An Unexpected Tea Party
"Curiouser and curiouser..."
- Alice in Wonderland
"Well, aren't you going to sit down?" Pinkie asked over her tea cup. “We have jams and jellies and all sorts of assorted treats. I laid them out just for all of you!” When none of them moved she turned to the tea pot, which strangely enough had a face on it. "They are very rude, aren't they Mrs. Potts?"
"Oh, very rude my dear, very rude. Positively beastly,” the teapot said.
“I hope that teapot only sounds like Mrs. Cake and ain’t really her,” Applejack said nervously.
Pinkie laughed. “That would be silly, Applejack! Mrs. Cake is a pony, not a teapot. Besides, if I was going to turn her into something I’d turn her into a cake… oh, want a piece of cake?” Pinkie held out a plate, a piece of cake with frosting the same color as Mrs. Cake sitting perfectly in the center.
“I’m good,” Spike murmured, looking a bit green in the scales.
“So… sit sit! You are dreadfully late to the party!” Pinkie said.
“Indeed, madam,” Sir Lintsalot said. “It is rather rude of them to stare at you.”
“Rude indeed,” Madame Le Flour stated with a Prance accent.
Rainbow scoffed. "Yeah, sorry to be rude, but I have a rule about sitting down at tables that might turn into monsters that will eat my bones."
Pinkie gasped. "Dashie! That... is... brilliant!" Pinkie pulled out a long list. "Bone... eating... tables." She tucked the list in her mane and flashed Rainbow Dash a large smile. "I'll make sure to list you on the patent application! You are so smart… I might have to turn you into a cupcake and eat you!"
“Let’s not and say we did,” Trixie stated, backing away. “By the by, I left the stove on in my flying fortress, so Faith and I and every other pony are going to go turn it off… we’ll be right back so if you could just wait right here…” A cage fell down, trapping Trixie. “Shoot.”
Celestia, seeing none of the other ponies had not a clue what to do, stepped forward, selecting a seat three down from Madame Le Flour. The others stared at her, shocked, but the solar alicorn merely raised a single eyebrow as she used her magic to snag a biscuit. "You don't honestly believe she is going to attack us, do you?"
"Why wouldn't she?" Shining Armor said, eyeing the pink alicorn warily. Pinkie merely grinned and used her magic to grab a teacup and hold it upside down over the tea kettle... which promptly began to pour up. “She did threaten to turn Rainbow Dash into a pastry.”
“So?” Pinkie complained, waving away Trixie’s cage. “Trixie cast spells on her… and Doubt-“
“Faith,” everypony said.
“-was an evil mastermind…”
"Pinkie won’t hurt us because that is what we are expecting," Twilight said, clueing into what the Princess was getting at. She took a seat next to Celestia, watching Pinkie out of the corner of her eye. Trixie, not wanting to appear cowardly, quick sat down near the purple alicorn. "And that is the last thing Pinkie or Laughter would want to do. Living up to expectations isn't funny... the unexpected on the other hoof..."
Faith took a seat between Twilight and Trixie, knowing that not doing so would only lead to infighting. "You know what would be completely unexpected? Your total surrender. I would not see that coming."
"Me either," Apple Bloom commented. The others took seats, though they were smart enough to keep the alicorns between them and the deranged queen and her 'friends'.
Pinkie shook her head, her top hat growing belts that latched around her head to prevent it from flying off. "No no no no no! If I did that then the fun would be over and all the burning baby fishes would be nibbling on ashes. Why do you hate burning baby fishes so much?" Pinkie paused, considering her words. “Do you like me… even the parts you can’t see? Tell me Honesty, if I were to rip out my intestines would you love those?”
"... I vote for running at fast as we can," Scootaloo said nervously.
"Why would you run?" Scootaloo's chair said. "You just got comfy!" The armrests coiled around her arms and Scootaloo began to buck.
"Sees hers buckin'?" Rocky laughed. "That filly's gots somes spunk!"
"I suppose, though it is rather unladylike," Flour complained.
"Laughter, stop this!" Honesty shouted over Scootaloo's curses. “Release her now and you might be spared the pain you are begging to be delivered upon you!”
Pinkie blinked. "Laughter? Who is Laughter?"
"Do not play games with me, little sister. I am your elder brother and you will obey me!" Honesty snapped.
