• Member Since 6th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen January 26th

Thorax


E

Life in Ponyville is weird, really weird.
Sometimes an unlucky pony creates a satanic hell spawn muffin. Sometimes the town is threatened with Atomic destruction other times it's saved by a mare with a carton of milk. Other times it's just a bad hair day, these are some of those times.

Welcome to Ponyville

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 54 )

Not bad for an opening chapter, a few things though:

First off, you might want a pre-reader, there's a few grammatical errors throughout. (Sentences starting without a capital letter, a couple of run-ons, and a few sentences that need a bit of "sprucing" up.)

Yours: It was a quiet evening in Ponyville, like most days at about 7pm the shops began to close and ponies returned to their homes to spend the rest of their evening with their families.

Spruced up: Silence echoed among the streets of Ponyville. It was past seven and most of the shops were closed, many a mare headed home to spend the evening with their families.

It brings upon a more captivating and immersive read when you flesh a sentence out more.

One last thing: Instead of using ALL CAPS to convey yelling, just put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. The exclamation point is a very powerful piece of punctuation and will convey the meaning you meant to get across, while looking more crisp and clean.

Tracking, look forward to more.

112743. Thank you for the tips ill read it later today when I get a chance.

113351
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Don't worry about the rating, your prologue here was good! :yay:

113937

Oh, I don't really care about the rating. I was making a joke because it hit 2.1 stars.

Oh dear lord that cracked me up:rainbowlaugh:

I can tell this story is going to get CCRRRAAAZZYY :pinkiecrazy:
Also Seymour is best muffin.

Pinkie is out to kill the Evil Muffin of Doom! Priceless!javascript:smilie(':rainbowlaugh:');

117850

Poor Seymour, he'll never see her coming.

Rainbow My iPod deleted your The Thing comment, I'm so sorry.

The second I read the part with Pinkie I put my nook down and made an account here just to compliment you. :rainbowlaugh:
Seriously, I'm loving the comedy in this. Not only that but it gives me an epic idea; one that I probably won't be able to do for some time due to some restrictions from my life, but I'll contact you when I get around to it. :pinkiehappy:

138869 Can't wait to hear what you got

So yeah I made an account to comment here and well here I go

-There are a few typos and some parts that seem to have missing words for example"By the time Carrot Top had gotten down stairs Ditzy was long" and that's it, maybe you meant and Ditzy was long gone?.

-You should try avoid using Ditzy so much like for example"The moment Ditzy opened the door, she regretted ever getting up from bed that morning. For at the door stood the muffin. It stared up at Ditzy, and Ditzy stared back. At this point Ditzy just didn't care anymore. She closed her eyes and braced herself for a fluffy death. But it never came. Instead of death, the Muffin stared at Ditzy" maybe try using other words to refer to her?.

Great idea, needs some polishing but you're on the road keep up the writing :derpytongue2:

Oh by the way I'm tracking you now :yay:

"I was working on a project and something went wrong, then it went really wrong, then I ignored it. Now I don't have a house."

I just don't know what went wrong!

YAY for little shop of horrors! surprised no one pointed it out... suppose cause it's so obvious

219954

I don't know what you're talking amount. :ajsmug:

you should keep working on this its EPIC!

Not bad, although it can use some spit and polish. Keep up the good work.

You said you were going to work on your older stories. This is still on hiatus. Explanation?

So much win.:rainbowlaugh:
Very well, this is amusing and interesting and what not.

Another hilarious story. Man, I just love your stuff. Sure, the bad grammar is annoying to trawl through, but the jokes easily make up for it- your stories are some of the only ones that can get me to laugh out loud. Heck, I almost always refuse to read something with bad grammar- your work is the exception.

Well done.

1511154
Christmas Badger cut my internet, I just got back online now, switched it over.

Yay, more Thorax goodness- and yes, I saw that cameo, you sly dog. Twister with Derpy as well? Nice.

Just a couple of things- it's bass canon, note base. I think. Also, you seamed to have dropped a few words from a sentence or two- mainly around the bit where pinkie gets drunk.

They came to a mutual agreement that instead of reading, she should Pinkie couldn't find any more to drink, should she wake up.

I don't even know what you are you are trying to say here.

Fusion reactors can't melt down. Only Fission reactors do that. :trixieshiftright: Fusion reactors just don't work; there's no radiation involved unless it works perfectly.

Oh dear.:facehoof:
Shenanigans will ensue. Even FURTHER that is.:twilightsheepish:
Awaiting further releases.:fluttershysad:

Shame on you Thorax, you're supposed to fall asleep ON the bookcase. Or at least in a pool of your own vomit (provided you can). It's like, one of the rules of partying where alcohol is involved.

Lets hope your queen isn't in a bad mood when you get back. you may want to get her a drink just in case.

1540890
Haha, I passed out after downing 8 shots of straight vodka in 3 minutes.
I woke up at 4am feeling great, in a bed without any vomit on me.

AH Good old Stalliongrad Vodka best of the best along with Applejack Daniels.
Great chapter mate.

~Reggie

Jeez how long has it been :pinkiegasp: I don't even remember where this left last time, well I guess that's an excuse to read it all over again :twistnerd:

They came to a mutual agreement that instead of reading, she should would Pinkie keep Pinkie where she couldn't find any more to drink, should she wake up.

Um, I think there is something still wrong with that sentance... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

This chapter was enjoyable. I look forward to more, maybe Luna has to walk Cerebus, loses him and accidentally lets something out of tartarus which she is guarding until *Insert name* brings Cerebus back.

so much for a break from the main cast of the rulers of Canterlot >_> not that I'm complaining XD

1542585
I should fix that,
"Should, Would" Could, but I'll do it when I'm on my computer.

1545167
Well, I've already given a description of the underground city A Changeling of Heart

Secondly, how is that a self reference, I'm not a Changeling, I'm a space sloth.

1540567

They came to a mutual agreement that instead of reading, she should would Pinkie keep Pinkie where she couldn't find any more to drink, should she wake up.

Translating from Drunk to Normal... 3... 2... 1... Done.
They came to a mutual Agreement that instead of reading, she should keep Pinkie where Pinkie couldn't find any more to drink, should Pinkie wake up.
:twilightsmile:

1554837
Nah, you can get this skill if you play with drunk people all night long from 2 am till 9 am for ... Half a year at least.
They should be drunk every day. Drinking game starts from 2 AM and stops when everyone shutdown due to poisoning or morning time.
Another prerequisite: Respect to those (and from) drunk people.
You don't need to drink. Better stay sober during all playing time.

Also, I redundantly used Pinkie so you wouldn't mistake who the words are talking about.
So if say in proper words, it would be... Something like this:

They came to a mutual Agreement that instead of reading, Twilight should keep Pinkie where she couldn't find any more to drink, if pink party pony would wake up.

1554851

Yeah, drunk people are the best. Its just that I usualy join them, so I havent figured out drunk->sober translations yet, only drunk->drunk.

but Princess Celestia told her they already had too many Characters in their story, whatever that means."

That would explain how there's a Nightmare Moon kit for evil scientists in the first place.

Ditzy Shrugged "Apparently Princess Luna really wanted me to come stay with them, but Princess Celestia told her they already had too many Characters in their story, whatever that means."


LOL!!!!

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