a bad idea no matter the reason or if you thought you knew how to 'do it right' the next time.
I've never read another story like this so I wasn't actually influenced by 'how they usually end', I just thought that this was how it needed to end.
I hope it doesn't sound like arguing. I was just trying to explain my reasoning. And as a fan of SciTwi, I want to let you know that it may not be updating for a while. Io's computer is a little broken so she can't post new stuff (though she can still draw).
This was an awesome story, and the scary Twilight was terrifyingly awesome as well. You did an excellent job on Rarity, although I was a little saddened by the ending. I was kind of hoping for a pop appearance of Twi and Applejack or something. Other than that, very well done.
2914035
Thank you very much for reading the story
As for one of those 'monster pops up at the end' sorts of endings, there's nothing I hate more in a horror movie/story than that. Like when the monster twitches at the end of a movie as the final shot, I can't stand those things. Personal preference, so feel free to like them all you want.
And again, thanks for reading!
2916766
Rofl, no problem. I understand, sometimes that does ruin it, I just happen to find it rather amusing. "OKAY GUYS We just defeated the monster and the world is right again!"
Monster twitches.
"..."
I just find it funny, rofl. :D
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/299/7/2/carousel_scissor_twilight_by_iopichio-d5j06gg.jpg
3134506
Yup, that's Io's work alright.
Ah so this is the infamous story of scissor twilight. Good story.
3335609
Thanks for reading. Glad you could get some enjoyment out of it.
I really enjoyed this! Usually not down with the whole horror thing, but I dig it.