Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

I can't even find an emote or pic that could come close to describing my expression right now.

I'm dumbfounded, shocked, confused, awed, amazed, excited, scared—it's all mixed in there somewhere.

All I can really say is that I had to read this twice through.

I'm pretty convinced that it's brilliant, I just don't know how to process it.

It's—It's beautiful, man.

>>15862621586262

Yeah... my first drafts confuse even me. I usually end up adding another two to five hundred words onto what I've written just so it makes sense.

What can I say. I write like a crazy person.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

Also, thanks for the kind words.

Dammit, you got me. I'll have to read this once I'm done writing.

You. You intrigue me.

Very well, watching carefully. Take the upvote and favorite. Do not disappoint me.

oooh, Interesting, can not wait to see where this leads. Good Job.

This is really good. In fact, this is about as good as MLP fanfiction usually gets. There are a few tiny stylistic things I'd change, though: you use the 'd contraction a noticeable amount of times, you seem to be avoiding commas where they would make sentences easier to read, and there's a paragraph in there that uses a ton of ellipses. Also, you could stand to be a little clearer in your descriptions of scenery, particularly that very first paragraph from Rarity's perspective.

And all that said, this is still really good. If you clean this up a bit, then publish another chapter to set yourself at the 3,000 word minimum, you could easily get this onto Equestria Daily.

This is awesome. They're just so glib about the end of the world! And that countdown was a perfect touch. All in all, I shall be watching to see where this goes. I see a lot of potential for terribly sad moments with the whole 'can only see a family member seven times' thing.

One minor detail - you say Twilght's eyes filled with hope, but she only has one...

I'm disturbed by the feeling that this isn't just good, but is in one of those quality levels above my head that I can't distinguish from each other, and so I can only say "good".  Just enough info to lead us along, just enough description, not wordy, not sparse.  The pacing is excellent, giving us glimpses of apocalypse but spacing them out with personal interactions that show Twilight and Rarity's courage and focus.  Even EqD will love it -- showing, not telling; lots of that body movement they love so much.  (They'll gripe about some of the commas, but I like 'em.)

I noticed only one typo, but it is important.  I think you meant

No, what he wanted was to not feel lonely. What he wanted was to get rid of loneliness itself.

No, what he wanted was not to not feel lonely. What he wanted was to get rid of loneliness itself.

Off to blog about this.

ohhh YES. Thumb'd and faved and watched.

Image: http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/sdaghwqhF/dis-gon-b-gud.gif

</oblig>

It's confusing, I'll be honest.

Yet the plot is original and well written enough which makes me oh so desperate to see what happens next.

So, let's see what happens next.

Freaking hooked.

This going on the list of stories to track.  I really like the countdown theme you went with.  Keep it up!

Why do all the things I want to read pop up when I have exams?

Thankfully they're over in a week, then all my free time shall be consumed by ponies.

Again.

Hi,

Twilight's problem's with magic - should be 'problems', I think.

Followed, but not yet with the thumb-up. Might be me, but I didn't really get it. I'll try again later.

J.

Wow. Well, that's a thing that happened.

I'll try and responded to everyone, because my OCD friendliness won't let people leave my comments page unaccosted, but only if I've really got something to say. So... thanks to anyone who's commented on this/liked it/added it to their favourites. Sorry for the lack of a personal response.

Anyway, let's get to cracking.

>>15950831595083

I'd like to say that I won't disappoint, but I pretty much wrote this to purge an idea I'd been batting round inside my head for nearly a week now. The frame of time looping was mainly put in place so that I could explore multiple reactions to an apocalypse whilst keeping the same cast of characters. If you were hoping for the story to be heading along a strict, normal, "let's save the world" path -- or even just for the next run of chapters to be about Twilight and Rarity -- then you'll probably be disappointed.  

Quality of writing (such as it is) should remain fairly consistent, though. This was written in one go and has only had one round of editing done to it; the number of comments pointing out typos is somewhat indicative of that.

>>15952551595255

Yeah, contractions. Guilty as charged. I'm a northern-midlander Brit with Scottish parents and half of a life lived in Wales, which mainly manifests itself as a somewhat unique lexicon and a fond preference for contractions. I have to struggle not to write out sentences like "going t'pub?", and I also tend to think that stuff like "I'd've'd done it" is perfectly legitimate.

I have problems, I know. Believe me when I say that your issues with my overuse of 'd are merely scraping the tip of an impossibly deep iceberg.

I'll see if I can jettison some of the ellipses; a few could probably be safely swapped around with an em dash. The problem with the description is another common flaw of mine: I get confused all too easily between "info-dumping" and "setting the scene".

Also, thanks for the lovely comment. I love it when people make me think about how I write.

>>15952871595287

I was aiming more for apathetic than glib, but then again, the story's out and I'm utterly dead. They're basically synonyms anyway, so... Yeah, I'm gonna pretend I intended it to be glib all along.

