• Member Since 25th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 4th, 2017

G-Money


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Twilight Sparkle and her friends must save Princess Celestia before Equestria is doomed...forever.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 19 )

15021

Yes, it is. I just looked through ponychan and Googled for images I thought went well with the story; if you'd like me to take it down and find another one, I would have no problem doing so. Full credit to the artist.

buh... what? :rainbowderp:

can... can we at least have some time before a Quest! is given? can we have some time at the party; some conversation, interaction, some pinkie pie?

i read half of the next one, it jumps from here to "pony the barricades!". we need some pacing, dont just jump strait into the plot, give the reader time to get into the general feel of the story: you start with a party, make it feel like a party, fun! have :pinkiehappy: do something silly, have :rainbowlaugh: do some obsessing over the Wonderbolts, maybe :raritywink: fail at pin the tail on the pony or spike ogle over her, SOMETHING! Then have spike do the whole "zomg! twi, read this!".

when i first read the letter, my first thought was :trollestia:.

you have better pacing later (in chapter 4), so dont just see me as a big meany.

trolls... interesting! a well written fic, just not fantastic with pacing...

This is pretty cool. Will there be updates?

28814

Thanks for the constructive criticism! I might go back and edit the earlier chapters sometime.

88005

Yes! This is still a work in progress. :twilightsmile:

I don't think you captured Rainbow Dash's personality very well, but other than that it's good

I honestly thought this story had been abandoned...good show for keeping it alive. :ajsmug:

PPS

Wow, updating after over a year? Were there more comments at some point?

Wow, straight to the point, aren't you?

I like that.

I'm sorry, but just burst out laughing while reading the letter. It's like: you're a great student... Oh, and equestria is doomed unless you do something. Good luck!

Party.... party.... party... "My dearest and most faithful student... While you were having your party a gruesome horde of (insert monster here) have completely overthrown the royal guard and the government. Party hard, right? Go get 'em."

“My name is an amalgamation of linguistic compounds primarily utilized to assign distinguishable identities so as to facilitate communication between individuals,” Twlight replied matter-of-factly

And don't call me "Shirley!"

Little did she know that her sister wouldn’t be returning to protect her. Little did she know that she’d soon become a victim of the hordes.

Little did she know that an author should show, not tell.

However, it is with deep regret that I inform you that Canterlot has been overtaken by a gruesome horde, who march upon the Royal Palace as I write this. The entire Canterlot Guard has been wiped out, and Princess Luna and I cannot hold them off on our own. Our fate is inevitable; yours is not. You have strength in numbers. Defend Ponyville. Only with your friends can you save Equestria.

It has been been a pleasure knowing you and learning from you, Twilight Sparkle.

Your mentor,

Princess Celestia

Sigh... Do I even need to say how much is wrong with this letter?

1) Canterlot is Capital positioned on a mountain, a good defensive position unless enemy can fly.
2) It had Celesta and Luna, two powerful alicors ( in S4 finale we saw that power of 4 alicorns can cut through mountains and give protection hard enough to endure extremely powerful attacks while not restraining agiliy ), Celestia and Luna have 1/2 of their power at their dispousal.
3) Most of the Royal Guards lead by Shining Armor were defending the capital, and who know if Cadence was around as well.
4) In Season 2 finale we saw that main 6 while skillful, can't defeat entire army. They took out many foes but wre overun eventally.

This letter literaly say that hostile army beat Shining, entire guard and 2-3 powerful alicorns together on a well positioned Capital were defeated, and that 6 mares in Ponyvile have strength in number and that they need to defend Ponyville against such force rather than evacuate the town and hide or seek alies from other countries.

This is so stupid. Even if main 6 can use Elements aganst enemy leader, they first need to break through entire army together without any of them dying or being captured.

I am really tired of Royal Sisters always being Princess Peach and Royal Guards being compltly incomptent, just so that 6 mares, by some miracle, fight of entire armies and defeat far more powerful villain without any help. It Is so repetitive that it hurts. Can't there be a story where eveyone besides main 6 can be competent for once? Even princess peach without having as much power as Celestia and Luna still assisted in Paper Mario series, while royal sisters rarely even bother to use their powers,

“Don’t worry, Fluttershy! Everything is going to be just fine. We’ll quickly fly up to Canterlot, rescue Princess Celestia, and return before the hordes come anywhere close to Ponyville. There’s nothing to worry about, and once we have Princess Celestia with us, those hordes won’t stand a chance!”

Riiiight... So 2 alicorns couldn't hold the attack alongside army of guards, but one of them is enough to defeat the horde in Ponyville, that makes so much sense...

“We have to protect Ponyville, Princess Luna, but once we repel the horde, we’ll go into the homeland of those hordes and rescue Princess Celestia. I promise.”

So, royal sisters and royal guard were overhelmed with ease, and main 6 who a moment ago were almost captured now need to defend entire Ponyville and after this go to enemy teritory for a rescue mission, and Luna is a coward who is afraid to try and save her sister or face enemy. Sure, she is important, but it goes against Luna's personality to use logic rather than her emotions, especially with Celestia's life on the line.

Sorry, but this story feels very rushed, and while I appreate the fact that Luna saved main 6 from danger, it all just happened in a blink of an eye, and the fact that Luna doesn't recognize the pony who saved her with Elements is odd (and if this is sarcasm, it doesn't suits her)

May I suggest you to slow down while writting a story and not rush it. It is important to ensure that story have decent pacing and everything isn't happening to fast, and personaly I would advice you to not follow "everyone are useless besides main 6 routine" because haivng main 6 beat entire army and save Celestia while Canterlot failed to defend against it seems very unfair. Also, why didn't Celestia and Luna teleport or fly away? They have powerful magic and wings, and trolls don't have wings.

If you ask me, pegasi with weather manipulation and alicorns with powerful magic would easy spot the incomming invason force and bomb it before they can even climb up the Canterlot mountain. You can't just move entire army into a high positioned city by foot.

...Feels like there's a Comedy tag missing.

Oh my god. Do you know what pacing is? Because this story has none.
I feel like I'm being forced to sprint through an art museum. There is a lot of great ideas here, and I'm not actually able to examine any of them.

please don't let them be dead

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