In a universe full of infinite possibilities, Nightmare Moon has ruled Equestria in Eternal Night for one-thousand years. But when she is shown a vision of a world where ponies live happily in sunlight and where Celestia still holds dominion, she begins to fear for her crown. With the aid of powerful magic and an entire army behind her, she lays siege to the other world.
The tear in the fabric of reality threatens to unleash even more unspeakable horrors, and when Spike goes missing, Twilight Sparkle and the Bearers of Harmony must cross to the world of darkness and find themselves to help close the portal linking the two worlds together.
But in this new world, not everyone is who they seem....
Awesome Image found here: http://huussii.deviantart.com/gallery/?catpath=/&offset=48#/d47936c
Pretty good start.
First Impressions Review
Review made from the beginning up to
I'll start with the title, having a Latin title is a definite hook, as it seems both familiar and foreign to the reader, what with most European languages coming from Latin. It also entices the reader to try and find out what it means, and thus getting them interested in the story, at leas that is what happened to me. Having the 'Mingling Worlds' part was also a pretty good idea, it gives the reader an idea that it is an Alternate Universe story. And then there is the description, it is short and to the point, giving out the necessary details without waffling, and that hook at the end of the description definitely got my attention. Unfortunately, you don't have any image to go with your story, something I recommend avoiding, even if you just use a generic, temporary cover image that vaguely pertains to your basic story premise, without being too specific, like a picture of Nightmare Moon for instance. However, something that I would say you shouldn't do is just go without, many readers are turned off by stories without cover images, just because humans' minds are adapted to be drawn to colour, or things that don't fit in with the rest of their environment, such as an image among text.
Now onto the actual beginning part of the story. It started off nicely, having Nightmare Moon slamming Celestia against a wall is a certain way to catch the readers attention, and it introduces the fact that Nightmare Moon features prominently in the story. You have some nice descriptors, you have a variety of adjectives that you use well, implementing them in such a way so as to emphasize certain things without going too overboard with them. While Nightmare Moon's dialect seems a little off, probably due to the more modern verb usage, as opposed to her more archaic manner. However, that is nothing too major and doesn't put me off the story. I personally like the way you described Celestia's mental state, not saying outright that Celestia was broken in mind, but instead portraying it through her mannerisms and speech patterns, that is effective and should certainly be kept up. The way the Celestia refers to Nightmare Moon as Luna was also effective at playing on the readers' emotions, so well done for that. The plotline itself is also quite interesting, something that I have seldom seen before and believe that it has the potential for a lot.
In terms of grammar and spelling, it seemed mostly okay. There was a few grammatical errors in the way of missing commas, or lack of capital letters for things like titles ('empress of the night' for example, it should be 'Empress of the Night' being a title and all). However, there wasn't anything too major, nothing a quick touch-up can't fix.
Overall, the plot seems interesting and the writing is fairly well done. However, the lack of cover image may lower the amount of readers this story gets. But mostly this gives off a good first impression, and I think you would do well to continue with it, I've given it a like. (Note: Even though the review is written based on that first section mentioned, I have read the rest of the chapter too) I hope this first impressions review helped in some way.
Dan - First Impressions Reviewer
I like it! I've already got a few stirring suspicions, but of course it's just ideas in my head at this stage. I can only imagine how Nightmare Moon might react to seeing herself defeated by the Elements in the Alternate Universe. You've got an intriguing idea here, and, well, I'm a sucker for any fic where Nightmare Moon is back. I shall be favoriting to see where this goes.
arandompenguin You really don't know how much your feedback means to me. This is the first project I've really thrown my heart and soul into so for it to have a good first impression is really giving me a will to drive this forward.
First in regards to the lack of a cover picture, the primary reason I don't have one is because I was under the impression that by just taking a picture and using it for your story was some sort of copyright infringement. I was planning on browsing Deviant Art and asking someone if I could use a picture fairly soon.
Next, I never actually considered Nightmare Moon's dialect, it completely slipped my mind so I might go back and change that. I'll give it some thought.