Pinkie's eyes flashed black and her smile took on a decidedly less-friendly gleam. "You killed Loyalty... I don't have to listen to you because you are no fun! Bye bye!"
The lights went out and when they came back on Honesty was draped over the table, a knife in his back. Pinkie's sisters screamed but Faith merely narrowed his eyes. "It isn't real. None of this is. Nice try though" 'Honesty' faded away, as did the blood that had pooled under his chair.
Luna stared at where ‘Honesty’ had been laid out, her own heart beating fast in her chest. For just a moment she had feared for all their lives… “How could you…”
“Trixie, what makes a good illusion?” Faith asked.
“Smoke and mirrors.”
The silver alicorn flexed his wings. “Lord of the gray and the mirror alicorn,” Faith stated. He turned to Pinkie and stared her down. “Of all of us, Laughter, you are the one that lacks the most substance."
"But she makes up for it in party favors!" Pinkie giggled, pulling out gift bags and passing them around. "Go ahead... there is a little teddy bear and some chocolate and assorted suckers... oh, and a t-shirt!"
Applejack pulled said shirt out. "I lost my mind and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?"
Pinkie bobbed her head up and down, the top of her skull popping off to reveal a little note that read ‘IOU 1 Brain –Celestia’. "Don't worry... it only hurts for a moment!" Applejack let out a yelp when Rocky grabbed her and pressing her against the table, a saw in his hand.
"I wouldn't do that," Twilight said, her horn glowing as she pressed the end into Madame Le Flour. "Drop the saw or I turn your friend into biscuits!"
"Do what she says!" Flour screamed in fear.
Pinkie sighed and waved for Rocky to release Applejack. "You are no fun. I wasn’t going to hurt her… just make her an airhead… get it?"
"I am having Discord flashbacks," Rainbow hissed to Shining.
Pinkie brightened up at that. "Discord? Why didn't you say so!" Her purple suit was gone with a thought, replaced by a flimsy pink outfit resembling the styles found in Saddle Arabia. Pinkie crossed her forelegs over her chest and blinked hard, summoning Discord's statue into the dining room. "It's weird, I went to check on him early on, in case he tried to destroy all the harmony, but he's just like a chocolate bunny!" Pinkie's head inflated to five times its normal size and she bit down, taking off Discord's stone head. "He's hollow!"
Celestia bolted up, her eyes wide in panic. She stared at the empty statue and trembled. "No... that's not possible! There… there should be something in there. How... how can he-"
"Don't know, don't care!" Pinkie giggled, spitting out the head and using some chewing gum to try and put it back on. She managed to secure it backwards before giving up and warping it away. "That just means that I have to take over bringing silliness to Equestria! Isn't that right, Honesty?"
A panel in the ceiling moved and Honesty dropped down, tangled up in puppet strings and wearing blue tights and a red cape. He glared at Pinkie, who had changed into her purple suit again, only this time she was wearing a gray bowler hat.
"Come on Super Abstract... stop me." Pinkie bounced over to him and with a wiggle of her right hoof caused his strings to jerk him up and down. "Oh, but I won't disappear if you make me say my name backwards..." Pinkie's left leg spasmed. "Hold that thought!" With lightning fast speed she grabbed a plate and used it to deflect a bolt of magic Luna had fired at her into Big Macintosh, who was trying to sneak up on her. The large stallion rolled along the floor till he collided with some bowling pins Pinkie had set up. Granny Smith, Applejack and Apple Bloom rushed over to help him. "All of you are just so silly!" She skipped back to the head of the table, where her 'friends' clapped in approval. "My Pinkie Sense is tuned in to all of you, so I can tell what you are going to do-" She reached over and grabbed a cookie Spike was getting ready to eat, switching it for a different one, "-you won't like that one... this one is better, it has nuts in it!- before you do it!"
Twilight opened her mouth but Pinkie wiggled her nose and Twilight found her head suddenly wrapped up like a present. "Nope, don't care about any 'Oh Pinkie, you aren't spreading harmony, you are doing the opposite' speech you were about to give! You want to know why?"
The others stared at her and Pinkie casually reached over and nibbled on some corn bread she had created out of thin air.
"Aren't you going to finish?" Shining finally asked, watching as Twilight unwrapped her head.
"I was waiting for your answer."
Faith rolled his eyes. "Yes, we would like to know why, Pinkie."
"Aw, thank you Doubt!"
