Part 16 - Pinkie Pied!
Ponyville
June 10th, 12:30 PM
Phoenix exited the Detention Center to find the midday sun shining bright against a pristine blue sky—a far cry from the smoggy gray haze that too often choked the summer air of his city back home on Earth. Looking up, he noticed a few fluffy clouds hanging overhead, some of which he swore were moving in different directions from each other.
Shrugging it off as another magical feature of Equestria—having witnessed one seeming-impossibility after another, he’d given up being surprised by such things—he glanced up at the central plaza clock tower and found it was now well-past noon; with daylight burning, he had to get moving on his investigation.
“Okay, but where should I go first? Back to the forest, or to the hotel room?” Phoenix pondered out loud, looking out over the court square. There were dozens of vendor stalls set up selling food and wares around the periphery, and some kind of performing troupe was putting on a show with music, magic and juggling by the fountains in the middle of the plaza. He was still getting gawked and glared at by the locals, but he no longer cared that much, having found renewed purpose and a fresh lead.
“Hello, again!” A familiar voice called out to him from behind, but Phoenix didn’t hear it, too lost in his own thoughts.
“It would be a lot easier to go to the forest, since I know the general direction, and I might find some new clues in daylight,” he mused, favoring the idea since it wouldn’t be dark out and he wouldn’t need Twilight’s magic to see by. Twilight… his newfound optimism dwindled and turned once more to brooding at the thought of her, wishing she was still there with him. Even aside from the help and protection afforded him by her wondrous magic, she’d proved an excellent assistant and sounding board—a more mature version of Maya in so many ways. If she could just channel Mia, she’d be the full package!
“Helllllo?” the voice hailed him once more, but Phoenix was still unaware of it.
He shook his head, trying to not start dwelling over her rejection again. The best way I can make things up to her is by finding out what really happened to Ace and clearing Rainbow and Fluttershy’s names, he reminded himself firmly, praying he could do so and it would yet be enough for her to forgive him. “Then again, we already found a lot of evidence in the forest already, and the police are probably back there by now picking it clean trying to find new clues regarding the feather. Even after they’re done, there probably won’t be much new there for me to find. So maybe the hotel is the better immediate option?”
“Knock, knock… Equestria to Feenie! Anypony home?” the voice tried again, still to no avail.
“Although… would going in his hotel room be considered breaking and entering if I don’t have permission? Even if the occupant is now dead, unauthorized entry could get me in trouble back home,” he mused, wishing Detective Gumshoe was around, since he was a pushover regarding getting him access to restricted sites and evidence. “I suppose I could just pull a Maya and go in anyway, and then if I get in trouble, claim ignorance afterwards. After this morning, everybody will believe that, at least!” He chuckled ruefully, remember his teenaged assistant’s propensity for simply ignoring the rules and sneaking into restricted areas to examine the scene and take whatever evidence they needed.
“So I guess that’s it, then. The hotel it is. I’ll have a bit of trouble finding it without someone guiding me, though,” he knew, wishing he had someone to show him around, even if it wasn’t Twilight. He began looking around for a likely pony to ask directions of when suddenly…
BLAAAAAAATTTTT!!!! The sharp brass sound of a bugle blasted directly in his ear.
“AHH!” he yelled, the loud noise startling him and causing him to stumble backwards, tripping over a loose cobblestone and falling to the ground.
When his eyes had refocused, he saw a familiar pink pony standing over him, a wide grin on her face and the bugle still in her mouth. “So, do I have your attention now, Feenie?” she asked around it, giggling.
“Oh, you’re… Pinkie Pie,” Phoenix remembered, as he picked himself up off the cobblestones and dusted himself off.
“Yup-a-roonie! That’s my name!” the bubbly earth pony said as she reared up happily and pinwheeled her forehooves again; the small performing troupe on the other side of the plaza striking up a new but catchy tune as she did so.
“Fine, but what are you doing here?” Phoenix asked, standing up and brushing the dust off his suit, hoping he wouldn’t have to get it dry-cleaned again—that was so expensive!
“I followed you! The guards wouldn’t let me in, though, so I talked to them while waiting for you! Right, boys?” Pinkie seemingly stowed the bugle in her mane and then grinned back over her shoulder to the pair of white pegasus sentries standing at the doorway… except they were no longer standing. One was propped back against the wall looking in a catatonic state, a thin line of drool connecting his snout to his belly, while his partner was huddled on the ground with his hooves clamped hard over his ears, eyes shut tight and gritting his teeth as if in pain.