Grammar wise, yeah I suspected there might be a few hiccups, but I think I'll get better with practice.
Once again thank you for your input, I'm now more determined than ever to make this a good story.
Oh yeah, I love Latin words
1586157 No problem, glad to help. If you want, you could join the First Impressions group and submit any other fics there and I would be happy to give them a review. Also, you can reply to people by clicking the button that looks like two speech bubbles in the top right of someone's comment, that way they'll be notified that someone has replied to them.
1587015 yeah, I know, but usually when I do that a number appears and I was trying to get your name to appear instead like your reply. And I might take you up on that offer.
1587026 Oh, that's because each comment has an ID number. That's the number that you're seeing, the site will turn it into a name once you post it.
1587119 Oh hey would ya look at that. Learn something new everyday.
Wow, this is really good. How it's written, structure, character, it's good. I also like how these variations of Nightmare Moon and Sombra witnessed their counterparts' respective downfalls, and how outraged they were about them; after all, in their universe, they win all the time, so it makes sense that they get outraged at how their counterparts were taken down. So, yeah, I think this is still good, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
1612729 Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoy it so far
but right he felt only… disturbed.
right now he
the light of hope and loved destroyed his other self
love
It would sew an uneasy trust between them.
sow
Besides that, and quite a few comma mistakes, this looks pretty good. I like how you wrote Sombra here- he's manipulative, self serving, and downright evil. And I'm getting that from a relatively short interaction with him. Although I get the feeling that he does have a little, tiny soft spot for Twi. I like that she's kind of the same, even in this alternate world. Though I do wonder what year this is and how far it was from NM defeating Celestia. I mean, it had to be long enough for her to fade into mere fairytales. Though that also brings up the question of why they're peering into the other universe behind their own timeline. Does this universe simply move faster? Or is the magic involved showing them the past?
1615575 Thanks for pointing out those corrections.
Actually both timelines are moving at the same speed. I guess i didn't make that clear enough, but they view everything in real time. When Sombra saw his defeat, that was happening as he was seeing it.
Nightmare Moon beat Celestia 1000 years ago. This is the universe where she won the initial fight. Hope that clears a few things up.
1615627
No problem.
Oooh! Yeah, sorry. It's just that I was skimming over the first chapter again before reading this one and mistakenly out Celestia's Defeat and the year 988 together. Totally my fault, sorry!
Wow, I really like this idea, original idea having Sombra be NMs "Dragon" he's got a good villain personality here, as done NM very much in-line with her canon counterpart, I think I understand what she's doing with Ceelstia, though I'm not sure why, though that's likely a matter of conflicting head canons. I really wept for Celestia.
Nice seeing Twilight, will we see any of the other character from the main timeline?
Do you have plans for Cadence or Shining... hmm and how did Twilight, open a viewing screen between worlds? Has NM considered the threat of Discord both in her world or any other?
Sorry for all the questions, I can't help myself
Anyway great fic, I look forward to seeing more.
1620303 I like questions. The sad thing is that i can't answer any of them without spoiling the plot. I can say that uncontrollable magic brought out by fear can do a number of things. You saw what it did to Twilight's parents and Spike in canon.
Glad you enjoy the story though
1621456
Guess i'll just have to wait then. TY for the response!
Well that's not good.
wow, that's pretty dark right there, well if he's dead it is.
the descriptions in some scenes could have done with a little work.
Interesting decision by NMM invading the towns straight away is she going after the elements? hmm it might ave been a better strategy to build her army up in a few different areas then go for attacks form all directions.
Very interesting that there are no unicorns I guess she got rid of them so they couldn't raise the sun?
oh and I have an idea for why she kept Ceelstia was she using Ceelstia's magic to keep the world warm and alive even with eternal night?
anyway really glad to see this update, looking forward to more
EDIT: Also loved the visors, will ponies look any different when coming from a world of eternal night?
YES! AN UPDATE! THANK YOU!
