• Published 7th Jan 2012
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Phoenix Wright - Turnabout Storm! - Firesight



A famous racer is found dead in the Everfree, and Rainbow Dash stands accused of his murder. Can an Ace Attorney from another world uncover the truth and prove her innocent, or will Rainbow Dash be banished to the sun for a crime she didn't commit?

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Part 32 - The Rod, The Eyes...and the Muffin

Ponyville Park
June 10th, 1:48 PM

Twilight and Apple Bloom arrived at Ponyville Park after a twelve-minute walk, taking a more circuitous route to avoid the growing raincloud to the south.

What kind of world must Phoenix live in that they don’t control the WEATHER? Twilight wondered in disbelief, still angry at him for not knowing such a basic fact of pony life.

She put the thought aside as they entered the modest but well-maintained park. Filled with manicured lawns, meticulously maintained flowerbeds, ornate fountains, shady trails and two sports fields, Ponyville Park was a place meant for ponies to relax and play, though being the middle of a workday, there weren’t many about. The park was bisected by a small river; a rustic stone arch bridge connecting the south and north wings over the wide but deep stream dotted with a few lily pads.

On the north side of the bridge they saw Lyra and Bon Bon sitting together on a bench, which in and of itself was no real surprise—the unicorn and earth pony mares were normally inseparable; the latter running a confectionery while the former was a former classmate and musician of some renown… though she was better known for her odd hobbies and habits, including an almost-obsessive interest in humans.

Case in point, Twilight noted when she noticed Lyra was sitting on the bench in a human-like manner. For her part, Bon Bon was lounged out beside her roommate lying on her side as ponies normally did, reading a book and giving Twilight a brief wave of greeting as she noticed her and Apple Bloom walking by.

Saw those two in the gallery at the trial, Twilight remembered as she waved back. Figures Lyra would be there—not like she’d pass up the chance to see an actual human! Surprised she hasn’t tried to talk to Phoenix directly yet, she mused, telling herself her old schoolmate was welcome to him.

Casting aside the oddly uncomfortable idea, she again read the torn letter that Apple Bloom had obtained for her from Fluttershy’s cottage, still marveling that the young filly had been able to snatch it from right under Trixie’s nose. Well, I guess when your nose is stuck up that high in the air, it’s kind of hard to see beneath it! Twilight reasoned with a weak chuckle, not sure if she more hated or wanted to help the rival unicorn after their encounter and her experience with the strange black locks.

She shook her head at that, not paying attention to her surroundings as Apple Bloom led her along. Can’t worry about Phoenix or Trixie now. I got what I wanted from Fluttershy’s house, but I’m not sure what to do with it now. For all the trouble getting this was, it could have at least been a bit more decisive! she wished as she turned over the letter for what must have been the dozenth time since retrieving it, hoping that maybe there was something she might have missed on the other side, only to find it was still blank. But beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. Still, I can’t make heads or tails of what it means?

“It’s right over here on this bridge!” Apple Bloom snapped Twilight back to the present.

“Huh? Oh, right. You wanted me to do something for you here,” she recalled, shaking her head to clear it and stowing the letter into her saddlebag as the young filly led her onto the small span.

“Look down there in the water,” Apple Bloom leaned over the rail as she pointed out something with her hoof, but Twilight couldn’t actually see much since the stream was in constant motion and a bit murky despite its blue shining look.

“I don’t see anything.” Twilight shook her head, unable to pick out anything except their own distorted reflections.

“Really squint yer eyes. It’s down there pretty deep,” Apple Bloom instructed.

Twilight did just that, focusing her eyes past the surface glimmer. After a few seconds of staring, she caught a glimpse of something long that was half-buried in the mud, glinting in the sunlight through the ripples of the water.

“I see… something?” she shrugged, not able to tell what it was except that it might have been metallic from the way the sunlight was occasionally glinting off it.

“Yeah! Sweetie Belle and I saw it yesterday when we were walking home from school!”

Twilight turned to the young filly. “Okay. So what exactly do you want me to do here?”