As for the sad parts, it may be a potential that exists unrealised. I'm not entirely sure yet, though I'm generally not a fan of sad for the purposes of sad. I'm not entirely a fan of how the story skimmed it with the Sweetie conversation here either: how I handled introducing the "seven conversations/interactions" restriction in my first mental run through of this chapter (in which only Twi was time looping and the length was one day) felt far more natural and poignant to my ears. How it is now feels... stilted. I'm not especially keen to go treading down that path again.

Oh, and the conversations thing's not just with family members: it's with everyone. I'll try and clarify that later on when the restrictions expanded on (aka, conversation == what exactly?)

>>15953241595324

Image: http://www.tinychan.org/thumbs/1310084151677755.png

Thank you for that; error found and corrected.

>>15958531595853

People keep on mentioning these comma problems, and I can't seem to find them

I only knowingly repressed one comma ("He’d find himself lying awake at night with the caustic ache [...]") so I'm at a bit of a loss as to where they are. I'll scour through it later when the story's cooled a bit and my brain's forgotten what I meant whilst writing it.

That typo is important and cheers for spotting it. I've... contracted your suggestion mainly for the reasons outlined in the response to NN99's comments. I have an adulterous relationship with the apostrophe, and I should really get round to making it up with the comma.

Also, Blog? I'll have to follow up on that. Lots of love for all the kind words too. I'm somewhat surprised that this even warrants a quality level. I'd kinda been hoping this'd slink off the front page without attracting too much attention, mainly so I'd have a legitimate reason to shout "There! No-one's interested in this story! Let me finish everything else I've got going on first!" at my creative drive.

Now it looks like I'll have to follow up on this sometime soon. Damn.

>>15964491596449

Confusion's mainly just me being lazy/overtly scared of any form of exposition. I like to view this particular style of writing as listening in on an ongoing conversation: Neither party is going to stop and explain what they're talking about to you, so you have to try and figure things out by yourself. I tried to find ways to introduce the most important restrictions of the piece (Sweetie conversation == info on conversations aspect, No-light magic == info on drain of powers) but there's still a few that haven't been brought up. Stuff like "do the locations reset each cycle, and if not, what does that mean for objects moved by a member of the Mane six?" gets covered later on.

So, yeah: you should be confused. Not everything's been introduced yet, and that which has is incomplete in its explanation. But, if I've done my job right, your interest in having those confusions explained should outweigh your frustrations over them needing to be.

>>15972241597224

Funny thing: I wrote this immediately after a C++ exam. First time in a while I'd been able to finish yonks before the deadline and spend an hour sating my inner fussiness by getting each spacing juuuusssstttt right.

>>15972301597230

Cheers for the typo correction; I've edited it away. Also, you're hardly alone with the favourite over thumbs thing: as of right now, the ratio's at 46 favs to 35 thumbs, and I know some of those green things are from people who haven't followed it. I guess until there's a way to revoke a thumb from a story, people will always be hesitant about committing to it.

I miss the track button, even if people did spend a lot of time getting confused and tracking completed stories.

And as a final thing, long response is long

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png

>>15977911597791

In that case I'll read it straight after my computer science exam on Thursday

And I completely understand. I had a look at the code for some of the guys in my class - 'cause their's wasn't working properly - and spent most of the time just making it look "neat und tidy"

A very intriguing start to the story... And one that brings all kinds of ideas to mind.

I would have liked to read about the initial discovery of the looping time phenomenon and a few choice pieces of what the Mane 6 are up to between then and now. Will we get that at some point? Seems like you're just jumping straight to the third act.

>>16138071613807

Yeah, I started in media res, and yes, earlier parts of the story will be described. The first arc is, in fact, set before the prologue... except, chronologically, at exactly the same time because each cycle's about the same week. Story's gonna get weird like that.

I'd be loathe to include the initial discovery itself as anything other than a side chapter, though. The point where the first cycle ends and the second begins: that I could write about. Actually detailing the first cycle would be... massively out of tone with the rest of the fic.

I'm trying not to head down into the dark places this could go. Writing about the first cycle, when the main characters are not aware that it's not really the end, would be close to the bottom. That and there'd be no real reason to write it other than to try and capture the utter horror of it, something which I'm trying to distance the reader from by engaging the safety net early on.

Oh, and the few choices pieces of what the rest of the mane six are up to is going to be much of the mane focus of this to begin with. What Twilight and Rarity get up to after the prologue ends is one of three arcs I've planned out for this. And at the moment, it's not going to be the focus of what comes next.

>>15977911597791

Well, time apathetic and glib are kinda the same- and Twi seems to have something up her non-existent sleeve, so that looked a little less apathetic. I mean, you meant it to be glib the entire time. Yup.