So, now Nightmare Moon has pierced a hole in the barrier between the worlds and her invasion has begun. But what of Spike? What horrors does Sombra have in store for him. We will just have to wait.
This was a good chapter dude. Can't wait for the next one.
1725165 So glad you enjoy it
Sad to say you might have to wait a tad for the next update. I'm up to my neck in projects and studying for finals. Didn't help that I procrastinated by writing this. Oh well, totally worth it!
Yes, a new chapter, I've been looking forward to this!.
Good start, I do think tribe would work better than race, but that's a minor quibble.
I liked the mention of the Changeling invasion encouraging Canterlot to take things mroe seriously.
In fact I love the entire introductions the military, the nobles the under siege. again line and the hysterics and selfishness of the nobles it was just really good.
I really liked Ceelstia's scene she's calm but certainly not in control of the situation.
I do have a hard time believing Discord can travel dimensions mostly because, he probably would have shown up to free himself or destroy any world that defeated him if he could. That and why did Luna say she didn't believe in it, yet also said Discord could do it, sorry. I was a bit jilted when the scene suddenly changed form Ceelstia's perspective then to Luna's for a paragraph, but besides that it was a very solid scene between the two sisters. I especially like the "you'rte kidding right" line and the affection and worry Ceelstia showed for Luna.
Very interesting thoughts with the elements only half fixing the problem.
Great scene with the Ponyvillains panicking as normal and the M!6 using the chaos to subtly sneak through the enemies, I like the level of thought that goes into their actions. I have mixed feelings about the guards commenting on the hotness of a unicorn and the like but the head guards reaction was well done, I especially liked the idea of an escort. Not a bad fight scene, the details were really good, seeing RD get thrown around was a bit odd and Pinkie well it's a matter of personal taste, and she's always a mixed bag with me. Besides that the details were very good and the action fast paced, I love the idea of magic proof armor. I also liked Dash's reaction to her injury and the fight overall.
I loved the details of the Rainbow cannon hitting the portal and the "who wasn't friendshipping hard enough" response to it not working. It is a bit of a shock that there were no guards, but if it can't be closed that makes more sense. The Luna scene and especially the excellent world building description of multiple realities was really well done. I like the implication of the "horrors" Luna mentioned existing between dimensions. Luna's reaction to NMM worked very well especially her running off to fight her counterpart, great scene there, NMM did seem a bit modern/casual in her turn of phrase but besides that, fantastic scene.
Hooray I loved the scene setting and Ceelstia saving the M!6, I did feel the explanation could have used a prompt but besides that, great scene, and wonderful to see Celestia getting in on the action. Amazing and tragic end to this chapter, Peewee's sadness and Twilight practically breaking from the loss of Spike, that scene was very well done.
Overall my the few issues, mostly to do with character perspective, I've had were minor and but crumbs in comparison to what was an excellent and well developed chapter with lot's of action and development with some great foreshadowing, I am eagerly awaiting the next installment.
1913864 Thanks for the feedback
Yeah, Discord, thanks for pointing that out, when it was in my head it sounded fine, not that you've pointed it out, that might be a plot hole later.
Would you believe I spent hours over the scene with Ponyville? I don't know why but it was the hardest part to write this chapter, but I'm glad it turned out okay.
Yeah Nightmare Moon is harder to write than I thought. I'll probably come back to fix that later.
This probably was the most satisfying chapter I've written. I'll make edits when I'm ready to try my hand at EQD, which might be after the next chapter.
1915451
NP, I'm glad to have been of some use, that Ponyville scene was very well done, so it seems your hard work paid off, best of luck with the next chapter and EQD.
And thus, it continues. Luna has met her counterpart, and leader of this invasion, Spike has been taken, and the Elements of Harmony cannot destroy the portal to this alternate reality. How will the Mane 6 be able to cope with this? We must wait, and find out.
Thanks for updating Albinocorn. This was honestly worth the wait, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Primoris Concordia: Mingling Worlds
Grammar score out of 9/10 (There are a few typos scattered throughout. Otherwise your grammar is excellent.)