Apple Bloom gave her an odd look. “Whaddaya think? Pull it out with that magic o’ yers!” she exclaimed.

Twilight blinked. “Pull it out? Why?”

“Weeeell…” Apple Bloom thought back to several days earlier.

Ponyville Park
June 9th, 3:10pm

School had let out only ten minutes earlier, but Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had already made their way to the park, ready and eager to make their latest attempt to gain their cutie marks—water skiing; they were waiting for Scootaloo to show up with her scooter, rope, and a pair of purloined boards from a construction site, intending to have the pegasus filly pull them through the stream from shore. While they debated who would get to go first, they noticed something in the water beneath the bridge.

“Hey, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom nudged her friend. “While we’re waiting for Scoots, let’s make a bet!”

“Huh?” Sweetie Belle looked over at her fellow Cutie Mark Crusader curiously.

“Whaddaya say we try to pull that thing out of’ the water?” She pointed down at the strange object resting on the stream’s bottom.

“Oh! That sounds fun! But how are we gonna get it? Look how far it is down there!”

“Let’s make some fishing rods. All you need is a stick and rope, right?”

“And maybe a banana as bait!” Sweetie Belle snickered at her own suggestion.

“Perfect! But let’s make it more interesting,” Apple Bloom said with a grin. “The one who snags it first gets a bowl of ice cream from the loser!”

Sweetie Belle’s pale green eyes lit up at that, a small spark of magic coming off the tip of her horn. “Okay! You’re on, Apple Bloom! That ice cream is as good as mine!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed as the two fillies went through a complicated Cutie Mark Crusader hoof-bumping ritual as a sign of their agreement.

“So we came back after dinner, but we just couldn’t get it with those fishing rods we made,” Apple Bloom explained, not wanting to admit how badly the water skiing attempt had gone. She’d ended up sore and covered in mud from so many collisions with the river bank, except for the one time she’d somehow ended up in a tree. “So that’s why you’re gonna be mah secret weapon, Twi!” she announced with a gleeful grin.

Twilight fell silent. “That’s it?” she asked after it became clear nothing else would be said.

“Uh-huh!” Apple Bloom nodded eagerly.

“So let me get this straight...” Twilight rubbed her head with her hoof. “You pulled me away from my investigation and brought me here… just so I could pull that thing out of the water and win you a bowl of ice cream from Sweetie Belle?” she asked in increasing annoyance.

“Eeeyup!” Apple Bloom said, echoing the favorite phrase of her big brother, Big Macintosh.

Twilight was less than thrilled with the farm filly. “You can’t do that, Apple Bloom! That’s cheating!

Apple Bloom’s ears drooped as her smile fell. “Aw, c’mon, Twi! Ah’m already grounded. For as mad as AJ is with me, Ah’m not gonna be getting any ice cream for weeks!” she reasoned, her eager look turning into a pleading one. “Besides, you still need mah help to find that thing that fell in the woods, right?”

Twilight glared daggers at the young filly, fed up with her constant conniving to say nothing of being pulled off her investigation for such a trivial and self-serving reason. “Your sister is the Element of Honesty. So how honest are you being right now, Apple Bloom?” she asked pointedly, causing the young filly’s eyes to widen and her ears to go flat. “I’ll take it out so you can see what it is, but that’s all! I’m not giving it to you just so you can unfairly win a bowl of ice cream from Sweetie Belle!” Twilight said, her stern and angry expression making clear that this time, she wouldn’t be changing her mind about it.

“Aw…” Apple Bloom answered with a groan, but she did look genuinely chagrined.

Twilight stepped up to the bridge rail, looking down and examining the water. It’s down there pretty deep, and my magic is almost exhausted from last night’s summoning spells and then going full-fire on Trixie. But I THINK I can muster enough power to haul it up? She took a deep breath as she prepared to cast what little was left of her magic. Just have to focus, she thought, her horn flaring weakly, her purple eyes narrowed in concentration and strain.