“Oh, for the love of all things holy! Please take her awaaaaay!!!” he begged Phoenix, all but crying.
“Uh… why were you following me?” Phoenix asked Pinkie, giving her a wary look, not sure he wanted to know what she’d done to the guards.
“’Cause I need help finding something!” Pinkie replied.
Phoenix groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Look, the spiky-headed monster they were talking about is—”
“Oh, I gave up trying to find that a loooooooong time ago,” she interrupted him in mid-sentence with a wave of her hoof. “It’s probably just somepony’s overactive imagination anyway! Now I need to find something I lost last week!” she clarified, pulling out her magnifying glass again before looking to and fro.
“Last week? What did you lose?” Phoenix asked somewhat leerily, still not sure what to make of her. She’s got a long ways to go before she grows on me, Rainbow!
Pinkie gave him a conspiratorial look, motioning him to move closer and bend down. “It’s a secret!” she whispered in his ear, barely audibly.
Phoenix fell silent for a moment, more than a little confused. “So you want me to help find something… but you won’t tell me what it is?” he summarized, starting to understand why the guards had cracked. Pinkie’s logic is clearly in a class of its own!
“Correct-a-mundo!” Pinkie confirmed, beaming.
“That makes no sense!” Phoenix complained, but then got an idea. Hey, wait a minute! “Actually, uh… Pinkie Pie?”
“Yes?” she said eagerly.
“Do you happen to know where ‘Sugar Cube Corner’ is?” he asked, remembering that Rainbow had said the hotel was located close by it. Maybe if I can just find that, I can get to the hotel from there!
But instead of answering, Pinkie’s face lit up in a smile Phoenix could only describe as giddy. “OOooooOOOoooo… You want to bake cupcakes with me at Sugar Cube Corner! Mr. and Mrs. Cake always let me help out, but now I have an assistant! YAY!!!!!” she cheered in excitement, pronking in place once again.
Phoenix was so dumbstruck by that logical leap that he was tempted to make an objection, but Pinkie gave him no chance, continuing on her tangent without pause. “Do you know how to make cupcakes, Feenie? It’s okay if you can’t, I can teach you if you don’t know how! It’s really, really, really easy!” Pinkie said just before she sucked up a huge amount of air and then...
“First-you-preheat-the-oven-to-350-degrees-and-line-the-cupcake-pans-with-paper-liners-then-you-toss-flour-sugar-baking-powder-and-salt-in-a-mixing-bowl-add-shortening-milk-and-vanilla-for-flavor-and-taste-I-personally-put-in-a-little-bit-of-candy-as-well-to-make-them-sweeter-beat-for-one-minute-then-scrape-the-side-of-the-bowl-with-a-spatula-because-we-want-to-salvage-as-many-cupcakes-as-we-can-from-the-mix-though-sometimes-I-like-to-lick-the-spatulas-even-though-Mrs.-Cake-tells-me-it’s-unsanitary-and-they’ll-get-in-trouble-with-the-health-department-but-it’s-just-so-sweet-and-yummy-I-can’t-resist-and—!”
Phoenix felt the bottom of his jaw drop away, amazed and appalled that she could talk that fast without ever having to come up for air! Worse, every single word she said at that speed felt like needles jamming through his ears, causing his brain to start to shut down rather than try to process it all. It gave him a strong and nearly irresistible urge to clamp his hands over his ears just as the second guard had done… lest he end up in a catatonic state like his partner!
“That’s not what I meant!” Phoenix shouted to break her surging stream of consciousness before it could claim him too, deciding he now knew what ‘talk your ears off’ truly meant! ‘Stream’? More like a flash FLOOD! he quickly corrected his own thought. Cripes! I’ve heard prosecutors and politicians in love with their own voices who weren’t so long-winded!
“Pinkie, I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t have time to help you bake; I need to investigate and I was just wondering if you knew where the ‘Hay and Stay’ is. It’s a hotel? Rainbow said it was by Sugar Cube Corner,” he quickly interjected before she could start up again.
Of course I know how to make cupcakes! What does she think I am, a hobo? Well, okay, sometimes I kinda dress like one… Phoenix conceded mentally, remembering his typical disguise for his poker sessions at area casinos. It sometimes amazed him that he was never recognized when he dressed down like that, but when people didn’t see his distinctive hair or trademark royal blue suit, he didn’t get a second look.
“The Hay and Stay? Oh! Oh! I know exactly where it is!” Pinkie confirmed with scarcely less enthusiasm, at least momentarily distracted from the subject of cupcakes to his great relief.