Pros: First up, your characterizations are wonderful. Take Sombra for instance, I did not care for the character at all in the show, but here he was one of my favorite characters in this story. I love the interaction between him and Other Twilight (who I am really interested in seeing more of). After the first few scenes taking place in the Other Equestria, I thought your entire story would be really dark in tone, then you surprised me by having our Equestria feel exactly like the one in the show. Next up, the darker scenes like when Sombra attacks Spike or Nightmare Moon nearly kills Other Twilight have real tension to them. I was worried for both of those characters. Finally, the storytelling itself feels very polished, like you know where you are going with the story and what each character's role is going to be. The dialogue between characters, particularly the Mane Six, is great.
Cons: The typos are a bit distracting. (And that's about it. I know I'm supposed to list three in an AHA review, but I'm afraid your story is really hard to criticize. All your characters act like themselves. Action, setting, and dialogue are all handled with deftness.)
Notes: I am interested to see where this goes from here. It was great to see Twilight bluescreen when she realized that Spike was missing. I really want to see what happens with Other Twilight. The Luna versus Nightmare Moon scene was really cool. I like how Luna is trying to get out from under Celestia's overprotectiveness. (Though I loved seeing Celestia be so protective of her sister.)
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story, Celestia in Excelsis. And thank you.
Reviewed my story? Well I'm 'reviewing' yours RIGHT BACK.
Grammar score: 9/10
Everything seemed to be in order, and the little things I did notice weren't that big of a deal.
PROS: ONE.) Way to capture the attention of readers with Celestia getting the stuffing beaten out of her. In fact, good job with her character all around. She acted exactly how I think she would in that kind of situation.
TUU.) The entire plot is actually quite interesting in itself. Definitely original and interesting. Yaaay.
TRES.) It doesn't look like it's been written by a third grader. Detail, grammar/spelling, and plot make this a story that anyone can read and enjoy.
CONS: I don't like how the prologue kinda HAS to be read in order to fully understand everything. Just make it the first chapter. To me, a prologue should just be something extra. You don't have to read it, but it's there. Also, IMO chapter two's a bit short.
Other than that, good job! Keep on going with this.
1935797 Lol, thank you, I pride myself in my fourth grade writing skills.
I will take the idea about the prologue into consideration, and yeah the shortness of the second chapter does bug me a bit, but i couldn't think of a way to make it longer without revealing too much yet, and it just didn't seem to fit in with the prologue.
Thanks for the review.
1935918
I'd suggest just expanding upon Alt. Twilight and Alt. Sombra's relationship. You don't have to reveal any groundbreaking history about them. Sometimes a simple conversation can reveal a lot about two characters.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Primoris Concordia: Mingling Worlds (Up to Chapter 3)
Grammar score out of 10 (8) There are a few comma issues scattered throughout the story, but they are nothing major.
Pros
While the story is ‘dark,’ you handle the subject masterfully. The subject matter in the alternate universe is grim, but you skillfully write it so that it is not grotesque. You get the suspense, dark emotions, and uncomfortable scenes to fit into the story in a way that adds understanding of Nightmare Moon and Sombra. That is not a mean feat at all.
You capture the established characters’ personalities very well. Each one acted, and spoke, in a way that fits with the series.
This is a very interesting beginning to a story, and has quite a few intriguing ideas that can be worked with. The escaped unicorns’ plight and the alternative Twilight’s relationship with Sombra by themselves are full of possibilities.
Cons
Well, I have to say I really can’t find three things that I can point at that need improvement.
In chapter 3, paragraph 5. The phrase “only been well over a year” seemed a little awkward.
Personal Notes
This is a wonderful beginning to an epic. Your story telling skills are very strong, and I am looking forward to seeing how you craft the rest of this story. Thumbs up and a favorite from me!
Enjoy your review, and thanks again for reviewing To Fear the Sun!
