- Member Since 31st Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 12th, 2016
HAHAHAHAHA_no
I'm beginning to think there is seriously something wrong with me.
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Joined 31st Oct, 2012 ·
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Excellent work! To answer your question, I would say limit the sex scenes to those that move the story forward. Once could make the convincing argument that the amount of sex in this scene was essential in establishing Applejack's discomfort with this line of work, and did so without being too graphic. As long as you keep that up, I'm sure you'll use the right amount of violence/sexual content.
1616869
I agree. It's pretty much like he said. Though, I wonder if the social and cultural differences will be more apparent later on.
Seems to be off to a good start, makes me wonder what happened to Applejack to make her want to leave. Makes me wonder if anyone will go looking for that sunk ship...makes me wonder if the rest of the Mane Six will show up.
Though I do wonder how they don't recognize Equestria as the nation that controls the sun. I mean, that seems like a super important thing for the geopolitical state of the globe/disc that is the world.
1617274
Well, the way I always viewed it (even thought it's contradictory) Celestia only controls the sun IN EQUESTRIA. Impossible in the real world, but this is a magical world right?
1617307
If that were the case, then she would only have a several minutes long shift, and that still doesn't explain why the others don't know.
I mean, if this was the system, then every nation's Sun God would pass it off to the next one to regulate the day...makes me wonder what would happen if one just sort of held onto it.
Of course I can be overthinking and I should accept that Applejack is in Fantasy Pony Japan and going to be a samurai...though I think she would prefer the mace and club, rather then the sword...she's rough and tumble that way, no?
For this story I believe B is enough. It's descriptive but not enough to be cloppy, and if it was more detailed I think it might take away from the feel I guess of what's here already. That's my thoughts anyway. Interesting fic ya got here.
I feel that for this chapter, the level was perfect as far as the sexual theme goes. If later on, you reach a point where it would be best for more detail, I would be fine with that personally. While some may feel bothered by more detail, I feel that the story is the creation of the author's imagination, and that it is the author who should write what he/she (it or something worse if you refer to my roommate lol) feels the story needs.
Thank you for assuring that all the questions I had in my head will be answered in due course. With the quality of this story as high as it is, I know that the wait will be well worth it!
A most excellent storyline so far, and it shows a level of knowledge that is uncommon. Having lived in Japan for a year, I find stories such as this one to be very enjoyable, especially when they are of the quality this story has shown itself to be.
1619432
Very encouraging comment. Just so you know, I use real and fake places, real and fake stuff (I made up something called the "four sacred arts") and various other things. Just so you don't think "what? the Japanese never mentioned this!" or try to correct me.
But you lived in Japan...really... I want that experience!!
1619475 was stationed there for a year while in the Marine Corps
1619578
Oh...uh...nevermind then.
1620458 lol The military life ain't that bad. Granted, it is not for everyone. I do hope you get a chance to go there someday. Its a beautiful country with an amazing culture.
I like this. Another chapter please
Also, I say B.
So, quick question to everyone, why so many dislikes?
Sex in a story is like chili in a meal. It's there to give a little extra 'BAM' in it. I don't mind having sex in a story, but don't overdo it. However, unless you want it to be a clopfic, then go for it! The plot is interesting too. Applejack stranded in a foreign country where females are oppressed. I like it.
"Why so many dislikes?" you say? Well, could be the massive amount of exclamation marks that is off-putting or the rather poorly detailed surrounding and ponies. People like to be reminded about how things smell, taste, feel and look like at the sametime in a story. If I were you I'd send it to a reviewer first, then get some tips. Describe things more, espically in dialogues. How are the rooms? Do they walk past things while talking? How does the buildings look like? Is there anything special that Applejack takes notice on? All these things can keep a story interesting and long. It's already 8k words long too. Also your fic is set on mature + sex. That usually implies the story should have just sex and little story. Change it to teen + sex since the details of the sex scene weren't that explicit, in my opinion.
It's not a bad fic, atleast I don't think so. Thumbs up.
I love this story. Although it could use a little more sex. But anyways update soon so I can read it. I hate waiting!!!!
1631575
This one's not very cloppy, but after this one I'll upload some glorified clopfics.
Looks like Jackie's got some heavy thinking to do. Heres hoping she doesn't get in over her head.
uhhh so exciting, can't wait for next chapter again!
Finally got the time to read this update. Great chapter, once again. I have no idea why so many people are disliking this.
It needs to be sexier. Alot.
Also, You could totally do one with Pinkie Pie. Just roll with her non serious nature. She takes the whole diffusing of a war as a game. When that dosn't work, she gets all depressed, some silly flashback to her time in Equestria with the other Mane 6 that shows her how to fix the situation to some degree. Big boss fight, save the prince(ss), Happy Ending.
If you know what I mean.
1679548
Meh. Decided not to do it. There isn't too much interest for this story and it's not a clopfic in the "sex" section so people don't actually want to read it. I finish it up and write some clopfics instead.
1683696 Woah! Back the hell up! This story is INCREDIBLE! And it sounds like your considering quitting it for the 'young, dumb, and full of cum' masses?
I for one am following this story because in the first chapter alone, I saw some excellent storytelling. And now with this second chapter, I can already see a story that has all the likelyhood on being on par with Samurai 7 or Samurai X: Trust and Betrayal.
I ask of you this: even if you feel the need to write other fics, PLEASE do not give up on this story, which has already struck a deep chord inside of me. A tale of this much potential needs to be told.
1687427
DOWN FRISKY!!!! I didn't say I was quitting. I had been planning to do more stories about the mane six being dropped into other countries and having to overcome adversity, but I had changed my mind. I've changed it back, but the other stories won't be as graphic as this one simply for the fact of the lack of attention. I'm have a non-graphic account where I write normal stories, this was supposed to be where I would write bloody stores or clopfics. I am going to finish this one up, and I'm not going to stop writing this, so calm down. I just happen to be an attention whore.
1687740 sorry... I'm just someone who relates to the Warrior's way of life all too well, and a story that captures that escense quickly becomes a personal favorite.
At the beginning of next month, I shall be starting a new fimfic group, for warriors and stories about warriors in their various forms.
Where as Bushido exemplaries the Warrior's Code, and I can see how this story has the heart of the Nipponese Warrior at it's core, would you mind if I added this story among the very first stories added to the group?
1687791
Sounds like a blast. Sign me up!
1687969 I shall have to send you the link to the new group when I make it.
Hey speedy here. I just want to say that I love this story. Although you post a little slow compared to others but its all worth the wait when we get the chapter. Thanks fore the amazing story to read.
I enjoy this story, please keep it up.
Now that you are back I do hope you'll continue this story, it has great potential.
5838666
I like this story, but it has little to no audience and I'm an attention whore.
5840460 And you'll get more the more you write, I'll be recomending it as well.
5840631
No one seems to be getting this. People need to stop saying buzz words and things that sound good on posters in high school. If an author is making three hundred dollars on one story and ten thousand on another which is he going to pick to write? I've tried to be funny about this, but people are getting on my nerves. I posted this story before Burning Up and it's got three hundred. How long am I supposed to wait?
Will I continue it? Maybe, but not if people keep annoying me.
5842049 Alright alright, sorry, I just like it a lot and I do think it got potential, but your the author so its your call.
5843586
Wow. You are literally the first person I've come across on this site that didn't jump down my throat when I disagreed with them. Bravo.
5844568 Your argument was very valid so I saw no point in arguing (though I tend not to argue) still hope you have it on backburner, you know, type a few lines/words from time to time, or you put all your energy (apart from important RL stuff of corse) on the other story first and then this one, just don't abandon it, it always saddens me when authors do.