I've been writing online for thirty years. One of these days I might actually get good at it.
He was a shy colt, and she was the first filly who ever looked his way; half a lifetime later, she still haunts his dreams.
(Cover art adapted from this screenshot.)
A nice start to the story. It will be good to see a bit more backstory for Twist, she's at least a decent character in the show.
Interesting. You've got my favourite and upvote. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
This is actually the very first piece of literature I have read involving our favorite sweet-toothed lisping filly. Onward, my friend.
I firmly believe you've struck literary gold with this one, Dusty. After the heartfelt prose and whimsy found in the various Sparkle Chronicles stories, it hardly strikes me as a surprise - you've definitely created something wonderful and deep, just as you have in the past.
I can’t wait to see where you take us next!
I know of one other recent Twist fic: A Wild Twist Appeared! There may be others, but I haven't read them.
Even at this stage in the proceedings, the feels are starting to flutter. Not full, tear-jerking feels, but I have a feeling that they'll be getting there. Carry on, my friend.
The potential FEELS levels of this fic are enormous.
I'm just hoping I don't wreck the whole thing in Chapter 3.
Incidentally, Hoopy McGee (in Project: Sunflower) originally conjured up that "Fetlock Express" bit; I hope I can be forgiven for this blatant expropriation.
I figure the last two detractors were wondering: "Does it really take two whole chapters to cover one simple date?"
Twist is my second favorite pony :3 now i must read
I love this story. Absolutely love it.
Just a niggling matter:
Twist pondered for a moment.“I haven't have any problem adjusting to the absence of chaos.”
Oh Dusty, you are an exceptional quality that I have only ever hoped to witness. I'm so very glad you actually exist.
... unless I'm abusing my medication. Sigh! Although you've artfully thrown up the complete sign, I sort of selfishly wish this could continue to its rightful end - my headcanon insists Spoke and Twist become emotionally engaged.
- JUST GO WITH IT!
Do everyone a favor - tell your legions of fans to read this beautiful story, would you? I wish I could exact that sort of justice. You can, KoS. Please?
There are times when one can't help but niggle.
One inevitable question, I suppose: "How many rewrites did it take?"
My answer is always the same: "Not quite enough."
This was planned for 6000 words, three chapters. You can see how well that worked out.
Worked for me! WOO!
Incidentally, according to the I Write Like site, this text (the first chapter, anyway) is vaguely reminiscent of Neil Gaiman.
I don't mind at all
Also, this is a very sweet, well-written story, and it's got nowhere near the attention it deserves.
A good work on a short story, see you around!
I especially liked "a hundred words a minute with gusts up to one-forty" and "they conducted their business in the tall buildings that scowled down on the streets of Baltimare."
Thanks. Once in a while I manage not to sound like everypony else.
I took the liberty of adding this story to a few groups I'm in. More people should read this.
Much appreciated. (And I must admit, I admire the pseudonym.)
Thank you! That puts you into the very small group of people who actually get the reference.
Congratulations, this story has good enough grammar to be included in the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive list of grammatically-correct stories on Fimfiction.
Thanks. I owe one to Twifight Sparkill for catching the most egregious error.
Still good, but on second reading of chpt 1, it worries me that a guy who did this in real life would be considered extremely creepy.
Turn right behind Quills and Sofas,
Wait, what? Are you psychic?
Can you really go into a public library and get free stalking assistance? I'll have to try that.
It depends on how you phrase your requests, as I found out trying to find out what happened to a grade school that got turned into a strip mall.
Sorraia. Perfect. One of those out-of-the-way places where the lights are low and the prices are high and the staff deserves far more than the standard gratuity. ... once in a while somepony might be impressed by that sort of thing.
I sympathize with Broken, but most mares would think he sounds more and more like a lonely creepy douche.
"We believe that in thy heart of hearts, thou hast abandoned hope, and this adventure serves merely to push it farther from thy sight."“If I’ve abandoned hope,” he shot back, “you’re not helping in the least.”
“If I’ve abandoned hope,” he shot back, “you’re not helping in the least.”
Oh, wow. Now that's a twist. This story suddenly got a lot more interesting.
>In his younger days, he’d say it was because they had fewer unicorns
I think this is the fourth racist statement he's made. Not that I disapprove of them being there; just wondering if it's a theme or just a character trait.
I think Twist opened up a little too quickly. Why's her infodump in red?