This review was brought to you by Authors Helping Authors
Primoris Concordia: Mingling Worlds
Chapters 1 to 4
Grammar: 9.5/10 (I, for the life of me, could not find any glaring issues. Your sentences and paragraphs are really well structured There were a few commas scattered in odd places, sure, but I had to really pay attention to notice those.)
Pros: Suspenseful, exciting, great characterization... It's dark, sure, but it's handled exceptionally well in such a way that I enjoyed what I had read.
Cons: ... I got nothing. Well, except for the fact that there just isn't enough! I want more new chapters so badly, you don't even know.
Personal Notes: None that I haven't already said throughout the review already. Dayum son.
Thanks for reviewing my fic. Every bit of criticism helps, you know. Hope my two cents made your life all the richer!
1941014 The feelings to your story are mutual. Thank you and keep up the good work!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Primoris Concordia: Mingling Worlds
Grammar score: 9.5/10 (For minor punctuation misplacement)
Pros: +Parallel World story executed very well
+Characterization is spot on
+Imagery through description is spectacularly well done
Cons: +Minor grammar issues, but not by any means illegible
Notes Section: Holy Alternate Reality, Batman! This is really good story!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story! I can't wait for this to update!
1945045 lol. thank you for the review. And no problem.
I'm truly sorry it took far longer to sit down and read this intriguing piece of Work. At the moment my first impression of this story is based on your Prologue alone, but fear not for I shall read the rest in earnest!
Grammar wise, I found none in my first read through. So either you have a really good proof reader, edit it and fixed the few mistakes that were there at one point, I don't know. But I do know is it was nearly perfect in my eyes, with the only question being this bit right here.
Personally, when I read it and say the line, it feels awkward and is mouthful. I'm not sure if this was by mistake or (likely this instead) was part of Sombra's uniquely passive characterization. And by passive Characterization, I mean in the sense he at first glance seems to be nothing more than a submissive vassal with no personal gains, or intentions other then to serve his mistress. What sort of importance will he hold in story is still up in the air at this point but either its common enough or my mind just thinks way to much for its own good, but I feel power struggle in the future between Sombra and Nightmare Moon one way or another.
Pros about this story and what lured me to this (other then the link you left me
) is steeped in the fact I like good, Alternate Realities/Universes. Mostly in my mind its always interesting and exciting to see characters, and situations play, or act differently than what truly happen. A good example and a personal favorite of mine is My Choices: Twisted Tales Through Time. In short it involves Twilight studying Nighmare's Helmet on orders from Celestia, but ends up traveling back in time before the point Luna becomes Nightmare Moon, and is left with a decision to make; stand by and let events unfold the way the have, or step in and change the future its self.
Another example is Night's Favoured Child which involves a rather more pleasant Nightmare Moon that is slowly learning to care and become attached to an orphaned Twilight.
Your story's concept involving not only quote quote the cannon universe but also and alternate universe in play together is really interesting and original. I mean honestly, an alt Nightmare invading the cannon universe is different and fresh in my opinion;also I really like the reason why she's after unicorns. Lovely motive and character building on her part. Like all good things, titles that are interesting and mysterious to others are certainly welcome. With Latin forming the bases of almost all modern Western language, its no surprise (as it was mention earlier) that Latin in its self is foreign to our tongues, and yet welcomingly familiar to our eyes. As for a cover imagine, like My Choices, the shattering effect is both symbolic and riddled with foreshadowing. Though, it only reminds me even more I need to get a custom Image made for my story in the future.
In the way of Cons, and other conflicting tones, I found maybe one or two that at least made me pause to think about them. In the story a filly Twilight is introduced, after her and her family had been captured which informs us ( the readers) that its likely around time she would be going to school and earning her cutie mark. Its also mention in the story that the unicorns have eluded detection from NightMare Moon for an entire century as well... so (likely its explained in the future chapters) my question is; Has Nighmare been hunting unicorns since her raise to power or did they do something in the last couple of centuries that forced them into hiding from Nightmare?
