Your Twilight is a monster. She has hooves and hands. You might want to fix that

It took her an hour to recover from it.

Last time I checked, orgasms, whether it be female or male, don't incapacitate you for an hour. Or even thirty minutes. Sure, if you were really going at it, you'd be somewhat tired, but not to this degree,

Aynhoof! I enjoyed it. I've seen plenty of Twi fucks a book, but never a Twi boinks her Doll. Congrats on that.

Wasn't sure what to expect. Other than the few mixes appendages it was interesting.

I greatly apologize about the hands and have fixed all instances of them I could find ^.^

As far as the hour long orgasm goes, I edited it to reflect more what I meant and I apologize for summarizing what should have been a more detailed description.

The adrenaline coursing through her system began to vanish and Twilight lay in the afterglow of her orgasm. She remained somewhere between sleep and wakefulness for over an hour.

And thank you ^.^ I wrote this after my own search for Twilight/Smarty Pants turned up nothing. She needed to express her love for her doll in some way after all =)

You might consider indenting in the future.

1573083
Added the indents =) I'm sorry about that; the format I originally wrote this in wasn't quite compatible with FIMFiction's format. I fixed all of the *really* big issues, I suppose I just hadn't thought about the indentation issue.

Much nicer.

that was....intresting.

But in a good way.

fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/092/3/4/dafuq_by_epic_panda17-d4upyds.png

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1573279
Hater be hating? =p

I liked it. Not even for the clop but for original idea and good writing.

[you may want to change the word soiled (the sheets) to something else... it usually implies fecal matter...]

1574197
Awww thanks :)

1573896

No hate. Actually, I thumbed up. But that was my reaction. I mean, I thought I've seen everything... But you proved me wrong.

1577589
Ahh, well in that case I'm rather flattered ^.^

Great sтогу, уoυ did а grеат job ат вотн агоusiпg me, and makIng me feel sоггу for a doll. Cheers friend!

Read description, said to my self "Poor Smarty-Pants..."

Most stories I read don't have this much effort put into them. You just made my top 5 effort list, (2nd place). Good for you! KuKuKu...

2259543

D'awww thank you ^.^ I put massive effort into all of my writing since I'm writing for the best person in the whole wide world

ME!

2260144 No probs!
I'm in the process of writing a story. Ya got any tips?
KuKuKu...

2262675
Write what you would like to read =) That's the biggest tip I can give you ^.^

2262808 Thanks.
(P.S. What kind of tip are you talking about? Eh? EH?)
KUKUKUKU!

Dont know if I should hate it or love it, tough decisi----

LOVE IT!!!!

I take no issue with mindless clop when it's satisfying, but this was all that and much more. I find anatomical terms provide more vivid mental imagery, but other than that, I'm impressed, and that doesn't happen often.

Twi and Smarty... Now that's a pairing I'd never imagine! A good read, thimbs up!

Spaces. Between. Paragraphs.
That is the single best thing you could do to immediately improve readability.
I loved the story and it's originality, but damn, my eyes hurt after staring at that wall of text.

2824816
Done! :)

2824831 Thank you.

2824831 please make a sequal

3029488
But I don't wanna D=

3029494 okay whatever it's your story I can't force you to make a sequal ... Or can I? What ever I don't want to either way just a thought

3029590

What would you like to see in a sequel?

3029805 I was thinking maybe someone walks in Lolz how embarrassing for twi. and then in the morning she thinks she's gonna get yelled at or thrown out of the castle or something drastic only to find that celestia is understanding. Also on regarde to the scootaloo and trixie ship maybe where she has to face the consequences f the next day maybe?