Rocky Mountain Lead
April 15th, 2012
Honestly, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like I had been hit by a train. One minute I’m getting things for Applejack to make her stay a bit more comfortable, the next I’m getting my ass handed to me by three delinquent ‘homies.’ Suffice to say, this morning didn’t exactly start out with sunshine and rainbows.
Slowly, I reached up and slapped my hand down on my alarm clock and fumbled around for the ‘shut-the-hell-up switch.’ As soon as it was off, I sat up, sniffed, and then gingerly touched my left eye. It didn’t hurt, but it definitely felt swollen. So I got up, got dressed, and made my way upstairs with the speed of an irritated sloth, and the grace of a three legged dog on an icy lake.
“Hey Applejack, you up?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
“Yup.” She was sitting on the couch looking at the TV, which was currently off. “Sleep well?”
“Mmmmmmm...” I mumbled.
“Ah’ll take that as a yes,” she joked.
Grumbling in response, I walked over to the pantry and opened it up, grabbed the bag of Marshmallow Mateys on the shelf, set it on the counter, and grabbed the milk from the refrigerator. I filled a bowl with some cereal and milk, replaced the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry, and then sat down in the recliner in the living room. I was just about to take a bite when I realized I didn’t have a spoon, so I got up and grabbed one from the drawer before sitting back down.
I didn’t know why at first, but AJ was quietly sniggering in her seat the entire time I was eating. As soon as I finished the cereal and a little bit of the milk, I sat the bowl on the floor and let Dozer finish it off.
“What’s so funny?”
“Keepin’ yer cereal cold, are ya?” she asked with a cheesy grin.
It took a moment for my brain to fully comprehend the meaning of her words. “Shiiiiiiiiiit,” I drawled, and got up to put the milk and cereal where they belong.
“Smooth move,” she jested.
“Eh, shut up. It’s like...” I glanced at the clock on the microwave. “Eleven in the morning,” I finished, then opened the fridge and removed the cereal. I took it to the pantry and promptly swapped the milk with the bag and took the jug back to the fridge.
“Awful late to be gettin’ up, don’cha think?”
“I always wake up at the crack of noon, smartass.” I yawned and sat back down in the chair.
“So what’re we gonna do today?”
“Well now that you mention it, I hadn’t really thought about that...” I sat and pondered for a moment. “How about a ride up to the mountains on the bike?”
“Yer kiddin’. What makes ya’ll think Ah’d ever get on that thing again?”
“The thrill?” I asked dumbly. “I dunno, but it won’t be that bad this time. We can take the back roads, nice and slow. Let you enjoy the view, y’know?”
She sat quietly for a time, studying me like a book, her expression cold and calculated. I couldn’t help but waggle my eyebrows like an idiot just to mess with her. Lucky for me, she found it funny and cracked a smile. “Alright, sure. Gotta start slow though, ya hear?”
“You got it.”
~
The gradual transition from the shallow, rolling hills of the plains to the steep, winding climb that was the Rocky Mountains was always a wonderful sight, especially on days like these. Out on the back county roads, one could experience the majestic view when heading west to the great walls of stone that sat scouting over the eastern portion of Colorful Colorado. While they look purple from afar, once you’re close enough they turn to nice shades of greys, browns, and greens. Quite the change from the ever-present gold and amber colors of the fields east and beyond.
We were following a gentle slalom of blacktop, snaking our way alongside Alexander Mountain and brushing past his southern brother, Sheep Mountain. Farther west one could ride, following the ever present Big Thompson River as it rushed past, forever carved into its course after millions of years of erosion.
While Estes Park is a popular tourist destination, it’s not overwhelmingly active with the likes of Bermuda shorts-clad pentagenarians and prepubescent rapscallions. Thus, it was still a favored route for the biker community. On some days, one could be lucky and faintly glimpse one of the region’s mountain goats clinging apathetically to the mountainside. Even more uncommon was the sighting of moose. Elk, on the other hand, always have and always will be plentiful in these parts. The very same can be said for deer, no matter how much hunting goes on.
So believe me when I say: Colorado is by far the best state of them all, and that’s not just native bias talking. Sure, I’d never been skiing up in Aspen or Vail, but honestly, that stuff has too much hype and way too many west coast Yuppies prancing about the slopes. I never want to be within smelling distance of their near-tactile uppityness.
