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DVB

Joined November 2012
22 followers

A Hispanic nerd with a few stories in mind. Haven't written much in a while so enjoy my stories. Review them and tell me what you think of them.

Groups

Stories (3)

  • Trials of Equestria I- Cataclysm
    Chaos is inevitable like order... however, no one decides where it flows. A brave new direction.

    39,328 words · 1,856 views · 125 likes · 3 dislikes
  • The Apple of Spike's Eye
    Dedicated to the episode: "Spike at your Service" and all the AppleSpike fans
    2,674 words · 2,881 views · 114 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Holiday Chronicles
    Origin stories for Overlord Flinx's characters for his contest. The legends, myths, fables and stories of the holiday spirits.
    8,973 words · 31 views · 3 likes · 0 dislikes

Blog Posts (9)

Source

A catalyst is defined as an object or person that causes a change...  While the path for everypony seems to be set in stone, one disagrees. He intends to bring out change in by bring something so foreign, so unknown, that not even he could predict the outcomes it would have.

First Published
12th Nov 2012
Last Modified
12th May 2013

Comments ( 110 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

Interesting so far.

Just.. well, personally i hope D wont be a overpowered god.

I hope D will act with subtlety, sneakiness and such to spread chaos (unlike big D's approach wich was clever but massively obvious chaos) . Self-restraint (to avoid detection/suspicion) and smart and subtle chaos like a trickster.  

DVB
#2 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

@twad

Well, it will be interesting because as you could see, part of him enjoys this newfound power while at the same time, part of him feels this power is consuming him and robbing him of who he is. He will cause chaos, but Celestia and the others will catch one when they see Discord's statue gone. Will be wondering how much of Season 3 will have an impact though I will probably do the Crystal Empire arc.

#3 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

interesting story so far. You earned yourself a thumbs up. :moustache:

#4 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

Your pacing seems too rushed and sporatic, while the dialog doesn't seem evenly spaced or organized either (hard to keep track of who is actually talking).

Scraping off the top layer of details from the prolog just make this seem like a "copy/paste" set-up taken from "Discord's heir".... Deal with Discord, changeling chaos, chaotic behavior in front of statue, (how you describe the) rush of raw power. The only notable difference I see, is the first contact.

Sorry but this isn't my cup of tea, so you won't get my 'track' or 'like'

DVB
#5 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1606043

Well we are all entitled to our opinions. Thank you for your criticisms. I will try and improve on my writing though I will say that do not be so hasty to judge. We were all beginners.

#6 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1606067 If my criticisme comes to benefit, then my work here is done. Yes, everyone have to start somewhere, and with practise comes perfection.

But as I said, for me it feels just too similar from the starting point, that I can truly enjoy it.

Still I would like to wish you good luck with the rest of the story.

Thule out!

#7 · Chapter 1 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

Perhaps i shall continue reading this intriguing Story :moustache: Please Continue

DVB
#8 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·

Well, pehaps I will go back and change the Prologue to be more original. Sometimes all you need is a little time off to go back and revise your work.

#9 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 9h ago · · ·

you shall continue this, then continue some more.

or else

#10 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 9h ago · · ·

>>1606067

may I add also that.....well 'D anomaly' is a being of chaos now....the story is kinda improved by your chaotic style....OVERAL I APPROVE HIGHLY!

#11 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 4h ago · · ·

geniusly hilarious lawl........D anomaly practically kidnapped Twilight.....and did a crude drawing on her leg, NICE keep it up!:ajsmug:

#12 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 4h ago · · ·

This story is like the most delicious apple I have ever eaten off a peanut!! :pinkiehappy:

#13 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 3h ago · · ·

I like it! :moustache:

#14 · Chapter 3 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·

moar please:yay:

#15 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 5d ago · · ·

Why do I get the feeling the entire chapter wasn't means to be in italics?

DVB
#16 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1623407

Thank you for catching that :twilightblush:

Didn't notice that at first.

#17 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1623407 i didn't even notice till you pointed it out... i'm an idiot:facehoof:

#18 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 5d ago · · ·

lol wait what? YES maybe PERHAPS .... CONTINUE PLZ:pinkiecrazy:

#19 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 5d ago · · ·

Dun...DUn...duuuuuuun!

#20 · Chapter 4 · 73w, 4d ago · · ·

HAHEM!.......fish fish fish fish fish fish:twilightoops:

#21 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

Lulz!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: And now they know how much of an assholes they are!! :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

#22 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

The Changeling should have a wonderfully ironic name. And in that spirit I believe that shle ahoys be named Laatikko, which is Finnish for box.

This is for two reasons, one we news more Finnish in fics,  and two you could say he put a box in a jar.

This comment wwas brought to you by my crappy andriod, which is now dead.

#23 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

Jeff.

#24 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

I rate this story...

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:/:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

(5/5)

Good work, keep it up.

DVB
#25 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1641748

Interesting name, though his role will be a pretty interesting one, especially with what will happen in later chapters.

#26 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·
#27 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

Great job indeed!