Not sad just to be sad, of course. Perhaps just a point that could incite character development or be useful later on. However little you use it, that was a pretty good idea. I mean, it makes the whole situation for the Mane 6 even more... unhappy, I suppose. What were you thinking of in the first draft?

Ah, yes, I get it. That, of course, makes sense! I just said family because Sweetie Belle specifically was mentioned. Clarifying what, exactly a conversation/interaction is would be good, too. Like, just bumping into a pony while walking down the street- count or not count?

>>15977911597791  Omg. Huge comment... Aquillo... Wat R U doin... Aquillo...

Image: http://duckduckgrayduck.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/stahp.jpg

Nooo! Don't reply longform! You could use that time to write more of this amazing epic.

I love the whole Wotan, "I traded my eye for wisdom." schtick that Twilight's got going on. Do I also detect a (massive, moon-sized) hint of Majora's Mask? I like the way you write, and I can't wait to see where you go from here. If you need any help proofreading and such, I do edit stories, and am quite good at it.

>>16155361615536

Glad we see eye to eye on sad for the sake of sad. Sad which arises naturally out of characterisation or as part of a scene, however... I promise I'll pounce on the sucker and squeeze every ounce of power I can out of it.

I just won't be planning any detours towards sads-ville if I can help it. To be honest, I usually find the detours themselves far more powerful: a character who's being crushed down by all the weight adversity can stack on them, and yet still stands up and says "Fuck you" to the world has always resonated with me far more than a character who just breaks down. That last one's kinda... boring, to be blunt.

The first draft had Twilight talking to an increasingly exasperated Rarity, to the point that the two almost came to blows several times during the conversation. It would've only been revealed at the end, to a somewhat doubtful Rarity, that that was their final conversation. OOC character suddenly explained, hurrahs all round. (I like the idea of doing something that can be seen as a mistake only to reveal it's not later on. I think it'd be a nice way to tug a rug out from under somebody's feet.)

Like, just bumping into a pony while walking down the street- count or not count?

Can't comment, but you're thinking along the right lines. I've been toying around with the idea of a "Twilight Sparkle's Field Notes on the Apocalypse" type thing, which'd cover her empirical research on figuring out what the hell's going on. I probably won't do it 'cause it'd be boring to write and involve explaining things because it'd detract from the actual story. And be boring to write/possibly come back to bite me when it's revealed that most of what Twilight knows about the rules is wrong.

It'd be like me giving you a book on Aristotelian physics only to shout "Haha, suckers! It was relativity all along!" a few weeks down the line.

And it'd be boring to write.

>>16214641621464

Fine: I'll reply in bullet points.

1) So glad someone spotted the Wotan thing. It's a deliberate reference; I even went to the effort of researching which eye he lost. I can only hope my source was accurate.

Also glad you used Wotan instead of Odin. That becomes important.

2) Yeah, the moon falling on Canterlot at the end is a reference to Majora's Mask. You're good at this.

The actual fic itself isn't going to be following the same lines, however; I'd have tagged it as a crossover otherwise.

3) Thanks for the offer (seriously -- I edit a lot myself, and I know what that kinda offer means) but I'm gonna have to decline. I've had one nine k fic that's been sitting in the editing doc for around a month now, and this fic -- no matter how popular it gets -- is always going to be the story I sketched out without letting another person see it. I like it, and I'm going to be doing my damnedest not to screw it up, but I kinda want to know if I'll sink or swim without my waterwings.

Even the writing style itself is a bit of an experiment. I'm... stretching my wings here.

4) Heh, the story's already had 2.5 K of itself sitting inside the chapter two part since Monday. It's mainly waiting for Uni to stop gobbling up all my time so I can get around to it/for me to finish planning the rest of the first arc and determine where, exactly, all the plot threads I've laid down are going.

>>16216071621607

See, now, that's good writing. Sad for the sake of characterization or the story, that's when you want some sad and that's when I wanna see it. Every ounce. I'm counting on that. Every ounce!

Yes! I love the badass characters who just keep fighting, won't let anything stop them for long, and doesn't let the general unfairness of the world make them all mopey. A character who can't take a good beating, well, that just isn't much fun. So, again, something we quite agree on here!

Final, as in they'd already spoken/interacted six times before that. That would've be a nice, tidy way of showing the effects of the curse, and a good, poignant twist. I like what you had planned out! (Twists are just so much fun- to the reader and the writer)

Gah! Good to know that I'm on the right track, though. Even Twilight can't be right about everything. Although I guess if you ever did it as a side story or something, it would be interesting to see more detailed accounts on what Twilight did while she traveled. It wouldn't necessarily have to be boring, and you could flesh out the backstory a bit and add some adventure and such. Though I suppose it would be a bit of a waste of time if all she came up with was wrong...

You have my interest. I look forward to more.