It seems Applejack might’ve been sharing similar thoughts as we dismounted. She stood, mouth agape, as she looked all around. The trees, the mountains themselves, and even the elk crossing the road just ahead of us caught her in a trance.
“Wow.”
“I know right?” I said smugly. “Welcome to Estes Park, Colorado!”
“This is amazing,” she said, still gawking at her surroundings. “Ah didn’t think there was nothin’ like this considering how ya’ll live!”
“You ain’t even seen a tenth of what this world has to offer, honey.”
“Ah... Just wow.”
“You can close your mouth now, you look like a fish gasping for air.” She gave me a look that said ‘just shut up’ and closed her mouth. “So I was thinkin’, in a day or two would you like to head out to find Dash?”
“YES!” she practically screamed. “Can we go now?!”
“No, not quite yet,” I said as I sat down on the bike and lit a cigarette. “I gotta get some business done first, clear it with my dad an’ such, find somebody to take care of Dozer while we’re gone, all that jazz.”
“Oh.” Her good mood seemed to dwindle a bit.
“But I can guaran-damn-tee ya that we will go an’ find her.” My little promise worked, as she looked at me and smiled.
“Thanks.”
“No worries, I figure it’s my duty to help you out now that you’re in my care.” I started up the bike and motioned for her to get on. Once she was settled, I turned the Fat Bob around and continued back the way we came.
~
Equestria is so much different from this place. Sure, there’s cities an’ such, but these cars and his bike... The closest thing we have to that back home are carriages and trains. This place is amazing! From what Garrett tells me, this place also has a lot of bad things, but I’ve only seen one instance of that, back when we were at that Wally-Mart or whatever he called it.
I guess I should count myself lucky that he was the one to find me, if his word counts for anything. Although his knowledge about me and my friends concerns me, I guess I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Speaking of which, maybe I should get him to spill the beans about how exactly he knows so much. I can’t do it now though, since we’re on his motor-thingy, so I’ll save it for when we get back.
Now that I think about it... Why is he helping me? I mean, if he ended up in Equestria as a pony claiming to be from somewhere else entirely, I don’t think I would trust him. Actually, no, I would trust him. I know how to tell when a pony’s lying, and he doesn’t seem to be the lying type.
Being the trusting pony I am, I decided to test him a bit. I slowly let my arms fall away from his waist and leaned back against the thing he called a ‘sissy bar,’ I don’t know why he called it that, but it’s his world, not mine. He didn’t seem to mind all that much, so I spread my hooves... Hands? Oh, whatever. I spread my ‘arms’ out like wings. It felt like I was flying, or somethin’ similar to when Rainbow decided to take me on a little ‘ride’ one time. It felt amazing. I felt so free that I decided to let out a yell. Bad idea, since right then and there, a bug decided to fly right into my mouth.
~
Applejack seemed to be enjoying herself on the way back. I felt her let go of my waist and lean back, spreading her arms out wide like a bird. I didn’t expect her to start screaming though, but the moment of tranquility came to an end, soon as she started choking on what I presumed to be a bug flying straight into her pie hole.
I couldn’t help but laugh as she started coughing and carrying on about how she swallowed a bug. After a few seconds of her little freak out, she finally stopped and wrapped her arms back around my midsection. I shook my head a bit and laughed inwardly at her little bout of misfortune. ‘Rule number one of the road,’ I thought to myself. ‘Keep your mouth closed unless you like the taste of bugs’.
We didn’t have any more mishaps the rest of the way back, and I pulled into the garage with ease. After killing the bike and putting the kickstand down, I stepped off and helped AJ climb down. I had to suppress a laugh as she stood up and began walking bow-legged.
“Yeah, long rides’ll do that to ya,” I said with a laugh.
She still had her good mood going and starting laughing herself at the way we were walking. We looked like a couple of old timey cowboys or something with the way our legs were bent outward. “Yer tellin’ me that now?” she asked, still giggling.
“Sorry about that. Slipped my mind.” Just then, a thought came into my mind. “Hey, AJ. Ya’ll got guns in Equestria?”
“‘Fraid Ah don’t know what yer talkin’ about there, sugarcube.” Figures. They’re not exactly an ‘industrious’ species, but it doesn’t hurt to ask right?
“Ah, ok. Well I got a fun idea,” I said as I opened the door leading into the kitchen. “Just wait by the truck for a bit, I’ll be right back.”
