Very interesting please go on

What you need is a pre-reader!

May I suggest myself? 'cos i'm amazing with grammar and spelling.

Tracking. Good start so far, keep it up. A hint of advice, though: keep it simple. if the plot shoots of to the upper atmosphere of Random while trying to reach Cloudcity Epic, you'll just ruin a good story. Seen it happen too many times, I have. But still, keep it up! Can't wait to see where this one's going!

>>112290112290 I'll do my best >_< If it does im sore that the magic of the comments will point it out. My mind tends to reach levels of randomosity (as i like to call it) That only few suck a Pinke Pie could understand.  javascript:smilie('');But i have been rereading and rereading the chapters I been making so that I can fix any issue like that.javascript:smilie('');

Cool.

There are several spelling and grammar mistakes, several that if the word processing program had a spelling/grammar checker would highlight for you. For instance, weather means clouds, rain, snow, and such. The word you're looking for is whether, meaning either or. There are other mistakes like that that should be corrected (ex: to, too, two). You have a few words that are randomly capitalized, and should not be, and the grammar dialogue needs a lot of work. Better than I've almost come to expect with new writers, but definitely not correct. Find a prereader, and if s/he is good at their job, they'll point out these mistakes for you to fix. I'd volunteer, but I'm prereading/reviewing for too many authors as is.

Overall, it's got my attention is about a 2.8/5. The spelling and grammar errors do detract from the story enough to lower the rating significantly, but this story has got enough potential to keep it from being too low. I do have one question, what version of the nanosuit is this Siege using? I've never heard of any nanosuit that leaves parts of the body exposed.

>>112558112558 Thnx for telling me, sorry i live in the nl right now and my English is fading. forgot there was more that one way of spelling whether. But there are warnings all over about my lack of the spelling and grammar so... yah. Also i didn't want to just fully rip off the nano suit but i liked its idea. Consider it a far later version. (we will here more news on it later if you continue reading the story, im not going to give away any sercets yet.) I will find and fix what grammar errors i can and thats about all i can do.

Thank you again for pointing them out.

>>112585112585 It's how anyone learns. Never take criticism personally. It's about correcting mistakes that are made to help you become better at writing, or in this case English writing. Like you, I used to be terrible at writing. I never posted any of my first stories on the web (I have them safely locked away in a memory stick that's locked away in a high security bank ). I had a few friends of mine read through them and correct my errors, and slowly got better over the course of a few years. We all start out bad, experience and time is what makes us better.

>>112617112617 Thnx for the tip, Though finding a prereader will be hard >_<. Also I would rather get the criticism from people I don't know then from say friends or family because the can be jerks >_>. not that the internet is not full of jerks too but its easier to over look and fix problems. Anyways GL on your stuff and i hope you keep reading.

Why can't I edit this?

'cause when I did I would have scrubbed it of most of its' errors.

Dam he beat me to the job as proof reader/editor

im'a come at you like a spider-monkey!

ok I havr to say this assassins creed rules

Wait

Crysis, Assassins Creed, and Ponies?

Sounds good to me!

Just some grammar issues.

Woah, WOah, Nanosuits, Alot of them? There's cell? wat...I....dont..

This took a very fast turn and then there's talk about an empire...?

I am so confused right now

>>118080118080 You should probably reread the history chapter >_<

Holy crap is it Predator?????????

Side note: Holy Sh*t i made this way chapter waaaaaay longer than I thought it would be.

>>119740119740 Be careful, you might start giving me ideas....

That's okay authorman, I like the longer chapters.

I like

..

What?

I can't think of anything else to say

>>117570117570 i know its so awesome

This is a brilliant cross over and i cant wait for more.

Few spelling mistakes i saw but nothing too big. Keep up the awesome work!

It seems that this whole new chapter every 2 days his working.. though again, this chapter was waaaaay longer than i thought it would be and I wonder it that is a good thing or a bad thing.

My crazy is starting to shine through

This chapter was written really badly. I mean, mistakes EVERYWHERE. In some parts it started to sound like a trollfic. Do not think I dislike the story though, I greatly enjoyed the previous chapters and think you have some very good ideas, you just need to work on your grammar. I know this is not the latest chapter and so if you have improved your grammar then just ignore my previous statement. Onto the next chapter!

Other and other... new big mistake.... Fixed it though so yah....

>>132661132661It was the middle of the night and my mind was on a rampage >_< sorry

New main charecter 10 bucks ur gonna kill her off

>>134244134244 Is that a challenge?

Another massive mistake made, and few will know of its horrors....... I hope.

Brilliant update.

I really liked how Siege put Vella in her place.

Awesome work and can't wait for your next update!

I lost it at Celestia's letter, when she used the phrase "Me and Luna" (That grammar mistake is 20% uncool... especially coming out of someone as wise as Princess Celestia) I would expect this type of phrase in a letter written by Applejack. I'm only helping you out, it isn't just what your characters say, how they say it is just as important, if not more.

I think you made the "epic" part too "epic" in this story, and because that it feels fake. Try to tone it down. In real life it is the choices of people that cause events. (Cause...and effect)

What makes writing a story any different? Good try, and I hope you keep writing.

One last suggestion: Get rid of the prophecy thing...people like to guess what happens next.

Oh ho ho ho...

Interesting.

I was just thinking predator when I read the part with the blades

Siege turned into super bad-ass...That shit was intense.

And darn that cliffhanger! Awesome chapter though (like always)

DUHN

DUHN

DUHHHHH

HOW DARE THEY KICK FLUTTERSHY! Siege is being such a pussy, a quick death is to nice for them. they need to suffer..

SHIT

JUST

GOT

REAL

Alex Mercer approves if you need a pre reader bro I think I'll help you out !

>>143757143757 Don't worry, they suffered more than you think.

Blat, Blat, Blat. Oh wait.... shit.

НА РАБОТУ!ГОВНО ЧИСТИТЬ!