Image: http://files.g4tv.com/ImageDb3/186570_S/Apocalypse.jpg

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_main8mg6Fm1qc5ffho1_500.png

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/397/444/1a7.png

Image: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7270/7457592028_a15d0185e2_z.jpg

Image: https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-yYcyX4DzZws/UDvBI_HM5RI/AAAAAAAAEAs/9Pju8ACMeKc/AppleTreeJack.png

Image: http://www.allmystery.de/i/t5d8596_No-time-to-explain.jpg

Welcome to the first arc; I hope you enjoy your stay. Exits are located to the upper left and right and also along the lower half of the screen. In case of an emergency, disconnect the power socket and retreat to a safe distance away from your reading device.

Your descriptions have improved vastly with this story. I really really really want to review thi properly, but I want a keyboard first. I expect EQD features this as soon as you send it.

>>16410911641091 Nah man, more like:

Image: http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/284/0/7/horse_run_by_dj88-d4ci5eb.png

Image: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8WI9mhXGGb4/T_SS21NpRgI/AAAAAAAAAxg/xfOrTduMfK4/s1600/WestTexas+DustStorm.jpg

Image: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2589/3947678954_6436182c02.jpg

Way epic.

Okay, you get the thumbs up - but you'd better pay off all these promises you're making.

>>16415021641502

To be fair to the prologue, more than two thirds of the first chapter is just pure prose. It'd be hard for some of that not to progress beyond a threadbare description at some point.

And I'd be surprised if EQD didn't reject this first time. The ending part of this chapter's kinda sloppy... which makes sense, seeing as the whole Braeburn bit was added as an afterthought. I need to tighten that up a bit and carve Braeburn's character out more deeply, as well as focusing it in on what's meant to be the point/underlying theme of this chapter. The theme crops up from time to time, most noticeably near the end, but I kinda think it could do with a bit more teasing out. Oh, and I don't really have any plans to submit this any time soon, making the rejection thing kinda void. (Edit: Fine, you convinced me and it's in. I blame you for this edit.)

And if you really want to talk about it, Skype? I'd be interested in knowing your thoughts.

>>16426141642614

That last one is undoubtedly a better picture of a horse in a sandstorm. I'm not entirely sure if I can contain my jealousy.

>>16434831643483

Thanks + I'll try my best. All that I can really say is that the Russian armaments I've been merrily sowing -- like the watch and the wooden obelisk thingy -- have already got purposes planned out for them, and that green trowel-butt and his antagonism is also going to be explained brought up again and expanded upon.

I'm not sure what other promises I've made, but if they involve money and/or my first born, I'll probably end up breaking them.

Majora's Mask hardcore mode! I can just imagine Braeburn just as friendly on the 13th time, to AJs exasperation.

I'm really pumped for this now. Honestly, it's starting to remind me of Autsraeoh.

Excellent descriptive writing.  You have the narrator use some of Applejack's speech patterns, which is unsettling, as this is not first person.  But the descriptions are first-rate.  Sometimes I quote the paragraphs I especially like, but there were too many of them, and no clunkers anywhere.  I was reading a story by Charles de Lint just before yours, and yours is better, stylistically.

Rated five out of five by older bronies everywhere (at least Texas).

>>16481931648193

Heh. Well, I wrote this chapter whilst listening to this, so maybe the Disney rubbed off on me?

>>16485631648563

Damnit, stop being so nice to me. My head should not be needing this many punctures added to it in order to halt its upward ascent.

The Applejack speech patterns thing is a good point. It's something I noticed whilst writing; I'd kinda been hoping I could get away with some over the top slippages between subjective and objective narration. If it's unsettling, though, I'll probably tone the mimicry down and return the narrator to snarking occasionally. He's good at that.

Now I just need to find some way to rephrase "This here was a problem" which sounds as nice in my head as the original line. Bums.

So, Twilight and Rarity are in Ponyville, Applejack's stumbled her way into Appleoosa, Fluttershy's missing, presumed in Manehattan, and Dash and Pinkie are still unaccounted for...

Huh.

Well, in any case, I do love a good time loop story, and I'm looking forward to the next development. Especially in terms of with whom the Altering Party has already blown their seven chances.

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbtlgk0QmN1rz0nk4o1_500.jpg

Excellent work, author. This piece surpassed our expectations, and that is not a statement this group makes lightly.

And remember: the pre-readers will be watching.

This continues odd, intriguing, and melancholy; and unless I woefully miss my guess, this is exactly your intent.  Keep it up.

So... The planet is being destroyed via being crushed between the sun and the moon, over and over again, time just resetting back to a week earlier every time it happens?

Holy shit. it's like Majora's Mask on hard mode. ._.

The first chapter hints at Majora's Mask... Right?

btw Lovin it

It... it...

has great potential. I'll feel like you're intentionally making it just a tad too confusing for the readers, and its kinda annoying. Damn catchy, but agitating. I eagerly await more.