Other than that concern, I found your story interesting and engaging in a way that encouragingly forced the reader to read on if only find the answers to questions they were likely asking themselves at the realization of "Why isn't Celestia the one in power?"
A fave and a like from me good sir! You've certainly earned it for the amount of time, thoughtfulness and love you've invested in this story. Good job.
1915451
Really? Well you'd better make the next chapter soon. This fic deserves to be on Equestria Daily.
I love Spike, but this chapter is my favorite.
Pardon my vulgarity, but as I was skimming around for a good story, I came upon this title. I had only taken in the first part of it and the beginning of the next word which is 'C,' which my brain decided to fill it in with another word that rhymed with 'Primoris,' if you know what I mean.
Internet, what have you done to me!?
2128536 It took me a good five minutes to figure out what you meant. And I hate you so much.
jk.
In terms of percentages, (ex:10%) how close is the next chapter to this fanfic to being completed?
2135014 About.. 35% I came to a rather rough spot but after I get past it, I pretty much have everything laid out in my head for the rest of the chapter. But I'm also going to go back and do some updates on the previous chapters. If school doesn't get in the way too much I think I can have it ready to go by next monday. I know it's been a while, I was waiting on the season finale before continuing.
And so they enter the Dark reality. And whose counterpart is first? Applejack's.
This was a nice update dude, and aw man, poor Luna. Her need to erase the sins of her past... Led her right into a trap. How will she be able to escape, and how will the Mane 6 react to this alternate world? We must wait and see. Can't wait for Chapter VI.
Oooh... a new chapter! This made my night. Eldritch creatures living between worlds? Are you an H.P. Lovecraft fan, by chance?
Oh, but this was a great chapter, especially the fight between Luna and Nightmare Moon. That was epic!
All right, I’ve been eager to see where you take this fic, especially after such a cliff hanger of a chapter last time!
Excellent and moving intro, love Celestia comforting Twilight and Twi’s own thoughts on leaving Spike behind very heartfelt. It was a bit shocking to find they moved to the table. All the other characters reactions and confusion/despair was very well done, right down to the dialogue. Good scene setting with it being a clear and deliberate move on the perpetrators part.
I liked Celestia;s perspective the Chrysalis line seemed a bit odd, but we rarely know what goes on in Celestia’s head, so it works all things considered, it is odd for her not to have a plan and her being calm but very nervous about the enemy being an unknown work very well.( But perhaps this is their fate, being the Bearers of Harmony.) This line sounds a bit off. Good bit with Celestia wondering if she should reassure Twilight or not, though it’s unlikely he would have been taken so carefully if they intended to kill him then and there.
Celestia’s history lesson was very interesting; Twi and Pinkie were brilliantly in character. Ah very interesting idea Celestia is suggesting there, having the mane cast go and find their counterpart to help close the gap. I liked her reasoning behind it as well, to stop the eldritch things coming through, her wall kitchen analogy worked excellently, you have a good deal of skill with Celestia. Interesting idea with the universal constants, I tend to dislike destiny but this is still excellently done.
Good scene changing and opening, Luna’s introduction felt odd, more like it should have been an actual thought or have been altered a little, it also sounded a bit modern as well but that may just be me. The second paragraph was excellent discussing the differences between the night skies and Luan feeling she has to acknowledge its beauty. A floating castle now that is cool and it suit NMMs and many other villains M.O. When in Luna’s perspective I feel there were a few too many “she’s” used, it showed up a fair bit throughout and it’s a bit repetitive and breaks the reader out of the immersion a bit.
Great scenes having Luna reflect upon the city and her views on NMMs garden were good. Great intro for NMM., her dialect and tone have greatly improved, Luna still feels a bit off, but only slightly. Did not expect royal Canterlot Voice, pure awesome, nice blend of modern and archaic. The fight scene was really well done, snappy and to the point but descriptive enough to be immersive. NMM absorbing the lightning and using it as a weapon was cool though the description of Luna’s reaction was sort of wooden. Cool idea having Luna melt into the floor. There were a few lines or sentences that seemed out of place with the surrounding paragraphs, but overall the fight scene was brilliant! The water spell was cool too, though I’m surprised that level of power didn’t shatter a wall. This fight has shown some really creative and original uses of magic and body warping, which I really support! It started getting quite brutal near the end, very good, it’s great to see realistic damage done in battle. Good little hint at Twi’s counterpart.