It wasn’t easy. She needed to see something in order to act on it with her aura, and water distorted sight and distances, making it difficult to do so—doubly so when her energy was at low ebb. She grimaced with the effort, groping at the muddy bottom with her magic, feeling her power only sluggishly respond. A little to the left… a bit to the right… With several movements in the water and careful navigation, she finally felt her aura take hold of the thing and yank it free of the mud. “Got it!” she announced as it broke the surface of the water with a loud splash, revealing the object to be:

“Ooohhh! It’s a...?” Apple Bloom trailed off in confusion.

“It’s a… long rod of some kind,” Twilight stated the obvious, turning it over once—and even that was difficult in her current low-power state. Her magic told her the object was metal, but it was so caked in mud she couldn’t tell by sight alone. She sighed with relief as she released it from her aura, setting it down on the floor of the bridge with a clatter. Haven’t felt this weak since after taking care of that Ursa Minor! she thought, remembering how much energy she’d expended dealing with the beast and how drained it left her afterwards.

Apple Bloom spotted something on the wet stick as Twilight lowered it. “Hey Twi, look on the end of it—there’s a ‘P’.”

Twilight looked where she was pointing and found that she was correct—there was a distinct pink letter P capping one end. “You’re right. But whatever this thing was, somepony really did a number on it. It looks all burnt,” she noted, experimentally poking the rodlike object with a hoof and realizing the brown covering wasn’t mud—it was seared and flaking metal, already rusting from exposure to the water. Wait a minute! Her brow furrowed, a stray memory clicking. Haven’t I seen something like this already? Twilight asked herself, flashing back to when she and Phoenix were investigating the forest clearing the previous night.

“Hey, look there, Phoenix. There’s something on the ground next to where the body was.” Twilight pointed to a small charred object, almost invisible against the burnt grass.

Phoenix picked it up and turned it over in his hand—a small and severely damaged L-shaped piece of metal, seared and at least slightly warped. “It’s a… what the heck is this thing?” Phoenix asked, showing it to her.

Twilight looked it over herself in the light of her horn, probing it with her aura a few times before finally shaking her head. “Aside from the fact it’s made of steel and wasn’t magically forged, I don’t have any idea.”

“Whatever it was, it’s totally burnt to a crisp,” Phoenix noted, rubbing the rough surface and finding small pieces of metal flaking off beneath his thumb.

This looks and feels just like that metal thing we found by Ace’s body. Could it be related? Twilight wondered.

“What’s the matter, Twi?” Apple Bloom asked. “You look like yer in real deep thought again.”

Twilight didn’t immediately reply; her brow furrowed as she sensed the potential significance of her find. “Huh? Oh, it's nothing. But on second thought... I think I’m actually going to keep this rod,” she announced, making Apple Bloom drop her jaw in surprise.

“What? Hey! You just want to keep it so you can get free ice cream from Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom accused.

“What? No I don’t! It could be evidence for my investigation!” Twilight insisted, but the young filly continued to rant.

“You completely ripped off mah idea! Ah hope you choke on that ice cream!” Apple Bloom said, fuming in anger.

How could anypony possibly CHOKE on ice cream? Twilight thought, rolling her eyes as she placed the strange stick in her saddlebag, leaving half its length poking at an angle out of the back corner.

“Uh, Twi?” Apple Bloom spoke up again.

“Yes, Apple Bloom?”

“Somepony is coming this way real fast!” Apple bloom backed up a bit, her eyes wide.

Twilight quickly turned in the direction Apple Bloom was looking, seeing a somewhat familiar pegasus approaching quickly, swooping down at a dangerous velocity out of the sky. Huh? Who’s that? Wait! Isn’t that—?

A grey mare with blonde mane and distinctive googly eyes flared her wings and landed awkwardly on the bridge, stumbling to a stop and only barely keeping her hooves before tripping over a slightly protruding stone, flopping down beside them. “Special Delivery!” she announced as she stood back up, as if a crash landing was perfectly normal for her.

“For me?” Twilight asked, but wasn’t sure if the mare was addressing her. I can’t tell if she’s looking at me or Apple Bloom?

“Uh-huh! For you!” The odd mailmare confirmed, rummaging through her mail carrier saddlebags.