Congratulations Aquilo!

Finnally read both chapters...

wait for it...

Image: http://images.google.com/imgres?q=MOAR+mlp&hl=en&biw=1152&bih=696&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=aw_pNGMussRS0M:&imgrefurl=http://forum.eveuniversity.org/viewtopic.php%3Fp%3D371727&docid=bgxT-7nXc_r22M&imgurl=http://i724.photobucket.com/albums/ww250/Wings-of-Ash/PONIES/PonyFever.jpg&w=1024&h=711&ei=8IK5UIfiIqnkygHCpYDYCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=849&vpy=123&dur=224&hovh=126&hovw=181&tx=180&ty=105&sig=105943254666821966460&page=1&tbnh=126&tbnw=181&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0,i:85

>>17167491716749

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it broke

>>17167531716753

so I'll link it instead!

>>17166831716683

Its funny not seeing your name highlighted in red

>>17167711716771

Um... Okay.

I don't stray too far from 'home,' I guess. But Aquilo's a chum (and a talented one at that) so I came by for a visit.

Again, awesome work Aquilo.

Back to work.

So... yeah.  EqD happened.  Grats on that.

I still don't know what I read before, but I'ma track this shit.

just as a suggestion, I think you could do a little bit better job explaining the whole day night thing, I was having trouble visualizing it. but overall, i thought this was a very good piece of work, and i cant wait to see what happens next!

So is this kinda like Endless Eight?

interesting premise, adding to the read later list.

EqD brought me, no time right now, so I'll throw it on the read later mountain, but I WILL read it tomorrow. Looks intriguing I must say.

i have no idea what i just read, but it was amazing

Damn....

i came here because chapter name 'in medias res'

it is the same name as a story i read long ago, it was an mazing well written story but it has dissappeared from the interwebz and has made me sad pony

Stunning. More please.

Intriguing. Do proceed

Just read the first chapter and, as a Zelda fan, all I can think of this is:

"Dawn of the First Day"

Let the cycle begin anew!

Oh god, is Twilight going to have to set up some Braid time-loop puzzles?

I swear, I came here thinking I was going to get your average apocalypse story, and instead I get MINDBLOWN!

Omg the plot is so original. I am just so curious as to how the Mane 6 is going to fix things, especially since they're scattered everywhere. It's almost reminds me of Stephen King's The Stand, where all of the major players have to embark on this long trek to a central place (and even then the hard part hadn't even begun).

Also, this seven cycles thing.... Dang... As if the whole "experiencing the end of the world" thing isn't enough... One can't even stay in the same place among one's family and friends even if one wanted to. Harsh....

You, my friend, have earned yourself a fav and an avid reader!

Oh man. Its only two chapters and you've really got something unique going on here.

I love the premise and your writing is ambiguous enough to let our imaginations run wild but detailed enough to carry the story.

Dis gonna be good.

Though I couldn't work out what you were describing with the day night boundary. Could you elaborate?

Oh gods...Majora's Mask flashbacks...make them stop!

Three days...three days...THREE DAYS!!!

(*favs*)

This is epic my friend... MLP:Majora's mask edition.

Er.

Mah.

Gerd.

You have grabbed my attention by the short and curlies, sir. I couldn't be paying more attention to this if I tried.

If you pull this off right, so help me I will joy puke my face off.

The ideas behind this story fill me with feelings I can't explain but would hate to go away.

When I read the description I thought, "Oh man, it's like Majora's Mask. I can't wait to read this." Then I read the first chapter and got to the part where they mention the moon actually falls and I thought, "Oh man, it IS Majora's Mask!" Then I got to the part where the timer resets to "Ten thousand and eighty" and I thought

"

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltu2skorlz1qm8xxgo1_500.png

>>17167831716783

Usually I'm reading your stories so your name is red, but Aquillo is doing really well, so....

MOAR!

Let's be honest: If you'd looked at the comments section at all, you knew this was coming.

Phew. I have been procrastinating so hard over this.

Anyway. Responses:

>>17078551707855

Mainly yes about the character's locations, save for Dash. First chapter mentions that "She needs a few more cycles with the zebra", which kinda implies she's with the zebra. Rarity later builds on this by mentioning that she'll have to ask about the sun crashing when they next meet. So, ~ opposite side of the earth from Ponyville, assuming spherical earth + moon & sun orbiting directly opposite each other (probs has a proper name; no idea what it is).

So, she's got a hazy location of half a world away from Ponyville + with a bunch of zebra. Not entirely unknown, but a bit more certain than Flutters.

>>17117121711712

That's Xcom, baby.

To be honest, praise from one of the reviewers whose threads I learned from isn't something I take lightly either. As surprised and, to a degree, offended as I am about this getting on first time round -- I review for SALT, and TTG occasionally, so the idea that fics can get onto Eqd without a review or editor shatters my worldview -- your words do mean that I'm gonna have to make some reconsiderations about my own judge of EE's quality. Phooey.