"Faith," the silver abstract said. "You have god-like powers and you can't remember my name?"
Pinkie shrugged. "Anyway, I don't care because harmony isn't really that funny! I don't want chaos of course, because that is mean funny, but I realized that harmony is just bor-ing! So I..."
Twilight leaned forward, the rest of the group turning their ears towards her and tuning out Pinkie's rambling. "Listen... we need to think here and come up with a plan.”
Rainbow frowned. “What if all of us just blasted-“
“Wouldn’t work!” Pinkie called out.
“-her,” Rainbow finished.
Twilight shook her head. “She controls everything right now… we walked into her little world and now we have to play by her ever changing rules.”
Celestia nodded. “We must be cautious; everything we say just feeds her and makes her sanity slip. We need to stay quiet, let her try and burn it out of her system... maybe if she talks enough-"'
"I don't think that is possible, Princess," Applejack pointed out.
"Dangit, that gal sure does like the blather on!" Granny Smith complained, rubbing Big Mac’s shoulders.
“Eeyup.”
"I like to talk," Faith said.
"Huh?" Twilight said in confusion.
"I like to talk too much too."
Trixie's eyes lit up. "Oh, that is just evil! I love it!"
"What?" Scootaloo said, confused. "What is evil?"
Faith smirked. "What happens when two equal but opposing forces meet?"
Twilight's eyes shined as the plan dawned upon her. "Oh... oh I almost feel bad for her."
"Mind cluing the rest of us in, dear?" Sue Pie asked.
"Just follow my lead... and don't try and follow along too much," Twilight said, leaning back.
"-and then he says, "No, I am your father!" and-" Pinkie took a breath. "Where was I? Oh right, so-"
Faith let out a yawn.
Pinkie's right eye suddenly twitched.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Faith said causally. "Please, keep going." Pinkie opened her mouth, only for Faith to yawn much louder. "Again, so sorry."
"What are you doing?" Pinkie demanded.
"Yawning, obviously," Faith said dryly. "One tends to do that when they are bored."
"Bored... bored?" Pinkie said in shock. "How can you be bored? Have you SEEN what I am throwing your way?"
"I can be bored quite easily, apparently. You don't make it that difficult."
Pinkie shook her head. "What are you talking about? I am giving you good stuff here-"
"Good stuff? I thought this was your C or D material... don't tell me these are your best jokes."
Pinkie's other eye began to twitch and Twilight and Celestia began to slowly make their way over to Honesty, wanting to get him cut down.
"I mean, I get that I am rather dour, but even I have a sense of humor and I am afraid you are just failing to tickle it!" Faith looked around and when he found no good spot to pace, leapt onto the table and began to march up and down its length. Tea cups and plates of biscuits were sent flying as he kicked his hooves up in frustration. "Come now, big sister, this is truly sad! You are the embodiment of humor and you resort to such weak, pitiful jokes!"
"Hey, these jokes are strong!" Pinkie pulled out a hammer and swung it at an old-timey 'Test Your Strength' machine one might find at a carnival. The weight rocketed up, hitting the bell at the time. "See, strong as can be."
Faith merely gave her a dry, unimpressed glower. "I would find better jokes in a pack of chewing gum." He took several steps forward and Pinkie stumbled back, the smile on her face losing much of its joy. "You know, I've seen this before... two really good comics try and make a double act and the routine is just horrible. You don't blend well together... Pinkie, Laughter, you are a clown with tears in his eyes or a standup in a plaid jacket playing to an empty club. It is sad... pathetic really. Or maybe even a bit funny… if only for how sad it is."
"I... I..." Pinkie stammered.
Faith threw his head back and laugh. “Look at you… your one mission is to make ponies laugh and the only way you can do that is to be pathetic at doing your job!”
“I…”
"Yes?" Faith asked.
"I know exactly what you are trying to do."
The group let out cries when plaid-colored chains burst out of the walls and grabbed them, pulling them all back to their seats. Faith looked down in annoyance when Pinkie put a muzzle on him... and a doogie collar that read 'Doubt'.
"Pinkie... sense! Gotta love it!" Pinkie giggled, all sadness gone as she began skipping around the table as her 'friends' cheered her on. "You think you can trick me so easily? Nuh uh! I am smarter than the av-er-age bear!"
"...what?" Trixie said.