As she did so, Twilight remembered something. “Hey, wait a minute! You’re that mail carrier who dropped a piano and a bunch of other stuff on me! That hospital bill wasn’t cheap, you know!” she recalled angrily.

“Ah think I know who you are! You’re uh… Ditzy Doo, right?” Apple Bloom guessed.

The mailmare shook her head. “Nope, my name is Derpy. Derpy Hooves! Try not to forget it; a lot of ponies do.”

“I’ve seen you a lot in various places. I think I even saw you at the trial today, but we were never formally introduced,” Twilight said, offering her hoof.

“Yeah! Ah see you all the time, but reckon Ah’ve never actually met you!” Apple Bloom added, remembering how the strange skew-eyed mare always seemed to be in the background somewhere but was rarely seen up close.

Derpy shrugged at that, returning the hoofbump, though her own hoof nearly missed Twilight’s. “Well, you know, the life of a mail carrier. I get around a lot,” she said with a smile, her eyes turning topsy-turvy, somehow rotating independently in their sockets.

Twilight flinched a little at that. “But I’ve only seen you delivering once, Derpy Hooves, and that was when you sent a bunch of junk plummeting on top of me!” she reminded the pegasus mare, certain she would’ve been squashed flat by the anvil or piano if it hadn’t been for the reflexive use of her magic.

“Everypony makes mistakes! And please get my name right, it’s Ditzy Doo!” she replied in some annoyance.

Twilight gave the blond mare a dumbfounded look. “But you just said—”

“In any case, I have a special delivery for you!” Derpy Ditzy said, cutting Twilight’s words off completely as she retrieved something from her saddlebags. “Here you go!” she announced as she passed Twilight a…

“A… muffin?” Twilight tilted her head in confusion as the mailmare took out a small notepad and a quill.

“Yup! Can you sign for it here, here… and here,” Derpy Ditzy said, tapping it at several points on the pad with her hoof.

“Who sent me a muffin?” Twilight asked her as she reluctantly signed the notepad, using the small container of ink provided.

To her frustration, the mailmare shrugged. “I don’t know. Check the return address. That’s what it’s for!” she reminded Twilight.

But no matter how Twilight looked at the muffin, she couldn’t see anything on it. “There is no return address. There’s not even a normal address! And it’s not packaged! How did you even know it was for me?”

Derpy Ditzy dismissed her concerns with a wave of her hoof, taking a hovering pose and crossing her forelegs over her chest. “Please don’t complain. I’m but a lowly mail carrier; you can take it up with the post office if you have an issue,” she directed. “On second thought, don’t. There’s been a lot of chaos there since the other night. The last thing they need is another problem on top of all the others.”

“There’s a problem at the post office?” Apple Bloom tilted her head.

If it happened around the time of the murder, it could be another lead? Twilight hoped as she put the muffin in her bag, not sure if she trusted eating it for its source. “Can you tell us what’s going on, Ditzy Doo?”

The mailmare let out a weary sigh and gave Twilight a disgusted look. “Why do ponies have such a hard time remembering my name?”

“Huh?” Twilight and Apple Bloom asked at once.

Please try to remember this time; it’s ‘Derpy Hooves’; with a ‘D’. You’re starting to hurt my feelings, Twilight Sparkle!” she said with a frustrated frown.

Twilight fell speechless, staring agape at the other mare.

“So you want to know what’s going on at the post office?” Derpy Ditzy Derpy asked.

“Uh, sure, if it’s not a problem,” Twilight said warily.

“It is a problem. It’s top secret! I’m not supposed to tell anypony!”

Twilight growled in frustration. This is getting us NOWHERE!

“But since you two helped me out so much, I think I can tell you!” The mailmare smiled.

Huh? How did we help her? This pony is so DAFT! Twilight thought. “Well, if you wouldn’t mind, Derpy?”

“Ditzy!” she corrected with an angry glare. “Well, let me start off by telling the code of the mail carrier. It’s a poem we’re forced to memorize and recite proudly at the beginning of each new day!”