Though that last line is a lot less intimidating coming from a group with a horsecock obsession. Just saying.

>>17163551716355

Odd? Check. I aim to be as far from the norm as possible whilst writing. For example, I hold that Celestia and Luna stole their wings from pegasi. Canon supports this thusly: Sonic Rainboom has a scene where one of the pegasi asks for a set of wings like Rarity's, implying pegasi can just rip off their wings and exchange them with other sets. Hence, alicorns == unicorn + theft.

Though that Trixie episode kinda ruined it a bit. Bums.

Intriguing: Check, though I think you mean "tantalising vague". It's more in keeping with the "EXPLAIN, AQUILLO! EXPLAIN!" death threats I keep on receiving at any rate.

Melancholy: Not so much intentional, no... I was aiming more for a bleak setting than a "holy crap, life's depressing" story. To be honest, I'm more about the apathy and the dullness than the sadness: if you've been through something like this often enough, I could imagine that you'd be more likely to eventually emerge from the "this is horrifying" stage to one of utter deadness to it. That's kinda why Twilight's indifferent -- she walks out of street filled with running, crying ponies utterly uninterested in it -- Rarity's trying to ignore it/suppress her feelings and AJ's focusing every last ounce of stubbornness she has towards "the big picture".

Deadened instead of sad. It's... stronger, to my mind at least. I dunno: I can't really read this like a normal reader. It's like playing chess against yourself: you see the moves coming and the battleplans of both sides unfolding as they're made.

Well, that and all the ghosts of sentences past that are clogging up the place.

>>17166531716653

Intentionally? Not so much: the part at the end is actually a concession towards making things clearer. Well, a bit. It's still not the whole picture, but it does give some exposition for those people who (quite reasonably, tbh) aren't going to sit down and try and figure out what's going on from the few snippets of info I divulge.  

At the same time, though, that is how the exposition for this is meant to work. Twi. + co. have no real idea what's going on and have had to work it all out from scratch, which often means they're guessing. Scientific theory rather than mathematical proof. By giving the reader examples of what was going on, I was trying to lead them down the same logical paths and, hopefully, towards the same conclusions. When it worked, it worked: nobody's questioned me about the cycle being a single week even though questions like "What time does the crossover happen?" and "Why one week?" should be coming up. And when it hasn't work...

Well, that's what the concession's there for + narrator expanding on "Seven conversations" rule, no matter how much I hate them.

>>17167611716761

But... you're on a site filled with pony stories! I don't think we do anything else on here!

>>17167831716783

Cheers for the congrats. Also for the chum part: I'd considered us as such, but it's always nice to hear it.

Also, talented? Have I really started deluding people that badly?

>>17168701716870

Also cheers. I look forward to having you two along for the ride.

>>17168761716876

Hmm... Possibly. I can remember thinking that I spent too much time on it in the initial run-through, which might explain why it's so threadbare here. At the same time, though, the scene is meant to be more about AJ's reaction to it than the... thing itself.  

I'll probably try and add in some more to it, though, especially seeing as >>17188671718867's brought it up too.

If you just think of a giant line across the sky with day on one side and night on the other, though, you're not far wrong from visualising it. As to what it is...

>>17169311716931

That's a new one: most people have said either Groundhog's day or Majora's mask.

As for Endless Eight... not really. It's similar in that there's a time-looping phenomenon, but different in that each person can move freely about the world -- and maintains their position between cycles -- and that they retain their memories of the previous cycles. + The conversation thing and the loss of cutie mark powers.

The time-loop thing is the big bell & whistle everyone focuses on, but I swear there's little bells and whistles in here too.

>>17175641717564

How long ago? Google might still have a cache set up for it.

Alternatively, you could always go routing through this if it was a fimfiction story. That's an archive of the site from some time in the past; you might just find it on there.

>>17186471718647

Heh, the friendship thing exists so that I have a legitimate reason to get them out of Ponyville. People seem to assume that I created it in order to create needless sads; the problem is that I'm actually starting to consider it.

I haven't read The stand yet, but that description's pretty apt: the story doesn't end when the mane six get back together, and most of the early parts of this are just the characters by themselves.

Well, almost. It's an evocation of the "loneliness" theme at any rate.

>>17188621718862

To be honest, the writing in this is something I'd call sketch writing: it's designed to be fast, fluid and give impressions over detail. I'm surprised it's going down so well, though the screams for more detail are both encouraging and a reminder it's far from perfect.