"You know what I think the problem is?" Pinkie asked to no one at all. "There are too many of you in here! You are all sharing screen time which means I can't play with you all effectively." She flashed a dark smirk. "Don't worry... I know how to fix that!"
The room was torn away and the ponies let out cries as they tumbled down into a dark abyss, Pinkie's laughter echoing in their ears.
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There they go, into the rabbit hole...
I feel bad for the Apple family. They are "just" normal pony's and they still have to play Pinkie's games. Or is it Laughter's game?
You have just entered... the Pinkie Zone.
Mrs. Cake = cake?
Hoo boy.
I'm starting to think I'd prefer Pinkamena.
This Pinkie is WAAAAAAY too much like another Pinkie I know, and the references aren't helping.
No wonder Discord is not in the statue he is hiding from Pinkie.
2228759 The maker doesn't matter, its who's playing the game that matters, and the game is just starting.
I'm seeing Sheogorath, Pinkie Pie, Discord, Cheshire Cat, Mad Hatter and March Hare all combined in one
Scary, but hilarious.
And it's hilarious.
Fun, fun, fun.
I, for some reason, can't stop imagining Discord jumping in to do a "Big Damn Heroes" moment here.
for some reason I just can't stop imagining what the Joker would be doing here, either laughing madly and doing things that would scare Pinkie, or just watching and waiting, with that mad gleam in his eyes telling a story about how he got his scars
Now I roughly know what to do with that one shot. That and man you can be a grade A asshat.
"Here you go, Sweet Apple Acres, safe and sound.......except for the psycho Pinkie next chapter."
I did wonder to myself what kind of opponent Pinkie would present to them.
*reads
:
*
HO. LY. SHIT. They're in trouble 10. And when I say trouble, I meant from a scale of 0-10. 0 is safe as houses. 10 is OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITNOWI'MREALLYGOINGTODIE!!!
At least they won't die, BUT THEY'RE GONNA WISH FOR IT!
Unless there's the use of copyright claims (which I doubt), I don't have a clue how, in their own world, Pinkie and Laughter will be stopped.
dear god, what the HELL is wrong with laughter!? i SO hope she gets fried by alicorn magic!
I got NO idea how to get out of this one. None at all...
...crap. Shit is getting pretty darn serious right now. I can't imagine what possible horrors Pinkie and Laughter have in store for our heroes here. This is truly madness!
And the fact that her Pinkie Sense has been amplified to the extreme is even more scary. It's like the Sharingan from Naruto and Spider-Man's spider sense fused together x10!
Well written out chapter though, and can't wait for the continuation of Pinkie/Laughter's sadistic games.
- Super-Brony12
2228768
Lol, love it.
2228817
Agreed.
2228918
2228918
I believe that Faith's tactics were based on the Batman Beyond movie, Return of the Joker. Joker was too used to fighting the first Batman, who had little to no sense of humor, and was thus thrown completely off his game when the new Batman started up a "The Reason You Suck" speech. And then started laughing at him.
I repeat. Batman was laughing at the Joker. Something the Joker had been trying almost his entire life to get to happen.
And it got Joker to STOP SMILING.
That might be why it reminds you of him.
2229051
Meep...
Gotta say, this is pretty horrifying. You know it's bad when I find myself hoping that Pinkie is screaming helplessly inside her own head at what Laughter is doing, because this is so sick and twisted and taken to such an extreme, it's more Anti-Pinkie than Pinkie. I know we've seen how the Abstracts have been able to seduce the others into going to terrible extremes, but the ponies themselves are still recognizable. The difference between Pinkie and... this, is the same as the difference between her and Discord. What's missing is that Pinkie wants to make others smile and be happy because she really and genuinely cares. Even when she screws up and/or goes overboard, she tries to make things right. This is just insanity and randomness without the love Pinkie has for those she tries to cheer up.
HA, nice mentions of Superman's 5th dimensional annoyance in this chapter. I have to say that the gang is truly in trouble if they let Pinkie continue on with her madness.
Doesn't the resistance have ponies named Clyde Pie, a rock famer pony, within their ranks, isn't he related to Pinkie Pie ?
If so then maybe he could be of some use to bring Pinkie Pie back.
Still this was one fun update especially when considering it's Pinkie Pie that they're dealing with.
Please do keep up the good work upon such a great tale like this one.