Now she wants to recite a POEM? Twilight thought in disbelief. “What’s this have to do with—?”

“Ahem,” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy cut her off again with a loud clearing of her throat, tossed her mane back… and then began her poem:

“No letter shall go undelivered rain or shine!
No canine shall prevent us from reaching the mailbox!
All packages must reach their destination!”

“Wow, that was amazing!” Apple Bloom cheered, clopping her hooves together.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy said, tossing her mane for her loving fan.

Oh, please. That was the corniest thing I’ve ever HEARD! Twilight restrained another eyeroll. “Okay, so what’s this have to do with chaos at the post office?”

“Post office?” The mailmare repeated blankly.

“Yes! You said you were going to tell us what was going on at the post office!” Twilight reminded her in an increasingly exasperated tone.

“Oh! Oh! Right-right!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy belatedly recalled what she had told them. “You see, it does have to do with the code.”

“You mean that nice poem you told us?” Apple Bloom said.

That wasn’t a poem! It didn’t even RHYME! Twilight didn’t say out loud.

“Yes, the last part of it: ‘All packages must reach their destination’,” the mailmare reminded her.

“Oh! So then something didn’t reach its destination?” Apple Bloom guessed with a hoof on her chin like she’d seen the nice human lawyer do.

Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy nodded sharply. “You got it! We’ve had incidents in the past where packages have been delivered to the wrong ponies,” she noted.

“Gee, I wonder who’s responsible for that?” Twilight deadpanned, but her sarcasm was lost on the other mare.

“Not a clue. We usually get those problems sorted out fast though,” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy stated. “But this time was different, because a shipment imported to Ponyville from overseas didn’t arrive when it was supposed to.”

“Okay. And what was the shipment?” Twilight asked, starting to think that pulling information out of Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy was like pulling teeth.

“I can’t tell you that! It’s top secret!” The mailmare snapped, squinting her eyes and raising a forehoof in a halting gesture. “A local pony wanted to import it here. And boy, was she mad when she didn’t get it today!”

“What do you mean? Who was this pony?” Twilight asked curiously.

The mailmare crossed her forelegs over her chest and shook her head. “It’s—”

“’Top secret’! We know!” Apple Bloom and Twilight finished her sentence in unison.

“See? You’re learning!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy smiled. “I can tell you this much, though. I heard from other mail ponies that she was down at the post office yelling and screaming up a storm about it. She ended up causing quite a scene there this morning.”

“So this was all happening during the trial, I guess?” Twilight speculated, half-thinking it sounded like something Rarity would do and abruptly wondering why her fashionista friend hadn’t been at the trial. Come to think of it, only Applejack showed up! she realized, a little disgusted with Pinkie Pie and Rarity for not being there. They better have a HAY of a good excuse!

Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t witness it because I took the morning off so I could be at the trial myself, but my fellow mail carriers told me all about it,” she said with a sigh. “In the end, she didn’t get her package, and she was furious. I heard my boss was blaming the Griffon Express for not delivering the package to us.”

“Griffon Express?” Twilight repeated, her violet brow furrowing.

The mailmare sighed once more. “That’s the company that ships overseas and stuff, from, you know, the Griffon Kingdom? That place far away from Ponyville?”

“I know where it is!” Twilight said, annoyed at being spoken down to, having been to the griffon lands as Celestia’s student during several state visits. “What I mean is, why didn’t the Griffon Express deliver this package?”

The odd grey mare gave her a cockeyed look—no mean feat since she was already that way to begin with. “How the hay should I know? I told you, I’m but a lowly mail carrier. I only deliver stuff around Ponyville!” she huffed.

And despite the small population, you STILL manage to mess it up! Twilight didn’t say out loud, amazed that she hadn’t yet delivered somepony’s Hearts and Hooves day gift to the wrong pony.

“All I know is, the Griffon Express didn’t show up with the package when they were supposed to,” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy continued.

“When was it they were supposed to deliver the package?” Twilight asked further.