Very confused as to how this is going to fit with the previous chapter.
I think the ending is the right ending, but you'd need another 2 or 3 chapters to really show what the difference is between Broken's attitude towards Twist at the start vs. the end, and in what way Luna's advice is true. Chapters to show him trying to date her while still under his illusion, and what goes wrong as a result. Perhaps with the Luna chapter after the first date.
I admit to letting the middle of this get slightly out of hoof. As for Spoke's resentment of unicorns, it's a manifestation -- and a fairly unpleasant one -- of my particular headcanon, which holds that relationships among the three tribes aren't always the most harmonious.
That pretty much had to be the ending, though.
Finally managing to get my backlog read, I've had this on my list forever. I really liked this story, you did an excellent job with it! Really liked the overall portrayals and characterization and I think it was very well written.
Thanks. Given its slightly improbable premise -- hey, it's forty years, get over it already -- it worked out fairly well.
This is still one of the best Twist stories I've ever read, so i was happy to welcome it to the new Twist group.
Thanks. Oddly, I didn't originally envision this as a Twist story, but it worked out really well once I started thinking of it as such. (Which was right at the beginning of the flashback in Chapter 1. Who's a memorable filly? Twist is a memorable filly.)
Wow I just felt really great while reading this. I can't really explain it. Truthfully I never payed twist much attention, but this fic has definitely leaned my thought towards more fics of the filly. I'm very glad I gave this a chance. 7/7
“Nopony can keep up with everything. It all happens too fast. I could swear I was thirty last year, or maybe the year before. Now look at me.”
He looked at her. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”
That was smooth. Favorite lines of the story :)
I can't claim to have launched a whole flotilla of Twist fics, but there weren't a lot of them when I started this thing, and there are now. She has her advantages as a character: she's not an OC or even a blank flank, but she's been given so little time in the show that you can run just as semi-wild with her. And once I decided that she would be the object of my protagonist's affections -- well, you saw the results. Heck, were I a pony, I'd date a mare like that. (Assuming she were interested, which is probably more than I should assume.)
Well from the small personality we do know, she'd give you a chance. She seems to be one to make friends and have the urge to want to be noticed. :)
Oh, please. We all know that Twist's type all end up popping out, like, 12 babies once they hit puberty, at least one of which is pre-18.
This is one of the greatest things I've ever read. Perfect tempo the entire way; it caused me to be 30 minutes late on a notification for work because I was so enraptured with the story. For someone who's very sensitive to just about all of the elements of a good story, this hit all of them phenomenally.
I wish I had a childhood crush like this, but I must confess that any idea I may have had of finding someone that had impressed upon me the hope of a future in the way that Twist did in this story after such a short encounter died quite a while back when I realized that no one feels romanticism in quite the same way as we like to think it feels. Either that, or everyone thinks that romanticism applies to every bad decision they've ever made to date someone.
I don't know if almost half of my current life is long enough to wait before hoping a girl I had a crush on as a young adolescent boy will find the same esteemed values in me now that she did then, or, dare I hope, find more to appreciate about me, but I'm rolling the dice with the only sister of a very good friend of mine. My only hope is that she doesn't have a distorted view of who I am; she's had about 10 years to figure it out, and I sincerely hope that she's not just interested in me because she needs to date someone incessantly.
In short, I hope that my story ends as positively as this one, albeit half a lifetime earlier.
"Rolling the dice" seems appropriate: it's always the chance you have to take. (If you don't, you'll berate yourself for what seems like an eternity.) This isn't my life story, exactly, though someone who knows me read this and said "Yeah, you'd do something like that."
Spiritual guidance, though no actual story guidance, was provided by Jackie DeShannon, right about here. When that came out I was ten, and, as the phrase goes, Highly Impressionable.
I'm rolling the dice with the only sister of a very good friend of mine.
That wouldn't happen to be a certain someone who just set up an account here, would it?
Ah, but it would.
I must confess that I had no idea who Twist is, but it was a good start. I had an experience like this in Brussels, and I was too fool to take advantage of it.
It is nice to see that Pinkie Pie is basically the same one even after all these years.
The Spirit of Foolishness Past!
I really thought she wasn't going to show up.
Nice ending. It really feels he is a nice, clueless guy who just had no idea how to pick up signs. Even at the very end he is very earnest, but you can tell she has to guide him along to prevent him from spoiling the whole thing.
When opportunity knocks, you'd best be paying attention to the door.