I've been reading this from day one. I've noticed that the 'accidents' have been growing less and less, also descriptions are becoming more detailed! :twilightblush:

#28 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

i concur for box

DVB
#29 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1643084

Thanks, I will keep trying my best to avoid accidents and to improve my writing

#30 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1642043 When in doubt, name someone after an inanimate object in a foriegn laungauge.

DVB
#31 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1644147

Well, I suppose I will wait. Meanwhile, I notice no one has commented on the 'lair' thing. I thought someone would say something like: 'Make the library a floating island like Angel Island' or 'An airship' or something by now :rainbowlaugh:

#32 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1644162 Or an entirely steampunk floating fortress, powered by glowing hello Science Juice.

But yeah, that's kinda odd.

Edit: Actually, I could see it now, haphazardly placed engines rotors, and bat wings made from steel frames and canvas, with massive pipes full of the glowing yellow substance.

#33 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

Hmm…I'm not very good with names but I have suggestion for the place.

What a about a techno team park, with all Anime and other video games as theme for the place. D bedroom, (that will be the arcade), will be fill with al source of consoles, videogames, to giants tv and an entire wall be a Computer scream.

Twilight bedroom (that will be the house of laugh), will have a theme similar of Dexter lab, with a series of book shelfs that when take one book out it will open a secret door to a lab, witch connect to every other attraction on the park .

The changeling can live in the center of the hall of mirrors.  

#34 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

For the changeling i suggest Chuck Testa and for their "house" a Spaceship like the Destiny :pinkiehappy:

DVB
#36 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1645758

For catching that reference, I will put you as a cameo. I do like the Howl's Moving Castle. I prefer clockpunk over steampunk though. Also, unique name. You may have won yourself a double or triple cameo. Congrats! :twilightsmile:

#37 · Chapter 6 · 70w, 1d ago · · ·

Awww no D Anomaly in this chapter.:fluttershysad: Still good though.:moustache:

#38 · Chapter 6 · 70w, 1d ago · · ·

YEAH!!!!

#39 · Chapter 6 · 70w, 20h ago · · ·

Cangeling name.... Chuck Testa!

#40 · Chapter 6 · 70w, 16h ago · · ·

Changeling Name- Inso or Inse or even Derrick the Magic Changeling.

#41 · Chapter 6 · 70w, 8h ago · · ·

Changeling name: Flipperdoodle, because D Anomay is an insane powerhouse.:trollestia:

The main idea, Twilight's friends and the Star bros. try to find her. The Star bros. succeed but hang around them for a while. Her friends keep missing them but run into D Anomay all alone but he just fools them into thinking he is a random ape reject (Instant Fluttershy pity/care) and has a bit of fun with them. Flipperdoodle (if you choose that to be his/her name) will eventually help D Anomaly with pulling pranks and such.

That preview of the next chapter you gave us is probably leading into an already thought out event, so no comment.

I hope my suggestions help you write a bit, I really do like this story.:yay:

#42 · Chapter 1 · 69w, 5d ago · · ·

What is the question of life if 42 is the answer?

We may never know because the dang Vogons blew up our planet!:twilightangry2:

#43 · Chapter 2 · 69w, 4d ago · · ·

Twilight gazed at the being. “How did you get here? What do you want?” she asked him. “How did you get here? I saw that princess banish you here and I know your friends, brother and mentor left you, so why don’t you share with me what happened?” D asked her. Normally, Twilight would wonder how this stranger knew of what happened, but that wasn’t important right now. D leaned down and she pressed her horn to his forehead.

Two things here:

1) When a new character speaks, you ALWAYS put it in a new line.

2) Twilight just injected memories, including personal ones from her fillyhood of time spent with Cadance, into the mind of a complete stranger of an unknown species?  It doesn't really seem exactly like something that Twilight would do.  Wouldn't she just tell him what she felt that he needed to know?  Even with the circumstances as they were, I just don't think that Twilight would have just magically shared her memories with someone she know nothing about.

Still an interesting chapter though.

#44 · Chapter 3 · 69w, 4d ago · · ·

The symbol for balance; I like it!  What I do not like is the idea of Twilight belonging to D..  Well now to find out what happens next.

#45 · Chapter 6 · 69w, 4d ago · · ·

It was O.K..

I just noticed that we can thumb-up or thumb-down comments now.:rainbowderp:

DVB
#46 · Chapter 6 · 69w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1801597 Actually, that is a modified symbol for 'Discordism.' Besides, do not assume many things are of certainty here. I have surprises in store...

#47 · Chapter 7 · 67w, 6d ago · · ·

yay:yay:

#48 · Chapter 7 · 67w, 6d ago · · ·

Interesting...a moving castle....be sure to write the next one as soon as possible,I'm highly interested in this.

#49 · Chapter 7 · 67w, 6d ago · · ·

WRITE MOAAAAAAR YOU USELESS SLAVE NO LIFE FOR YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE MOAAAAAR

#50 · Chapter 7 · 67w, 6d ago · · ·

D is planning to make his own army? Also, did he mention that his magic is also corrupting his thoughts, or he is waiting for the right moment to tell that to Twilight? You know, don't overcharge the poor mare with to much information  

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