Great use of healing magic, I loved the comparison with Celestia’s wings. Her ensuing line seemed rather off for Luna. Good scene with Luna feeling empty after defeating her nightmare, I loved that line, it makes sense. Good trick on NMMs part. Interesting idea introducing sword play, which is rather hard to incorporate with ponies but this worked very well. I figured they were magical swords when they first showed up, but actually have abilities the way phantasm does is awesome. The second half of Luna’s feeling were rather wooden, the first half was good though. (how she had betrayed her sister who had done nothing but love her; how she had heartlessly maimed and killed hundreds of ponies because she had become so wrapped up in pathetic jealousy.) Dark but excellent bit, the entire paragraph for this bit was great actually. Yes! Great scene with the mana siphon it sounded terrifying and NMMs final line was incredibly creepy!
This line sort of threw me though the rest was great (leaving her feeling even worse than she had before)
Good intro to the war scene, not to detailed because the characters may very well lack the words and Dash covering Shy’s eye’s was a good bit. I do wonder why Celestia is not getting more directly involved though. I imagine Celestia is going to get Discord at the end of the scene… Anyway I do wonder why Celestia doesn’t just levitate them through the portal. The conversation was good but the characters didn’t seem like they were in the thick of a big fire fight. Sorry if this seems rude at all. Good idea having it be incredibly cold. Very interesting farming techniques, the scene seemed to jump around a bit and the travel time was a bit off but it seems to be a very interesting alternate world you are making not just a "dark Eqauestria" but one that has really changed because of the moon I look forward to seeing more everyday changes! they look very interesting. Great intro for alternate AJ!
So overall this was a brilliant chapter! Great lead in, great lead out, lot’s of new stuff introduced and built upon and plenty of hint’s as for what’s coming next, I really can’t wait!
I do have a quick question, where do Alicorns fall to you in terms of power Just slight larger pony’s or something closer to world smashing Greek deity’s? If you are following canon from Game's pony's play then Celestia is capable of magic strong enough to block of Discord.
2171782 H.P Lovecraft? Sorry never heard of him.
2171895 dude, I love your reviews, are you an editor by any chance? Because I'd like to have one.
As for the alicorn thing, well they are immortal, and they have vast amounts of magic, but I kind of think of them as very powerful demigods.
Seriously though, thanks for the review.
2171772
Me too.
"There was one more creature she needed assistance from." This "creature" wouldn't happen to be Discord, would it?
2173001
Thank you! i'm really glad you like them
Just for contexts, H.P Lovecraft was a horror writer who within western society played a big part in popularizing stories/ideas of ancient monster and eldrich abominations ETC from outside reality, such as Cthulu and the like.
I'm not much of an editor i'm sad to say, I've done it once or twice though it tends to cut down my review size
and it seems like you don't even need one considering the quality of this chapter. Still if you wanted me to give it a shot in terms of character/story I could try, though with UNI I have less free time than I use to 
Alicorns as powerful demigods works excellently and is a fair choice. Though naturally I am left wondering where Discord falls on that power scale now that Celestia can overpower his magic. Assuming he's being introduced. if not,
then it doesn't matter 
Always happy to review, thank you for the response!
2174903 Well I'd hate to cut into your schedule. And I guess what I'm really looking for is a proofreader to catch my punctuation and any grammar mistakes I make. Thanks anyway for considering.
2179297
Sorry, grammar related editing is not one of my skill. I wish you the best of luck with finding a proof reader though.
Why can't I upvote this twice?
Fantastic chapter. Looks like they still don't know about Alternate Twilight. Nice use of Discord there, and Celestia is just awesome. Applejack steals the show this time around though. That was so sad and sweet.