“Great! I don’t know my way around town, so I need someone to guide me. Would you be willing to do that for me, if I, uh, help you make cupcakes later or find your missing thing?” he asked politely.
“Oh! So you will help out! Okie dokie, Feenie! I’ll take you there—on one condition!” Pinkie quickly clarified.
“Name it!” Phoenix said, standing up straighter. This is going to be easier than I thought!
“Before I go with you, you have to tell me—” she paused dramatically before rearing up “—a funny joke!” she finished, making Phoenix’s eyes go wide.
Of all the things she could have asked, that was what he was least prepared to do! “W-what? Why do I have to do that?” he stammered.
“I've got a reputation to uphold as Ponyville’s funniest pony! I can’t be seen hanging around with some big party-pooper-frowny-stick-in-the-mud! So, if I’m gonna help you, you have to show me you have a sense of humor, Feenie-weenie!” Pinkie said, giving him an expectant smile.
“Do I really have to do this?” Phoenix asked nobody in particular, lowering his face and then looking up to the sky, now seeing several clouds look like they were being pushed together.
In response, Pinkie gave him a smirk that suggested to Phoenix that despite her bubbly and somewhat clueless personality, she wasn’t above having a little fun at his expense. “MMmmmmhhmmmm…!”
Phoenix sighed, long and hard. Well, she seems really easy to impress anyway. Maybe this won’t be so difficult! “Okay, a joke, huh? Well, I’ve got one! And I promise this is really, really funny, Pinkie Pie!” he announced, forcing a smile.
“Tell me! Tell me!” Pinkie said in excitement, pronking once with each demand.
“Here goes! Why do they call me ‘Phoenix Wright’?” Phoenix asked Pinkie, hearing a well-timed drumroll being played by the performing troupe across the plaza.
“Hmmm…” Pinkie looked towards the sky to think for a bit, then back at him for the answer. “I give up, Feenie! Why do they call you Phoenix Wright?” she asked, eagerly awaiting the punchline.
“Because, I’m always… ‘WRIGHT’!”
The troupe drummer played a rimshot.
A great silence fell upon not just the pair, but all the ponies around them, who stopped and stared at Phoenix. Even the birds around them went strangely silent; suddenly the only sound was that of crickets chirping while the wind blew with a cold breeze, sending a tumbleweed rolling between them.
“Um, Feenie? That wasn’t funny.” Pinkie gave the consensus opinion of all the nearby ponies, her trademark smile dropping as the troupe’s trombonist played a shamefully apt melody. “Do you have any better ones?”
After his first joke had fallen flat, Phoenix thought it was hopeless but went for it anyway, trying a different approach. “Well, uh… this one time I cross-examined a parakeet! What’s the deal with that?!” He grinned goofily as a second rimshot played, but again, there was only silence from Pinkie Pie.
I guess you had to be there… Phoenix cringed after failing to even get a chuckle. This is a lot harder than I thought—I’m a lawyer, not a comedian! he complained with his thoughts, but knowing he needed a guide, tried one final joke. “Um… did you know I had the entire left side of my body cut off once? Don’t worry, though—I’m all ‘Wright’ now! Heehee… hee… hee…”
Pinkie remained silent, and this time so did the troupe drummer, nearby ponies rolling their eyes and then continuing on their way. For her part, Pinkie Pie looked like she was about to say something disparaging again when her attention was caught by Phoenix’s suit collar. “Huh? Oh hey, Feenie, what’s that?” she pointed with a hoof at his left jacket lapel.
“Huh?” Phoenix looked down, grimacing as he realized what she was pointing to. “Oh… that’s my Equestrian Defense Attorney badge. Apparently, your princess had it made for me. That’s how I got into the detention center,” Phoenix explained, taking it off and showing the frilly heart-shaped badge to her.
To his shock, Pinkie began to giggle, her eyes going wide. “Oh, wow! That has to be the single most girliest thing I’ve ever seen! It looks like something a filly made in their kindergarten art class out of glue and glitter paper!” she told him in perfect honesty, causing Phoenix’s cheeks to flush.
Her giggling increased the longer she stared at it. “Oh, now I get it! So that’s the reason why you were pretending to be so bad at telling a good joke! To build up to flashing that ridiculous-looking thing!” Pinkie reasoned, now breaking out into full-scale guffaws. “Oh, you sure are a knee-slapper, Feenie! That’s the biggest laugh I’ve had all week!” she told him as she rolled on the ground in front of him, laughing hysterically.