The night-day boundary is, essentially, a boundary between night and day inside the sky. Describing it's clearly something I fail on, so I'm going to take you through the thought process that led up to it:

Imagine a person standing on a globe that operates on a distinct day and night system. Imagine the sky above that person at around midnight, with every part of the atmosphere that they can see as absolute night, and the part on the opposite half of the globe as absolute day. Now, imagine that distinctness preserved and then moved, so that the boundary between the two of them is now clearly visible to the person and no longer on the horizon. Imagine that boundary held inside the sky, with one part as clear night and the other side as clear day, and this dark, red gash of a line separating the two.

That is, essentially, what I'm trying to describe. If I could draw, I'd make diagrams.

>>17212951721295

NO! Shamus, what are you doing reading when there's TTHS to rewrite? Gah!

Ok, I'm both calm and sorry. It's just that TTHS is the reason I got a fimfiction account. I have a lot of nostalgia riding on that rewrite. So... right back at you with the "pull this off right".

As for the feelings... I swear, I'm not trying to make it sad. It just seems to happen. I'm more of a "that sounds like a cool idea, let's mess around with that" kind of bloke. I don't like purposeless detours to seriousness-square or sads-ville, as you could probably tell from the sheer number of times the narrator jumped in to snark about something. Well, stealth snark. For example, the "It's funny how, at the end of something precious [...]" line is a comment about the inconsistency in length between the countdowns.

So. Yeah. Point of all that is that I don't think I have the required levels of maturity to write the fic everyone seems to be expecting. Are there going to be cool things? Yes, hopefully. The stuff planned out excites me, at least. Is it going to be told straight-faced? No: I'll be smirking every second of the way.

Long story short, seriousness bores me.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

>>17222491722249

Well, if we posted only "amazing" stories, to be blunt, we'd barely have anything to post. EqD isn't the be-all and end-all of quality. I don't know what is in this fandom, but we ain't it, sad to say.

>>17222491722249

TTHS is the reason I got a fimfiction account.

Holy shit. Off to GDocs, then! I've apparently touched a lot of lives with this whole shebang.

And by "feelings," I mean "holyshitholyshit if he doesn't do anything spectacularly stupid with this story, it's going to unfold and I'm gonna be all 'duuuuude so that's what that means' and I love being able to think that" sorts of feelings.

>>17222631722263

Fair enough.

And, looking back at the comment, I probably came across as ungrateful. Thank you for the pre-read and the feature. It does mean a lot to me, even if I'm a bit of an idiot about showing it.

>>17223331722333

Naw. Trust me, I know the feeling from when I was just starting out. My first fanfic required something like four submissions (before the days of "three strikes") to pass with as many revisions and rounds of reviews, and then the next fanfic I wrote got through on the first try.

There was no "WAT" loud enough.

Buhwuh

I'm an arc veteran. Ive read austraeho and currently eljunbyro

All I can say is wow.

I don't envy you. I can't possibly see anyway you could have written the rest of this story in a way that matches this opening. But I guess we'll see. Good luck.

A little late to the party, but this is a magnificent continuation of an awesome premise, and this is making the shortlist of stories I actively look forward to reading.  Looking forward to more!

>>17222491722249

...............

never thought of it like that

Nice.

Oh, my, god. Amazing start to this.

10/5, will definitely be reading more.

Twilight Sparkle's Field Notes on the Apocalypse

Hah!

Quite glad that I saw this go by on EQD and faved it for later reading, it's just fantastic so far.

Wow, this is amazing so far.  A bit confusing, but still amazing.  The disastrous scale of this apocolypse (the moon and sun colliding with the earth? Holy cow) is gloriously terrible, and I love it.

I usually don't offer praise, or comment, or log in, or even remember I have an account here.

But this story(or at least it's beginnings) deserves exceptional response.

I really, really like this story.

I eagerly await more, and will be watching this as patiently as I possible can.

I had this story in my "read later" folder for the longest time. I wish I had read it sooner. Definitely one of the best fics out there. Interesting, original premise and beautifully well written.

Hope to see the next chapter soon.

Arrgh! Apologies.

>>24800812480081

Aquillo you tease.

>>24800922480092

I... I don't wanna be a tease!

Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/097/5/4/something_made_pinkie_cry____feels_bad_man_by_randomtmcr-d4vb7cs.png

Boop.

Upon my word!

What forthcoming has granted us the exquisite and glorifying master of literature that hath indeed presented itself to us in the mere fathoming of a mortal Fanfiction in which it resides!? Courteous to the mercy of God himself, This reader hath entered the domain tranquility, repentance and emotion and emerged with the souls of a thousand tear shed Gentlemen!

Indeed my good sir! In the pretense of this oblivion in which my heart weeps of desire for this inhumane perfection The Universe hath created, I found myself to be merely curious of this beautiful enigmas acceptance into The Round Table of the Featured and quizzically ventured forth into the Trenches of the Unknown.

were it to be merely a day or century before my arrival at this beacon of righteousness, I eagerly flipped and turned the pages of time to gaze and read upon the literature of this benevolent and sacred writing. Not a moment less before the light of the first words had reached my eyes did my soul shudder with the complexity of shattered glass twinkling down the staircases of distraught.