I think I see three ways of defeating Pinkie here, one involves the phrase "misery loves company" the other involves the phrase, "I reject your reality and substitute my own," and the last involves Discord
Question: is Discord going to appear in this serie? and how is his personality in your canon (from "hyperactive yet overpowered brat who need a friend" to "complete sadistic monster who delights in others misery")?
All those powers against her and they're all helpless against 1 dumb alicorn and her even dumber abstract because of "Pinkie sense!" and "we're in her world!". Called it. I'm aware of the outraged downvotes I'm going to get for this, but... it was predictable and... boring. Our great heroes, conquerors of abstracts and victors of the battle of Cloudsdale suddenly are incompetent idiots who can't beat one alicorn and her abstract. Yeah, no.
Welp, they're fucked.
2229204 AAAnd I agree with you. Even if Pinky was the most powerful of the 5 queens even she shouldn't be more powerfull than 3 abstracts and 4 alicorns. I mean come on!
Well I have an Idea, have one of the characters make a genuine threat to kill themselves if pinkie pie doesn't let them go, and I know several of the characters can do it easily.
Let the
HungerPinkie Games commence!What they really need is an MC hammer dance battle, while having a rap battle, while laying the silent game.
2229130 I don't know if that'll work though. Pinkie Pie has control over EVERYTHING. This means that the double negative theory could just add to her chaos. Also, she has Pinkie Sense on steroids, thus allowing her to see a few pages ahead of the script and know exactly what will happen to her.
Though if anypony can break reality, then I never thought I'd say this, but WE NEED DISCORD!
I suppose the saying "Fight Fire with Fire" would suit well in this situation...
All I know is when Pinkie is 'saved', she is going to feel like one of the most hated
2229360
Pinkie controls everything... that is a good way to put it. Let me just say that what is going on is not what it appears to be and people that think they understand and have this Act all figured out are in for a sore, sore surprise.
2229078
Yeah, that's the one.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7565-I_CAN_SEE_THE_FUTURE.jpg
Eeeef, Pinkie. When you become such a self-satisfying slut who didn't give a darn at what people thought? -remembers premise- Oh yeah. That....
So... basically this is your excuse to pad out Laughter? I KID I KID.
Discord's statue is hollow and Pinkie doesn't know why?
Oh, I think I can see where this is going...
2229393 Her Act would've changed as soon as they thought they had her figured out because the Act change would be unexpected, then when they expect an Act change it would stay the same. Am I thinking about this right?
2229516 You have to admit that until the ending of "Batman Arkham City" that was perhaps the most shocking moment in Batman history.
Mark Hamil was a wonderful joker.
Pinkie reminds me of the Mad Hatter in the Batman comics and animated series and Arkham City:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110803232724/batman/images/6/6e/Mad_Hatter.jpg
2229051 I'm not saying it reminds me of anyone, I'm wondering what the Joker from TDK would do in this situation, y'know, the one completely out of his mind?
i believe this song kinda fits laughter right now (replace some of the words)
also laughter kinda reminds me of the god of madness in skyrim
also, jerk( so many freaking cupcakes referances)
I can't remember if there was any mention of Discord beforehand, but assuming that there was none, I think that he's not going to cause chaos anytime soon until either Harmony or The Abundance drops dead. After all, why do it yourself when you can watch and enjoy?
...That would be an interesting spinoff plot. Harmony wins and Discord decides to fight them because they're too boring and the world is unbalanced.
please tell me, saved by discord? please they showed he has good in him, and pinkie is doing his job and doing it wrong. discords chaos was never this evil. please tell me he saves there lives.
i listened to this while reading
... Pinkie, you are terrifying when you go mad.
"Pinkamena Discord Pie! Play nicely with your toys or they will be taken away from you!"
2229761 Oh yeah. I'm a little stuck on Fragments of Truth, and Ultramare episodes are always hard, but slowly it's coming together.
2232824 Currently reading the Immortal Game. Also, I'm thinking of putting Tales of Equestria here on fimfiction as well.
hmm, that Discord comment makes me think that Discord will make a special guest star appearance
The fight with Loyalty had way too much pathos, but this? This is some scary shit, well done on making Pinkie/laughter absolutely frightening i'm really curious how this plays out.
2232944 Yeah, sadly it's not getting the publicity on fanfiction that I want. It's a Tales of... story separate from Inner Demons. It was the first MLP story I ever tried to write.