Phoenix watched her in disbelief, his ears and cheeks burning with intense embarrassment and humiliation. I really feel like sobbing to myself in a dark corner right now! he admitted to himself, increasingly certain he was being made the butt of some great celestial joke.
Trying to salvage what little remained of his dignity, he sucked it up and repeated his original request: “Well, Pinkie, I made you laugh! So will you show me where this hotel is now?” he all but pleaded, but Pinkie still laughed and laughed, leaving Phoenix uncertain if he should be glad that he passed her test or just depressed over how.
“Uh, Pinkie?” Phoenix tried again as her laughs died down to a few scattered titters.
“Oh, right!” She took in a breath and wiped away a few tears from her laughing fit. “A deal’s a deal! Come on, Feenie! The hotel is this waaaay!” Pinkie stood up and bounded off like a gazelle in her uncanny manner, leaving Phoenix behind.
“Hey! Wait up!” Phoenix yelled, running after her as she took off across the plaza, the pink earth pony springing impossibly high with each four-legged leap she took.
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“I really feel like sobbing to myself in a dark corner right now
Yep this is why pinkie needs ridilin lots and lots of ridilin.......that gives me an idea for a fic
503077
I didn't say it was anything bad...they could have been cosplaying as Humans with Lyra. That (cosplaying) embarrasses some people even if they love doing it.
Or they could have been dancing on their hind legs like fools, or they could have been making Apple Moonshine (illegal 'my life is ruined!'), or getting her tummy rubbed while purring with the 'aww yeah' smile, or she could have been making goofy faces, or posing for money....
---
There's a bunch of errors on this like leaving out a 's or getting a tense wrong, but it's nothing that a simple once-over shouldn't be able to fix. If you want some advice for making it easier to pick mistakes out, start from the end of your document and read up. It's something my grandmother taught me. Works well.
Okay I noticed something........ Where's your 'Crossover' Tag! I just find that as odd that you don't have that.
Well, now we know that, like Rainbow did once, Pinkie knows how to use a weapon...herself
. Poor Phoenix, suddenly, this brought to mind that moment in Dragon Ball Z where Piccolo and co. had to make kami laugh his ass off...and Piccolo failing horribly and only succeding with something he was ultimately embarrased to do...only in that case, his was voluntary. Phownix didn't even got a chance. And for Pinkie to tell him that...ouch. Nuff said
. Anyway, I'm liking the little build up doing here...let us see where it finishes! See you on the next chapter!
Sonata and her info on everypony? I smell another Redd White.
508574 I don't remeber that, when did that take place and something tells me that 'Kai' cut that part out.
797879 Remember when Piccolo, Yamcha, Tenshinhan and Chaozu (Well at least that's how I know them in the Latin Spanish version, I'm from Argentina), were in the world of Kaio-sama (I think he would be King Kai in English) and that to get his training they had to make him laugh? I can't remember WHEN was this, but it could be after Vegeta was let escape by Goku, back in Earth in the first chapters. I'm not sure I remember well, but I think that's it. However, I do remember that Piccolo had to tell King Kai something that made him blush, A LOT
. Does it ring any bells?
I downloaded the epub version of this fiction and I'm catching up on the chapters (awesome work btw), but I didn't understand this particular line:
Is this some kind of reference to something?
I was half expecting Pinkie to do the Feeny Call.
2637068 It's a reference to the next game in the series, which is Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
2637068 Someone hasn't played Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney...
This story is rather juvenile but eminently entertaining. 9.75/10 would read again.
That is so awesome
"And that's how Equestria was made!"
"In her cupcake shaped house, Pinkthulu waits dreaming..."
Delete the second I. Also... Phoenix is very one-shot with his pun use, isn't he?
A pony mare escorting a human man? Madness! The only thing more messed up than that would have to be if the man were the escort.
Yep, there's the running gag...
6969383
I see what you did there!
Don't worry Pinkie, I got a joke for ya.
hold on......
I had a joke about amnesia.
but I forgot it.
crickets
No? Nothing?
Ok, I'll just leave......
I got a joke for you Pinkie.
What do you call a dinosaur mixed with a pig?
JURASSIC-PORK!
Check some spaces throughout this chapter, namely the hobo question and before the final link. Speaking of links, double check the trombone link. I think you goofed with that one.
8757560
Good god.
I screwed up that link about as badly as possible. I had what was there in response to a comment on the google doc (don’t ask) and then copied the wrong link.
That and the spacing at those two points is now fixed. Thanks for reporting these.