I ran inside and grabbed the truck keys sitting on the counter then stumbled downstairs to my father’s room. I went straight to his closet and rifled through the junk up on the shelf until I felt my hand brush cold steel. I grabbed the item and stuffed it into the inner pocket of my jacket. I looked around for the box of ammo he kept up there and grabbed it, along with a couple of the magazines that were laying next to it.
I ran back upstairs, closed the garage door and jogged over to the truck where a bored-looking Applejack stood.
“Girl, you’re in for a treat today. Get in.” I don’t know whether she understood a single word I said considering how fast I had been talking, but she got the hint when I got in and started the truck up.
“What in the hay are we doin’? We just got back!”
“You’ll see.” I grinned like an idiot and put it in drive, mashing on the gas. Tires squealed, as did Applejack, as I violently flipped a U-Turn and tore off down the street.
~
“Where are we?”
“NOWHERE!” I practically shouted. “Today, you’re gonna learn the art of operatin’ das shootin-boomer!”
“The hay is a ‘das shooter-boomer’?” she asked.
“THIS!” This time I actually shouted as I whipped the beautiful piece of forged steel furnished with wood grips from my coat pocket. “A Rock Island model 1911A1, chambered in a .45 ACP, firing at roughly eight hundred feet per second!” The look she gave me was a mix of fear, confusion, and awe as I gave my brief monologue. “This sexy beast has been in production for just over a hundred years and is the near epitome of superior quality. Not even them punkass Glocks hold a candle to these wonderfully crafted brain-busters!”
“Have ya finally gone off yer rocker?!”
“Nah, that happened a looong time ago!”
She was speechless. I didn’t share her sentiment. “Anyway, crash course in proper weapon handling. Eject the mag.” I pressed down on the button and the empty magazine slid out into my hand. “Next, clear the chamber.” I pulled back on the slide and nothing came out. “Make sure the safety is on.” I showed her the little lever and pin mechanisms and how one way said it was on safe and the other said different. “Load a fresh mag in, click the safety off, pull the trigger, aaand...”
*BANG*
“Boom.” I grinned mischievously. She, on the other hand, flipped out.
“Sweet Celestia! What in tarnation is that?!”
“I done told you already. A gun!”
She stood, her mouth agape for a few seconds. “Can, uh. Can Ah try it?”
“Hell yeah you can, c’mere,” I said excitedly and motioned her over and placed the piece in her hand, but not before clicking the safety on. “Now. Eject the mag.” She looked over the gun for a bit then found the button and pressed it. The magazine fell out into her hand. “Clear the chamber.” She struggled for a bit to get a firm grip on the slide then finally pulled it back, and out flew a bullet. I caught it in my hand and stuffed it in my pocket. “Safety.” She quickly found the button and nodded, letting me know that it was on. “Now load a magazine into it.” She did as instructed and pushed the mag in. “Click the safety off and squeeze the trigger...gently,” I said as I wrapped my hands around hers.
“The what?” Aside from this little bit, she was getting the hang of weapons handling very well.
“This here little lever thingy.” I pointed at the trigger and saw her mouth an ‘oh’ and watched as she moved her hands back into position.
*BANG*
“WHOA!”
“I know right?” I squealed.
“Now that right there is pretty cool,” she said as she turned to face me. Her arm swung around and the gun passed right in front of my face for a brief moment.
*BANG*
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Applejack's got a gun. Y'all better make way.
2051358 Jackie's got a gun *dododododeedo* Varmints on the run *dododododeedo*
2051395 Haha, thanks mate. I'm glad you've taken a liking to it. Have you by chance read any of the other stuff from PonyFall?
2051358 Applejack's my new barber.
She did a *BANG* up job.
2051405 Just gonna take a little off the to- Oh buck...
1903662 Rainbow's was.... eh... and Discord's was... Grammar!death. PonyFall: Australia's awesome, but I've yet to see the Twilight one. The Celestia one was okay from what I read, but I've not checked on it in a while.
I agree the great state of colorado probably is the most beautiful next to alaska. I love driving up into the hills in the fall or winter. Also good chapter, lookin forward to the next
M1911A1? As in, what is considered by many possibly the greatest pistol ever designed? Too cool....
Aww yiss Slorgy got to it. Le update. I'm still mad about the ending btw. You sick cliffhanging bastard, you.