To which the fabric of consciousness had swooned and swayed in the waves of emotion that had overcome my mortal being did the silent, stroking of my heart cease to contain itself any longer! With the shudders of thought cleared from my mind, I ventured into the chasms of madness and buckled under the wrath of eternal despair!

And yet, I laid here under the blankets of my abode, writhing and squirming from which this story hath unleashed it's viscosity of raw and undiluted emotions into my heart. Nay, the permeating righteousness of the Lord himself! And in my turbulent and grieving soul, I shout with the force of millions of readers crying the world over:

... *cough*

... It was good.

When's the next update?

AAAUGH!  Aquillo, you tease!

>>24806132480613

Somepoint at the weekend. I'm currently midway through assembling the third chapter and checking how the format looks on Fimfiction; this unfortunately led towards the accidental publish and the whole "teasing" fiasco.

>>24804662480466

Heh, lots of nice words. Cheers!

But man, you gotta watch that use of thou form of verb endings when a thou, thee, thy or thine is not in use. Using -st as an ending for all verbs is as much a lie perpetuated by modernity as the idea that sword fighting was two men bashing swords together.

I am being ungrateful! Nah!

>>24807352480735

I don't know how to make this up to people

I tried it by completely ignoring all your suggestions, and using small Helvetica with Dash colors and 2.0 spacing. There are in fact rouge spacing and silly typography.

I'm not sure what I expected. I'm not sure why I tried.

Makes me think about Hard Reset a bit, where each loop ends the same, in destruction, unless you act differently(like you said at the bottom of chapter two here), except now there's a limit on what to get away with. You've done what I thought could not be. You took "here, go do whatever cause you'll live again" and made it into "do what you want, but don't interfere too much or you're dead!"

Interesting premise, plot, and antagonists, however I am confused as to the character responsible for "breaking" time. For once it isn't Twilight, so that's a surprise. Will we be seeing some cameo of them in the future? I enjoy seeing the motives and processes behind breaking time. Makes it all the more enjoyable, eh?

But I guess I can't complain, since you've completed only two chapters so far, and I feel we're in for many more! I'll be looking forward to reading this one further.

I'll still prefer time loops with no real consequences such as The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragments and Hard Reset / Stitch In Time, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy this as well!

Keep it up mate!

~Dash

>>24804662480466

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/34326885.jpg

i played  Majora's Mask and thats the first thing i thought of as the moon fell and time restarted. god the flashback of me never beating MM because the 3 days

>>24808822480882

*Squee* Awesome, I can't wait for the new chapter to come out, and I missed the teaser fiasco . Well good luck and I look forward to next chapter .

>>24808892480889

I guess you would get rouge spacings with Dash colours. That dang rainbow mane...

How were your Luna levels, though? Good, bad, mediocre? Do you think your experience could've been heightened through added Celestia?

This is important for the reading experience.

>>24809462480946

Hard Reset? That one's new: most people go for Majora's Mask, Groundhog's Day or Endless Eight. And no-one ever seems to pick up that I'm actually ripping off

mimicking

...

Inspired by End of Ponies and Best Night Ever. Yes, that one will do: Inspired by.

The part about dying was mainly brought in because I was tired of seeing the immortality part. It leads into good character development because we get to see the characters give in to their desires without fear of repercussion, yes, but it's also kinda played out by now. That and the focus early on is more on the apocalypse, with the time loops brought in so I can keep the same cast of characters and also have multiple opportunities to attempt at cleverness. I also felt that it kinda clashed with FiM's general silence over death. A bit weird given I'm writing a story about the end of the world, perhaps, but I'm generally trying to stop this from being as dark as it could be.

And yes, those who broke the world will almost certainly be making a reappearance. I can't say when, cause that'll spoil it, but rest assured it happens. I'm not going to forget what this fic's about in the process of thinking up a multitude of ways to describe ponies manes in the breeze.

And also, thank you for the kind words and feedback. Both are appreciated.

>>24815862481586

Dude, you're here because of the teaser fiasco!

>>24817262481726

Ah! So that's why it was up in the window thing with the stories (new to the site so I don't know what it's called), even though it hasn't been updated in over four months. I just loaded up the page because from the sounds of it, it looks like an amazing story.

That and I love me some time loops .

>>24818302481830

Ah. That would be the feature box: the first seven (top down) are reserved for new stories on the site that received a significant amount of interest soon after being posted. Guessing the algorithm that selects stories for it is a popular pass time for members of the site.

The last three are for stories that have just updated and've received a significant amount of attention in the past. I think. No-one's quite sure but Knighty how that one works either.

>>24818692481869

Ok, thank you very much for explaining that . I was curious about that for a while now.

>>24820382482038

No problem.

Also, one hundredth post get!