“Let me take a gander at my deliver schedule.” The mailmare grabbed something else out of her mail carrier saddlebag and read it, first with one eye, then the other. “Hmm. Two days ago, it was supposed to reach Ponyville mail sorting at 10:00 PM sharp, then it was scheduled to be delivered at 8:30 AM today,” she noted as she scanned the schedule, alternating which eye she was using to read.

“It was supposed to reach Ponyville at 10 PM two nights ago? That’s near the time of the murder!” Twilight realized, the odd coincidence ringing a loud bell in her head. It’s NOT a coincidence! she was strangely certain, suddenly wanting to find the thing that fell in the woods more than ever.

“Hey! You’re right!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy agreed, putting on a thoughtful expression—or as close as she could manage.

“Ditzy Doo, can I borrow that schedule? Maybe I can use it in court tomorrow when defending Rainbow Dash!” Twilight asked politely.

The mailmare sighed again, starting to sound extremely annoyed. “Say it with me: 'Der—py—Hooves'!” It’s not that hard to remember! It’s only three syllables, eleven letters, two words. I do my best to remember all the names of the ponies in Ponyville. You should do the same, Twilight Sparkle!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy snapped.

Twilight just barely managed to stop herself from smacking her forehead, hard. What is this wonky pegasus’ PROBLEM?! she was all but ready to scream, unable to understand how the mailmare’s mind worked. Hey, I know! “So, I’m confused. Is your name Derpy Hooves or Ditzy Doo?” she asked boldly.

Twilight smiled in satisfaction when the blonde-maned pony didn’t reply, falling silent and seemingly looking down at her hooves in confusion. HA! I got her! She can’t answer it! Twilight grinned to herself, certain that she'd trapped the mailmare in her own game. But then—

The grey pegasus mare started to tear up. “Now you really hurt my feelings, Twilight Sparkle. Why are you calling me harsh names like that? My name is ‘Bright Eyes’,” she sniffled as she sat down on her haunches, staring at Twilight with a pained look on her face. “You’re just like every other pony! Making fun of my eyes! I can’t help it if I was born with them!” She began to cry.

“Twilight… how could you say such a thing?” Apple Bloom asked, looking in sympathy at the hurt mailmare as she sobbed in front of them.

Twilight almost bit her tongue at that. “Wh-what?! I’m not making fun of her! She just keeps changing her name on a whim!”

But as quickly as the grey pegasus mare started to cry, she stopped, perking up instantly like nothing had happened. “I would love to give you my schedule as evidence, though!”

“Huh?” Twilight tilted her head in confusion at the sudden change of mood, thinking that Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes could give Cruise Control a run for mood swings and unexpected outbursts.

Oblivious to her thoughts, the mailmare went on. “Court dramas! I adore them! The suspense! The tension! The incredibly high stakes! The judge is just about to lay down the guilty verdict, but then out of nowhere, when all hope seems lost, the purple-horned attorney uses Bright Eyes’ valuable turnabout schedule!” she monologued, lost in her own imagination. “The courtroom gasps in disbelief—‘My gosh, Bright Eyes is amazing!’ chirps one pony. ‘She can deliver my mail any day!’ a hunky stallion says while holding a rose in his mouth! The unbelievable becomes believable; lies become truths, truths become lies!” She reared up and pinwheeled her hooves in excitement as she completed reciting her made-up legal thriller.

Way to ham it up! Twilight rolled her eyes again. And who would ever title something ‘turnabout’, anyway?

“Besides, I have an extra copy of the schedule you can have,” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes added as she passed a small scroll to Twilight with her mouth

“Uh… thanks,” Twilight rolled it up and slipped it into her saddlebag, deciding it would be safest not to engage the odd mare in any more conversation than was necessary.

“Thank you Ms. Bri—uh, Ms. Mailmare!” Apple Bloom just barely caught herself in time.

“Aw, no problem, little filly!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes said cheerfully, giving the young earth pony’s mane an affectionate fluff with her hoof.

I see Apple Bloom caught on! Twilight thought in silent praise, thinking the young filly was certainly getting her quota of mane ruffles that day. Guess cuteness still counts for something in this world!

“Here! I have a surprise for you!” The mailmare shot up in excitement, addressing Apple Bloom.