But god damn. Your character is the best out of all the stories. Except for maybe Ashton, he's pretty nuts as well. I can't wait until you meet up with some of the other humans. Shit's gonna be BUCKIN' HILARIOUS. Oh and Cody's totally getting punched, amirite?
2051381 Varmint beat me to it.
I noticed a distinct lack of ear protection while firing that weapon. Admittedly I've only done any shooting in small-ish spaces with several others firing at the same time, but even in the middle of nowhere I'd have had earplugs and at least a large mound of dirt to keep bullets from hitting something regrettable.
But your experiences may be different from mine, and probably more accurate considering this seems an (admittedly well done) self-insert.
2051403 Yep, I've been going through all of them, only Rarity and Twi to go until I've read them all. You've all done excellent jobs.
Lol, AJ doesn't know what she's doing with that thing...
2051473 Unfortunately, I've never been to Alaska... :/
2051493 Fuckin' right? I love that damn thing.
2051510 Ain't nothin' to hit... I hope. Far as ear protection goes... I are not the smarterest.
2051641 Sure she does...
2051539 Right on, well then get to it!
2051505 Oh you. And yes, for I are badass like that.
You know who you remind me of?
forum.i3d.net/attachments/left-4-dead-l4d/943175920d1245553759-l4d-skin-francis-hells-angel-hells-1.jpg
The, end.
2051411
This is what i imeddiatly thought of to that comment.
(Skip to 1:58)
AWSOME CHAP AS WELL
2052454 So... I'm a badass now? Shweeeeet.
2052459 Ha, you wish.
2054337 Talahassee is THE best character in that movie, hands down.
2055218
Well he was right about the twinkies.
2055353 Darn tootin' he was!
Colorado is best state.
2055496 Jes, and La Salle is worst small town.
so applejack banged garrett?
2055514 Greeley is worst medium sized town.
Shouldn't you start teaching without live ammo? Or explain/demonstrate how dangerous mishandling guns can be?
2055727 The keyword here being 'should'.
2055565 I'll be damned... I guess she DID!
2055592 It smells of teh cow shit.
Applejaaaaaack... Whyyyyyy? >_<
I'm such a good editor. See, Appledash?! They love the chapter! And it's all thanks to my epic editing skillz!
2056152 lel I dunno why
2057471 And I thought I was narcissistic... lol
2057912 Oh you are! But I am too. But usually when I am in a good mood. I'm in a good mood today.
Okay what the hell ass balls is wrong with you?
Why. The fuck. Would you give Applejack a gun?!??!!?????!!!
I mean, I've done some pretty stupid things in my life before, but come ON.
2077954 I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I are a certimafied cornologist, rocket surgeon and Colorado redneck.
Very nice story here :D
I'd like to join you guys :D
2086827 You'd have to talk to TheSlorg 'bout that one mate. He's the man with the plan an everything goes through him. While he is considering another PonyFall installment involving background ponies when this one's over, there's no guarantee it'll come to fruition. Sooooo yeah.
*BANG*
Me: ......Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Ded.
Ah, I used to own a Rock myself. Ed Brown hammer and trigger. 3.5 pound break is stupid for carry, but it was so nice at the range.
About a year ago I traded it and my tax return for a Springfield Loaded. Too shiny for my own good, but it'll last forever.
I like most of the Ponyfall stories, but this is a bit too red-neck for my taste.
I'm guessing you're going for the 'anti hero' approach.
Gun's, foolish fist fights, complacently straight faced moral stance on 'right to eat red meat'
What worries me, is as 'voice of the author' your aviator don't seem to be realizing just how backwards all that is, I mean I know there are people who really believe all that foolishness, republicans must be getting votes from somewhere after all, but wow to actually present that as some sort of positive values, that takes some real acting.
Boy, your one bad example after another. Hope AJ not picking up any bad habits, or she succeeds in cleaning you up a bit.
Ooh, someone forgot to tell AJ that she's holding a weapon designed for lethal force. Anyway, I've read through this one and Rainbows, moving on to Majestic Royalty soon, and they're pretty good I guess. Though frankly, I imagine Mile High Apple Pie being the cheesy title for a cloppy AppleDash one-shot, but I guess it works here too. (perhaps there's a song reference that I'm missing here...)
YA SHOULDA TAUGHT HER WEAPON SAFETY FIRST.
GOLDEN RULE, DO NOT POINT A GUN AT ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DESTROY
2522373 yep and aways treat it like its loaded even if you know it ant