• Member Since 11th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen February 6th

Tangerine Blast


(He/They) Sometimes you just want to hear your favorite story told a little different

E

Spike is the only dragon in Cantorlot. He was born and raised there and has earned The Princess's deepest trust. But when he fears danger will strike she wont listen and sends him and his assistant, Twilight Sparkle, to Ponyville. The Princess said that Spike needs to meet more ponies then just Twilight but Spike knows there is danger and will try as hard as he can to stop it.
....................
This is like a remix of the first episode but with twists.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 175 )

im gona watch this... looks promising. ill wait to read till theres more views and comments.

I'm not trying to be rude, but you were right when you said your grammar is pretty bad. I would strongly suggest finding someone who can go over your work with you and help you improve. Keep up the writing: it's a great way to improve, but if you don't have anyone to help you, you'll just stay the same, in terms of quality.

This seems to have some good potential so far! I enjoyed it.

Well, you've managed to hold my attention.

What about Shining Armor? Just thought I'd ask that.

Can't wait for more!

Usted ahora es poseedor de mi atencion buen amigo, pofavor continue. :moustache:

HNNNNNGGGGG at little Twiley. Continue, please.

You know what, it's a dick move of me to tell you that you need to find someone to help you improve without knowing if you have anyone like that available. If you want some help with grammar or writing style, send me a pm. I'd be glad to lend a hand.

1617184
I didn't even think about Shinning Armor. I guess he would be a baby.

1617280
We are going to get a lot more little ponies.

1617339 Oh I get. It's an age swap. Duh. Everybody who's younger in the actual show is now the older sibling.

COOL The Cutie Mark Crusaders are going to epic in this. I can feel it.

1617372
That's why the title is called....Age Swap. Ya the CMC is going to be good and I'm also making up personalities for The Cake Twins.

This is very interesting you got a watcher:moustache:

1617385 Well, this certainly is shaping up for something fun!

And yeah, I should have been able to figure that out from the title. Silly me:twilightblush:

so far you have captured my attention lets see what happens

Hmm...

*Adds to watch list*

Seems promising. By the way, how will you handle the whole "love at first sight" scene with Spike and Rarity?

1617490
It's not Spike that's going to go head over heals. Not saying anymore.

I'll admit... I had my doubts... But my curiosity would always get the better of me... And I'm glad to say that the cat isn't dead!

However I find this very interesting... Even more so considering just how the Cake twins personalities are supposed to be.... Even more interesting to consider just what roles the rest of the main 6 are supposed to be... I mean because the CMC are gonna be fully grown here than that would mean that Rarity, Applejack, and I would assume Rainbow Dash would have their ages switched around with them too... But what about Fluttershy? And would that technically make Pinkie Pie a baby?

Looks promising. I'll read it later.

Oh man.

You have my attention and a fav.

Sinking Sun. SINKING SUN. I don't know why, that name just bugs me. Daymare Sun and Nightmare Flare are names for Nightmared Celestia, but, Sinking Sun sounds like a anti-Nightmare Celestia

Nice start. I'll keep an eye on this. Even though I am curious as to who the Apple Family matriarch/patriarch is going to be.

1617232 Yo no sabía que hablabas español. :moustache:

On a side note, this is a great idea, me gusta. :pinkiehappy:

I like I like a lot. Now the real question is... WHO SHALL SPIKE BE SHIPPED WITH!

Ah alternate universe Discord is ple ... wait.... HOW WILL DISCORD ACT?

Calling it now, instead of Spike getting a crush, Twilight develops a crush on Big Mac.

NO WAIT, I just has a brain blast, Rarity has a crush on Spike in this one!

1618098
I didn't even think about Discord. Must put thought into this subject though.

Wait what about miss cherlie!!! Omg GRANNY SMITH!!! 1618347
I don't even want to mention or think of it.... Cadence and Shining Armour.. oh Sweet Luna this is going to sting...

1618382
I don't have Miss. Cheerily or Cadence or Shining Armour. But Granny Smith is totally in here.

This is super exciting. I really can't wait to see how you're going to develop this. Very nice job! Instant fave and thumb up!

Dinky ... Oh Luna we are tucked ...:derpyderp2:1618418

1618459
Not all those ponies are going to show up OK? I'm not sure what "supporting characters" or background characters I'll put in but I might but Dinky and Derpy......Maybe.

I like what you're doing here. Grammar could use some work, but nothing too critical. Looking forward to more chaps from ya :rainbowdetermined2:

You sir get a mustache :moustache:

Now stop doing what your doing and go write the next chapter

1618586
That's what I AM doing, well besides replying to comments.

1618610

When can we expect the next one?

1618618
Um...........a week? Less? More? I have no idea. :facehoof:

1617776
That was a bit of an immersion breaker for me too. Granted, it's hard to find something that's as poetic as "Nightmare Moon," but still…

And how are the ages with the Apple siblings going to work? Is Applejack a kid, and Big Mac is reduced to newborn littlest Mac? Because if you're just strictly flipping ages, AJ would stay the same, being the middle child of the three. She'd be like a pivot point. Then again, if that was the case, you'd expect the same thing for the trio of Shining Armor — Twilight — Spike…

And then I went and ruptured my overthinking gland.

Again.

1618965
I'm not being strict on the age swap thing. I mean, Pinkie would be the same age to and The twins would be as old as Mrs. and Mr. Cake when the're going to be as old as the mane six and Pinkie will be a filly. Everyone switches ages. Lets just leave it at that for now.

I like the idea you have here, it just suffers a bit in the execution. Primarily the formatting. You might want to double space between paragraphs. It makes it easier to read.

Like that, see?

I can see plenty of points where you're trying to show rather than tell (like with the castle staff being afraid of Spike), but you cut in and explain anyway. You shouldn't have to do that and the story suffers a bit for it. Also, while description of the characters and scene are fine and yours are good, stopping the story to put them in hurts the flow. A quick "first glance" description of what a pony or room looks like is fine, then sort of weave the extra details in as things play out.

On the positives, I can see the personality behind the characters, even if some of the dialogue feels like you're trying to hit the same notes as the show. I can really believe we're dealing with a younger Twilight and an older Spike. With the right polish this story could really shine. Don't be afraid to take some time on the chapters!

1619190
Thank you. I really appreciate constructive criticize like this. I'll try to keep what you said in mind, now that I have someone proof reading it should be better. Thanks for the comment.

On another note 54 people faved this the first day it was posted!:pinkiegasp: I'll try not to let anyone down.:twilightsmile:

I have a feeling...
Sometimes I get a good feeling,
I get a feeling that I've never had before, no,no,no,
I get a good feeling..

This is one of them! :pinkiehappy:

Yay, a cool name for a berserk Celestia. Fireburn Sol also could have worked... Possibly..

OMG!!!!!:pinkiegasp: I love this and cant wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

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