“I like surprises!” Apple Bloom answered eagerly as Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes took something else out of her bag.

“Here you are! A nice scrumptious muffin!” the skew-eyed pegasus announced, presenting Apple Bloom with an envelope.

The farm filly looked confused at that. “Uh, but this is—”

“No need to thank me. Enjoy!” The mailmare said with a smile, sticking the envelope in a confused Apple Bloom’s mouth.

“But, Bright Eyes, that’s not a—” Twilight began, only to have her words interrupted by the mailmare’s angry snort.

“Okay, that’s it!” Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes cut her off in irritation. “You obviously aren’t too bright if you can’t remember my name!” She stomped her hoof angrily, flaring her wings as she prepared to take off. “I’ve gotta go now! You’re holding up Ponyville’s mail!” she berated Twilight.

“But—”

“No buts! I don’t feel like speaking with you anymore! You can’t even remember my name after I told you like a million times! Good! And! Bye!” With that, Derpy Ditzy Derpy Ditzy Derpy Bright Eyes (?) stormed off, flying nearly out of sight before turning back to give them a friendly wave… just before hitting a tree.

I was right all along—the ponies in this town really ARE crazy! Twilight decided, feeling the remembered impact of the giant anvil on her head again before turning back to Apple Bloom. “So, who’s it for?” she asked as Apple Bloom took the little white envelope out of her mouth and held it in a hoof, staring at it.

“It’s for somepony named ‘Lenora’,” Apple Bloom read the address.

“Lenora?” Twilight repeated, searching her memory but coming up empty. Don’t know who that is, but it sure doesn’t sound like a pony name to me! she thought as she retrieved the muffin from her bag. “Okay, then. I guess this muffin belongs to you, Apple Bloom. So let’s trade,” she offered, passing Apple Bloom the muffin with her magic—she could manage that much, at least—while Apple Bloom gave the letter to Twilight in return.

***** Muffin and Letter exchanged *****

As Apple Bloom began to eat the muffin, Twilight read the address written on the back of the envelope. “It’s addressed to Lenora by care of the Mayor’s Office at Town Hall,” she noted, and upon further inspection, she saw something surprising. Wait a minute—this has the royal seal on it. Did the Princess send this? she suddenly wondered.

“Well, if we know where she is, why don’t we go deliver it to her, then?” Apple Bloom suggested as she finished off the muffin.

“I really don’t think we have time to do that, Apple Bloom. We need to get to the forest to find that thing you saw fall and we can’t keep getting distracted like this.” Twilight said impatiently, getting sick of being sidetracked so often. First by phantom chains, then by Trixie, then by a stupid stick in a stream, now this. What’s next; I have to go rescue a proverbial stallion in distress from the clutches of an evil sorceress and her enslaved male minion? she thought derisively. Even Rarity's romance novels aren't that cheesy! Okay, well maybe one or two...

“But what if it’s important?” a downcast Apple Bloom worried. “We should deliver it now!”

That made Twilight think again. “Well, it does have the royal seal on it,” she admitted, thinking that if it was official correspondence from the Princess, then it might well be as important as Apple Bloom suggested it was. “Okay, fine,” she gave in, but swore to herself there would be no further distractions afterwards.

“Yay! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LETTER DELIVERER!” Apple Bloom shouted loudly, making the nearby Lyra and Bon Bon look over at the two.

“I thought it was private investigator?” Twilight teased, wincing again at the filly's volume while glancing over and offering Lyra and Bon Bon a silly what-can-I-do smile. She saw the two giggle in return; Lyra looked like she wanted to come over and talk, but Bon Bon said something that stopped her.

She probably wants to know more about Phoenix, Twilight guessed, but she had no time to indulge her mint-colored foalhood friend. Really should catch up with her at some point, though. “Anyway, Town Hall is just over there, so let’s head over and find this Lenora,” she instructed, vowing to be in and out as quickly as possible so they could find whatever fell in the woods.

“Okay!” Apple Bloom smiled as they headed down the street towards the tall building in the distance.

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